CHAPTER 12. NO FAITH

I opened up my eys to find a sleeping Seth. While lying in his arms, I wondered about the cause of my affection. I always claimed I loved him. There had to be a reason why it all began. I dwelled too deeply in my thoughts but still couldn't come up with anything. It was agreeable that he was a very zealous, strong and a beautiful man, but that was definitely not the reason. I guess you can't really apprehend things by reasoning, especially when it comes to the matters of the hearts. The only thing that made sense to me is that he was the only source that provided emotional ease to me from my inflictions. Whenever I lied beside him, I fell my worries drifting away. Then, I shifted my attention towards Seth's alluring face. He wore the look of one who is gnawed with bitterness, and he heaved the burden of a woman he could never love. I felt empathetical towards him. This was never supposed to be his burden. All he wanted was a blissful life with his love, Rose. Although our love wasn't mutual, I could still very well comprehend how he felt back then. Because just like him, I was also standing on a road which leaded nowhere.

It was like standing on a shore and reaching for the intersection where the sky meets the sea. Earlier, when he discussed his reasons for leaving and apologizing, I chose not to respond back. I did that because I knew what would have followed after the conversation. He was insisting on how his behaviour affected me but the one thing that he wished to convey through that conversation was that he wished solace and peace away from him. He wanted to make me think he wanted us to part because he cared for me but the hidden truth was that he couldn't ovrelook my blood relation. My brother was a very ambitious man but it was disheartening to hear that he had something to do with somebody's death. I was never familiarized with the fact that he was persuing someone or confiscating someone in his villa. Even my parents didn't mention anything of that sort ever. I wish I would have met Seth way before it all happened. I wondered if he would have loved me then. Even after inquiring about Seth's health with the doctor, I got to understand how much this marriage was affecting him. He hadn't been sleeping well and is in unbelievable pain because of his sense of loss. I couldn't even fathom the pain that comes with loosing 'The One'. It was obvious that he held resentment towards me. It was quite obvious my touch and appearance only aided him in recollecting all he wished to forget. While holding a firm believe in my heart, I solidified my shaken resolve and determined to leave him for the sake of his well being. He had been through a lot. 'A lot of it' was a burden which was never really his to carry. I wish I could have made him forget about all his anguishes. The reality doesn't work like that. From the day I held his appearance in my eyes, and his voice in my mind, I began dreaming. Like a child building structures out of building blocks, I built this dream with vague aspirations. While taking short glances at his face, I felt anguish stinking in my heart. I knew I have made several endeavors in trying to harden my resolution, but that had to change.

Then, I packed up my stuff and got changed. He woke up and looked at me with with remorseful eyes. He got out of the bed and got changed too.

I glared at him and asked, " Why are you getting all dressed up?"

He neared me and exclaimed," I won't let you leave alone. I will drop you there".

I gaped at his fractured leg and then, into his eyes. "You don't have to do that. You are already injured".

His lips curled into a smile and he went ahead. I got down towards the exit. The driver and I aided him in getting inside the car. The silence seemed to inhabit the car. In order to keep myself from blabbering something inappropriate, I averted my eyes towards the window. Soon after, I felt Seth caressing my hand with his hand. He neared himself towards me and asserted, "You have been really patient with me. You didn't deserve this. If the circumstance would have been different, I would have really loved you. I am grateful for everything that you did for me. You are the most amiable and beautiful woman that I have ever been with. These six years of our blissfull relationship have been really amazing".

At that instant, my mind was brimming with several emotions. The tears were beginning to build in my eyes. I didn't want him to bear the last memory of me crying. So, I screamed in my head 'DO NOT CRY ! DO NOT CRY !' and manipulated my urge to sob. In the response to what he said, I nodded and smiled at him. He started caressing my head. Just when he was nearing his face to mine, I drifted backwards. Next, we reached our destination. I rant out of the car with long strides.

Just after entering my home, I embraced my mother and kissed her forehead. Then, I did the same to my father. In order to avoid any sort of conversation, I dashed towards my room hurriedly. I locked the room from the inside and settled on my bed. I removed my dress, went into the shower, and broke down. I cried like there was no tommorow. I grieved for the death of my emotions and agonized over my gruesome fate. It appeared to me as if the world was about to reach its end. I knew ir didn't matter how hard I tried, or how many tears I shed. I shaped my affection like a garden, decorated it with flowers of my feelings. However, that day it was nothing but an empty lot. All the butterflies lied there with broken wings and no ray of lights penetrate the dead flowers. All the hope that I had been garnering for months was lying broken like a distorted mirror.

I felt awfully anxious, scared and the memmories kept eating me alive. There was one thing that I was sure of that it was going to be a long night. While leaving him, I didn't think I would be this vulnerable. I anticipated that I would eventually overcome the pain of separation. That night was horrendous as even the bed that I laid on kept reminding me of him. Then, I sat near my window. Shortly after an hour, my phone began ringing. I looked up at the screen. It was Evans. Since I wasn't at my best, I avoided the call. It rang again. Since he didn't stop calling, I figured that something crucial might have happened which would have needed my attention. I picked the call and answered in a low voice, "Hey, What happened?"

" Nothing, just wanted to check on you", he enunciated.

I exclaimed in a tired voice, " I am doing great Just really tired".

He started talking kn a deep voice, "I know what happened. I just talked to Seth. He doesn't know what he's doing? He is an idiot".

I giggled and led a real long sigh.

" Yes, you are right. He is an idiot. I hate him", I exclaimed with a shaky voice. Soon after, tears started dripping from my eyes. I cried so hard that it was not achievable for me to decieve anyone from the realities of my predicament.

Evans made endeavors to calm me. He succeeded with a ridiculous joke. I laughed until my tears of sorrow culminated into tears of joy.

Then, Evans articulated that he had something urgent that he wished to talk about.

" What is it? " , I asked with curiosity.

"I wanted to tell you that I have some intel on the accident that took place five years ago. Though the car crashed into the ditch had two bodies on it, but the girl's body has been confirmed to be of a woman named Ivy", explained Evans.

I gasped and uttered in disbelief, " There is only one possible explanation that can be concluded from your explanation that Rose didn't die in that car accident".

Evans grinned and said in a brusque voice, "I spent some spies over to look for the any information that they can garner from the case. With their aid, I have successfully tracked ker location. I know where Rose is currently staying".