Chapter 13 Merrigold

I found myself feeling anxious. I had to feel anxious, panicked... I had rightfully made demands as if I had what he was looking for as if I was a virgin. A part of me did not want to regret that night with Thomas, I did not want to be that shallow. Thomas and I had been happy, I had even started to forget about my sinful thoughts and need for that devil. I felt sick to my stomach, I felt disgusted with myself. Not only had I agreed and made my demands but I had let him kiss me in the most intimate manner. I swallowed a huge lump of guilt. What was I doing when had my life become so complicated? Ever more I had just done something unforgivable and so unlike me. Opening the envelope, I made sure everyone had left before I sneaked into his office and took Lady Harriet's letter. Surprisingly he had left it in the trash can, just as he had instructed me to. Why did I yearn to know what they did or what they—