Eat,swim or make love?

"What are you doing here?"I was surprised to find Xavi in Dr Renata's office.I took a quick look at the giant clock in the office to make sure that it wasn't me that had gotten the time for my therapy session wrong.It was five minutes past eight.I understood that I was five minutes late but Xavi didn't have the right to hijack my session just like that. "What is he doing here?"I turned to Renata when I failed to get a response from Xavi. "Eva,please take a seat,"she said to me and I sat in the same couch as Xavi.Just on the extreme end of the couch.We were going to glare each other to death! "Your father called me yesternight and I suggested this joint session.I think it'll be good for the both of you,"Renata explained. "I can leave if you want me to.I won't push it,"Xavi said. "You can stay,"I said without looking at him at all. "Great!"Renata exclaimed as she rubbed her hands together. "Eva,how are you feeling today?"She asked me. "I didn't touch any drugs yesterday,so I guess I'm fine,"I said. "That's great,but we are not just dealing with the drug issue alone.Drugs are just a coping mechanism for you.I want to help you deal with your emotions without turning to drugs,"she smiled her way through that sentence.Therapists! "So,did you paint anything yesterday?"She went on.I nodded. "What did you paint?"She asked. "An island.I love islands,"I said. "You paint?"Xavi was shocked. "Yeah.If you'd have paid attention,you'd noticed.I always tried to show them to you but you were always working in your study room,"I said to him. "I'm sorry,"he said. "Don't be,"I said to him."I know you married mum just because she was pregnant.You raised me when you didn't have to and I'm sorry mum lied to you for all those years.I'd be mad too if I lived a lie for that long.I'm saying I get it.I just want you to remember that I'm also a victim.I'm not the one that lied to you,"I tried to explain to Xavi and surprised myself by not shedding a tear. "You have her eyes,her hair.Every time I look at you,I see her,"Xavi blurted out. "I'm sorry,I didn't know I said that out loud,"he apologized. "Except I'm not her,I'm your baby girl,"I reminded her."I know,"he said. "Do you ever want to know who he is?Your biological father?"he suddenly asked. "No.I mean,sometimes I wonder how he looks like or if he's a great guy like you. I'm scared of finding out.I don't want to know.You are...my favorite person,"I said to Xavi. "That's is why it hurts when you take your anger out on me,"I went on. "I'm sorry sweetheart,"he said.Finally!That was the word I had been waiting to hear."I'm so sorry,"he repeated it and held my hand."I know,"I said. "I know I'm not forgiven,"he said."Not yet,"I said. "I'm glad we are not yelling at each other,"he said. "Me too,"I said and we laughed. "You had my bank account frozen,"I said to him.That was a complaint."I was trying to get you to come home,"he explained. "Alright,but that's not happening,"I said with a smile. "See,that wasn't hard,"Renata said.I had forgotten she was still in the room. I nodded.

"Are you okay?You don't look okay,"I said to Xavi once we were out of that office. "No more secrets,please,"I added before he could think of a lie to say to me. "No more secrets,"he agreed with me."Can we talk over coffee tomorrow.There's something I want us to talk about,"he said and I could feel my heartbeat increase."You can relax,it's nothing serious,"he said.

"Alright,if you say so,"I said. "I'll get going.See you tomorrow sweetheart,"he said and kissed me on the forehead.I drove back to my nanny's. She was seated in the living room,doing her knitting."Hey,"I said to her. "Hey,"she replied without looking at me. "I'm sorry,about yesterday.I shouldn't have said what I said,"I apologized.She then turned to look at me,halting her knitting."I know,"she said. "Trust me,I hate myself for obsessing over a marriage man for years.I don't even know what I was hoping for,"she expressed her disappointment in herself.

"Cut yourself some slack Tierra,it's Xavi Gonzalez,who wouldn't like him?"I said to her. "The divorce is being finalized soon,"I added and that made me remember my mom.I had almost forgotten about her.Sometimes I wondered,was she really my mom?Were it not for the fact that I was a spitting image of her,I would have doubted that. "Yeah,Xavi told me,"she said. "He tells you everything,doesn't he?"I let my intrusive thoughts win and they came out as a harsh question "We're friends,I think,"she said. "How do you feel,about the divorce thing?"She asked. "It doesn't matter how I feel.That marriage was based on a lie,the sooner it ends the better.But in all honesty,I'll miss seeing them together.Fighting,attending events,disagreeing on parenting or whatever it is that they do,"I said and surprised myself with the amount of maturity those words carried. "I'll finish up on my painting,"I said to her before disappearing into my new room.

***

I received a text from Carlos few hours after getting done with my painting. "Still in?Our date?"It read.No emojis,great.I hated those too.

"Are you hoping I will bail?It's NOT a date.Still in,"I replied.I could tell he was either smiling or laughing from behind his desk at the winery.I was too.Smiling.

"See you later,Eva,"he texted back. "Bye Gomez,"I pressed sent and decided to find something to wear to our 'not a date'.

I settled on a grey dupion dress that was low cut at the back.It was short too. Four,five,six o'clock!That was how fast time went by.I decided to wear a little black mascara and lip gloss.With my hair brushed to the back and the bangs laying on my forehead,I was bomb! "Your Carlos is here,"my nanny announced as she showed up in the room unannounced. "My Carlos?I didn't know we were calling him that,"I said as I took one last look at the mirror before grabbing my purse off the dressing table. "Use protection,"she said to me. "We are not having sex,"I said defensively in almost a whisper.She shrugged and I wore my white heels and headed downstairs.Carlos was standing in the doorway and I could feel the butterflies creeping into my stomach.Our eyes met and he was staring hard.I walked up to him and neither of us said anything.I didn't want to say anything because standing there before him was so peaceful yet scary.I wanted to take in all that tranquility and his scent of cherry blossom shower gel.He had a white shirt on and ironed black pants.

"You stare too much,"I said to him when I realized I couldn't hold myself to my feet anymore.He made me so nervous! "You're the most beautiful thing I've seen today.I love your hair,"he said to me and that famous Gomez-smile covered his face.I was in heels but he was still a little bit taller. "Thank you,"I said. "Ready?"He asked. "And excited,"I said as we made our way to his car. "Is that dad's?"He asked pointing towards Xavi's spots car parked outside.I just smiled as I remembered how I made him get out of the car during the previous night."Yeah,I plan on keeping it,"I said to Carlos. "What?He wouldn't let me drive that,"I could pick up the disappointment in his voice. "How was your day?"He switched topics as soon as we left the compound. "I think it was great,"I said. "Yours?"I asked. "Exhausting but great,"he replied."You holding up alright?Therapy?"He added. I nodded.I didn't want to discuss therapy with him.It wasn't my favorite place to be,ever. "I like your hair,"he said and I was glad that he noticed and liked it. " "Thanks,"I said.We drove out of Santa Fe and I had no idea where Carlos was taking us.I just hoped to have a great time. Fifteen minutes later,Carlos drove into a villa and rushed out to get the door for me. "Miss Eva,"he said as he took my hand and guided me out of the car.

"You didn't have to do that,it's not a date,"I teased him. "You don't want it to be a date?"He asked as I wrapped my hand around his elbow and we walked arm in arm. "It's a date.I can't believe I said that,"I said as I laughed. "Which you asked me on.You forgot to add that part,"he laughed. "Are you going to tease me forever?At least I was courageous about it,"I said with a frown. "I'm glad you asked me on this date,"he said and my frown quickly turned into a smile. "You're welcome Gomez,"I said as we walked towards a lady in uniform.My guess was that she worked at the villa. She greeted Carlos as she handed him some keys.I noticed there were no other people at the villa."Are we the only ones here?"I asked Carlos as we entered the villa. "I booked it for us,for the night.In the public eye we are..."he started. "Siblings,"I cut him short. "I hate it,"he said."Me too,"I said. "What do you want to do?Eat,swim,make love?"He asked and drew closer to me. I hoped he wouldn't notice my fast breathing,or the goosebumps that formed on my skin as soon as the words 'make love' formed on his lips.He was getting too close.I was scared.

"You're too close,Carlos,"I said to him as I swallowed some saliva to hide my nervousness. "You're nervous,"he pointed out.I quickly nodded. "Let's get some robes and go swimming,"he said and we walked to a room together.There were two robes on a hangar and we grabbed them.Were we going to spend the night there?Share a room? Carlos immediately took his shirt off and dumped it on the king size bed as I stared on.He was looking at me too,if not staring.I was just holding my robe in my hand,not moving,not blinking,not breathing.Okay,I was breathing.He then took his trousers off and threw them on the bed next to his shirt.What a body!I couldn't take my eyes off him.I tried severally and failed.He put his robe on and now it was my turn to change. "I'll turn around,"he said and turned to look the other way.Where did he get all his courage from?Why was I always the scared and nervous one?