57 The World isn't Black and White

[[Margaret Peggy Carter]]

I am stupid. I should have known that it would have ended up like this. I am bad at handling drinks and so… here I am. Naked and alone. 

I didn't find Marcel anywhere after waking up… but why would he even stay here? It's not his fault. Women throwing themselves at him is common and in his eyes, I must be no different.

I don't blame him, not at all. But… it hurts. It hurts to think that I am another one of those women for him. 

Waking up from the bed I searched for my clothes, just to find them neatly kept on the chair next to the bed. 

"At least he isn't a complete asshole." He doesn't like wasting time… *Sigh* "No point in complaining now." 

I am not even sure what's going to be our relationship from now on. Distant probably? Or will he hate me?

I quickly put on a robe from the dresser and walked towards the door. "I need a shower… A really cold one."

But what I didn't expect was the strong smell of bacon and eggs right after opening the door. "Huh? That's weird." 

The smell was coming from the right. Which was supposed to be my kitchen.

Leaning from the railing of the stairs, I peek at the kitchen, just to find a certain black-haired man cooking…

"Marcellus?" I called out his name and the man in question turned around to look at me with a smile. 

"Oh, you are awake." He turned off the stove before putting the perfectly done sunny-side egg on the plate. "I woke up quite early and had no intention of disturbing you, so instead I cleaned the room and decided to prepare breakfast."

He poured the orange juice on the glass. "Go and wash your face. Breakfast is done."

"Alright." I definitely misjudged his character. 

…

…

[15 minutes later]

"So… what are your plans for the day?" I got thrown out of that project. So, I don't have much to do other than working on the S.H.I E.L.D initiative.

"Well, I have some interesting information about the Stallion Corporation." Even before I could ask, he shook his head. "I won't tell you about it now, but I can say one thing for sure."

"That is?"

"They are going to regret throwing you out." The eggs were delicious but I am not sure what to think about what he just said.

"Whatever you do… don't get yourself into trouble." I already know that he will get involved with them. They challenged him head-on. "HYDRA is already a threat and this will only add to your list of troubles if you make even the smallest mistake." 

"I know." He sighed. "This is a trap. They challenged me despite knowing my backing and the wealth I possess." He emptied the glass of orange juice. "This smells like trouble. But I need to know what they are planning."

He isn't stupid. So, him figuring this out wasn't a surprise. 

"By the way." This drew my attention to him. "How's your head?"

Huh? 

"What do you-" Wait! I drank way too much last night, but I haven't felt even the slightest signs of a hangover. "What did you do?" 

Why am I accusing him? Because there is no other person that can cure such a problem with so much ease. 

"Don't worry." He took out a small bottle from his pocket. "This is one of the best hangover cures." He passed me the bottle. "I asked you last night if you need it and you said yes. The drinks were too much for you to handle." 

He sighed. "It might cause a huge commotion if launched in the market. And the other productions that I am launching are already being too much to handle. So, I won't be releasing this anytime soon." 

I am a bit angry that he made me drink it. But despite being drunk, I still gave him the 'OK' so I cannot complain.

"You can keep it. I have a lot more." 

"Are you sure about it?" This is an unlaunched product. This is bound to be expensive.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." 

Both of us had finished eating at this point. 

"So, what are your plans?" I wonder as well.

"I don't know." I honestly don't. "Maybe get invested even more in S.H.I.E.L.D." 

But the council won't like much interference and if someone from HYDRA is part of it. It will be worse. 

He sighed. "Peggy." His expression softened. "I want you to answer something… and please be truthful."

I nodded despite not knowing the question.

"Why do you push yourself so hard? Why do you fight?" 

I would be lying if I said that the question wasn't unexpected. I knew the answer… but I wasn't sure how to say it.

"I believe that you already know about my past… or at least my family." He nodded. "I come from the Carter family. An extremely rich family, calling whom... royalty wouldn't be much of a stretch." 

He didn't interrupt. "As a teenager, I was fascinated by things and people that I shouldn't have been fascinated by." I chuckled but he was focused. "I used to do whatever I liked, didn't even bother about the ones that suffered because of my foolishness."

This brought back a few bad memories, but it's nothing that I cannot handle.

"I fell in love with a black man." I felt myself shaking my head. "I think it would be better if I said that I was fascinated by him. He was good looking and smart. But we separated soon afterward because of our racial differences." 

"*Sigh* I never liked such a thing." He said. "I hate racism… but you cannot change the past. You can only improve the future by doing the correct thing in the present.

True. Us as humans made a lot of mistakes, but we have learned a lot from those mistakes as well. We cannot change the future, we can only improve the future.

"Indeed. After that, I was left heartbroken and without any idea or plans for the future." A nostalgic smile appeared on my face. "Back then, I had no clue about the turn that my life was going to take."

He sat straight once I said that.

"I was approached by someone which ultimately led me to where I am today." He seemed a little bummed out as I didn't explain the details.

My face darkened. "I also killed for the first time after joining the mission that I was given for the first time." That's not a good memory…

"What did you feel?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" 

"What did you feel after the first kill." This question… brought back the feeling that I didn't feel for the longest.

"Emptiness. I felt no sadness, disgust, or fright. I felt empty." A laugh escaped me. "I am a murderer. But you already know that." 

Unlike his usual charismatic smile, the current smile that he wore felt… warm.

"You know." He closed his eyes. "We are all murderers in this world. We might not kill humans but we do kill other creatures, so none of us can say that we are clean. That would be a lie." 

His words made me wonder. "Have you killed anyone?" Even if he hasn't killed someone personally, he must have done it through someone else. 

I know that Howard has. The only reason I didn't arrest him was because the one that he killed had raped over 13 underage girls. 

"I have." 

This world is corrupted. Arresting him would do more harm than good.

.

.

.

.

.

I am stupid. The committee threw me away like a ragdoll because I was useless to them. My loyalty brought me nothing other than pain and suffering.

And if I file a case against him… I won't be any better than them.

"Who?" I asked. 

He had a smile on his face. "You are not the only murderer out there Peggy." But that warm smile soon faded. "I became a murderer… when I killed the person that I used to be."

He sighed. "This world is far too cruel and evil. To survive, you have to become a monster yourself." 

I agree. The world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It's a shithole.

"But that doesn't mean that you should not enjoy yourself." He sighed. "The world might be cruel… but it's not just black and white. It's quite colorful." He poured another glass of orange juice and gulped it down. "If you choose one of them, you can never be happy. Go beyond those colors. Dig down, because under those colors… lie a million more."

But what can I do?

He got his smile back. "Start small. Business is not the only thing that's started from the rock-bottom… Life is the same too. The key is to never give up. Find happiness in whatever little things you can find… That way, you wouldn't have to worry about losing yourself in the world of black and white." 

He looked at the clock. "I should get going. I may have overstayed my welcome."

I shook my head. "No… instead I would love it if you could stay longer." I honestly would. He is a great company. 

But there is something that I want to ask.

"What… what is our current relationship?"

He went silent which made my heart clench. But his smile soon resurfaced.

"It depends on you, Margaret. I won't force you for anything. If you want to start a relationship with me… I would love that. And if you want to consider last night a mistake and forget about it, I would respect that as well." No. I don't want to forget.

"I don't want to forget about it." This put a smile on his face. "But… I need time to think about my life… about us, and what I want us to be." I am being selfish, but I am unsure as to what I can do. My heart and brain are out of sync… I am confused.

He had a gentle smile adoring his handsome face. "I respect that. But remember Peggy." I looked at him. "Your life is your own. No one has a say in it. Do what you feel will keep you happy… and remember that I will always be there for you." 

He is truly the best person that I have met in my life. 

"You are one of a kind, Marcellus. You are one of a kind."