101 Don't Blink

I was elbow deep in the shit, struggling against an implacable enemy. I can look to my left and my right and find no allies there to provide support. It is all down to me, and my massive clawed lizard man hands.

Gently pinch the ankles and lift, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, did you get it all, check the up the back, wipe, wipe, wipe, hope you didn't miss any more shit, cream, get the kid to stop kicking and writhing, and stick the diaper flaps down comfortable and snug.

God, please send the bugs for me to destroy.

My son, Garth, is a mostly human baby, minus his blue lizard eyes and some secondary organs. Thank God he has high speed regeneration, cause the little monster grows diamond hard claws faster than we can clip them and isn't afraid to go full psycho on his own face. I had to program a cluster of nanomachines to constantly work his nails down, but hey, free whatever the fuck our claws are made of.

Needless to say, actually being a Dad was way less partying and eating people than I had figured. Especially since the kid was following a regular human growth curve. At this point in a Krogan boy's life cycle I'd be teaching him how to fight like a boss and the best ways to take a ship or settlement. How to spot an ambush and to always have a taste of the other side of the brick.

The kid couldn't even walk yet, but every time he says 'dada' and slaps me I want to cry tears of joy.

Being a Dad is way different when you don't hop your kids up on growth hormone and put them in age acceleration tubes with imprint education handling the grunt work of raising them.

Speaking of Grunt. The kid was having a great time beating the various Clan Chiefs of Tuchanka into submission and worship of the God Emperor of Krogankind. The females were mostly resistant to the new religion even though I cured the Genophage within forty eight hours of stepping onto Tuchanka, but the males were rapidly converting when it was revealed that the retrovirus I invented gets your rope game on point.

The Tankborne were growing in numbers swiftly as I demanded a tribute of females from every clan before ending the Genophage. I thought inflicting fatherhood on all my brothers would make them share in my misery, but the bastards are having a great time. Its like they are purposefully trying to rub it in my face every time they come over to my palace and show me pictures of Little Timmy's first varren kill, or Tiny Terry smashing pyjaks into paste.

It's like, 'Hey guys, I fixed our atmosphere and made it rain.'

'That's neat, Grax, check out Becky's perfect double leg takedown.'

It's like they are mocking me with all their violently capable children.

Nah, they don't have the organizational capacity to pull something like that off. Pushing that crazy idea down into the depths of my brain, I took the little guy back to the bedroom where Jack would lay with him every night. Tucking the guy in under a cover he immediately started kicking off of him I went back to my lab to get some mother fucking SCIENCE done. The rest of the galaxy is preparing for war against the emergent Krogan and I have to prepare for war against them and the Ravagers.

We live in excellent times.

"Dad!" Garth shouted as I was in the middle of a holo-call with Grunt as he led the defenses of our oldest settlement against the Ravagers who had upped their game by dropping Hectors in the middle of the city. Jokes on them, we have been ready to fight their giant robots for years.

"Boy!" I shouted back with a grin on my face, "Get over hear and learn some war."

"You're late for dinner, and the moms are pissed." Garth yelled then ran off.

"Sucks to be you, man." Grunt laughed as he took a bite out of a giant spider leg, "We get to fight all day and eat all night, while you are stuck at home raising those little human looking things you call kids."

"Wouldn't trade it for the world, Grunty. Just let me know when the real big bastards show up so I can show all you whippersnappers how it's done." I told him as I got ready to sign off.

"Ha. Like I'd let you take the glory of such a kill from us!" Grunt declared before I ended the call.

Making my way up to the dining room from my underground lab, I grinned at all the huge portraits of me and my family. Around the table sat Jack, Wanda, Garth, and his sisters Jessica and Victoria. Kat and Linda were out on a two week hunting trip, slaying giant insects and the other beasts that currently plagued Tuchanka. They took Kalros as a personal challenge, and at the rate they were going, might one day actually kill the damn thing.

I sat at the head of the table and put my hands together for the evening prayer, "Let us pray. Dear God Emperor of Krogankind, thank you for this family, this house, and the giant monster enemies that grace this table. Please continue to bless us with prosperity and the good violence. Amen."

"Amen!" all the kids shouted and Jack giggled.

We had yet to tell the kids that I was the God Emperor of Krogankind.

As I slapped an Erginuse to the ground with the Hammer of Might, a vibrosword tore out of the side of its neck and my son emerged covered in blood and viscera, standing eight feet tall in his power armor, and glowing brightly in holographic protection.

"Fastest Erginuse kill ever!" he shouted in victory and I had never felt more proud of another person's achievements, "Take that you Godzilla rip off!"

As a flight of enemy dragons made the variants first appearance on the field Garth rested his sword on his shoulder.

"We have defeated many forms of the enemy." He stated, "There are no enemies we haven't taken down. Let's add this new enemy to the list of our kills. Today, we will be dragon slayers."

Holy shit, my son is awesome.

I emerged from the hospital room and held a thumbs up to my waiting family. Today I delivered the first of my grandchildren that I ever cared about. Garth had hooked up with a refugee fleeing the fallen planet of Earth. A rather common occurrence these days among the squishy races. It was getting hard to find Salarians to eat after the way the Battle for Sur'Kesh went. The Turians were still holding on and the Asari had Jean to handle the big stuff. Girl had really come into her own with those psyker powers.

Though all the bullshit going on in the galaxy, Tuchanka welcomed the Ravagers and all the crazy shit they brought with them. The giant bugs were either a feast or fertilizer, and everything was looking pretty fat and green these days. All their robots and ships got processed in the various nano-forges I built underground. The weak, the slow, and the stupid got culled from our gene pool, leaving only a progressively stronger and smarter Krogan species to inherit our revitalized world.

We were non stop winning.

And best of all was my growing family. Garth's wife made us a Tankborne Gram, a little near clone of his daddy that didn't claw its way out his mom like we made her think he would. She didn't like me for all the jokes, but fuck her, she exists to give me grandchildren.

When the Asari Flotilla turned up in Krogan space I knew we had won. Not only had the other species lost all their territory under the attack of the Ravagers, but Krogan controlled space grew more and more each year. My Tankborne Astartes were untold legion, opening new theatres of war to lead the lessers of our species in a glorious game of survival against the Ravagers and their seemingly endless resources.

Every day thousands died in battle only to be replaced by the snarling youth, eager to shed blood for the glory of their Emperor. And above it all existed my children and grandchildren. Veritable titans on the battlefield, unstoppable berserkers that slayed both bug and robot alike.

This conflict would never end… and I was bored with it.

We'd taken the worst the Ravagers could achieve and cast it to the stones, shattering it under the weight of our fists. While the constant warfare had developed me and my family into perfect economic warriors with an incredible sixth sense for danger, I'd stopped advancing decades ago.

And so I delivered a deadline to everyone for when we'd move on to the next great adventure. Once the Krogan were the last species standing against the Ravagers we'd move on.

I held a feast on Tuchanka, an endless supply of bug meat and the Jade Emperor's wine over the course of seven time seven days making it the greatest feast the galaxy had ever hosted. Hell I'd even invited the Ravagers themselves to attend, but they politely declined and informed me that they would only increase their dastardly attacks on my worlds after I left.

Jokes on them, I'd be unveiling my own line of giant robots at the end of the feast and mine were way cooler than theirs using tandem pilots linked through a neural interface that I totally didn't rip off of Pacific Rim. The first one, not the second. That film sucked.

After telling the whole galaxy to suck my balls cause I was the best that ever was, Jack and the girls took me to The Good Evening so we could make our very sexy exit from this verse.

Important Author's Note below.