1 Back To Cloud Recesses

If there was one thing that he regretted in his entire life, that would be never being able to bring his most precious person back in his arms. Lan Zhan was never vocal about his wants even as a child—for he had almost everything a child his age wanted. A loving (yet strict) uncle, a supportive brother, and an abundance of subtle wealth backed him up; however, he lacked his mother's warmth and love and his father's gentleness and affection. But aside from those, he was living the perfect life.

Being one of the Twin Jades of Lan did not bother him the slightest. As long as he can make his sect proud and maintain proper attitude, Lan Zhan felt that his existence was enough for the world to admire. He is proper, he is regal, he is sophisticated. But most of all, he is such a stickler for rules.

Then he showed up one day out of no where, destroying the peace he had.

Wei Ying was an enigma. He was bold, a flirt, and he never followed the three thousand rules that was carved into Lan Zhan's bones since he was a child. The first time they had met, it was when Wei Ying was smuggling alcohol into Cloud Recesses. Unfortunately, Lan Zhan was the one to catch the unruly boy. It was… quite eventful.

At first, Lan Zhan thought that it would be the last time he would see him break the rules. But, as the biggest enigma Lan Zhan faced, Wei Ying proved the other wrong. Breaking every rule in Cloud Recesses seemed to be the goal of this Wei Wuxian as he stayed for the entire time. When he wasn't doing frivolous things with his partners in crime, Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang, he was spending his time in punishment with Lan Zhan in the Library Pavilion. The only difference is the location and who he spends it with.

There were times when Lan Zhan would think about it: to be able to freely hang out with Wei Ying, have fun, and maybe even drink a bit of that Emperor Smile Wei Ying loves so much—but he can't. He doesn't have the time or leisure to do so because he has a reputation. Lan Zhan really wants to tell the world to mind their own business and take Wei Ying away to somewhere safe where only the two of them could be.

But he can't.

Not when they are watching.

Not when expectations hang over his shoulders.

Not when his sect is looking at him.

Not when he sees his uncle's look of disappointment.

Not when his brother would see him in pain, in loss, in agony.

He doesn't want to show them a different side of himself. He doesn't want his brother to see him like this. Responsibilities are handed to him the moment their father died when the Wens burned Cloud Recesses. Lan Zhan does not want to add to that burden nor does he want to cause any commotion. These feelings inside him are his and his alone to carry.

At first, he thought these feelings were out of concern and worry. After all, he spent most of his time with Wei Ying (if you could consider being the one delivering the punishment to the other). But… it didn't feel right to him. It never did. From the moment he first saw Wei Ying, he knew something was not right within himself.

But he does not have the time to think about it.

Not when a war is eminent.

Not when Cloud Recesses is in ruins.

Not when the Yunmeng Jiang Sect has been obliterated, leaving behind their sole heir and head disciple as the only survivors.

Not when everything is in chaos.

Not when Wei Ying—

Wei Ying.

He did it. He controlled the resentful energy. After going missing for months, he's finally back. An emotion swelled within Lan Zhan as he watched Wei Ying control the corpses. It was swift and graceful. His robes were red and black—as if the devil himself came to reign terror on earth, some say. But all Lan Zhan thought was:

He's here. He's alive. He's breathing. Wei Ying.

Wei Ying was standing before him, his signature ponytail was gone and his entire aura changed. It was as if those months were years by the way Wei Ying drastically changed. He was totally different from the Wei Ying he knew before. If the Wei Yung before was an enigma, the Wei Ying now was more confusing than ever. There was no pattern to what he was thinking and his moods were unpredictable.

In his heart, Lan Zhan concluded that it must be the resentful energy inside of Wei Ying's body causing this change.

"Come back to Gusu with me." I want to help you. You've changed. Let me help you—

"Get lost."

That hurt more than he wanted to admit.

"Come back to Gusu with me."

"So you can lock me up and purify me? No thank you. I can handle myself just fine," Wei Ying retorted, his eyes flashing a hostile emotion to Lan Zhan—it scared him. Lan Zhan was never at the opposite end of Wei Ying's hostility but seeing it directed him… it hurt.

He could do nothing at all. He felt helpless and hopeless at the same time. If only he was a different man with a different temperament, then he could voice out what he wants. He wants to be with Wei Ying, stand by his side no matter what happens. But he can't because he doesn't do that. He's quiet, reserved. He only speaks for justice and not for anything else. He is Hanguang-Jun—light-bearer.

But their wrong. Everyone is wrong. He wants but he cannot take. He is quiet but his mind is in chaos more than half the time. He follows the rules but he secretly breaks them more than he could bring himself to admit. He is changing but he is changing because of Wei Ying. He wants others to see that side of him. He wants others to see him as him and not one of the Twin Jades of Lan. The only person who saw him for who he was is Wei Ying.

He didn't care about the social status implemented on him. All he saw was someone who seemed lonely and wanted a friend but didn't know how to make any with his kind of temperament.

When he visited Yiling, he saw the old Wei Ying he learned that he had fallen in love with. The brilliant smile shines on his face as he talked about how he had once buried the poor child in the dirt, claiming he would grow. He talked about all the things he had invented and all the things he had done for the Wen remnants. There was a tinge of pride within Lan Zhan's heart while Wei Ying talked. He was always so selfless and he didn't deserve the treatment the other people did to him.

Then there was the time he stood in front of his own Sect, defending the Yiling Patriarch. He saw it.

His brother's sad eyes.

His uncle's face, filled with unhidden fury.

The elders' face of surprise and disappointment.

He disappointed them. He disappointed them. He—

No.

He is doing this for Wei Ying. He is turning his back all for Wei Ying. Everything he is doing is all for Wei Ying. He wants to be with Wei Ying but he can never say it because he is afraid of being rejected.

Even when he was brought back to Cloud Recesses to receive punishment, he doesn't regret a single thing. Thirty-three lashes was nothing compared to the verbal abuse Wei Ying and the Wen remnants endured. The Lans were known for their stupidly strong emotional attachment for the one they love, and Lan Zhan was no exception to that. He doesn't say a word but he knows that they know.

His brother knows.

Maybe his uncle and the elders know.

But that's okay. He's doing this because he knows this is what righteousness is. Even if the world turned it's back to Wei Ying, he would willingly drop everything to follow the other.

Then the news came.

The Yiling Patriarch is dead.

Wei Ying is dead.

Dead.

Gone.

Lan Zhan's heart mourned for his beloved. It felt like his heart was torn to pieces when he first heard this. It was like his soul left it's body and passed on together with Wei Ying. He wished he had recuperated faster but his punishment was not a light one.

There must be at least something left behind after the Seige. Wei Ying would not allow himself to die without saving at least one life, he told himself. He ignored his brother's pleas, grabbed Bichen, and flew straight for the Burial Mounds. His hunch wasn't wrong.

Hours upon hours of searching, he found a small child under a tree. He was shivering.

A-Yuan. Wen Yuan.

The only surviving Wen that Wei Ying saved from the Lanling Jin sect. The only one left that reminded him of Wei Ying.

When he arrived back to Cloud Recesses, most of his wounds had opened up once again because of his rigorous movements. He only made it back to the jingshi with the help of his brother, who had taken upon himself to bring A-Yuan—now renamed as Lan Yuan—to the infirmary.

His eyelids left heavy with fatigue and his body ached all over. His mind and heart were at peace unlike his flesh. He managed to find someone up there and saved the child in the nick of time. He brought back someone Wei Ying saved and now, he wants to take responsibility for the child.

He will raise him up in the Lan Sect, maybe teach him how to play the guqin when he grows older. A child does not deserve the cruelty brought upon him for an event that did not happen in his life. Lan Zhan will protect Lan Yuan. He will live for Lan Yuan.

And maybe, just maybe, he might be able to see his Wei Ying smile again.