1 Something...

It's been days, it could even be weeks.. I lost count of how long it's been since I spoke to him. But if still pains like a fresh cut wound. Despite me trying my best to convince myself because, not that deep down, i know it's best for us all, in such a situation.

I know he's hurt. I pray he doesn't feel rejected and, if he does I hope that one day when we meet again he will understand and, know and accept the truth. God knows I've tried but I truly think God wanted me to stop; because If he didn't then why such a mess? when it could have been the way my mind worked it out to be in all those scenarios in my head.

I'm sorry for all the wrongs I've done I think this is my punishment for the countless sins I've committed. I see him struggle in the misery. I see his strength and I wish he had luck. He's perfect but I'm afraid he'd bend :(

I'm afraid he'd become a monster but they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... if so. I hope he turns out much better than I did! Please God save my baby. Please God let me help him and this time please let things work in his favour!! I'm begging you

*****

On Friday 13TH almost 8 years ago a very tiny, pale but intelligent and healthy little boy was born. Jaheem he wasn't at all what anyone expected but he was the most perfect little boy in all the galaxies and that everyone will come to realize soon enough

In a small hospital room his mother broken in spirit and broken in life gave birth to her whole heart in only under 15 minutes! Yes only 15 minutes with no sex for months, no food, no help, and no money.

With the world against her including the child's father who wanted to kill them both she gave life to the most extraordinary little boy anyone has ever seen.

He was already such the perfect baby. As soon as she whispered his name he turned to her. Only just a few minutes old and he knew his mother. He was placed in the cot next to her while she waited for the mid wife to finish her examination.

So she can hold her baby again. And this time to see him, to really smell him, to feel him, to hug him and let him know he will be lacking nothing for she will always be there. No matter what! Come hell or high waters she will be there

...Or so she thought. So she wished. So she hoped but their faith would mean for his sake she would leave and they both would struggle. The promises made are all the promises she would break to keep him safe and to keep her whole

****

Love they call it.

Love the thing that makes you strong but vulnerable. The thing that you can't explain but express. The thing that will give you reasons more complicated than you'd ever know. Yes love the thing that she never had but could give so perfectly but yet still the thing that they both lacked the most

See the thing is; growing up having so much potential inside of such a small girl in the village that leads to nowhere isn't as bad as growing up with a family that coerce you into discounting yourself and seeing the world as a place to gain not to contribute

The scary thing about that is the vision inside doesn't just die. The person inside is made to choose survive another day or dye trying. When this choice comes to a kid they do what's best for them and that means dye everyday by choosing to survive as a direct result losing themselves until one no longer able to think

*metamorphosis*

Change in just another fancy word just like splendid is another fancy word for happy...

Change they said is good but they never tell you the truth about choices. As a kid I overheard this saying "if you wish to do something first you must understand the pros and cons and if you believe to yourself you can live with the consequences then by all means do as you wish"

Very wise saying indeed. I however think it's the fancy way of saying Newton's law of relativity "every action has an equal and opposite reaction"

For example in my case girl meets boy> boy likes girl> girl likes boy> girl is naive boy is mature> boy abuses girl's innocence and girl doesn't realize until it's too late> girl has nowhere else to turn to because she's ashamed and she's hurt, she retaliates> boy also decides to retaliate> girl loses and girl runs

However boy + girl = baby

Girl with baby runs

But how far can you go with no money, a baby in hand and no help? Seems the odds are against you. She loved her baby more than her life itself and giving him a life that was better than the one she had was her sole intention for him

Thankfully girl was a bit educated though she wasn't very beautiful she wasn't ugly in features so she could still possibly get a decent job and stand alone

Something along that line girl thought... but something's aren't as black and white as they make us believe in school. Life has many grey areas and girl was about to find out