Prologue II: The Price of Power

The two massive eyes in the sky dimmed together with the sound of the ambulance's sirens and Lana's cries. I woke up in a dark world; my feelings were dull and empty like the darkness in this place, I was just a bit away from becoming this irrelevant... losing everything does that to a man. 

"What an insult. There is no irrelevance in nothingness. Nothingness is the primal state of one thing before 'everything' becomes a thing. Like darkness is the absence of light, nothingness is a rule everything is subjected to, and yet... they refuse to return".

"It is a bit confusing... is there any need to get so philosophical? Just tell me what I'm here for".

"Don't worry… you will understand soon enough".

The darkness brightened up a little and I realised that I was in what resembled a wasteland. A bright blue crescent moon was hanging in the sky and it didn't look like it was going to fall anytime soon. 

I looked at my own body and it didn't resemble what I know. Instead, my skin was like charcoal, dry and filthy. Although I still held my toned shape from before death. My hair was all dusty and uncomfortable, as if I had spent hours in smoke and all that dust just stuck to me like glue that would never fade away.

The world around me had nothing but dry trees, hills and rocks… it resembled a tundra but was much more eerie and desolate with no sign of moistness whatsoever. My main focus of attention was this blue moon

"You have passed my first and easiest test: Desire. It is time for my second test: Patience". 

His voice resounded again although I couldn't see anyone around, not even the eyes 

"You didn't tell me anything about any tests" I frowned, deep inside my mind I was convinced this was either hell or limbo. What test? What powers? The delusions of a fool that perished with much yet to accomplish. I don't really care about powers. I would be fine as long as I could see Lana again… even if just a few seconds. 

I just wanted to tell her that I'm sorry, even when I don't know what I'm apologising for... it was not my fault, but I feel like I abandoned her. 

"Tests? Foolish mortal. What is power without a price? Just a nonexistent dream and comfort of those with a weak mind and soul. Even I, Oblivion, had to pay a price for my power but not for much longer~".

"What do you want me to do…? There is nothing to do here".

The test was called patience and I was already patient enough to tolerate this being's quirky philosophical ramblings.

"Oh, but there is…" He uttered and silence reigned once again before the sentence was completed, perhaps he drifted deliberately... but I would never know the continuation of that statement... for a long... long time. 

After that, I didn't hear his voice again, no sound... not any sound other than the noise in my mind and the echoes of my thoughts. 

"Hey, Oblivion!"

No answer whatsoever. There was just… nothing. I roamed every corner of this world and never encountered a place that looked the same, even when I returned to my track, it would always be different. Small caves, dry trees, bones in some places as well which was the first sign of 'life' I ever saw in this place. 

Even if that life was gone now. This must be hell there is no doubt... now I'm a hundred per cent sure. It didn't matter how far in every direction I went. There was, nothing... it is ironic that the vision we have of hell filled with demons with hot tridents plunging people's arses... is so far away from reality.

And so tame in comparison too...

I didn't feel hunger, I didn't feel pain... but I also didn't feel satisfied or filled... or happy. It is said people don't know what they have until they lose it. I could have never expected that simple details like the moistness of the rain or the heat of the sun... the fluttery grass or the noise of people talking as they walked down the streets. 

All of those things... ended up being so important. A world filled with nothing is way worse than hell. My mind was put to the limit. I wanted to get away from here but Oblivion's ears were deaf.

...

"Hey, Oblivion! Take me away! I don't want any powers! I DON'T WANT ANY TEST!"

It is not the first time I have asked, perhaps the millionth time and there was never a response. What am I here for again? Is there anything worth looking forward to in this place? Lana... Lana?

The thought of killing myself had begun to brew, but I never went through with it. I'd rather someone just came to slit my throat... or the soil collapsed to trap me within, unable to escape or breathe. It took me a long time to realise too... that I'm not even breathing. There is nothing to breathe.

No pleasure in inhaling precious oxygen. Not even such a simple thing.

How long had it been I don't know. It felt like a thousand years, "I'm tired of this crap! If you want to kill me just kill me! SOMEBODY KILL ME!"

But there was no answer… is this my voice? or is it my mind? there was never an answer, never a face to see, never a voice to hear... at some point not even mine. The voice faded, the thoughts faded. 

What did I get myself into?

'Lana... w-who is Lana?'.

"How are you doing, Ray? Have you got used to the nothingness yet?~ it is certainly pleasurable to be nothing but an empty shell, don't you think?"

"…"

I didn't even have a voice to shout. Oblivion... Oblivion... after so many years you finally talk and the first thing you have to say is some sarcastic nonsense. I haven't forgotten your name... because I have wanted to curse at you so bad... but right now I can't even speak.

For the last ten thousand years I just lay down on the dry ground. Unable to sleep, unable to feel anything but also unable to kill myself. That's not the sort of coward I was. 

"No…thing…ness…?" I finally muttered.

"Yes!~ Nothingness Ray, Nothingness is the key".

This is some sort of lunatic, but there is some reason for his nonsense. Nothingness? That's right. I'm indeed NOTHING, just another dull charcoal rock in this wasteland. Couldn't have gotten more comfortable with it than this.

"It seems your conviction is firm and your patience strong. Do you think anyone would have lasted this long? millions had killed themselves in the first year. Slit their own throats, sash their heads, jump down cliffs and so much more~ It is amazing how mortals are so creative when it comes to ending their own lives. You didn't try to do that for ten million years, very commendable, Ray~"

"T-Ten million…" I almost felt the urge to cry, but there weren't even tears, only dry charcoal soil.

"It seems I was right, you have become just a hollow empty shell of beautiful nothingness, just what I need. You have passed this test. Now, let's go to the second more interesting one. The test of grit. You won't be on your own".

"Test…? Test again? I don't want any test..."

I was already tired enough, for the past million- no, ten million years… I even forgot what I was here for. I was convinced this was the devil just the devil delivering empty promises. Once I pass all the tests after immense hard work what awaits me is true burning hellfire.

"Once you have started there is no backing down. If you wanted to end everything, you should have bitten your tongue and drowned in your blood, you could have smashed your head against the soil or even let one of those gigantic rocks fall on you, hang yourself on those trees or eaten this poisonous soil, anything... weak mortals have always found a way to end their despair. Now that's no longer an option for you"

…

I don't know what he means. Does it mean I can no longer kill myself to leave this hell?

It was soon for me to find out why this test was called 'grit'.

From the horizon, I could distinguish the faint vision of silhouettes… ever so slow and creepy, but they didn't approach like hunters, instead… like confused lambs.

The two closest to one another seemed to notice their presence and began rampaging, rushing at each other discarding their confusion and switching it for outright violence. I saw the punch, bite, tear, and smash… before I could see any more. Somebody jumped on me and hit a gigantic rock on my head.

There was no pain… but I was unable to move my body any further.

A small haze of darkness left my body and entered that person's who like a killer in a trance went on to the next target. 

'What is… this test?'.

More and more began appearing and massacring one another… nonstop. At some point I managed to stand up again… but I felt a lot weaker.

"By now you should have understood, but for those of you who don't… this is a survival game. You have three lives... but losing all three lives doesn't mean you get to leave my mausoleum. It only means you lose this test. Those who spend at least a human day without taking a life also lose this test. For you who fail there shan't be an afterlife or hell, as for nothingness, you are unworthy of it. Only one of you shall move to the next and last test".

This time Oblivion did give an input although only brief before remaining silent for the next few millions of years. The skies above began to distort and form amidst the clouds which looked like a number.

435643223.

That number was decreasing swiftly.

'It is a survivor count' I thought, it could only be it... if there is only one survivor that means this test is going to continue for an indefinite time, this lunatic sure won't mind going on for another million years as long as he can get his 'winner'. 

I touched my head and noticed a black charcoal-like blood. I lost one life there and the massacre hasn't stopped for one second. Are these people attending the test? He didn't speak to just me. I thought they were monsters of some sort but they're just like me.

I ran as fast as I could from everything and the massacre going on. Now, the only way to survive was to kill but did I want to do it? was there any value to this? On my way to a safe spot, I got jumped a few times by the crowds… I struggled against one of them and punched his head, disabling him. But I couldn't finish him off… that's when somebody else jumped on me and ended it, this guy was some sort of wrestler and snapped my head. 

Yet another shadow left my body... for a long time I couldn't move… this must have been my second life. One more… and I'll leave this nightmare, but there won't be an afterlife for me either or even hell. Not heaven or hell? Could it be... to remain here forever? Or a place worse than this?

With gritted teeth and outrage, I ran to what looked like a cave and entered it. If I don't kill someone I'm going to be disqualified... but I don't know yet if I want to kill someone, perhaps among them there will be someone who has a great will to live than me, this is a test of character after all. 

RUSTLE.

I heard some rustling next to me and there was somebody here. It was a lady in dirty rags with haggard long hair that covered her whole face. I could have probably mistaken her for the woman from 'The Ring' and got immediately on alert, so did she... but we didn't attack one another. 

I couldn't see her face or factions properly but she was quite shapely. A pity, none of us looked like healthy individuals anymore. If what I think is correct then we all spent millions of years in this place, losing our sanity.

But among everyone here, the two of us may be among the scarce ones that still retain some 'humanity' assuming this person in front of me is human... because I have seen others that don't resemble humans at all. 

She and I knew what 'politeness' meant. We just maintained our distance for a good while while the massacre continued outside. I started putting some rocks in the entrance of the cave and much to my surprise she started helping me, we managed to make a small barricade but I resisted the urge to laugh, if we didn't do anything we were going to lose anyway. 

At some point, the blue moon started changing colours and dimming ever so slowly. Turning blood red. This means the day should be about to end… and I have killed nobody.

"Do you want to live?"

I heard her voice, it was stuttery and sweet, unlike her dry appearance, for some reason, it sounded familiar but I imagined it must be because I was hearing another person's voice instead of Oblivion's eerie artificial one. 

I didn't answer answer her question right away. Do I want to live? Of course, I want... w-wait do I? Is there anything to go back to?

"I don't want to live anymore…" she told me again, this time sobbing and hugging her knees.

"There is no heaven or hell for us. Don't give up" I told her, a bit hypocritical considering I had given up already but giving someone else hope at least made me feel a bit human again.

"I think a very very long time ago. There was somebody I wanted to see… but I don't even remember his name or his face, I only know he was someone very important to me, perhaps".

I see, it must be her family member or her lover... at least she has one.

"This is my last life…" I uttered to her, somewhat inviting her to take it for herself

"I have two lives left. Y-You could take one and then-"

"There can only be one survivor".

"…"

"Even then, I'd still want you to do it. I'm not strong enough…" She stated with a brief smile that I noticed, she was desperate for me to end her life. 

"You remained sane after millions of years. Even going as far as to try and speak to me… you're strong just go and do it… hurry up!"

What a joke. Both individuals do not want to live… trying to convince the other because we know what awaits us is way worse than hell. 

Sometimes I wonder if I did something I should not while in life. The longer I looked at this desolate murderous world, the more I wondered if I cursed some that I shouldn't have... and now I'm just reaping my profits. 

The lady stood up and sat next to me. 

"Then are the two of us... just going to lose?".

"So it seems".

"Oblivion told me he could give me power... didn't he ask the same to you?".

"Even if that were the case... the cost of his power is too high-"

Before I could finish she tackled me and started shocking me. I gasped a bit and held both of her shivering hands... there was no strength in that choke, nothing at all. But I didn't fight back and instead helped her... one life left. 

"..."

She kept pressing, but she was extremely weak.

"I'm choking you! Why won't you fight back!? KILL ME! IF YOU DON'T KILL ME YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE!".

The faint illumination of the red moon against her face at the entrance of the cave flashed in front of me with her stubborn expression and I gasped. It was like a cascade of dew washing on my brain... like cleaning a dusty and dirty piece of cloth with clear water until not a stain was left. 

"L-Lana...?".

"Ray...?".