Chapter 3 : Inconvenient Convenience
So, I made a mad dash away from that house, desperately trying to regain control of my body. What the actual hell was happening to me? That old man seriously brought out the worst in me, didn't he? Wait, which old man? Shit, it felt like I was turning into Finn more and more with each passing second...
I had to figure out what the fuck was going on. I mean, I thought I could deal with this identity crisis crap later, but it seemed like I couldn't just brush it off like my other problems...
Without even realizing it, I ended up at the nearest damn grocery store. Might as well grab some grub while I figure out my messed-up life. As I swung open the door, I instantly got bombarded with the voice of this annoying-ass cashier.
"Whoa, hold up there, kid! We've been over this shit before. You're banned from this place..." the cashier grumbled, sounding like he was getting too damn old for this nonsense. Look, I've been in his shoes as a former night shift cashier, so I get it, but still, fuck him.
I racked my brain, trying to remember why the hell I was banned from this joint. And then, bam, like a sucker punch to the gut, the memory hit me like a ton of bricks.
[Flashback Start]
I was higher than a damn kite, craving some freakin' Doritos to satisfy my munchies. Simple task, right? Wrong. I go to grab a bag, and my damn hand slips, sending the entire goddamn shelf of chips crashing down in an epic crunching catastrophe.
Naturally, in my desperate attempt to escape the chaos, I decided to bolt outta there. But as luck would have it, while I was making my daring getaway, I stumbled upon one of those rotating beauty product displays that looked like a friggin' carousel. And what do I do? My braindead self jumps right on that shit, causing mayhem and destruction like a deranged maniac.
So, I wreaked havoc, left a trail of chaos, and finally made my great escape. But guess what? My freedom didn't last long 'cause I ended up at the damn police station that same evening. Luckily, I managed to sweet-talk my way outta serious trouble with just a warning, but the store banned my sorry ass. I mean, come on, the whole freakin' neighborhood knew about the shitstorm I was dealing with at the time.
[Flashback End]
I scratched the back of my head, feeling a little sheepish 'cause I couldn't really blame these people for banning me after causing such a spectacle...
"Aw, come on, man! That was, like, ages ago! I swear I won't pull any more dumbass moves. I'm clean now," I pleaded with the cashier, who seemed uncomfortable as hell. He looked torn, like he kinda wanted to let it slide but was worried I'd stir up even more trouble. Can't say I blame the dude...
"Let him in, Johnny. I'll keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't cause any trouble," a voice piped up from behind me. I turned around to see a middle-aged dude with black hair and a ten-year-old kid standing there.
"Phil, last time you were here, I had to kick you out 'cause you broke the damn massage chair from abusing the hell outta it," Johnny, the cashier, said with an even deeper sigh. Poor bastard had to deal with two problem customers back-to-back. Tough break, man...
"Alright kid you can go in, Phile keep an eye on him the entire time." Johnny finally just gave up and put it on Phil.
"I'll keep my eye on him, no worries" Phil said while pointing at his eyes and then mine, then the little kid at his side started doing the same. What the fuck is going on...
Well I followed around Phil and his kid because Johnny was watching me like a hawk, I'm just gonna get my bag of crisps and get the fuck outta here.
"Hey buddy, so what's your name?" asked Phil with an extremely enthused tone, it was clear as day the man was pitying me. I ain't some macho macho fella who gets annoyed at being pitied, the fact is my situation is pretty fucking pitiful.
"I'm Finn Matthews, nice to meet you Phil." I introduced myself in the most polite way I physically could. Old Finn isn't influencing me right now so I can rebuild my image, my first target couldn't have been more gullible. The man had his face light up like a Christmas tree and shook my outstretched hand.
"Phil Dunphy and this is Luke, my son. Nice to meet you!" The kid now named Luke also gave a handshake like he was feeling left out. Wait a second now, Dunphy?
"Wait are you Haley Dunphys dad?" Oh lord almighty, that was a name that signaled nothing but trouble for old Finn.
Haley Dunphy was of the most popular girls are school, naturally fuck-boy Finn wanted a piece of that. But she didn't want any part of that, with his reputation of dining and dashing almost every girl in school it was obvious he wasn't looking for a romance.
This little shit just can't seem to take no for answer so he kept pursuing her the entire school year, which was hilarious for everyone. The playboy was chasing one girl down who wanted nothing to do with him.
He briefly joined the band of Dylan Marshall to get closer to Haley but around that time his mom offed herself and the story took a pretty dark fucking turn from there.
"Oh, you're familiar with Haley? That's my girl! She's like the social butterfly of our family, always spreading her wings and making connections. It's like she has her own fan club or something! It's pretty amazing to see how popular she is." the ever happy happy Phil started going gushing about his daughter, which to be fair is pretty adorable.
"Umm yeah she's my classmate at school..." I said while grabbing the Doritos I came here for, as nice as Phil is, this whole connection building will go to shit as soon as he goes home and inquires about me to his beloved daughter...
"That will be $2.50 for the chips..." Johnny was staring at me tired and relived that I didn't pull some crazy shit. I put my hands into my pocket and... fuck my life I didn't bring my wallet...
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