2 Episode – 2 ‘The Bicycle Thief’
I woke up, made my bed and took a light shower and then changed into a new pair of clothes. I went upstairs to eat my breakfast. And just like any day in my house, all there was, was chaos. Shouts, Haley and mom arguing, Alex being cynical, Luke with no pants running round the table, and dad, well dad being dad.
INTERVIEW --- JOEY DUNPHY
JOEY: You know, it takes allot of effort to not lose my mind in this family. Mom obsessing over everything, Haley making bigger deal about everything, Alex putting more salt to make problems become bigger for her siblings, Luke just wandering around, making mess, and dad…. Ugh, he's just bigger Luke. (shaking head)
DUNPHY HOUSE --- IN THE KITCHEN
CLAIRE: Joey honey, I thought you were helping me with the breakfast today?
JOEY: Sorry mom, I was painting due to a sudden inspiration ---- So pancake huh.
CLAIRE: Just take your plate and go sit with your family.
INTERVIEW --- PHIL& CLAIRE
CLAIRE: The only person who is a snob in this family is my son Joey. I just don't know where he got it from.
PHIL: Pft…
CLAIRE: (Glares at Phil) What?!
PHIL: No, nothing… (avoids eye-contact)
CLAIRE: I don't want to say this to my own kid but the way he talks, the way he dress… I don't even have that many clothes. The way he gives judgments on everything.
PHIL: Yeah, cause he has more of your family's gene.
CLAIRE: What?
PHIL: I said I love your family. (brings Claire closer to him) He's gonna do fine, cause he's got us. He flies up to the sky and we bring him down to the earth.
I sit down between Alex and Haley.
JOEY: so, what's up? What's new?
Haley was on her phone, Alex messing with Luke, looked towards me and said.
ALEX: Nothing, just telling Luke that he's adopted.
JOEY: Like you were not.
She nudged me faking her anger.
CLAIRE: Alright kids, you all have to help me out today alright. Desiree and her son are coming for dinner.
ALEX: Who's Desiree?
PHIL: She's the ho.. I mean she's the one who bought the Four-sixty-seven property, two bedroom colonial with indoor/outdoor family room, Jacuzzies…. All hot, soaked up and wet...
Smacking Phil on his head, she sat down next to him and said.
CLAIRE: Joey, she's got a son your age. Maybe he can be your new friend.
JOEY: (Rolling his eyes) I don't need a friend. He's a kid, he will get all clingy. 'can we hang bro?', 'can we go to a party', 'can we come to your house for a sleep over', 'can we see Dora-the-Explorer'.
PHIL: What's wrong with Dora-the-explorer.
CLAIRE: What are you trying to say Joey? So, you're never having a friend? And what's wrong with having a sleepover, and going to parties, sneaking away at night, drinking? (she had a distance look on her face)
HALEY: What? So I can go sneak out to some parties?
CLAIRE:NO!!!
Then my phone buzzed.
JOEY: (picked up the call) Hello? Who's this?
JOEY: ugh-huh so tonight?... oh all night?.... And at Jack's house… hmm. Yeah, No…. well cause I have a life, I'm busy tonight… yeah yeah…
HALEY: What? You got invited to 'The Jack Rodriguez' party? You know he lives on that huge mansion right? I heard he's got a big pool, jacuzzies and his parents are out of town and all the popular kids will be there. Oh hey, look I just got an invited too. (Looking at a text)
Just after that I got a text too.
CLAIRE: See, now you can go. May be take Desiree's kid too.
JOEY: I would but, its so lame. Kids trying to devour each other, kids drinking, then puking… that one time I went, one kid did a projectile vomiting… just infront of me.. nearly getting some on my new Lenin shirt. And those cheap booze.
CLAIRE: What?
HALEY: Wait you were at that party? One where a kid got punched on his face.
JOEY: Well who told him to puke infront of me.
CLAIRE: Wait waaiit… Joey you drank? And Haley? You were also there? Hah… when was that?
HALEY: I..I.. Joey, you were in that party? And punched a guy?
I turned to her and glared at her.
JOEY: I hope you also help out today, cleaning and doing actual work around the kitchen to help out mom.
HALEY: I help out around her. It's you who don't do anything around here, all you do is complain.
JOEY: If you really do things around here then, do these dishes. (I got up and put my plate on the sink) And the pancake wasn't even that good, it was too sweet, so sweet that it was becoming bitter.
Turned around and went to my room.
INTERVIEW --- CLAIRE
CLAIRE: See! Snob!
INTERVIEW --- JOEY DUNPHY
JOEY: It's not like I don't want to make friends. It's just a big culture shock for me. The kids here are so different and rude. I, in my previous life, am from Nepal. The kids there were not mean and rude, they were so innocent and friendly, had manners I might add, at least my friends were. Even the bullies were friendly.
There was this one kid I tried to get along with, but it just didn't work out. There's a limit to counting insects and eating crayons, and being a kid. And now all the kids are just so pretentious or losers, just trying so hard and obsessing way more than they need to becoming popular or getting girls or sex.
Well maybe it has been a long time since I tried to make friends, I may have been a little uptight or unreasonable, cause they in fact were just kids… I'll try to keep an open mind from now on.
IN THE KITCHEN
I got up and went back to the kitchen. Mom was doing the dishes.
JOEY: Sorry mom.
CLAIRE: For what?
JOEY: About your pancakes. And sorry for going all Haley about it.
CLAIRE: Aww, it's alright.
HALEY: (who was standing behind me) What do you mean by going Haley?
JOEY: It's nothing (pushing Haley towards the sink). And mom Haley'll do the dishes (gaining a groan from Haley) if she wants to go to the party today.
CLAIRE: She goes only if you do.
JOEY: Ugh… alright
CLAIRE: With Desiree's kid.
JOEY: Fine. But don't moms forbid their kids to go to these parties?
INTERVIEW --- CLAIRE
CLAIRE: Well normal people do, but I don't. I am afraid that my son will die alone… I've never seen someone so anti-social, like he wants to be alone all the time. He's way worse than Alex, at least she's alone because she's bad with people. If it takes me to make my kids go to parties, drink and wake up at a strange new place at 3 in the morning… oh Haley, I just said I'll let her go to the party… she's gonna drink, with the boys, and gonna have sex, wake up in a random bed with a random guy… oh my god, I'm letting my daughter become me… This is way worse.
CLAIRE: On a second thought, I don't think that going to the party is appropriate when you have guests at home.
HALEY: Then why am I doing the dishes here.
JOEY: Cause this is the rule in the house.
HALEY: What rule? Any rule that's made in this house is made by you or mom.
JOEY: And that's the rule, so clean the dishes.
HALEY: UGH!!!
INTERVIEW --- HALEY DUNPHY
HALEY: You know, one of these days, I'm going to kill him. He makes all these rules and we have to follow it. Dad and mom can't even say a single word to him, cause he'll ground them. What kind of family has the son grounding the parents?
JOEY: Haley?!
Haley makes a squeak sound and runs away.
DUNPHY HOUSE --- LIVING ROOM
PHIL: Luke! Come-on, let's go buddy. Your new manly bike won't come by itself.
LUKE: Woohoo!
PHIL: Joey, you wanna come with?
JOEY: Nope, I'm watching a movie.
PHIL: But you're always watching some movie, why don't we go for us guy's day out?
JOEY: Nahhh.. (And turns on the TV)
INTERVIEW --- PHIL DUNPHY
PHIL: Of all my kids, Joey is the only one I get hard times with. I try to be funny and get close but don't know how to get through him. But I'm Phil, Captain P Fun, who will never give up on Captain J party pooper. He's just like his mom, I got through her, so I'll get through him too.
JOEY: Hey dad (Attracting Phil's attention)
PHIL: Yeah buddy?
INTERVIEW --- PHIL DUNPHY
PHIL: See! Already coming around.
JOEY: Do you think Luke's ready for this huge responsibility of owning a bike?
LUKE: OF course I am, right dad? (Looking at dad)
PHIL: Of course buddy. He will change, he just needs a guide on his way and maybe a little push. The bike is a perfect push for him to be more responsible.
JOEY: How about we make this a little fun?
PHIL: What are you saying?
JOEY: How about 100 bucks for Luke losing his bike in less than 24 hours?
PHIL: Alright, I'm tired of you all being mean to Luke. So, I'll bet you on this and show you that Luke is responsible enough.
JOEY: WAH! You will do that? You're such a wonderful dad! (Faking the enthusiasm)
PHIL: Well of course! I am the best dad there ever is! (Bringing Luke near him)
JOEY: Sure you are… How about we take this even further?
PHIL: Wha.. What? What are you thinking?
JOEY: Another 100 bucks if you mess this all up?
PHIL: How will I even mess this all up?
JOEY: I know you won't, that's the whole fun thing about betting on stuffs.
PHIL: Alright! Hahaha
(Shakes hands with Joey)
PHILE: Come on Luke! Your dad's becoming 200 bucks richer!
(Dad and Luke got into the car and went away)
JOEY: Hope the butterfly doesn't flip its wings…. Ahh who cares, its only 200 bucks and if I lose it then I just have to make people cuss more so I could get the money back.
LATER THAT AFTERNOON
Luke bursts in with his bike all panicked.
JOEY: Luke? What happened?
LUKE: I was riding the bike and then a kid came out of nowhere and while I tried not to run into him, I scratched my bike on the wall.
JOEY: Are you okay? You didn't hurt yourself to protect the bike did you?
LUKE: No, but my bike's scratched.
JOEY: Its just a scratch, nobody's going to be mad about it.
LUKE: Really? Then, I also scratched your bike in my way…
JOEY: YOU WHAT!!!
Luke ran away to his room and I went outside to look at my bike.
JOEY: Oh.. oh… LADY BUGADI what did he do to you!!!... Lady Boo!!!... Myyy LAAADDDYYY!!!
The shout was heard all over the neighborhood.
AFTER AN HOUR
Dad comes inside the house and surprise-surprise, he's got a bike with him.
JOEY: Well well well
PHIL: HUhh!!! (He got scared and even hopped a little)
JOEY: What do we have here? A bike, and Luke just got here all sad and panicked…
I put out my hand forward.
PHIL: Okay okay… I got my trust broken by my lil-son and now my money sucking son is sucking my money away.
JOEY: Don't make it weird.
PHIL: okay here it is…
JOEY: You know… I heard someone was entering Desiree's window to her bedroom... Don't know who it was… huh…
PHIL: How did you know?
JOEY: I just guessed… ['It was true so no flap of the wings?', I said to myself]
PHIL: Damnit! This eats ass…
JOEY: Okay, the swear jar… And what will mom think about a grown man, climbing over some hot- newly divorced woman's bedroom window... If it happens to be you, will she scold you or kick you out of the house.... What a nightmare it would be if she just goes full crazy, isn't it dad?
PHIL: Alright… What do you want?
JOEY: Another 100 bucks.
PHIL: Alright, here you go… Not a word, okay?
I nodded taking the money with a grin. Then Phil went upstairs and after a while he came back hurriedly again.
JOEY: So… How bad did you mess everything?
PHIL: Ugh!! Why are you always here?
JOEY: For one reason, I live here, and second… for my money.
PHIL: Didn't I give you money just a moment ago and you know what… I need my 100 bucks back cause Luke didn't lose his bike, the only one lost a bike was me!
JOEY: So dad… What happened today?
PHIL: What? Nothing happened today…
JOEY: Shall I guess? Cause I know an awful lot about you and I might guess it correct what you might have done… And if I guess correct I want 200 bucks… How about that? (Holding my hand out)
PHIL: And how did you get all that correct?
JOEY: I'm a psychic, and what you got to lose? Its only 200 bucks…
PHIL: Alright, but I doubt you'll get it correct. (he took my hand and shook it)
JOEY: You found the bike around the curb parked without a lock, so you took it upon yourself and rode it home, and Desiree stopped you to unlock her house door by climbing on her bedroom's window, then when you got out from the house, there was no bike so you ran out to buy a new one. Then you came here.
PHIL: … ummm…
JOEY: Dad…
PHIL: Unbelievable… My son really is a Psychic…
JOEY: Dad, I can't believe you stole a kid's bike. Also now give me my 200 bucks.
PHIL: Alright… But don't tell your mother.
JOEY: CHACHING!!!
INTERVIEW --- JOEY DUNPHY
JOEY: And that's how you become $400 richer. (Showing the money)
Then I went to the window and saw the whole mom finding out thing, then Desiree finding the bike and returning them. And would you look at that butterfly did flip its wing, as Desiree is not the Desiree from the TV, here she's an Asian woman in her 30-s, but I have to say she is hot.
LATER THAT EVENING
CLAIRE: Joey! Did you set up the table?
JOEY: 30 minutes ago!
CLAIRE: And did you make sure that the living and family room is alright?
JOEY: Yes, and I did that all from cleaning to putting stuffs in order 3 hours ago.
CLAIRE: Alright, thanks!
JOEY: Should I come and help you in the kitchen?
CLAIRE: No, no… I got it all in control here.
JOEY: Okay!
*DING DONG*
The Bell rings and I go to open the door.
JOEY: Hello, you must be Ms. Ledford.
DESIREE: And you must be the eldest son.
JOEY: Yes, come on in.
An Asian woman about 5 foot 8 came inside and behind her a guy my age was coming in.
JOEY: Sup?
MATT: Sup?
We shook our hands
MATT: I heard you're a sophomore…
Just then Haley came down the stairs, and the hormonal teen in front of me froze looking at my sister.
JOEY: YO! You alive?
MATT: Yeah.. yeah..
JOEY: Just get out of my way I need to close the door.
By then he was already near Haley trying to flirt.
MATT: How you doing? (To Haley)
JOEY: And he's not even Italian and this is not even the correct universe.
Then when Haley giggled, I face palmed myself.
I again went to my room and started to think about my life choices.
I laid on my bed and looked at my painting from yesterday. All I could feel looking at it was sadness and it made me want to go back to my past life. I died very young, without accomplishing anything or fulfill my dream of becoming an architect and leaving a piece of me as a building in that world. And now that I've a second chance, I don't want to do it. Missing my old family, friends… even though I don't know who they were. Still, day by day, I'm feeling more and more alone like I don't belong here. Well, I really don't. What will I even do in this world? I'm distancing everyone even more and more and obsessing over each and everything and it's getting even worse.
CLAIRE: Joey! Why are you again in your room?! Get out here and meet these lovely people!
Mom's shout broke me out of my thoughts and I go upstairs.
Just when I reach upstairs in front of the kitchen, I saw everyone sitting and chatting. Mom telling Desiree about me being wonderful and taking care of my siblings and making sure of every things alright around the house. I looked around the room and saw my brother and sisters playing having fun with each other. Then it just hit me, I was thinking about my past life way more than I should, I have this incredible second chance in life, with this wonderful and fun family no less. And here I am, being sad and mean to the people who don't even deserve it.
Just then Dad came and put his hand on my shoulder.
PHIL: Hey buddy? You alright?
JOEY: Why won't I be alright?
PHIL: Well you seem a little stiff these days more than your usual self.
JOEY: Nothing to worry about dad, I was just going through some stuff…
PHIL: Aww… My buddy… Come here.
(He hugs me and I try hard to follow back)
JOEY: Dad?
PHIL: Uh-huh
JOEY: Would it be alright to come with you in your open houses?
DAD: Why?
JOEY: Well I was thinking about what I wanted to do and I love architecture. So I wanted to explore some new things… and we could spend some time together.
DAD: Buddy, that's awesome. High five J money!
He raised his hand for a high five.
JOEY: Ah… Okay, Captain P Fun (In a low voice awkwardly)
INTERVIEW --- PHIL DUNPHY
PHIL: Aaaeeeyyyy! It's happening… It's finally happening. My son is finally getting around. (His hand stretched open)
