Immune

There still remained a dozen minutes or so before the clock struck three. Though I declared myself immune to anxiety, butterflies sprouted in my stomach.

Lumi, who had her fair share of laughs, now looked solemn. Her eyes shut, a hand over her chest, I listened to her inner voice rehearse the lyrics of the chosen song. Seeing her so hard-working quenched some of the fluttering. I gave her a pat on the back before I rose.

Dumpling, Dad has something. I'll be back.

Lumi snapped out of her trance, her eyelids flickering. Through our telepathy and shared senses, a hit of distress originating from her settled in on me. My heart lowered, as did my voice. I could not bear to leave her in this state before her big performance, so I had to explain to her.

"I'll be there in the audience when you start, but Dad has to pick somebody up now. Is that okay?"

She shrank her head.

Y-you have to leave?

I'm not leaving you, silly. How can I bear to leave you on such a big day? I'm going to pick someone up.

Lumi locked eyes with me. A moment passed as the afternoon spring breeze blew by, rustling the trees and our clothes. I saw her eyes not flicker, not even linger any longer. She blinked, her gaze firm, her head strong, nodding.

"I believe you, Dad. But you must come and watch me!"

I pulled her into a tight embrace. "You're not going to ask who I'm picking up? Or not even read my mind for it?"

"No, I'll find out anyways," Lumi said, shaking her head. "Is it a surprise?"

"A little bit. Maybe not so much, but you'll be happy to see them, that's for sure."

I saw that Daniella had finished frolicking on her phone and was waving towards the two of us. The nervous but expectant look on her face told me it was about time for Lumi's big performance. I gave her two sloppy kisses on both her cheeks, a rub against her neck, and lots of long, definite strokes of her hair. Then I set her down on the ground and patted her back.

"Your sister Ella seems to be ready, calling you to rehearse one last time. Listen to her well, okay?"

Lumi grumbled. "She's only going to nag about what I need to remember when singing..."

"This is her first-time teaching, but she doesn't have anyone to share those feelings, " I said.

"Unlike you and me. Be more patient with her."

"I am patient! You're the one fed up with her!"

I picked her up into a hug one last time. "Good luck, dumpling. I'll be in the crowds watching."

"You'd better be," Lumi answered with a pout. "I want to sing to you the most."

"Likewise, dumpling. I want to hear you sing the most."

We smiled and parted gently. I watched her back fade as she dashed towards Daniella and my smile only deepened.

***

"Mr. Rockern. Sorry, couldn't find you. Did you wait long?" I said, giving him a slight but formal bow.

"Oh, come one, don't be like that," Mr. Rockern answered, helping me up. "No worries, the park is big. Plus, I only just got here."

I began to lead the way. "I'm glad you could make it."

Mr. Rockern raised an eyebrow. "Is this the surprise I've been waiting for?"

"In more ways than one, yes."

"Then I'm excited for it. I'm surprised you wanted to show me it first before our appointment at the insurance place."

I hoped he did not notice that my steps had faltered for a split moment. "Well, it's related to that."

"Come again?"

"The insurance claims. I'd like you drop them."

It was Mr. Rockern whose steps froze this time. I chuckled, beckoning him forwards.

I could hear the first verse of Lumi's singing from afar, her voice sweet and melodious as spring itself. Yet the sadness laced in them was impossible to miss.

"Tell me why I still see your face~

In the autumn leaves falling like my tears~

Through the seasons, I feel out of place~

I can't seem to erase~"

I waved my arm out like a presented or an emcee in front of the open field. Lumi stood in the center, her eyes shut, her head raised to the sky, surrounded by a ring of picnic tables.

Mr. Rockern's eyeballs looked as if they were about to pop out of their sockets. "S-she is—"

"Little Lumi, my proud daughter," I said, grinning.

Lumi continued onto the second verse amidst a wave of collective gasps and squeals. I saw dozens of hands holding cameras appear in the air.

"Seasons change, shadows fall~

I miss you most when winter calls~

Your heart lingers in the air~

Leaving me lost and unaware~"

Mr. Rockern turned to me. "The song says otherwise but... are you over her?"

I did not face him. I simply watched Lumi with my full attention and immersed myself with every note, with every breath, with every move of her body.

"I know you pulled strings on the life insurance claims. It doesn't feel right receiving that money, considering I'm also partly responsible for that matter."

"You—"

"I didn't tell you this Mr. Rockern, but she was one who introduced me to this mess. One of my first. When we got married, we vowed to get over the addictions together. But then we had Lumi. I was a kid back then, my mind torn with grief and hatred of myself. I wasn't ready to have a child. So, I neglected her. I neglected them both. I've blamed and blamed and blamed her for Lumi's sufferings, but I overlooked how the main root of it was myself."

I finally turned to Mr. Rockern.

"I'm sorry, sir. I've kept a lot from you, even through your help. Please leave the money alone. Better yet, keeping doing what you do with me. Help lost souls like me. Give it to single-parent families who battle substance abuse. Alcohol dependency. Addictions. Anything."

"Tell why I became your rain~

I always smiled a sunshine for you~

Tell me why you were winter to me~

Through the seasons, I feel out of place~

I was still stuck in spring~"

"Tell them there are people, throughout all the seasons, who are willing wishing for their success, their recovery, their better futures. Because someone has done the same."

"Seasons change, shadows fall~

I miss you most when winter calls~

My heart lingers in the air~

Leaving me lost and unaware~"

It was now the second chorus leading to the bridge, but Mr. Rockern was still silent. I could not help but notice how his back had staggered, his wrinkles a little tighter.

"Springtime blooms but my heart stays frozen over~

Summer's heat is nothing compared to our closure~

Winter's embrace brings a blanket of snow~

But it can't cover up all that we used to know~

It's shadow season I move on so slow~"

"People may move on slow, but they're not immune to change," he said, his voice choking up. "I'm so happy for you. You've recovered. You've found hope and peace and acceptance of yourself."

Lumi reached the last part of the song. I saw her head lowered; her eyes slowly blink open. They scanned the crowd as she inhaled a deep breath, preparing the last notes. She was looking for someone. She was looking for me.

"Seasons change, shadows fall~

I miss you most when you are gone~

My shadows follow you everywhere~

Leaving me lost and unaware~"

"I couldn't have done it without her, Mr. Rockern. This is my surprise. This is my sweet dumpling, future singer and superstar extraordinaire."