1 Lusted One

I can still smell her fragrance, I'd passed the counter at Macy's and as the associate waved the sample card the thought occurred to buy it for Yossila, I knew it would be something she would enjoy. I know everything about her, when her cycle starts, when she's having a good day, I even knew when she'd had a fight with Reginald by the chime of her call. He didn't deserve her...

We've known each other since 5th grade, and she was my best friend until Helena came into the picture. I was glad when she went away. No one has seen or heard from her and I could tell Yossila hadn't really gave a fuck about her, she ain't even missed the bitch at all. I'm really glad because she couldn't tell how it disturbed me just to hear her name. She wasn't worthy of her friendship. Not like me. Her brother agrees, even though he hadn't been what I expected either...

Her walk stimulates me to a level of crazy, after an episode I realized how mad I had been just being in her presence, I hadn't seen her in a while, I couldn't stand to hear her keep on mentioning Reginald's name.

The trip to Belize almost took me out, I'd drifted off into a deep deep stage of depression, I hadn't known if I was going or coming. I held the blanket as she described in detail, I hadn't even wanted to console myself sexually, the only thing that helps. I laid for hours holding the body pillow and imagined she was laying there. I caressed it and stroked it until I cried myself to sleep. I woke up she hadn't even called. The cut had been deeper than I expected, I could smell the blood and I saved it as a reminder.

The night we were drunk, I remember watching her while she slept, laying behind her in my bed. I hadn't wanted to get too close and wake her up, not even when she mumbled something. I rubbed her hair, in case she would have awakened I had an excuse to touch her.

It had been her idea, "I can't drive when I drink Patron," she said. I had asked everyone to leave the party, she had had too much. She'd slept in my bed and never knew I was there. I could have smelled her hair for hours. I contemplated taking off her panties, would she feel it and encourage me? I wondered. I put my arm around her waist when I realized she was still a hard sleeper, I can't describe how arrhythmic my heart came and when I rubbed her nipple with the back of my hand I couldn't control the orgasm. I cleaned up and laid back down behind her and turned my back. She then rolled over and had spontaneously thrown her arm around me, her body moved closer, I became aroused as prominent as before! "Reginald" she said.

I hadn't meant to startle her but she needed to wake up..right then. I threw the Iphone and shattered it against the wall.

'U have to leave I'd said at 4:15 a.m.' "Oh, Im sorry she said, Is Deion coming?" I hadn't answered but she gathered her things. "Thanks for everything she'd said, I had a really good time!" She kissed my cheek, I could smell the Patron and the Armani Si she'd worn that night. I didn't even watch her walk to the car, she'd crossed the line. She just kept finding a way. What is it going to take for her to act accordingly? She can't be that fucking slow!

I often picture myself holding her hips, and it's always the same visual...she tells me how much she loves me, and caresses my neck as she sticks her sweet tongue in my mouth. I slide my fingers in her panties and massage her wetness and then put them in her mouth. I know I can please her, I could accept Reginald in the beginning, but he had become a problem. I calculated. The bruise above her eye would have taken a while to go away and she would have still had a bit of scarring. We couldn't have had that, now could we? Why was she even still allowing him to touch her after the miscarriage. She told me it was over! Why does she keep hurting me?! This is not how u treat people that love u, u don't lie to them!

I've forgiven her for that night in bed, I realized I couldn't stay away any longer, I needed her. I needed to see her teeth, her eyebrows to study the patterns of her fingerprints, it was driving me insane. I couldn't keep cutting my thighs. Today is the last day of her period I don't know if I should even go see her today, tomorrow she may not wear panties for me if i wait, I love the blue silk joggers we bought in the fall, I will encourage her to wear those soon. They make my mouth water. Reginald should have considered what he had, I mean he'd shown the Yukon more love than he had Yossila! It was rather simple, I mean how would he have known someone loved her more than he claimed he had! I knew I had my chance to finally console her how I wanted to I could have made love to her right there. "It will be ok, U know Im always here If u need me Sis." She had cried and I imagined bathing all the peoples scent off her, they were too close, they needed to back the fuck up off of her! "He's in heaven now," I said and as the lady passed down the aisle to leave out of the church I moved closer, "Give me a hug" I said with extended arms. I could have came right then, her hips were pressed against me, her titties against my body.

"Who could have done something so malicious to him!" She cried...

The hug I had anticipated turned sour. Her body was as soft as I imagined, it felt like it had in my fantasies, her scented tears had rolled down my cheek and onto the corner of my mouth as I rested my chin on her shoulder, I tasted the salty honey from her eyes. My body had went weak when I reached for her.

Then she had said it. FUCKING BITCH! U FUCK UP EVERYTHING!

The series of emotions came all at once, "I have to leave," I said. "Where are u going?" she asked as I made my way through the crowd of people exiting the church. I felt her watch me, I had her attention, she was concerned. She will come behind me... I was sure. Why won't she just do right! She always fucks it all up! That's not good for her, how can we ever be together at this rate? CAN'T SHE SEE! Who has been there for her? ME! I washed her laundry and scrubbed the stains from her underwear... I brought her soup and combed her hair when she was sick, where was Reginald!? He could have never loved her like I can! So why is she so muthafuckin SAD!? HOW DUMB CAN A BITCH GET! I LOVE HER!

I think I know what to do, I'm so tired, I can't take much more. I can't eat, I can't sleep I need u Yossila. How can u be so fuckin selfish! Don't U care? (Screams and pulls hair) I try so hard! I quit my job just to see u BITCH, anything u asked I've done...u think all that's free? U walk around wearing the perfume I bought but tell me "Well I'll stop by later," I've only smelled u FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!! Bitch I spent my gas bill money for u! I could have ran her over as she walked in front of the car. She don't have long to get with the program, Im telling u Im losing all sense of good judgement...I can't concentrate, all I see is being with u YOSSILA, our bodies touching. I can taste your soul, there is no one for me except u. My passion for u is unheard of, for u I will kill. I will even kill u! Maybe u will notice me if everyone else is eliminated. So glad u agreed to meet at the sandwich shop, right across from the nail shop. Now we can get matching colors on our toes.