1. The Night Train

"Chooo... Chooooo...."

The long train whistle started my journey to a new place. The loud ringing sound that deafening everybody's ears, but not for me. Its high pitch sound only reminded me of my loneliness which never ends like falling into a bottomless abyss. Ah, dammit, why did all this have to happen? Why do I have to be here? Why should I leave this place? Shouldn't I be here? I should be together with my family? I don't want to leave, I want to be surrounded by the people I love. Just like other humans being, I want to enjoy their warmth, love, and affection. But... look at this sad tragedy! Due to the cruelty of my fate, this is where I stand now! With no other option to choose from. Yes, that's all I know..., I have to go right now!

Nobody thought that the world would spin so fast? No one thought, all this shit just happened in my life. Just for a second, and my soul just disappeared. Evaporate to reality. Until suddenly I realized how lost am I. Trying hard to collect all that's left of my life. But the truth is? There is nothing left in my soul anymore. Gone, lost, just gone away. Yeah running... that's what I'm doing now. I'm here to go, escape from reality, disappear from it. I want to run from my destiny, run from sadness, run from myself.

Damn..., am I scary? I realize that I have to run from my own feelings? Yes, the scariest monster, the soul-eating monster who consumes me, is myself. Pathetic... I'm really pathetic. So... can I ask the universe to undo its decision? Can I turn back time? Isn't God Most Merciful and Most Powerful? Why is He went silent? Why he didn't answer my prayer? Please God, please answer my question, what is my fault that makes You punish me with this cruel tragedy?

"Knock...knock...!" the tapping hands sound from outside my window seat.

"Mia...!" shouted a beautiful woman from the front of the train. Her body looks tired from running away, trying so hard to find her best friend. Bad for her, she must befriend me, with this soulless loser. Did I tell her that I didn't want to be escorted? Why does she keep coming away? If she was looking for her old cheerful best friend, then she wouldn't find her in this place. Because she is gone, I will never be the same anymore.

Oh, dear my best friend Lily, what are you doing here? Did I tell you that I didn't want to hear a goodbye? Wasn't it enough for me to hurt her with a harsh yell? Wasn't it enough for me to reject her? Why is she still coming around? Does she realize that her arrival will only make my eyes cry again? And, unfortunately, I don't want to cry anymore. My tears are empty, I am tired of this shit!

"Mia...!!" she shouted loudly echoing my name over and over again. Her hands kept waving to make me see her appearance. And suddenly, her shout makes my other friends start arriving in front of me.

"Mia...!!" they shouted my name. One by one they waved their hands to say goodbye.

I know there's nothing wrong with them. They only show their affection as my best friends. They show me, how cared they are. However, the fault is with me. Because for me..., their presence only reminds all the memories about the past. About everything we've been through in this town. Yes, Surabaya, the city of my birth and grow. the city that I loved and how my destiny is tightly tied to it.

My memories of Surabaya are stitched like long beautiful knitting. Leaving this city is like pulling every thread from the knitting until finally there is nothing left. Trust me, leaving Surabaya is not something I can go through without tears. There's one thing that is in my head, no matter how much I love Surabaya, I can't bear to be here anymore. I don't want to remember all these miserable facts.

This is my story. the Story of the pathetic creature named Mia Wijaya. Everyone who knows me called me Mia. And yesterday, was the day that should be shown as my greatest achievement. Graduation day that all my family should be proud of. I imagine, on that day, everyone was happy. My father and mother would be proud of me. Of course, after all the long struggle I have been through, I managed to get a bachelor's degree. However, seeing the happiness of my friends with all their family members, I finally really realized that I can't stand it anymore. At that moment, I had made up my choice. I will leave Surabaya, ASAP! I will move from this painful city to a new one. The city which famous for its cool weather and the name is Bandung.

What can I do? Right now, all I can do is say goodbye to all of my friends. Respect their sacrifice to come to this place. I tried to raise and move my hands. Tried to repay their kindness. Gives the best goodbye sign I can do. Even though I still don't know what to say, but when our eyes met each other, their eyes sparkled with a ton of meanings that brought tears to my eyes again. Especially Lily, my best friend since childhood. And now, I have to leave her because fate brought us to a different story.

"Keep in touch, Mia! Let me know when you arrive in Bandung. Cheer up!" Lily said as she wiped away the tears that were trickling down her cheeks.

"Take care, Mia! Don't lose touch! Call us! And be Cheerful again!" said another friend.

"Bye, MIA..., we will miss you! Keep in touch!

"Choooooo....," the train whistle echoed once again. Telling me it's time for me to go. The train engine began to sound louder and louder. Shutting out every sound that my friends said. "Bye, Lily! Bye, all! Until we meet again. If fate still happening between us. Please, take care of yourselves! And thank you for everything. Goodbye!" the hoarse voice of my heart returned their kindness with an unspoken prayer. A futile, unheard prayer... that I didn't even know if God would answer. Of, course Mia..., Do you remember, how God has forgotten you? He never heard you will, you need to accept it and face your own fate.

I wiped my tears quickly. I already promised myself that I won't cry anymore. Especially in front of my friends again. It's been almost two months since they saw my first tears. Now, it's time for me to show a little of my strength. Ah, even though I know, that power is just an imaginary mirage. At least, I hope my acting is good enough to make them not worry about me. As a person who has no soul anymore, I just want to give the best farewell. At least, that's the last gift I can give them.

Goodbye everyone, goodbye Surabaya. I'll go to a new place soon. Hoping to find my soul again. Hoping that my escape to another place would wipe all my tears away. Wish, if I could forget all the bad things that happened in this city. Hoping that this night train will give me a little time to breathe.

Yes, that's only a simple all I want. Mia doesn't ask for a big wish to be granted. I just want a little reason to move on. A will to return, and continue my story after that nightmare happened. After two months ago I lost my whole family in a car accident. Everything... Father, Mother, and my brother vanished, gone just like that. Gone into ashes leaving me alone in this cruel world. They are the worse human being, right? They didn't even invite me to join them. They let me be stuck in this world alone.

Do they mind if I join them? Because... after that incident, my brain was only able to whisper the words of death. I can't take it anymore. I really miss them. Oh... so... why am I only realizing this now? Now I understand why my friend's faces look like that. Pale white, like seeing a ghost in my face. Maybe they just realized, that I literally plan to leave them forever.