Desperations

<Chapter 3 - Desperations>

Groggily waking up, Shin's first thoughts were focused onto the pangs of hunger radiating through his chest. That and the lingering dull soreness coming from his foot. 

His eyes felt like they were being weighed down with rocks, but as he recollected exactly what situation he was in, he willed them to open. Expecting to be met with the dim foggy lighting of day, his vision was instead filled with that of a bright young girl.

The strange girl swiftly lifted her hands to her mouth, as if lightly covering them stopped her from speaking out from surprise. Her eyes were sent wide in a frozen shock, not expecting Shin to suddenly jolt his eyes open without warning.

*Nope.*

Shin shut his eyes and recalled the events that led him to his current predicament.

*Haaaa, being chased again. What a dull and annoying experience.

There has to be a reason they're after me…*

He craftily thought over possible explanations that would put his pursuers into perspective..

*The Lux crystal? Not nearly expensive enough to gather the attention of dozens of men. Anyone in the line I was in could muster the 300 VAL in trade for missing out on a few meals. Surely they don't expect me to have much in my account still…

Though, it was a group of men. They seemed strangely organized, so they weren't any random thugs who teamed up to steal my 'riches.'

If they wanted slaves, a scrawny kid like me wouldn't make much sense. If they wanted to sell me, I am much too old at that point to make sense.

Did I do something to anger one of them-*

"H-Hello? Are y-you okay?"

*...

-Unlikely. 

I keep away from anyone else unless strictly necessary. 

Zeris was the only one I made regular contact with, or really any contact, but she just uses me a few times every few weeks, nothing more.

If she had plans to kidnap me, she would've done so years ago! It doesn't make sense if it was her and her group of crazies.

They knew where I bunkered, too. Have they been watching me for a while? 

Why did they hesitate? Not to mention that they didn't have to wait for me to leave and return. If they knew where I was, why not just send a group in to capture me while I was asleep?*

"Umm, w-why are people chasing y-you?"

*That seems unreasonable. I remember them speaking about how they needed to capture me for some leader? Herash? 

Ugh, why me!?

I am no one special! 

Unless…*

Stunned by realization, Shin tightened his eyes more. His already furrowing eyebrows now seemed furious to any outsider. 

His demeanor changed. It was as if the world became a little warmer around him.

"I ah, I-I uh, I didn't mean to b-be r-rude, I-I am s-so-!" 

The child bit her tongue while rushing out her stuttered words, misunderstanding Shin's violent thoughts as a result of her presence.

*Zeris… 

Did she really sell me out? 

Who else could it have been? She's the only one who truly knows my ability!?

If it was the bitch, why now? A high bidder?

It's impossible she told anyone else! She's too sick in the head to give me up!

So could it really have been anyone else?

It's not adding up.*

Shin shuddered, the fact he had no real lead as to why he was being hunted was unpleasant. He hated the unknown.

The sudden movement from him frightened the apologizing girl, knocking her back with a yelp. She rolled down the mountain of garbage and comedically thumped into another similarly sized tower of trash.

"Ugh!... Uwahhhhhhh. What did I d-do?" 

The girl rubbed her head, thinking over her actions, confused about what she did to offend the boy she had been stalking. She was on the verge of tears, wondering if she had made a mistake taking interest in the stranger.

*Damnit, I refuse to go down like this! 

Whether it was Zeris or another group, it doesn't matter. I'm not giving them the satisfaction of capturing me, not alive!

Not dead, either!

…Based on how outraged the man seemingly in charge was yesterday, they definitely wouldn't give up after a short night. 

I need a plan. 

I could go to the outskirts. It'd be a few day journeys at least, assuming I can avoid being noticed and don't sustain anymore stupid injuries. 

Once I make it there, no one will be able to find me among the mass of people. Actually, I doubt they'd even go that far, but just in case…

Sure, my life will be harder there, but since when did that stop me?

…

If I get caught, I don't think I'll like the outcome very much.

First thing first, I need to eat and recover my strength. I wasted a lot of energy yesterday, especially losing all that blood from my mishap.*

Shin went and tunneled through the surrounding bags, out towards the inner alley, with redefined purpose. As he removed himself from the pile, preparing to stand and move down the mound, he noticed the little girl he awoke to was attempting to climb back up to him. 

She stood frozen, staring intensely at Shin with a strange mix of terror and curiosity. 

"How annoying. Can't this brat take a hint?"

"H-H-Huh?"

*Ah, I said that aloud. 

Whoops. 

Then again, I don't regret saying it.*

Staring at the nuisance, Shin took a brief second to take in the features of the kid standing dumbstruck.

She looked to be around seven or eight years old, based on a human's standard, which may not have applied to this girl's inhuman figure. 

Two curled and vividly orange horns poked off her head, situated over her hair-covered ears. They formed into blunted points that rose only slightly above her crown.

To match, she had bright, gleaming orange eyes with thin brown pupils. They carried a vibrant glow that could seemingly force others to stare, unable to turn away.

Shin felt a sense of pity for the girl.

Empathizing somewhat, his irritation lessoned.

She stood at half his own height, which was average for humanoids her age. 

Her hair was pure white, falling down to her knees in length. Each strand was straight, with few frays to speak of. Though the grime and muck of the city did not evade her, giving the same treatment as any other.

Her skin was pale enough to nearly mirror her white hair, making any blemishes and marks high in contrast and clearly visible. Her face was caked with dirt and stains, shoving away any possibility at a cute or childish look. 

She wore an oversized once-white shirt draping down her ankles, most likely designed for another, larger race. The baggy sleeves covered most of her arms, leaving only her tiny hands visible as it draped to her wrists. And as the same with most residents, she had no footwear to protect against the cruel environment.

"I said you are annoying. 

I don't have food for you, so go waddle off an beg someone dumb enough to share.." 

With a cold bullet of harsh words at the girl, he hoped she'd take the hint and leave him be.

"I-I, uh, I-I don't want any food. 

Um, I-I just w-wanted, uh, I am w-wondering-" 

"-Do you think I have time for you? Out with it already, stop stuttering so much!"

He interrupted, his patience dwindling as he wasted time he could be running and bothering with this random child.

*Why am I still here? I should've left already!*

"What's your n-name?" 

She said quickly, fumbling her words, but clear and precise enough to keep Shin interested.

"Why would I tell you that?" 

Without hesitation, he countered back as if it was one of the most stupid questions he's heard. 

He wasn't going to make friends with anyone now of all times! Could she not pick up his antisocial hints?

*'Titian' already seems to be a wanted name now, as if I'd let some little girl give away I was ever here!*

"S-So like 'Tie-tea-an'?"

She muttered, unassured whether she was pronouncing his name correctly.

Eliminating any other thoughts, Shin went deadpan, quickly switching to an accusational front.

"...What did you just say?"

"U-U-Uh, t-the spelling i-is a bit weird, and I-I w-was wondering how you s-say it." 

She hugged her body closer to herself, hoping to shield any blades of rage pointing at her. She was unsure why he made the sudden switch after seemingly having calmed down.

"How do you know my name… 

Speak now!" 

Shin threateningly spoke, making sure not to be too loud. Taking a step forward, he wanted to assure that he was in range in case the girl decided to sprint away. 

He didn't bother to spare much patience, considering that his life was on the line.

*Damnit, did they go and tell a bunch of kids to look for me too!? 

As if they would even throw them scrapes even if they were successful! 

Dumb brats!

Shit, I'm in hot water if I have to worry about every child I come across too.*

"I-I read it t-through your L-Lux!" 

She quickly refuted, hoping the truth would quell the boy in front of her. She backed up against the trash behind her for support.

"What the hell does that mean, who told you to look for me!?" 

She didn't make sense, and what he wanted were answers. 

He wanted to know the threats he faced so that he could be aware of any extra steps he'd have to make to successfully escape.

"I r-read the L-Lux around y-you! I-It surrounds you, l-like it wants t-to b-be around you! 

I-I don't even k-know where I a-am! I don't know anyone e-else but y-you!" 

With all the intimidation she withstood, she began to break, letting her tears flow freely.

She seemed lost and confused, even more so than Titian himself.

*What the hell is she saying, Lux? 

No one is this forsaken hell can use Lux! At least out of the millions I've seen, surely one would have used such magical abilities if they could!*

Briefly considering what he was told, his eyes strayed back towards the girl, locking firmly into her teary and lachrymose eyes. She appeared wronged, as if she was accused of something she had no part in.

Shin relaxed again after seeing her weepy expression.

*I guess it may just be a misunderstanding afterall…

Wait, why am I calm all of a sudden!? I need to get out of here soon!

Was it her?

Ah, that still doesn't answer how she knows my name! Though she didn't pronounce it correctly…*

With a renewed sense of urgency that maybe the girl in front of him could actually manipulate his mind, he slowed his own pace and tried to get everything he could out of her.

"I have no idea what you mean by 'reading Lux.'

I didn't say my name, so how do you know it?"

Shin's tone of voice was stern, but to the girl, it was soft enough that her nerves died down.

"I can see the strings o-of Lux. There are a lot around you right now. They react to you and what you do, and s-so I was able to read your t-t-thoughts."

"Bullshit." 

*No one can see Lux! From everything I've read over the years, it's not possible to see Lux, if it's real!

Not that I've ever really felt it myself, but I just can't make myself believe that this weak girl could hold such a power.*

"I-I can though! Can you r-really not f-feel the Lux surrounding you? There's so m-much! It's all tangled around you!"

"I am not dumb enough to fall for s-..."

*Wait. Did I say that out loud?

No, I didn't.

Did she really…

I-Is she telling the truth...? 

All my thoughts are out free for her to read?* 

Shin felt as if he was naked suddenly. It was a sickly feeling, having your mind exposed.

"I-I can read some of t-them, but they are messy and jumbled up!" 

She chimed in, trying to make it seem as if a notion that she could only 'mostly' read his thoughts was in any way better.

"Who are you…?" 

Shin was bewildered and a little bit frightened by the new information.

"I am Aizza! 

You can call me Ai!" 

Her words flowed smoothly. The air around the girl lightened as if she had never felt any fear or confusion and the tears that decorated her face didn't exist!

"Why would I call you that? I don't even know you!" 

"Mmmm, if there is so much Lux around you, then you can't be a bad person!

Right?"

*What in the world is this girl saying?*

"Haaaaaa?" 

Shin let out an exasperated sigh, having no clue what she was on about.

*What is this situation right now? Wasn't I supposed to be running from something?

I feel like I'm dreaming…*

"I don't know why you would want to run… 

F-From me?" 

Aizza dawned on the thought that she was somehow enough reason for him to run. 

"No…? Yes? 

I don't know. I don't completely get what's going on right now, and you're freaking me out a bit."

Shin could not rationalize the situation entirely. He wished he had a moment to himself to think, but in doing so felt wrong around her. It was violating to just think.

"I'm glad then! I don't want you to hate me!

I don't think many people like me. Not that I remember." 

A bright smile shone from her. It was too cheery for Shin to handle. 

Feeling the pure and genuine happiness striking him from her eyes, he blocked his face as if blinded.

*W-What is this, why is she so happy at such a small thing!? Ah, she can hear my thoughts, right?*

"As I said, I can only read some of them! 

Anyway, it's 'Tie-tea-an,' right?"

"Sheesh, you really can..."

Shin gave up. His world was already being uprooted, what's another world shattering revelation worth? Afterall, he had his own mystical power.

"No. It's Titian. 

'Ti-shin.' 

I guess you can call me Shin…"

"What an interesting name! Mine is Aizza!" 

She excitedly proclaimed, too eager to remember she had already told him before.

*I already know that, this kid…*

"Oh yeah~ 

Hey, I am not a kid! I am nine, I, uh… I think?" 

The girl didn't seem to know her own age. Normally Shin would find it normal. Most kids who ended up here didn't, but the way she phrased it was strange.

"What does 'you think' supposed to mean? Is it some random number you made up?"

Sitting down on a softer trash bag to the right of where he dug himself down, he decided he'd give this random girl a bit of his time. No one had found him yet, what's a few extra minutes?

Well, he knew what a few minutes was worth, but interacting with this strange girl felt…fated.

*Since she's even more of a freak than me, I can at least see what she has to say.*

Climbing a bit closer and finding a seat on an opposing mound, Aizza chirped back.

"I am not a freak! And I just uh, I don't know where. . . ."

She quieted to an inaudible whisper, losing the spirit she had at the start of her retort as she fell into thought. She mumbled to herself for a bit.

"I can't hear you, Aizza. Speak up."

She stopped muttering to herself, sagging her head down and to the right, glancing to the floor, or rather to another pile of trash. 

"I don't know where I am… 

I don't know anything that happened before last night.

I remember things, but anything I try to focus on feels compressed and blurry…"

*Amnesia? That seems too cliche.*

"I don't know what those words mean." 

Aizza pouted, unsure what to feel from the unknown words Shin thought about.

"You are the first person I've seen since I woke up in that small bag-" 

She looked in the direction of the supposed black bag she awoke in. 

"-I don't remember much, but I can recall things about myself. And I know what things are and their names. 

Then you came. I was scared at first, then I heard yelling. So I stayed silent for a while.

I worked up my courage to come out when the sounds quieted, and I found your face in the trash. 

I tried speaking with you, but you wouldn't wake up." 

She explained her story, which seemed to be the truth to Shin.

"So you stared at my face for who knows how long? A complete stranger no less?" 

He was unconvinced the scared girl from before would do such a risky thing.

"I didn't, I mean I-I did. But I was watching the weaves around you!" 

She kept creating more questions than she answer, which began to make his head hurt.

"What do you mean by 'weaves'?"

She paused, her face crumpled as she debated her explanation.

"U-Um, the Lux around you threads and twists together, creating simple patterns. Even now the Lux weaves to your emotions and thoughts, and I can see what some of them mean. Lik-"

"Alright. I got it, I got it."

*I don't understand a thing she's saying, but that's not important right now.*

Shin swore he saw her face fold into a frown for a split second before she returned to her resting face.

*Ah, right. 

The mind reading thing.*

Shin took into account his current position and how he was undoubtedly being sought after this very second as he chose what to say next.

With a heavy heart, he began.

"Well, it's been… Interesting meeting you, Aizza-"

"-You can call me Ai!" 

"Ah, yes, sure...

Well I am currently in a bad situation, so I need to leave. As soon as I can. 

I hope you do well down here in this pit. Stay out of sight and do what you can to survive, Aizza.

Pretend you never saw me." 

Shin gave his roughly made farewell speech to her, who had done nothing much other than provide him a few worries and a slight headache. He was interested in the strange girl and her ability, but that didn't matter to his survival right now and, no matter how curious he was.

Despite not favoring the idea of her running about on her own, he couldn't just go around helping and entertaining random children, no matter how unique. 

He had his own hide to look out for.

Enacting the newly assembled plan in his mind, he began to set out.

"W-Wait! Take me w-with you, p-please!" 

Beginning to understand that Shin would leave without her, she began to beg. She didn't want to be left alone.

"I-I don't know what to do, or how anything works!"

"Sorry princess, but I can't help you when my own life is already on the line. 

I wish you luck, truly."

*This healing ability has to be why I am being hunted now. Adding another 'special' person wouldn't only slow me down, but give my pursuers an extra treat.*

"I-I'll be hunted too!"

"Huh?" 

"I-I can see Lux and stuff. They'll want me too!"

Her eyes pleaded Shin, pulling at his soul to bring the poor girl along.

"Just don't go around mind reading. And act, well, normal I guess. 

You'll be fine."

*As much as I'd like to believe my own words, I know that with her looks, especially with her horns and eyes practically a beacon asking for the attention of everyone in range, she wouldn't make it a few hours before she was sold as a slave or worse.

Damnit, this sucks, but there's nothing I can do.* 

Cussing inwardly, he realized his own mistake too late.

"Y-You, you won't l-leave me out to be, s-sold off? 

R-R-Right?" 

Streams of tears flowed down her eyes. 

Her eyelids crescented in such a way that the glowing orange lights in her eyes dimmed to a murky gray.

*Fuck me, damn it all! 

Why am I stuck with these stupid emotions? 

I can't waste my time dragging around dead weight!

I just, I can't. 

No one was there when I was tossed into this hell when I was barely above five! What do I owe anyone?

I can't take someone who'll just slow me down.

I need to leave. I need to survive.

I am sorry.*

Her sobs mixed in with her desperate pleas, causing her to choke on her words.

She never broke eye contact with Shin, her disgusting t-shirt becoming damp and salty where her tears landed.

Already set in his way, Shin started his walk and started to where he would hide next, making his way to the outskirts. 

A hair-thin thread of hope had filled Aizza with its intoxicating promise, only for it to be shredded and torn. 

She ignored the very ability that shared with her the truth, ignoring Shin's immutable determination to leave. 

She couldn't be wrong about this boy. She was sure he could be trusted, that he could be depended on! No one else held the very attention of Lux like him!

^*Maybe he just hasn't realized it yet! Maybe the weaves aren't right! 

He's just confused, so the Lux isn't sure what to do!

He won't leave!*^

She was young and desperate. She didn't know the curelities of the world, at least from what she could remember. 

And as a foolish child, she allowed her mind to cling onto fantasies that didn't exist.

Shin reached her…

-And simply passed by, refusing to let their eyes meet.

The guilt hurt him thousands of times more than any injury he had ever felt before. But he had already made up his mind. 

He had to survive to spite the world's attempts to kill him off.

Time froze as their shoulders aligned, stalling for what seemed like hours for both of them.

Reality taking the reins back, the ball of shin's foot hit the uneven layer of trash, firmly placing him behind the girl.

Aizza read the weaves surrounding him. He had already forgotten her entirely.