Tournament of Pantheons II

Laura sat outside in the desert field, running her foot claws through the hot sand. M.O.D.O.K and Colossus stared at her from afar.

"What are you two idiots doing?" Shadowcat said.

The two let out a yelp quickly covering their mouths, and shushing Shadowcat.

"Don't you shush me."

They pointed to Noriko approaching Laura.

"Oh dear god, Psylocke has only had a week to remove Charles's imprints."

Noriko sat down next to Laura. The two of them stared ahead into the desert bright desert.

"What do you want Noriko?" Laura said jadedly.

"Psylocke said she got rid of it all...but I don't feel any different."

"So, why'd you come here? You have training."

"Laura...I just want to talk. I know after I came back from Genosha things we're different, but you can't tell me. That you just threw away all those feelings away."

"I'm use to throwing feelings away." Laura said clutching her knees.

"So, we're not important to you? Andrew, Kate, Colleen? In the blink of an eye, you'll just forget us and move on with your life?"

"It comes with the territory of being immortal. That one day you'll blink an old woman with her kids, and I'll look exactly the same. I'll blink and see another generation. So yeah, eventually I'll forget you all."

Noriko struck Laura across the face. The three of them gasped, covering their mouths.

"I know, I hurt you Laura, and I'll never forgive myself. But if you want to act like the lonely immortal you go ahead. But if you're willing to try again, I'll be waiting."

Laura was silent as Noriko walked back inside. Noriko sat next to Maria watching a map of America covered in red dots.

"Is anything getting better?" Noriko asked annoyed.

"No. Things are f**ked. Especially right in the down under." Maria said pointing to Australia.

The country was completely blacked out.

"There's 25 million people we can't get to, because of the roided out Magneto."

"I believe he has called himself Onslaught now." Hawkins corrected.

"It doesn't f**king matter! Australia is a black spot, and sending anyone that isn't a P.O.T down there is pointless. They're gonna have to wait, while we contend with restoring balance in America and stopping Ice-man from creating another ice age." Maria said annoyed.

"I'm cured, you can send me to go and help them recover." Noriko said.

"Ghost Rider and the...Web Warriors are moving through the blizzard the best they can. Until Quake is operational again, I won't risk losing her powers. Nor am I going to send you in. Now go and follow your orders."

"You haven't given me any."

"Andrew, told you to get stronger. So follow his orders. You have no value to me right now."

"I don't even know what he wants me to do get stronger. Or if he's still even alive."

"Not my problem. Go bother someone else. Hawkins, set up comms with Bolivar Trask."

Noriko angrily walked out of the room. Psylocke sat next to her.

"After Andrew and S.H.I.E.L.D saved me from Sinister, I looked exactly like you for about a good month."

"What do you want?" She said annoyed.

"Getting stronger isn't always a physical thing. You can become stronger in other ways."

"Are you reading my mind? Thought I told you to stay out afterwards."

"You know this place isn't very sound proof right? It's why I'm always having to apologise to that weird looking head guy."

"It's M.O.D.O.K by the way." He said floating by.

Psylocke scrunched her face.

"Sorry M.O.D.O.K."

"He wanted me to beat Magneto. How the hell am I even supposed to do that? Andrew or Colleen would be a better choice to beat him."

"They rely on metal, and the last footage we have of him. He's grown twice in size from pure muscle and has psionic powers now." Psylocke said.

"So what the f**k could I do? He convinced me to break up with someone and made me turn on my teammates in an instant."

Psylocke flicked Noriko on the forehead.

"You idiot. You have powers that counteract all of it. I read Andrew's profile on you."

"He wrote a profile on me?"

"Yes, he has a profile on all of you. I'm guessing he thought you were aware of it. I don't think he was trying to give you some Mr. Miyagi test."

"He grew a pretty deep hatred for riddles over the year."

"You can polarise metals, increase your speed and strength. And with some training, I'm sure you could block out psionic attacks."

"How do you block psionic attacks?"

"The more you're exposed to it, the more resilient you can become. And lucky for you, I'm probably the only telepathic person left, that isn't evil."

"Yeah, guess I'll go f**k myself then." M.O.D.O.K said floating pass with a beer can.

"Sorry...."

"Give these people safe harbour, and all they do is insult me. Maybe I really am M.O.D.O.C. Mental Organism Designed Only for Crying at this point." He angrily mumbled, slamming the door behind him.

"I said I was sorry!" Psylocke yelled out.

"Can you train me? I don't want to always rely on Andrew, and I hope he's safe."

"Of course I can train you. I still owe you guys my life. And I'm sure wherever Andrew is; he's training incredibly hard, to take back his country."

"And probably gorging on a crap ton of food." Noriko joked.

Andrew laid on the ground with the shaman continuing to banging the head his gently.

"For the last f**king time...THIS IS NOT F**KING HELPING! GET RID OF THESE STUPID LEAVES AND FEED ME SOMETHING OTHER THAN A SINGLE FISH! RARGH!!!" He screamed, his body remaining motionless.

"The needles are keeping your bones in place, while they heal." Mimi said eating a piece of fruit.

"What needles? Also! WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME!?"

The shaman peeled away the leaves. Andrew's eyes bulged at the unremitting horror underneath. His skin purple and red, with thousands of needles sticking out, covered in a thin gel.

"WHAT THE F**K!"

"You used Soul-fire on yourself. No matter how much Chi you use to offset the damage, it still destroys our body." Mimi said.

"ALRIGHT I GET IT, PUT THE LEAVES BACK ON!"

The shaman tightened the leaves, and continued to bang Andrew's head.

"Fine, just show me the damn black pieces again. Also where the hell am I?"

"Hidden village in China."

"You said that part Mimi. My question is how the hell you knew to take me here. Where ever the hell, here is."

"The same way a bird knows where it homes is, after migrating across the world."

"This was Gow's home?"

"Yes this was our home."

Andrew let out a long sigh.

"Go do your thing Mimi, I'm not going anywhere. I have to assemble this 10,000 piece puzzle. I just hope Colleen is safe."

Colleen and Connie crashed through several stone old houses. The two of them huffing and puffing, with blood dripping down the side of their heads. They grabbed their katanas struggling to stand up, groaning in pain.

"F**k me." Colleen said.

"Do I look like Andrew to you?" Connie asked.

"What? Of course not!" Colleen said puzzled.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO F**K ME?"

"Are you two girls done fighting me?" Shao Lao asked staring down at them.

They glared at him clutching their katanas tightly, lunging at him together. Matthew and Wilson sat next to the river bank, fishing as the fight raged behind them. The older woman hugged Wilson from behind.

"I am sorry this isn't to your liking Vanessa."

"Wilson, there is a living dragon fighting behind me. I'm in another magical dimension eating the freshest fruit and fish ever. This can't be compared to any place on earth."

"Also Earth is currently a shit show right now." Matthew said.

Colleen and Connie danced through the air, weaving through the air and striking scales off Shao Lao. With a single tail swing, the both of them were swatted to the ground. Colleen coughed up blood trying to crawl out of the crater. Shao Lao planted his claw over Colleen, squashing her to the ground.

"See you next time tomorrow." He said smugly flying away.

"F**k....I hope someone is having a shittier time than me." She groaned rolling onto her back.

Kate stood in the throne room of Asgard frozen with bulging eyes.

"The f**k you mean, I need to escape from Tartarus? Andrew said his challenge was a tortoise race, a riddle and then him getting jumped. Why the f**k is my challenge escape from hell?"

"Well Tartarus is more a hell like prison, than it is hell." Loki corrected.

"Not helping brother." Thor said.

"You're the one who abducted a human girl." Loki remarked.

"Just tell me how to escape for Tartarus. Whatever Andrew could do as a fat human, I can do 1000x better."

"Okay! See, if Andrew saved us all when he was fat and weak. This woman is a 1000x better!" Thor said excitedly.

Baldr stepped forward rolling a large map across the ground.

"This is the challenge. You and three other contestants will start next to a tortured soul. You will free them from their punishment; from there you will have to escape over the three barriers to the last challenge. Which we don't know what it is, but seeing how it's from the Olympians, it's most likely f**ked."

"Okay, that doesn't seem too bad. What are the three barriers?" Kate asked.

"The first is Phlegethon, a river of fire. The second is the fifty headed Scylla. The third barrier is a silk weave maze. Is that something you think you could handle?" Baldur asked.

Kate reeled back shaking her head.

"WHAT!? NYOOOOO! WHO, WHAT? DID YOU SAY FIFTY HEADS? FIVE, ZERO?"

"Thor, take her to the armoury, and get her fitted. The tournament is happening regardless if she is ready or not." Odin said.

Thor picked up Kate under his arm carrying her out.

"Wait, pink hair, tall and beautiful. You're Eir! Before I die, I need to know. Did you really sleep with Andrew? Like sex?"

Eir giggled shaking her head.

"No we simply slept together."

"I KNEW IT! I'm gonna get back home and finally shut him up." Kate said.

Everyone gave Eir a puzzled look.

"I thought every Valkyrie slept with Andrew that night?" Loki asked.

"We did. I was simply the last one to wake up."

Kate was dropped in the armoury with Eitri and Brokkr waiting for her.

"Now after Andrew, we made some adjustments to the gear you can use. So don't worry about the weight."

"Are you gonna give me things to get past the river of fire or the gigantic f**king hydra?"

They handed her a wooden war bow, and a heavy quiver. The two of them then grabbed several pieces of armour, strapping her leather armour. Kate looked at her leather amour in awe, feeling no weight on her body. She stroked her feather pauldrons, before looking at Eitri and Brokkr nervously.

"Wait, is this armour also possessed like Andrew's? Am I going to get transformed into some weird bird lady? I refuse to have that happen!"

"That wasn't our armour. This one has ze...no chance of turning you."

"Why did you stutter? What aren't you telling me?"

"Those feathers were originally from Hraesvelgr, a Jotunn that."

"Am I going to turn or not?"

"Maybe."

"After I win this thing, I want you to fix the skirt design. And as much as I appreciate the ample boob room, shrink it when I get back. Now do I get a helmet?"

Eitri slapped Brokkr.

"I told you she would want one!"

"Are you ready girl?" Thor asked.

"Yeah, I guess. Also when this is all over, you guys really need to stop f**king with humans. So when do we lea-"

Kate was teleported next to three other large men dressed in armour from their pantheons. She looked around confused, looking at the hellish realm, in shock. Two Sphinxes stood before the four candidates.

"Welcome champions to the first challenge. Who will step forward to answer my riddle first?"

Kate took a step forward.

"I've got places to be, so let's get this over and done with."

"Which one of us is telling the Truth?" The sphinxes said in unison.

"What's one plus one?" Kate asked with lightning fast speed.

The Sphinxes twitched and convulsed, clenching their claws and dropping their heads in defeat.

"Three....." The left one said, banging its head onto the ground repeatedly.

"We're never asking this question again. Just go you irritating girl." The other sphinx said angrily.

Kate was teleported in front of a man sitting crater of water, and under an apple tree. A wooden sign was next to the desperate man. 'Here resides Tantalus. To pass, you must feed him water and food.'

"Ah shit." Kate groaned.