Chapter 22

"Look, I'm sorry. I seriously didn't know," he said, with a hint of sympathy.

I opened my mouth to tell him what I thought of him, but thought better of it. I didn't want to mess with the viper. Shaking my head, I walked away without sparing him or the door another glace.

I was done with infuriating men.

He's an absolute pig.

But a hot pig. The annoying voice had returned.

A disgusting pig.

I wanted to smack my head into a wall.

I shouldn't have expected anything else. Alex was a mob boss, a king. Ruthless. Cold. Heartless. Unlovable. He didn't care what people thought of him.Men like him behaved exactly like that. I had the experience firsthand, and I should have known, but for stupid reasons I thought maybe he was different.

Clearly, he wasn't.

When I got downstairs, Maddie emerged from a closet beside the kitchen. Her hair was ruffled, her dress crooked, and she had a well-satisfied look on her face.

When she saw me, she winked and then walked into the kitchen. Artur came out after her, and stared at her ass as she walked away.

"Men," I muttered to myself.

I looked down as I walked past him, not wanting to see his lustful eyes.

"Hey, Alina," he said.

I nodded but didn't turn around. "Good morning."

In the kitchen, Maddie leaned against the counter, a glass of orange juice in her hand. She sipped it, a small smirk playing across her lips.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.

"You look flushed. Out of breath." Maddie set her glass down.

I crossed my arms across my chest and shook my head. "I'm fine. What are you talking about?"

She laughed. Entwining our arms together, she led me out of the kitchen. "You aren't going to tell me, hmm?"

"I don't understand, Maddie."

"Stop playing with me! Did he kiss you? Did he do more than kiss you?"

My eyes widened in shock when I realized what she was talking about. Letting out a gasp, I pulled my arm away. "Why would you think that?"

She didn't answer but laughed instead at my expression. Maddie brought her hand up and pinched me on the cheek. "You're so cute."

I glared at her, but wasn't sure it came across the way I intended. I had been living separately from emotion. As the thought ran through my mind, I felt myself shutting down.

I felt happy here, but I was scared, because I had learned the hard way that happiness can be taken from you in a second.

I was waiting for whatever happiness I'd found here to be taken from me.

The moment when I would return to my cold room, chained to my bed, waiting for Alberto.

Someone squeezed my arm. "Where did you go?" Maddie asked.

"Nowhere," I replied, forcing a tight smile and linking our arms together again. She was leading me toward the maids' quarters. She pushed the door open and we walked inside the cozy living room. It smelled sweet, like roses. Only a select few of the maids actually lived in the mansion. It was big and beautifully modeled, the total opposite of how the maids' quarters looked in my father's estate. Maddie didn't live in the maids' quarters. She had her own room upstairs, same as Lena. But she enjoyed the large flat screen TV in the maids' quarters.

Maddie pulled me to the couch. She folded her legs beneath her and leaned against the couch sideways, facing me. "So? C'mon. I need all the juicy details," she demanded, her eyes twinkling merrily.

I shook my head. "Maddie, nothing happened. Seriously."

"Liar."

"Maddie—"

"Tell me!"

"Fine! Some woman was giving him a…a…"

Her eyes widened in shock. "What? What was she doing?"

"She was giving him a…you know." God, this was so embarrassing.

"Giving him what?" Her mouth twisted with amusement.

"You know…"

"Huh?" she said, feigning confusion.

Throwing my hands in the air in exasperation, I spoke through gritted. "A…a blowjob!"

As soon as the words crossed my lips, Maddie threw her head back and barked out a laugh. She held her stomach, laughing hysterically.

Sinking in the couch, I closed my eyes. I didn't find it funny.

"Oh my God, babe. You are so cute," she said through her laughter.

"And you are so mean."

"But you still love me." Her laughter had finally calmed down, but she still wore her gorgeous, sweet smile.

I shrugged. She was right. I still loved her. She was my only friend.

"So, that woman. What happened?" she asked. Maddie moved closer to me, her eyes wide as she stared at me expectantly.

"Nothing happened. I walked in and saw them. When he was done, he ordered her to leave. I left the protein on the coffee table and walked away without giving him a chance to say anything."

"You walked away? Why do I find that so hard to believe?"

"Okay, fine. I ran away," I mumbled.

I shook my head mutely. Did she really expect him to stop? He was the most infuriating and unpredictable man on the planet. No way was he going to stop his extracurricular activities and act decent. He didn't have time for decency, or privacy for that matter.

"Damn, he really is infuriating," Maddie said. "Who was she? I mean, how did she look?"

"I don't remember much. I was really embarrassed and shocked so didn't pay any attention to her. But she had blonde hair and she was tall. Lean. She was gorgeous."

"Ah. It's Nina. She's always coming for more. Doesn't matter that Alex treats her like garbage after he's done. I wouldn't say it's his fault, though. He has his rules and he lets the women know before they get involved. No attachment, just fucking and then they leave. But they still want to get involved." She rolled her eyes.

Why would they let themselves be treated like that---by their own free will?

I never had a choice.

I was bound and beaten into submission. No matter how much I begged, I never had a choice, so I had to accept my reality. But other women could have better lives and a loving relationship.

Maddie's attention was on the TV.

"Maddie," I said.

"What is it?"

"Why do women accept such behavior…when they have a choice?"

She placed the remote control on her lap and turned to face me. "I don't know, Alina. Maybe they want the same thing? Maybe they don't want a relationship. Maybe that's what works for them. It's their choice. But you know, even if you are the fuck buddy of a heartless mob boss, you are still under his protection. Which means money, a somewhat lavish life, and nobody messes with you."

"Hmmm." I was trying to understand, but still couldn't make sense of it.

"Forget that," Maddie said, then gave my knee a slap to bring my attention back to her.

"What?"

"Well, how did you feel when you saw him with that woman? Were you jealous?" She winked.

Her question surprised me. "Jealous? Why would I be jealous?"

I didn't even know what jealousy felt like because I never had a chance to be jealous. When emotions are the last thing in your life, you eventually forget what it means to feel something.

"C'mon, Alina. I can see something between you and Alessio. The way he looks at you…" She fanned her face with her hands. "So hot! He literally eye-fucks you all the time!"

"Maddie!" I clapped my hand over her mouth. She had no control. I felt something wet on my palm and snatched my hand away when I realized she had licked me. "Eww."

"You are the one who placed your hand on my mouth while I was talking. Rude much?" She crossed her arms over her chest, a grin on her face. "So, do you feel something for him? Were you even a tiny little bit jealous?"

"I don't know, Maddie. How does jealousy feel?" As soon as the words were out, I bent my head down in shame. I sounded so pathetic.

You are pathetic, bitch. A pathetic whore. That's what you are. Useless. Alberto's voice rang through my head. I hated his voice. It never left me. No matter how much I tried to block him, he always came back.

I felt a comforting hand on my knee and knew it was Maddie. She never questioned me when I asked something stupid.

She believed I had been living off the streets for some time, so she pitied me. I felt thankful that she didn't ask questions, because I had no answers.

"Well, I would describe jealousy as a wave. It comes crashing in your heart with so many mixed feelings. Anger and sadness. Most of the time, it's not the best feeling, but it hurts. You feel it right here," she said, placing her hand over her heart. "It hurts. Your chest grows tight and it feels like you can't breathe. Sometimes you might feel like crying. Or anger to the point of violence. Like punching someone in the face. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but it's pretty overwhelming."

Placing my hand over my heart, I looked down at my chest. "I don't know. I didn't feel anything like that. I was confused, shocked, and disgusted. I wasn't jealous."

"You weren't?" I heard disappointment in her voice, and I looked up.

"I don't think so. Why would I be jealous?"

"I don't know. I thought maybe you felt something for him. I mean, the air is practically crackling between the two of you."

I couldn't feel. That was an absolute no. I couldn't let myself get attached or feel love, especially not for a man like Alex.

Getting emotionally attached meant heartbreak. I had learned not to trust men. I couldn't. Because Alberto's evil smile was forever etched in my memory, ruining me for any other man.