{ Part 1.11 }

(y/n)'s pov:

*The day before the 57th expedition'

It's already been 3 weeks since that day, and we're going to depart from wall Rose tomorrow. I don't know how I managed to go through this 3 weeks.

Eren improves more than he was on the first day. He managed to keep up the training. I'm amazed bow he handle the scolding from Levi.

Levi, I don't know why but I've been avoiding him these days. Am I being stupid or pathetic? It's not his fault yet I avoid him. I still talk to him but I haven't interact with him a lot.

Petra and others are the same as always. Petra doesn't know that I heard about her and her father conversation and I meant to keep it that way. We are ordered to depart first thing in the morning. Also Hange and her group is staying with us tonight.

So after training I went to my room to start packing my things, the things I need to carry. The day go as usual, training, cleaning, eating and etc. I know what will happen tomorrow.

These days I'm starting to forgot about my real world and all of the memories from there including all of the things I interact with meaning I'm forgetting attack on titan series. I realized that a week ago.

Because of that I'm starting to record everything I remember in a book. I was able to remember everything again when I read this book. I don't know why this happen but I wonder if it's because I've been here for a long time.

I made a copy just in case if my book get lost. I bring one book with me and the other book in my room. The plan is to make Eren change even though there will be conflicts after the fight is over. I'm ready to risk the trust to save them. I don't know even if I will survive this, because the female titan is who we are going to fight.

Might as well do things I won't regret later, and that is confess Levi. I know, Levi only know me for like only a month and there is no way he would like me back. I'm planning to just confess, not to get an answer back.

'(y/n), Captain Levi ask for you in his office.' Hange yelled at me from downstairs.

'On my way, Hange!' I guess I'll confess now after what he needs to say to me.

I walk to Levi's office and knock on his door. I heard a come in from the inside, I open the door and walk in. 'You ask for me, Captain?'

'What do you mean? I don't remember asking for you and who tells you that I did?' Levi answer back.

'It was Hange, sir.' After I said that I'm sure I heard a curse word left from his mouth, and that's what makes him attractive. (y/n), you are a fool for falling deeply in love with him.

'Then, you may go back and tell Hange to not do this again or I'll kill her.' Levi says as he went back to his paperworks.

'Umm, Levi I have something to tell you.'

'What is it? Do you have something to report to me?'

'Well...., it's not like that and please listen through this, ok?'

'Ok, tell me what you have to say.' He put down his paperworks and look at me.

I thought it would be easy telling him but I'm suddenly nervous as hell now. Ok, breath (y/n).

'Levi, I'm sorry for saying this to you but I'm actually in love with you. From the day I first met you and til this day. I know we haven't known each other for not more than a month. I thought I would be able to compress this feeling, but I can't. And as I always thought, meeting you was a chance, Levi but loving you was more. More than I even imagine. I really love you and I don't know what might happen in the future. I don't want to die knowing that I haven't confess to you. You are the only who is able to make my heart beat faster. You don't have to give me an answer back. I just want to let you know my feelings. That's all. I'll be going now then, Levi. Thank you for listening to my confession.'

I turn around and open the door to leave but, 'Wait, (y/n)!' He stand up and comes to me. 'I have to ....' it was cut off when Hange suddenly appeared in front of both of us.

'I'll be going now and have a good night rest, Captain! Also you too Hange!' I quickly run back to my run and fall down to my knees as I close the door. I did it, I tell him my feelings. What was he gonna ask me about back then? It might be a rejection or something else but not the word 'I like you' for sure.

Will I be able to sleep tonight again? Let's just read my journal to remember about the plan.

*The day of the 57th expedition'

I was already in the stable avoiding Levi again. I don't know how I have the courage to confess last night but all I feel now is embarrassment. 'Ahhh!' I yelled out in frustration.

My horse look at me and neigh at me. 'I'm fine, Jack!' I said as I pat his head.

'So, (y/n) how did you use the time I give you with Levi, alone?'

'I told you not to tease me with him. He's not interested in me or anything like that.'

'Well, I heard about your confession but only the end. Why didn't you want to hear his answer back? He might like you, you know. But I know you don't know what to say back if he did reject so I appeared in front of both of you so you could run away.'

'Thank you, Hange. It's just I'm not ready to hear what he say. I know he's going to reject me. He loves Petra and they're going to get married after this expedition. I know that and yet I confess to him, I don't want to regret, Hange. I don't want to die with full of regrets.' I sat down as I tell her. Petra is his love interest in the anime and how am I supposed to change that.

'I went to the town with Petra a few weeks ago and went to her family. I heard about the conversation Petra and her father were talking about. Her father is planning to ask Levi to marry Petra after this expedition and Petra likes Levi as well. How am I supposed to break through that? I don't know what to do, Hange.' I started to cry as my heart aches. 'It hurts, Hange. Knowing your loved one is going to marry another person.'

Hange started to rub my back and hug me. 'Don't cry. I know it hurts. But what if he likes you back? Try to listen to his answer when he talks with you. It might the outcome you think of. Nobody knows what the future will bring us. We don't if we will die during this or maybe survive. Anyways, do what you think will make you happy!'

'We have to go now, (y/n) and Captain Hange!' Moblit comes to tell us.

'Shall we go now, (y/n)?' Hange give me a hand to help me stand up. I nodded at her as I wipe my tears. We went out with our horses and saw the thing that I don't want to see. Petra was beside Levi taking care of him while Levi give her a short smile. 'I don't think I need answers, Hange. It's already there.' I says to Hange as I get on to my horse.

After a few minutes ride, we reach the gate where everyone was gathered.

'Now, we'll start the 57th expedition! GO FORWARD!!!' Erwin yells as he lead the the corps.

I saw titans approach us but the back up went up to them to dispose off them. I was riding behind Eren beside Eld. We went across the wall and finally in the titan territory.

Female titan, just you wait! I'll make sure you won't get to kill most of our comrades.

_________________________________________

Word count: 1414

Published: 21, September, 2020