Behind the lines of death

The clock is ticking, time is passing, and mommy has to make a choice.

'Get rid of the child and have a peaceful stay or pack, go and face the dangers at the farms'. Evening approaches, Judy is still on mommy's neck.

Judy keeps on asking if mommy has not taken the abortion drug yet.

Anger strikes as mommy thinks of this situation. Mommy gets inside her room and makes the final decision.

She comes out of the room. Calls Judy to show her the decision she just made.

'I have decided and this is my decision,' says mommy as she points to the floor.

Hard hit by pain, Judy hits down on the floor, dizzy as she can only say,

'what is this?' She goes past Judy without even a word.

Mommy weeps as she points to an old conked-out black suitcase. 'I have decided to pack and go.' She says this without even a 'goodbye!'

'The only transport is the white man's tractor and only travels to the village to collect medicines for his cattle. 'Will I find transport to the farms?' she wonders as she follows the pathway leading to a bus stop with the suitcase on her head. It is in the early hour of the evening, at six o'clock.

'During this hour, oh my lord, how am I going to get to the farms? The final tough decision I have to take to protect my unborn child.'

'There comes a donkey cart, I wonder who they are?' 'Oh my goodness, I thought it is my mother's neighbour. They are going to the farms on the other side of the road. I will have to walk all by myself to our farm when they leave me by the road.

'Anyway, I will just drop off and walk all the way through that dangerous forest. It's getting dark now.' This donkey cart is very slow, at least if I can just have a ride, what time I will arrive home, I don't care.' Mommy asks herself these questions and she consoles herself while the donkey cart

slowly moves this bumpy road.

It is a long distance from where this donkey cart drops her to her new home.

More adrenaline shoots through mommy's veins. When something horrific happens, she does not hesitate to stop and take a look in the distance.

She staggers for a while whenever she hears different sounds; whoop, grunt, groan, giggle, yell, growl and chattering laughs of hyenas, while jackals keep on howling.

She is off-balance, out of kilter. She can't help it; she is in the middle of the forest. Owls keep on hooting "who-o-o, who-o-o". Others whistle, indicating that they are angry, snapping their beaks and clicking their tongues making a hiss-s-s-s sound.

Rattlesnakes on the sides of the road; she wonders what some of the sounds are.

'Will I arrive safe?' She never stops backwards, forward, sideways quick head moves. The pain on her back and her feet and knees pain more, the heavy suitcase cracks her neck all-out. She stops time and again to ease her pains. 'It's not an easy way, I'm tired, and will I make it?

Mommy finally arrives. 'Is mother sleeping?'

Mommy wonders as it is dark at home and she moves towards the door of the filthy mud house. She knocks as she calls her mother to wake up and open the door for her.

'What makes you come through this dangerous forest all by yourself? Do you know how dangerous this place is? Recently, a leopard just attacked two men at night on their way to the village. It dropped out of the tree, violently sprang towards them, they are in great pain as we speak at the

hospital in the village. An old woman has just been raped last week, right in this forest.' Mommy's mother is very shocked by this late night visit by her pregnant daughter.

'I told you to stay with Judy until you give birth. I will come and stay with you as soon as you give birth. I have to look after my goats and the crops.' 'Is there something wrong back in the village that makes you come through this dark time of the hour?'

Mommy bursts into tears as she explains.

'Yes mother, I had to come to the farm? 'Why? stammers mother quickly.

My life is in danger she wants me to get rid of this pregnancy.'

'Against-all-odds! What a disgrace! Who wants you to do such a ghastly thing?

Furiously questions mother. 'Then why didn't you just refuse instead of having to come through this dangerous forest all by yourself?

Continues mother while lowering her displeasure temper.

'I had to terminate the pregnancy or get the hell out her home, that's what

Judy said to me. Ever since she realized that I am pregnant, she has been up in arms with me, to kill my unborn child. I decided to pack and come home.'

They take long hours with mother consoling mommy and they finally go to sleep.

Mommy is gone to her mother and faces a different way of living. In her first morning at the farm, she has to go and gather fire wood from a bushy forest; pythons, cobra snakes and cold blooded reptiles crawl without being noticed. She has to fetch water one kilometre away at a community dam.

This is the only nearest source of water where lions, leopards, hyenas, jackals, squirrels, donkeys, cows, goats, sheep, dogs, and all kinds of birds gather together with people to struggle for a drink.

'Life is tough,' says mommy as she lifts up the rusty silver bucket to carry it on her head.

With only her and the old woman, mommy has to do almost everything by herself. She has to wake up every morning and sweep the yard. She has to go and fetch water from the dam all by herself. She has to go for medical check-up back at the village either on foot or catch a ride on donkey carts going to the village. It is now the sixth month of her pregnancy.

'Is this part of what it is to be alive?' 'I lived a good life back in the village. Paraffin and candles were easy to find. I cooked on stoves and food was plentiful, we ate meat almost every day. I had many friends to chat with all day, back in the village. All I was supposed to do was get rid of this

pregnancy and start living the normal life. I can't take this anymore.

'Why me? Why did I not listen to aunt Judy, I'm a fool, I'm stupid. Should I get rid of this pregnancy and go back to the village?'

humiliated mommy as she goes through the scorching sun, forced by hunger to cook.

She goes inside the house to find a handkerchief from her suitcase to wipe off the heavy sweat round her neck.

As she unpacks her suitcase a package catches her eye. The shiny paper foil. She slowly opens it. The four dark-red black market abortion drugs she took from Judy.

Take one and take another one in the morning, she recalls Judy's words as she stares at the abortion drugs.

The solution to her problem stares her in the face. She looks closely at them.

She scratches her head as she recalls again:

Take one and take another one in the morning.

Mommy, hurry, the goat is spilling the water from the pot, how can you leave it like this?

Shouts mother as she goes through the gate from the crop field.

Immediately mommy wraps up the four drugs and rushes to the fireplace to finish cooking.

She occasionally chats with mother as she is busy with cooking. Distress is temporarily gone from mommy.

Weeks pass on as mother now asks her to assist whenever she can by feeding the chickens in the farm.

The time for giving birth arrives. Mommy gives birth at the farm. Despite those long, opposing opinions from Judy, finally, the child is born at the farm. She is taken back to the village at Scotish Livingstone hospital for medical attention. The baby boy is normal and is named Tito. This is on Thursday, 26th October 1978.

Mother has no place to stay in the village. She has to look after mommy for some few months before she can go back to the farm.

She asked her sister to take care of her farm until she comes back to take over. Mother persuades Judy to accept mommy and the baby back into her home.

Judy accepts and accommodates them.

Tragedy strikes when Tito is one year old while he is left with Judy alone.

Tito becomes very sick – the cause of the sickness only known to Judy. Tito is rushed to the hospital and admitted. Mommy is informed about the sad news late in the evening. She rushes to the hospital only to find her first born child in the intensive care unit at Scottish Livingstone Hospital. Judy has to explain what has happened.

'The child just fainted, that's all I can say,' this is the explanation from Judy.

For many months, Tito's mommy has to stay with him at the hospital watching him day and night breathing deeply inside the test tube.

The only medical care unit in mommy's home village, Molepolole in the Republic of Botswana – located in the southern region of Africa. Under the care of one of the best missionary medical doctors in the country –

Tito is moved from one room to the next for various surgeries on his head.

He spends the whole of the year 1980 in the hospital. He is now at the age of two years.

Tito becomes the talk of the village. He has many visits from relatives as he has no friends. They bring along prayers, well wishes and tears of hopelessness as many are hopeless that he will live. Sympathies come in from mommy's friends and family. Nurses move up and down. Syringes, thermometers and medical scissors exchanged to get the little boy's life back.

The missionary doctor does not want to give up on Tito's life. H e has very high optimisms and determination. He carries on and believes Tito will make it.

Mommy sits by the glass tubes watching little Tito as he breaths deeply with great pain.

Confusion on mommy as the machine does not seem to stop the peep-peep-peep sound.

On the other hand, aunt Judy keeps on advising mommy to give up on Tito.

She influences mommy to instruct the doctors to switch off the machines and let Tito take his last breath on earth.

To mommy's surprise, Judy softly says, 'I mean let the child go – let his soul rest in peace.'

'Back-off, Please let my son live', I'm now fed up with all this pushover of yours. You never wanted him in the first place. Why did I agree to come and live with you? Mommy's cheeks are full of tears and sweat as she looks at Judy and shouts harshly to her face.

'It's gonna be OK, mommy,' Nurses take her away from Judy to get some rest on her hospital bed.

Some relatives insist that mommy should release Tito from the hands of the medical doctors – for they know the best traditional healers in the far western part of the village.

They know the best practitioners who can manipulate gods and the spirit world –practitioners who can control spirits and supernatural powers.

' We know pros who never fail at anything, nothing is impossible to them.

They can bring lightening, thunderstorms and cast out any spell at the speed of light – daylight.'

Mixed moods and thoughts run through mommy's head. She approaches the missionary doctor, to let her try traditional healing for the baby boy Tito.

'Everything will be OK, just get some rest, mommy.' The doctor cannot go outside the medical ethics and laws – he continues to promise.

People are waiting to see what western medicine can bring to this long hospitalized child.

'Western medicine is not much popular compared to the long deep rooted African traditional healing in the country. Traditional healers never fail –there is no illness or any type of disease difficult to them, mommy knows this! Who on this earth has bewitched this child?'

Everybody around the village ask themselves these questions as they sit around the shades of their thatched houses sipping cups of tea every mornings and late afternoons.

Shock strikes the whole village. News spread the village. People cannot believe what they hear. They rush to the hospital while some rush to mommy's home to hear from mommy's mouth what is happening. It is end of the year 1980.

Critics to the western medicine want to see with their own eyes – indeed the story is true and final.

The missionary doctor's wonders!

Tito is finally released from the hospital. Joy triggers the whole village.

Mommy is now free and is deployed by Botswana government to work as an administrative officer in another village called Mahalapye, which is 250km from her village.

Tito's young brother the second born in the family is born in 1981. Mommy visits the two boys after some time as Tito and his young brother stay with their grandmother at mommy's home village.

All these are the stories Tito hears as he grows up. This is the highlight Tito gets from his own aunt Ossa, the sister to mommy.

Tito loves his dad so much – just pure natural child love with no rational reasoning behind.

Cuddling and always putting him on his arms as they travel around the village; these are the most important gifts to Tito from his father. Perhaps this is what makes Tito enjoy being around his father.

Tito is four years old and his brother only one and half years, their father disappears from their lives.

Just like most kids, Tito experiences problems – he has obstacles to overcome, challenges to meet, and experiences to make sense of.

Finding the solution to the problem of knowing where his father is; is not a good solution.