1 Because I Have To

Adam Mitchell had been at the movies with some friends when his dad died and hadn't known what happened until he came home and his baby sister and brother threw themselves at him in tears, tripping over each other's words as they blubbered that their dad was gone.

He had only been out of the house for three hours! He hadn't quite processed what they told him so he picked them both up and carried one on each hip when he went searching for someone older and more coherent to tell him what happened.

His mom was also incoherent but Colton wasn't. He had obviously been crying too and he and Evan were trying to comfort Peter, who was bawling nearly as much as the twins.

"What happened?" Adam demanded.

"Brain aneurysm," Colton sniffled, trying to wipe his eyes. "He died in the hospital about an hour after the ambulance came. He collapsed not long after you left."

His knees nearly gave out but he had to stay upright because he was still holding the twins. Gone. Their dad was really gone? Just like that? What were they supposed to do without him?

Darren Mitchell had been the backbone of this family. He was the one who started their family tradition of camping every year on the Fourth of July…the Thanksgiving ping-pong tournaments...and taught them how to play Parcheesi and every other board or card game they loved.

Adam and Colton had gotten to experience having him around for most of their childhoods but what about the younger kids? Especially Peter and the twins.

Adam wanted to break down in tears at the very thought that they wouldn't get to know him properly but he couldn't. He was sidetracked by someone's stomach growling loudly and frowned. "Have you guys eaten yet?"

"No."

It was around dinnertime. He doubted anyone had even thought of it but they had to eat something even if they were upset.

He kissed the tops of the twins' heads and set them down but they protested it, clinging to his legs. "Jenna Benna, JoJo, I need to go make dinner, okay?"

Evan sniffed and held his arms out for them. "Come here, guys. I'll hold you."

They both rushed over and crawled onto his lap, which definitely did not fit both of them properly, but he didn't say anything about it and held them as best he could. Adam shot him a grateful look and went to go make dinner.

His mom had started teaching him how to cook once he was in high school because she said it was important to know how to feed himself. He made pasta and garlic bread for everybody and made sure they were all eating before going to find his mom.

"Mom," Adam said softly as he set the plate down on top of her dresser. "You need to eat something."

Sarah looked up at him lifelessly. "That's very sweet of you, honey, but I don't think I could eat if I tried."

"Just a little! You have to have something. Just half of the plate."

She let out a watery laugh. "You sound like your dad trying to get Peter to eat when he was a toddler. He was such a picky little thing."

Her eyes filled with tears and she broke down sobbing all over again without warning. Adam's heart clenched. He had never seen his mom like this before. She was always so cheerful. But why wouldn't she be? She just lost the love of her life and had to take care of six kids on her own.

No. Not on her own. He was going to help. It was what his dad would have wanted. He had instilled a strong sense of responsibility into his sons, always talking about how family was the most important thing in the world.

Adam would not let his fall to ruin because of this. He had to honor his dad's memory by keeping their family afloat even though he was gone.

As he sat there holding his mom as she sobbed her heart out, his resolve grew absolute. Everything was going to be okay. They would get past this as a family. He wouldn't let anything happen to anyone else on his watch.

He did manage to get his mom to eat half of the plate once she calmed down a bit and said she had phone calls to make. Probably to take care of funeral arrangements. She was busy with that so he handled trying to keep the kids distracted and putting them to bed with Colton's help.

Peter and the twins had earlier bedtimes but Evan's was only an hour and a half later so they were the last two standing after their mom had cried herself out and fallen asleep after taking care of those phone calls. Colton looked at him dully but with a hint of incredulity.

"How are you handling this so well? You haven't even cried."

Adam hadn't had time to cry. He was too busy taking care of everyone else. Someone had to hold it together since the rest of his family was such a wreck.

"Because I have to," he said firmly. "Dad would want me to take care of everyone."

Even as he said that, the tears he had been holding back all day began swimming in his eyes. His brother noticed and hugged him. He was tempted to break down completely but didn't. Sobbing his heart out wouldn't change anything. All it would do was give him a headache. He needed to be in peak condition to do whatever needed to be done tomorrow.

Adam knew that but couldn't stop the tears from escaping. He stood there silently crying while he let his brother hug him.

"You're allowed to cry, Adam," Colton said gruffly. "Even if you don't want to in front of Mom or the little kids, you can in front of me."

"Thanks," he said as he wiped his eyes. "Love you."

"Love you too. Come on, let's go to bed. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a very long day."

Colton's feeling was right. Sarah had more phone calls to make and had to go to the funeral home so Adam ended up in charge of everyone's meals and trying to keep the kids distracted, though Colton helped by having everyone make cookies with him.

The days leading up to the funeral were much the same. No one went to work or school because they were too upset. Sarah was both grieving and had too many logistical things to do so Adam was largely left in charge of the kids.

He didn't mind. He could tell his mom was hanging on by a thread and that she didn't have the energy.

This would all be better once the funeral was over and done with and everyone went back to work or school. That would keep them more distracted at least.

The funeral was its own special kind of awful though. Darren's family had all died before him so there were no siblings or parents to mourn his loss. Sarah's parents lived across the country on a fixed income at a senior living facility and couldn't get around on their own anymore so they weren't able to come. Plenty of friends and neighbors did and all offered their sympathies, which only made people cry harder.

Adam stood there teary-eyed but without sobbing like the rest of his family. He couldn't break down here. Not where anyone else could see. No matter how tempting it was.

Seeing his dad's picture in front of the casket made this all feel so much more real. It had been taken on one of their camping trips. He was right in his element out in nature with a Miami Marlins baseball cap covering his blonde hair, covered in freckles from being out in the sun.

That was how Adam remembered him best. Always active, always smiling.

He was going to make sure his siblings remembered that. And that they knew how much Darren had loved them.

Of all his siblings, he was the only one in any state to speak at the funeral. Sarah did too and barely managed to get through her speech before breaking down. The nearest child, who happened to be Evan, let her cry on him as the minister finished things off.

The rest was a blur. Accepting people's sympathies. Giving and receiving countless hugs. Dealing with what had to be an entire bucket of tears.

Before Adam knew it, they were at the graveside dropping roses onto the casket. Then they could go home and try to figure out their new normal. Everyone else had done it but his family and had slowly trickled out of the cemetery.

He looked over at his mother staring forlornly at the casket where she had dropped her rose before glancing at his siblings that were huddled together. He tried to smile at them. "Let's all drop ours at the same time, okay? We can see whose rose hits the bottom first."

A tiny spark of competitiveness flared up in Evan's eyes and relief flooded through him. It was the most life he had shown since Darren died.

"I'm gonna win!"

"No, I'm gonna win!" Peter protested.

"Us too, us too!" the twins cried in unison.

"Tell you what," Adam said. "The winner gets to pick what movie we watch when we get home. On your mark, get set, go!"

They all dropped their roses and eagerly peered over the edge to see whose flower hit first. It ended up being Evan's and everyone protested this but especially the twins.

"Aww, no fair!" Jonas cried.

"I wanted to pick the movie!" Jenna added, looking like she was about to cry again.

Evan immediately panicked when he saw, most likely as sick of tears as Adam was at this point. "Okay! You can pick! But just because you're my favorite sister."

She beamed at him. "Yay! I love you, Evan!"

"That's not fair either," Jonas grumbled. "I wanna pick too."

"Don't you wanna watch The Lion King though? That's what I'm gonna pick."

"…I guess that's okay."

Adam was relieved that they were bickering like normal. They would be okay. They would! The other kids started walking over to the car and he went to help his mom up from where she knelt on the ground.

"Come on, Mom. Let's go home."

She cast one last mournful glance at the hole in the ground before nodding and leaning heavily against him as he walked with an arm around her back. They were going to be fine. Darren might be gone but the rest of them were still here and they would find a way to be okay.