25 Moving Forward Part 2

 -Hell Kitchen-

 He didn't know how long he sat there in solemn silence with Garfield beside him. 

Tonight, was the first step.

One small stride in the direction that would forever change his life. Not that it mattered anymore, something was bound to change ever since he decided to make that damn serum anyway. 

He should be disgusted with himself. He should be revolted by his actions He should feel guilty. He should be sad about the way he was. He should be remorseful about the lives he took. He 'should' be a lot of things. 

But…Nothing….

He felt nothing. No guilt, no remorse, no sadness, no disgust, no revulsion. 

Just apathy. 

All those movies were kind of right, after taking revenge he just felt a solemn sense of emptiness accompanied by a hollowed feeling of accomplishment.

It felt good though, intoxicatingly euphoric for a moment to punish those filthy scum, but that was it, it was only for that moment. It was only while he was doing it.

Now that it was done and over it just felt hollow. It was as if he was expecting something to change in him like something profound would occur on a fundamental level within him at any moment but nothing happened. 

No change. Everything was the same, he was still him, the 'same' old Peter Parker. 

Killer.

The only difference was they were dead. 

That thought brought a melancholic smile on his face. His lips twisted slightly up behind his mask. Killing those twisted excuses of human biomass when he was rescuing Watanabe felt different than what he did tonight. That time he was so sure of himself, he knew what they did, how messed up they were in the head, in a way one could say he was fuelled by righteous vengeance. The first one was an accident, and Garfield killed the rest. Before that, he was only under the effects of the lizard Serum.

 They did not deserve to live after what they did, killing women and children for pleasure and profit. They didn't deserve life in general regardless of the moral implications of his actions. It was true that no one deserved to die but in that same sense maybe it was also true not everyone deserved to live the life they were given. Some people were just better off dead.

Hypocrite.

Heroes like Spider-Woman, Daredevil, Captain America- god bless her soul, and maybe even Iron Man would say that it wasn't up to them to decide who gets to live or die. They'd say that the system should be responsible for choosing how the wicked get punished and that no human should get to decide whether or not to kill another human, their job was to save lives, stop the evildoers, and protect the innocent. That if they killed the bad guy, they were no better than the bad guys. 

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Liar.

At one point he agreed with them, he aspired to be like them, but Spider-Woman opened his eyes and his newfound powers helped him better understand how the world really worked. Those paragons of justice, those champions of humanity were human too, they made mistakes just like everyone else. Sure, they tried their hardest to do the right thing and maybe sometimes they were right to do that.

The only problem was they weren't just humans, and their mistakes cost way more than most.

Abomination was proof of that, as it turned out, those files he momentarily gained access to during his accidental dive into the meta-verse and shield database surprised him too. The monster he fought in Harlem was an offshoot of the Hulk-Buster Program gone right in all the wrong ways. The military wanted to fight a monster so they created another monster, only this man-made monster was worse than the one they were trying to catch. Ironically Peter also found out that the monster they were fighting, The Hulk, actually saved the very people hunting him in the end.

Call it what they will, but the big green mean muscle machine was a misunderstood hero in his book.

Maybe Peter was trying to justify his actions here after finding some clarity following his revenge. Maybe he was trying to rationalize taking a life because he was sure he wouldn't stop there. Maybe he wanted some reason to think, to feel like he was doing the world a favor, that he was doing the right thing by getting rid of the filth that pretended to be decent human beings.

If he was being honest, he wasn't sure. 

 He didn't know what it was, but he didn't like this feeling. This emptiness. This ease at which he took life away. He didn't enjoy it. It wasn't thrilling at all and it sure as hell didn't feel all that satisfying to take a life. Up till now it just felt like Justice. Plain and simple. If you knowingly kill someone in cold blood for the selfish sake of pleasure, you should die too. Yet some of those guys tonight were bodyguards who were doing their jobs and he killed them simply because they got in his way. That thought that he was just dishing out justice was what sustained him when he killed the rapists and murderers. It could only do so much when he tried to justify his other actions.

 Murderer.

It was terrifying, what he was becoming, what his actions meant for him. How it was changing him into something else. How his abilities were altering his sense of self. Turning him into whatever this person that he was turning into, that IT was turning him into, but it was too late to stop now. This was his life and as the saying goes - it is what it is-. He would deal with it his own way. Regardless he came to a single conclusion, if killing someone made him no better than them then so be it.

For the things he had to do, there was no other choice.

Monster.

 He would strive to follow his own moral code with regards to taking a life, there were enough Heroes around to walk the fine line between black and white. He was already a killer, and the morbid nature of his ability granted him a unique insight into death itself in a way no one else could understand. Maybe that was what made him numb to the idea of death, he'd never know. 

He figured if he ever went too far there'd always be someone there to stop him. 

There always was.

Villain.

…..

Peter sat on a tank on the roof of a building three blocks away from the wreckage. He completed his task for the night but decided against going home for the time being, choosing instead to watch the events that followed lost in his thoughts. 

The streets were colored in blue and red as cops swarmed the result of handy work. The signature sounds of police sirens got louder by the second as more and more police cars came rushing in. 

He finally did it.

Granted it was sooner than he planned as recent discoveries forced him to take his revenge. He had little choice in this matter though. He found something else to look forward to. A new more urgent goal to complete. His family was alive and out there somewhere, all of them were part of some shadow organization that watched and guarded the world in secret. It didn't matter where or how, all that mattered was that they were alive out there. He would find them. But to do that he needed help, resources, and so much more. Peter wasn't delusional enough to believe that he could take them on with his powers and abilities alone. 

That would be suicide, no matter how strong he was. On the off chance that he succeeded came the difficult task of protecting them.

He couldn't do that alone. 

So he came up with a plan of his own to start a little shadow organization. It's something to back him up a little bit. He had already dropped an anonymous hint in the meta-verse, leaving a trail of data when he went back into the shield database to cover his tracks. It would lead them and everyone interested parties to an unknown organization known as Babylon which was claiming responsibility for the Cyber-attack on Shield's database, the one responsible being a member of said organization aptly named BlueCypher. 

This fictional member was already stirring up a buzz in some circles around the criminal underworld, of course, there was no actual cyber-criminal named Blue Cypher and there was no real organization as of yet, but no one knew that, and before they figured it out he wanted to have an actual criminal organization ready to take the fall or something along that line.

It was still in the works but he had a general idea on how to go about it. 

The only thing he had on his side was his obscurity. Those powerful secret organizations didn't know what he was truly capable of and he'd never give them the chance to find out. So far, all Shield knew about him at the moment were a compilation of files on his battle Harlem saved under the designation Bloodborne and the hint he dropped in his digital trail in the meta verse regarding the fictional Blue Cypher. 

He figured he'd use this to his advantage and come up with numerous personas to better mask his true identity. Blue Cypher and Bloodborne were the first. 

That way he could better save his family while keeping himself hidden. Shield and Hydra took something he didn't know he had. So he would get it back. He'd make his family whole. 

Well almost. Uncle Ben wouldn't be there to see it. 

Peter sighed as his mind drifted off to thoughts of his uncle. Would he be happy to know that the ones responsible for his death paid for it with their lives?

No…Peter was sure his uncle would never have allowed it, let alone be happy about it. He was too good, the best man Peter ever knew.

He couldn't help but feel like he let him down. He let them both down. He continued watching the commotion on the streets getting lost in his thoughts.

 A feeling he couldn't describe stirred up inside him. Suddenly his throat felt dry, maybe it was his thirst acting up again. He didn't know. Whatever it was his hands were twitched slightly almost shaking but he willed it to stop. He clenched his fists and released slightly. He repeated the action a few more times watching as medics dragged Wilson Fisk's body away in a stretcher. 

'I did it, Uncle Ben…I made them pay' he thought grimly, his head dropped slightly to look at his blood-stained hands. 'Yeah…your nephew's a killer now…how about that…what would you think of me now?…will you forgive me? Can you? And if you could, can Aunt May forgive me? I hope so…I really really want to believe she can… because if not…I don't know what I'd do...'

The more his thoughts drifted the worse that feeling got. 

Peter reached over to gently pet Garfield. The cat leaned in affectionately, before leaking some of the blood of his hands. 

'It's done…I killed him…I did it…I should be happy, I should be satisfied, it's not like I haven't killed anyone before…I mean I was planning to do this since the beginning…So, what is this? why does this feel so different…What's wrong with me…why the hell does this feel so empty?…' Peter sighed as he went back to watching the cops do their thing. 

'Hey…Uncle Ben…You'll forgive me, right? For everything?… I did the right thing you know… didn't I?… They deserved it…did they?… I'm still me…Aren't I?… I'm still Peter Parker…am I?... Uncle Ben...My Parents are alive… they are out there, somewhere…and I have a sister too…surprise!'

Peter chuckled lightly. He was getting more accustomed to getting lost in his thoughts, now more than ever as his technopathy may be a contributing factor to that. He couldn't understand it, it was like a floodgate opened up. He figured thanks to his abilities he'd have a better grasp on his emotions but whatever this was it twisted like knots in his gut. 

'I'll find them…I wonder what they're like …I really wanna meet them…I wanna get to know them…Oh and guess what! You're not gonna believe this…Their super spies!… I know right…bet you didn't see that coming…hehehe…Richard, May, and Teresa Parker…Super spy fam… on secret missions everywhere, saving the world is their day job… damn! Right?… I'm gonna go save them… their missing or something… but they're alive… I know it…Do you…Do you think they'll like me?' Peter took his hands from Garfield and did a simple stretch.

'Hey…Uncle Ben…Aunt May is alright… she's sleeping for now but I'll wake her up when it's time or she might wake up herself…I talk to her sometimes, ok, actually, I talk to her all the time… but not about everything…I read somewhere that people in a coma can hear you… some studies already prove that to be a fact although it's rare, but I can't take that chance…I'm scared she might remember something when she wakes up… I healed her you know…. I got powers… did I now tell you that…sorry, but I'm telling you now… I can protect her now…. Just like Spider-Woman… just like all those heroes I kept telling you about….… Hey…Uncle Ben...You there…talk to me...say something…please…I'm feeling kinda lonely right now…tell me I did the right thing… tell me it's ok and that you'll forgive me, tell me I let you down, tell me I'm a disappointment, I think I'm going crazy and I don't even know it…' Peter brought his hands close as his head leaned down, resting in his palms.

'…Please…I can't talk to anyone else about this…so say something…anything…uncle ben…I don't know what I'm doing …I'm about to do something crazy and what I'm capable of scares me a little… no it actually scares me a lot…I'm not who I used to be anymore and you know what Uncle Ben…I think the Peter you raised died in that alley…and what was left of him died with you…so yeah…I don't think I'll be like those heroes I kept telling you about….so tell me to stop… tell me something…. anything… show me a sign and I'll stop everything right now…' 

Help me…

Peter glanced around him in silence. He was being stupid, or maybe melodramatic but that didn't stop him at all. It was a silent plea as the image of his uncle from the last time he died in his room surfaced in his thoughts. He wasn't one to believe in ghosts but having met the embodiment of death and dying himself, he figured anything was possible.

 Why not?

 But his answer was a few seconds of silence filled with the sound of sirens and the ambiance of a bustling city. 

 "Thought so…guess I'm alone up here then" Peter whispered to himself, his voice strained and empty. He let himself fall back into the tank. Laying there for a while looking up absentmindedly at the night sky. 

 'Master? Not alone, you have me… always' Garfield's voice chimed into his thoughts as his comforting aura wrapped itself around Peter like a warm blanket. The cat climbed up beside him and nuzzled against Peter's cheek. 

 "Heheaha, aww… aren't you just the cutest...yeah...thanks Gar, I guess it's just you and me," Peter said. His hands stretched up to reach the clouds.

" You and me against the world"

The cat and the teen remained in that position for a few minutes as a comforting silence washed over them. 

It was a few minutes later when Peter was pushing himself up when his heightened senses kicked into overdrive. His hands reflexively shot to the side swiftly. The world slowed to crawl as he felt his fingers wrap themselves around a metallic cylindrical object. 

'A rod?'

He blinked in surprise as he took in the object. Garfield shot up in front of him, taking a defensive posture, the cat's hair standing up as it hissed in the direction the object came from.

It was familiar, a red metallic rod with silver-white tips on both ends.

 'Well shit'

 It took less than a second for him to send a mental command to Garfield to stand down before he felt two feet slamming violently into his chest launching him off the tank and sending him crashing into a nearby chimney. Peter corrected himself mid-tumble with a quick flip, reflexively dodging another projectile before retaliating by throwing the one he caught back at his attacker as he did a couple more flips back, landing a good distance away. 

 'Looks like the devils out to play', Peter mused internally when he steadied himself on the edge of the roof before glancing back at the water tank he was kicked off of. 

 There to greet him was the frowning masked face of one crimson-clad daredevil, armed and dressed in his black and red themed suit. 

'Too Bad you picked the wrong night to play hero, cause I'm not feeling very heroic right now'.

-Chapter End-

Hello my readers, sorry for the late update, was busy for a while. hope you enjoyed the story so far. Don't worry this story ain't dropped yet, just went on a short hiatus. But amma tries to upload chapters every now and then.