4 Pilot (Part 3)
Authors Note: This is happening while Felix was almost finished with cooking. baking and decorations.
...
A tall lanky man stood in front of a dark-wooden door, peering towards the glass panes segmented on both sides of the door, ringing the doorbell.
"Don't answer it. I'll get it." Haley's voice reverberated from upstairs, Claire folding a patterned towel, alarmed at the sound and equally concerned at Haley's insistence. Both Haley and her mother jogged near the door. Claire was still folding the towel, while power walking, a feat, very interestingly alien, impressive. Haley slightly sprinted from her room upstairs to try and beat her mother from opening the door.
She wasn't fast enough though, as Claire reaches the door first, opening it with a friendly, "Hi. Hey. You must be Dylan."
Dylan awkwardly shook her hand while introducing himself. He was wearing a faded gray jacket and remnants of a stubble appearing on his chin. "Hey. Dylan, yeah."
"I'm Haley's mother." - Claire
"Hey. Come on, let's go." Haley took her boyfriends and proceeded to lead him upstairs, to avoid unnecessary conversations with her mother.
"Okay. Hang on, one second. Whoa." Claire grabs Dylan and pulls him down a few steps and near the banisters. Interrogating the poor soul.
"Dylan, you're still in high school?" - Claire
"Yeah, I'm a senior." - Dylan
"A senior. Okay. Cool. Hey, Phil. Sweetie. Honey. He is Dylan and he is a senior." - Claire
She looks at her husband and whispers a few words of command.
(Whispering) "And I want you to scare him." - Claire
Phil took a deep breath and stylistically composed himself as a typical jock in the 1980s. He struts over to Dylan, swagger and all.
"Let me meet this playa, Phil Dunphy, yo." Phil raises his fist for a cool, rad fistbump as he visualizes it to be.
…
[Phil's commentary]
Phil looks deep into the camera without blinking. His stare makes the people uncomfortable, as he glares deep into the soul of whoever he's looking at. He slightly nods his head and gestures to what he means by the glare.
"It's like that. You just stare down at them. Let your eyes do the work." - Phil
He stares back into the camera, his gestures alternating from pointing at his mouth to pointing to his eyes.
"Your mouth might be saying, "Hey, we cool," but your eyes are like, "No, we not." "Nice to meet you." "No, it's not." "It's all good."" As he says the last phrase, the words fumble out to a jumbled mess. "No, it isn't."
…
The two exchange yo's and make eye contact with each other. Phil, according to his previous statement was saying, "Yo, it isn't."
"Okay, I see you guys…" - Haley
"Wait, wait, wait… You two…" Phil taking two steps at a time met Dylan in his eyes for a confrontation. A staredown battle. "You two keep it real, know what I mean, son?"
Dylan, confused at the exchange, looks up at Phil. "Not really."
Haley, fed up with the shenanigans, sighs. "Please stop."
"That's cool. Oh, God, that's my back." Phil slips and twists a muscle or two, flighting down the stairs, crumpling down to the ground. Haley stares right at the camera, more fed up with this situation.
…
[Haley's commentary]
"Usually, Felix stops my parents from being annoying. Goddammit mom and dad are so…UGH." - Haley
…
"Oh, I slipped in the baby oil." - Phil
Claire calls out to Phil and tries to support him.
…
[Phil's commentary]
""Oh, where are you from originally?" "I could defeat you if it came to a physical confrontation." - Phil
…
Dylan carrying Phil, marched down and put him on the sofa, Phil repeating his cries of hurt while getting carried.
"I don't know about this. Honey, should I call a doctor?" Claire and Haley in tow of the both of them.
Phil groans."No, no, no. You're very strong Homes."
"Thanks." Dylan descends the aching Dunphy to the sofa.
"Okay. Nice, nice soft landing." Phil lets go and lays on his sides.
Haley hurries her boyfriend pulling him upstairs, while Phil complains about being on his side. He waits to be changed positions, Claire leaves her husband on the sofa to focus on folding the other laundry.
…
In an uncrowded mall, Manny stood on the platform between the stairs, ascending up, leading to a balcony view of Brenda Feldman, blond and bored standing in front of a booth that was spelled 'Foto Fun!', framed photos decorating the booth. Manny said her name dreamily while carrying a written poem and a few flowers handpicked from a soccer yard.
Gloria inquisitively asked Manny, "What is that?"
"A poem I've written for Brenda Feldman." - Manny
"Of course it is." Jay said sarcastically.
While looking at Brenda with passion in his eyes, Manny looks confidently and walks to Brenda, "I put my thoughts into words, and now my words into action."
"Hey, I'll give you 50 bucks not to do this." - Jay
"I'm 11 years old. What am I gonna do with money?" - Manny
"What are you gonna do with a 16 year old?" - Jay
"He's like a bullfighter." - Gloria
"You ever see a bullfight? I can't watch this." - Jay
"You're in such a bad mood and I know why. It's because that man thought you were my father." - Gloria
Jay tiredly says no, while Gloria reaffirms and counters with immediate yes.
"Come on, we're in the mall, let's get you, like, some younger clothes." - Gloria
"There's a store there…" - Gloria
Jay minutely pulls on his red tracksuit. "I don't need any younger clothes. And I don't care what some jackass in a pair of ripped jeans thinks about me."
"Good, you shouldn't. You should only care about what I think, I love you and I don't care how old you are. So stop being a gloomy goose and stop being so hard on Manny." - Gloria
"The only reason I'm hard on Manny is just because I don't want to see him make a fool of himself. And I can smell that hair goo of his from here." Jay justifyingly backs up his previous actions.
The camera cuts to Manny reciting his poem to Brenda.
"Look, I don't know what's gonna happen to him over there. But, you're his family now and that means only one thing, you be the wind in his back, not the spit in his face." - Gloria.
"What?" - Jay
"Something my mom always says. It's gorgeous in Spanish." - Gloria
Gloria looks back and greets Manny who is staring at a portrait of his face, clearly using the 'Foto Fun!' booth.
"She has a boyfriend." - Manny
"Ay, I'm sorry, mi niño." - Gloria
"I gave her my heart and she gave me a picture of me as an old-town sheriff." - Manny
The picture was faded in the sense of color and style. It showed a disproportionate picture of Manny, young and brave, with a comically large cowboy hat, taking up the whole head of Manny, and mustache, fit for any aspiring sheriff.
"That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?" - Manny
"No, mi amor, it was brave. Right, Jay? Brave." Looking to Jay for an approval to back up her words.
Jay stammers, managing to passively commend Manny, and disappointing Gloria. "You'll know better next time. Come on, let's get a pretzel."
A tall mall cop approaches Jay and informs him that all mall walkers should stay to the right. A horde of elderly people wearing a monotone colored sea of tracksuits elderly power walk. Jay looks at the horde and then to his own clothing before seeing the shop behind him, selling 'younger clothes'. He walks to the graffiti signed shop with beating hip-hop music.
…
Haley's voice reverberates throughout the house from upstairs, miraculously reaching Claire downstairs. "Alex, get out! Mom!"
Claire reading, a basket full of folded clothes and laundry near her, without turning her head fully screeches to Alex. "Alex, leave your sister alone."
"I was just getting my book. Gosh." - Alex
"I know, sweetie, but you need to respect their privacy." Claire takes a deep breath, without missing a page turn she hypocritically invades the doings of Haley and her boyfriend. "What are they doing up there?"
"Nothing. Lying in her bed watching a movie." - Alex
Claire looks up from her book, taking beats and moments to consider the repercussions of their actions, reflecting on her own past as well. "Okay, okay."
Alex went behind her mom, leaning forward as she asked some hypotheticals. "So, if Haley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she got mono for a few months, and then, like, tell everyone the baby's yours?"
Claire looks up from the book, equally concerned and interested at the given presented question. "What?"
"This senior at school was out sick for four months, but Jenna Resnick, swears she saw her breast-feeding at a coin-op car wash." Alex explaining the situation of the senior made Claire attentively look at her while carrying the book close to her chest.
…
Phil walks down the patio steps to the yard, sighing heavily as he does so. A clear plastic BB gun with an orange tip in hand, locked with small pink ammo. Luke covered in gear, which consisted of layers upon layers of clothing stood there grimacing. If he ever was stranded in a blizzard, Luke would probably not die of hypothermia. With the mountain of hats and science goggles to top the whole ensemble.
"Buddy, what are you wearing?"
"Nothing."
"Uh-uh. No jacket. One hat. How many pairs of underwear do you have on?"
"One…Six." Luke sighs while removing the top hat to reveal the second one facing the opposite of his previous hat plopping it to the ground.
…
"First of all, it would be really cool to see Haley that fat. And how awesome it would be to have a fake little brother who's really my nephew." Alex relishing the thought in the middle of saying it.
"Haley is not getting pregnant."
"I'm just saying if.
"I know. And I know you like to make trouble for your sister, but it's not gonna work this time. You know why?" Claire went near and put her hand on Alex's head as if to closely explain a guarded secret.
"Because your sister's a good girl. I know. I was just like her when I was…" Claire didn't finish the sentence as she let go of Alex's head, panickingly placed her book on the sofa and took pieces of laundry upstairs.
…
"I want you to know, I'm not enjoying this, but this is an important lesson you're learning.So soak it, keep it." - Phil
Phil shakily points the gun to Luke, both hands pressed near the trigger.
"You're too close. It's gonna hurt." - Luke
"It's supposed to hurt." - Phil
"And why are you smiling?" - Luke
"Im…what?" Phil realizes the slight smudge of a smile decorating his face and rescinds it to a faltered stoic face.
…
Claire stomped upstairs, clear-minded and action sprung ready marching on with a stack of laundry in hand. She reaches Haley's door with a slight hesitation.
…
Phil adjusted his stance from one awkward position to the other, aiming the gun at Luke, gradually lowering himself to another awkward descending position, the barrel lowering itself with Phil. Luke tightly closed his eyes, arms both set up in a defensive position.
He saw the sight of Luke and falters. "Oh! Forget it. I can't do this. The point is you're scared. I think you've learned your lesson." The gun firing without warning shot a pellet at Luke. Phil hadn't realized his finger was on the trigger, even without intentionally pressing the mechanism, the slight pressure due to movement, shot the boy without warning. Luke clutched to his arm, the BB bullet hitting his bone.
…
Claire barges into the room, swinging the door wide open. The room had white walls, dozens of photographs beside Haley's bed and around it, stamped onto the walls. She was laying with her laptop and Dylan beside her. "Mom, what are you doing?"
Nonchalantly Claire takes pieces of laundry while staring at Haley. "Hey, I was just dropping off some laundry. Is this a bad time?"
"Yeah." Haley and Dylan, were sitting upright facing Claire.
"Oh. Okay." Claire turned around and headed down.
"Can you shut the door, please?" - Haley
Claire, stretching her head to peek in at the room says, "Actually, we're just gonna go ahead and leave that open."
"Why?" Haley inquired.
"Because I have seen this little show before. Lying on the bed with a tall senior. One minute you're just friends, watching Falcon Crest and the next, you're lying underneath the air hockey table with your bra in your pocket." Claire recounts to Haley while oozing off a traumatized story.
Dylan shockingly and slightly expresses, "Woah." While Haley looks at her Mom and freaks out about the story Claire had said to her child and the boyfriend.
…
Luke angrily looked towards Phil nursing the spot the bullet hit. "You hit my bone!"
"It was an accident." Phil rushes over to Luke to assess the damage the plastic BB might've done.
"I thought you were my friend." - Luke
Phil puts out his hand and gently says to Luke, countering his argumentative statement. "I am your friend."
Haley storms to the patio, exclaiming to Phil about the little scuffle and story dumping her mother had conveniently worded out, Dylan behind, rushing behind her.
"Dad, dad, dad. You have got to talk to Mom. She is, like, completely freaking out and embarrassing me!" - Haley
"Well, honey, your mom isn't always as cool about things as I…" - Phil
The gun misfires once again and the bullet flew to Dylan hitting him in the neck.
"What is with this thing?" Phil hurriedly dropped the gun, before the gun fired on its own and hit Phil in the leg as it bounces off the ground. The moment of impact pressured the mechanism for the trigger, causing a misfire.
Haley freaks out while rushing to her boyfriend. Claire coming out to the patio witnessed what happened. She checked up on Dylan, then helped a limping Phil up the stairs, Luke tearing up from the BB gun hit. Haley took her phone out and texted Felix about it.
*Mom is a psycho, Dad shot my boyfriend. Need your help. SOS, Felix come home now so that you can back me up.* - Haley
She waited for a few miniscule moments until she got a reply.
*Sorry, Hales, can't right now.* - Felix
Frustratingly she helps Dylan with the nonexistent bullet wound putting ice and setting water in front of him before furiously texting back to Felix.
*Felix, I swear to god, come back here now or I will tear up your little notebook. And I'll tell mom about your little girlfriend, that's right, I've seen your messages. Nothing escapes the popular girl.*
...
