Chapter 39: His Identity

Chapter 39

I felt like crying beneath this blindfold on my eyes. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm happy yet sad at the same time. I never imagine that this day will come.

'I'm sorry.' I murmured for myself.

Earlier when I met my alpha, I know in myself that I want to be with him. I want his presence so bad. I suddenly realize how pathetic I am when I ask for space because look at me right now, I'm aching for him. But at the same time, I'm scared. I remember the things that Amanda told me to do. And honestly, I'm weighing myself if I should do it or not.

I sniffed and buried my face against his chest. He moved.

"You okay?" He said in a very soft voice. How I wished this could last forever.

I shook my head. "I-I'm..." I find it hard to speak. I felt him placed gentle taps at my head like he's telling me to take my time. After few deep breaths, "... I'm happy, my alpha."

He tightened his embrace. "Me too." He planted a gentle kiss against my forehead.

When we met earlier, I let him take me to his place. I'm not nervous throughout our ride. Not even happy. It's more like... contented. I'm contented that finally, I'm back in his arms.

Minutes passed and still, he's hugging. There's no sexual tension around us, unlike our previous meetings. He never initiates doing stuff other than kissing, neither I. Me in his arms completes me. This is enough. He is enough for me.

His embrace, his whispers, and his warmth. Those things about him are what I missed. I know I was preoccupied with many things around me, especially Errol, but despite that, I just can't take my alpha off my mind. My decision of parting away for a while was foolish.

Nevertheless, I can still feel a little bit of disappointment that my alpha didn't stop me from breaking off from him.

I heard him sighed. "How... how are you? Right after that night?" Again, with his gentle voice, he spoke. Weird, I felt like his voice changed a little. I was used to his soft and bubbly voice, but now, it's kinda bit deep and manly. He sounds so much like a dominant alpha right now. And for sure, if I haven't smelled his pheromones earlier, I wouldn't know he was there.

"Fine... I guess..." I said. I admit I sound so salty with that. I mean, how can I be fine?

I felt his thumb making circles on my skin. "I'm sorry." He said. "I'm so sorry."

"No need to apologize," I said. "I understand that you still can't admit things to me."

'Wrong. I don't understand it all.' That's what I want to say but I stopped myself from saying it. Enough with childish responses. I know he'll never admit it and besides, I don't want to sound pathetic anymore.

"Kyle..."

"I'm alright, my alpha. Please, stop with that topic. You know what I'm feeling right now, so please stop asking an obvious question." I snapped. We fell into silence once again. But this time, he tightened his embrace as if he doesn't want to let me go.

Few minutes passed and I heard my phone ringing. "Can I answer it?" I asked.

"Sure..." he said. I felt him moved. "I'll be waiting outside. Call me if you're done with the call. " I nodded.

"Okay."

"And Kyle?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't forget to put back your blindfold, okay?"

I smiled in melancholy. "I know..." after that, I heard him going outside. Then I removed my blindfold, I blinked few times to adjust my eyesight. Upon doing that, I noticed the place he brought me at. It was a small apartment.

'Is this his apartment?'

I get up from the bed and picked up my phone. I wasn't shocked when I saw that it's Errol who was calling me. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Hell---" he cut me off.

"Sorry, Kyle! I really can't make it today! I have sudden stuff to do!" I was shocked by what he was saying. "I'm sorry! Are you still waiting?"

It took me few seconds before I managed to answer him. "No... I wasn't waiting. To be honest, I was about to call you to cancel our meeting." I said.

'Sorry, Errol. I forgot about our meeting.' That's the truth.

I heard him sighed in relief. "Oh, is that so? I thought I keep you waiting."

"No, you didn't," I said. "Can we reschedule our talk?"

"Sure! I call you when I have free time."

"Okay, thanks." I hang up.

I sighed before putting my phone in my bag. I opened the smallest pocket in my bag to put my phone when I noticed something. I forgot that I put the tablets that Amanda handed gave me. I get it and stared for it for a moment.

I think fate is playing with me. Just when I was about to forget about this thing, I coincidentally met my alpha. Is this the sign that I should use it?

Then, someone knocked on the door. "Kyle, are you done?" My years suddenly fall. I wiped it and replied.

"Almost!"

I grabbed few pieces of red tablets and slightly crushed them. I took my water bottle then put the crushed tablet in it. When it slightly dissolve, I put it back in my bag. I took one piece of the blue tablet and put it inside my mouth. I didn't swallow it. I hid it under my tongue

I don't know if this will work. There's a part of me that is hoping for this to work but I also hope for it not to work.

I took few deep breaths before putting on my blindfold. "You can come inside now," I said. "Don't worry I have it on."

I heard the door slowly opening. "I'm sorry if I have to make---"

"It's okay." I calmly said. "I understand."

Silence consumed us once again. I'm sweating slightly. He's not saying anything which just added anxiety to me. I'm feeling uncomfortable with the tablet inside my mouth. I bit my lower lips. I have no choice. I have to make my move. "My alpha, can you hand my water bottle?" I asked.

"Sure."

"It's in my backpack." I can hear his movements. I shivered a little when I heard the zipping sound of my bag. I felt him sat beside me.

"Here." He held my hands and placed the bottle on it.

"Thank you..." I opened it and drink a little just enough to help me swallow the pill. Good thing, the pill doesn't taste anything awful.

'Fuck, I don't if this will work.'

"Are you done?" He asked. I shook my head. "If it's not enough, I have my water in fr---" I cut his words.

"My alpha?"

"Yes?"

"Can I hold your face?" He answered immediately.

"OF COUR---! I mean... yes..." I bet he's blushing because he just stuttered. "Here... hold me..." he placed my right hand to his face. I'm holding the water bottle in my left hand. "Should I put the bottle aside?" His voice deepened. I was now caressing his face.

"Nah... it's fine..." I said. I heard him lightly moaned when I moved my hand down to his neck.

"Kyle..." like I said, his voice kinda change, but all in all it is still nice to hear. "Do you want to sit on my lap?"

I nodded. "Guide me." I felt his hands holding my waist and he made me sit on his lap. I placed my hand on his chest. "I miss this..." I can feel his thing, it's hard. I playfully grind my body a little just to tease him. Honestly, I'm embarrassed about what I'm doing but shit, I have to endure.

"Haaaah... Kyle..." I can hear hunger through his voice. He's craving, I knew it. He wants me. "I want you, let put this bottle awa---" I stopped him. I held his face with my right hand.

"Shhh... wait," I said. Oh my gracious, this is it. I collect water from the bottle through my mouth and with the help of my other hand, I find my goal: his lips, then I kissed him.

I pushed all the liquids to his mouth. I bet he was shocked since he froze for a moment but later on, he accept my kisses. The water is flowing out of my lips so I have to drink, again and again, I passed the water to him which he gladly accepts.

When the water's gone, I threw the bottle away and held him, and kissed him deepened. His hands were roaming around my body. Wandering every inch of it. Then his kisses went down to my neck. He unbuttoned the collar of my shirt and kisses my mark on my neck. "I miss you..." I moaned when he slightly sucked it. For sure it will leave hickey there.

While kissing me, he moved and changes our position, I'm now under his body. "I don't know what's the purpose of water," I gasped when he started unbuttoning my remaining button on my shirt. "But thanks to it, I had the chance to hold you like this."

"What do you mean? You can hold me anywhere you want." I felt his breath on my ear and I shivered when he kissed it. Then, he went down and kissed my collarbone.

"No, Kyle. I have no rights." He brushed my hair that went on my forehead using his finger.

"What do you mean?" he lifted my upper body a little to remove my shirt.

"I'm no confidence to meet you again. I know I hurt you that day that you asked for space." He moved away from a little, I think he's removing his shirt. "That's why I keep on thinking how bad I am to you as your partner. " he placed my hands on his chest, I felt his warm and bare skin. "If you didn't ask for me earlier, that'll be okay for me, because if I were you, I would never face some jerk like me." He brought my right hand to his lips and kissed it. "But you still talked and open your arms wide for me, Kyle. I'm so thankful for it. I'm so happy that I have you as my mate."

Damn. I felt like something prick my heart.

"I don't deserve you, my omega. Me right now is not deserving of your love." He kissed me on my lips that made my tears fall. "Please don't get tired waiting for me. Please wait until I can tell you all my secrets. Please wait until I have all the courage to face my fears. " I was now sobbing. He kissed my eyes through my blindfold. "Please wait until I can finally accept my past. " he pressed a very long kiss on my lips. "I can't change my past but my omega, I want to have a better future with you and our future kids. That's all that I wish..."

I'm crying so loud. I keep on whining, I felt like my heart is going to explode. I feel so selfish and impulsive. I'm so greedy. I never think of anything else but my own sake. I'm so stupid. I'm such a bitch

I grabbed my alphas hand and planted kisses on it. "I- I'm sorry... sorry... I'm s-sorry..." I kept on crying. "P-Please forgive me... my a-alpha..."

"Shhhh..." he hushed me. His voice got deeper like it almost sound like someone I knew. But I kept that off my mind. "It's okay... It's okay..."

"N-No... s-sorry..."

"Shhh..." my heart beats wild when he started to take off my blindfold.

"W-What are you doing?!" I said in a panic. "My alpha!" He successfully removed the blindfold then he placed his hand to cover my eyes. "P-Please... stop this... put it back on... my alpha..." I tried to put the blindfold on but he stopped my hands.

"Feel free to decide... you have the answers in your hands now. " he pressed his lips on mine. He kissed me so passionately as if he's cherishing it for the last time. "I... love... you... Kyl...e..."

I felt his whole weight on top of me and his hand slowly slide down until it covers nothing on my face. There's no more hindrance in my eyes but I keep it closed. I was crying so damn loud. I don't dare to open my eyes. I don't dare to see the truth yet.

My plan worked. My alpha fell asleep with the help of the pills and I didn't because I took the antidote for the sleeping pill. However, the funny thing is, even though it works, I'm still upset about what happened.

So, I decided. I opened my eyes and I took a deep breath before looking at my alpha. And guess what? The pain I have earlier, doubled. It hurts. This fucking hurts.

"AGHHHHHH! SHIT! WHY?!" I can't help but scream. I pulled my hair hard, for few times, hoping that it's all lie. But I know, no matter how many times I convinced myself, it'll never change.

I tried to look at him, he was there, sleeping with the same expression he always does whenever he fell asleep. But unlike those times, now, his face was full of tears. I caressed his face, my alpha's face.

"Why does it have to be you?" My tears started to fall again. I tried to wipe it off but it keeps on falling, so I give up.

I stood up and go to my bag. I took the two packs of pills and went to the fridge to get some water. I placed two red tablets on my mouth and drank some water. I was still crying, I never mind even if some water was spilling on the side of my mouth. I just stopped drinking when I choke myself.

I wiped all the liquids at my self, both water, and my tears. Then went beside my alpha. I stared at him for a while. "I'm sorry..." I bit my lower lip before placing a blue pill on my mouth. I held my alpha's face and pushed the pill to his mouth then I collect some water through my mouth and made him drink.

I put the water bottle at the side when I'm sure that he had drunk the pill. After that, I tucked myself into the bed and made my alpha faced me. I fixed the blanket then I hugged him so tight. I want to imprint him, his body on my memory.

"I'm sorry..." I murmured. I closed my eyes and later on, I fell asleep.

-DriewNrocinu

DN's Note:

This chapter is dedicated to @mnosh_ws (twt) and Himani (ig). They asked if when will I post the updates so... here it is. Take care mahlilpotatoeees! Luvlots UwU💕