1 Chapter 1: The Moon For Guidance

Soaking wet and exhausted, I stepped out of the shower. I looked myself over in the mirror. I was only 22 years old, but given the circumstances of the last several months and the dark circles under my eyes, I may as well have been 100 years old.

I cupped my naked breast in my hands and wondered if I looked as old and tired as I felt. My emerald green eyes grazed over my body and landed on my current hair color; a pale pink. For whatever reason, I quite liked it. Perhaps because it was so light, making it closer to my actual hair color.

My grandmother had been dying my hair since as early as I could remember. Of course, as a child, it was more natural tones like browns and dark blondes to hide my silvery white locks. But as a wannabe rebellious youth, I’d talked her into the “wilder” colors as she called them and they had stuck. All my life, my hair had been every color under the sun but one; it’s natural hue.

My gaze continued to wander down my body and landed on the pale, silvery-blonde curls of my pubic hair. ‘The curtains did not match the drapes’ as they say. Whoever coined that phrase…

Now that my grandmother was gone, did I dare to reveal my natural hair color? What was she so afraid of? What was she hiding me from, coloring it all these years? I guess I’d never know.

There was a knock at the bathroom door.

“Care to join me out on the porch, for a glass of wine?” my best friend, Jane, called through the door.

“Be right there!”

I wrapped my robe around me and stepped into my slippers.

Outside, I kicked the slippers off of my tired feet and sat beside Jane on the porch swing. “You survived the day. Cheers to that,” she said, handing me a glass of wine.

I accepted the wine gladly. “Cheers,” I echoed somberly and took a long gulp.

Jane scooched closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

“It was a beautiful memorial service,” she replied, fondly.

“It really was,” I agreed.

“You gonna be okay?” she asked.

“I’ll be fine. I feel like the hardest part is behind me at this point. At least I hope it is.”

“What will you do now that… she’s gone?” Jane pressed as if reading my mind.

“I have no idea. But I do know that I can’t stay here… at least not for the foreseeable future. This tiny, little house feels like a cavernous tomb without her in it.” I sighed, remembering the last few nights of sleeping there alone. “I need a change of scenery for a while.”

“I get that… You could move in with me,” Jane offered. “Hell, maybe I could actually afford my rent if I had a roommate.”

We both giggled at the thought. If the house that I shared with my grandmother all these years was tiny, then Jane’s meager studio apartment was microscopic. It was a closet disguised as a one room studio apartment.

But that was all a poor college student living on the outskirts of Seattle, Washington could afford. If I hadn’t inherited a little cash and the house from my Gran, I would have been in the exact same boat.

“Thanks, but I need to get out of here for a while. Maybe I’ll take Grans ashes and her old camper van out for one last hoorah.”

My heart leapt with excitement at the idea. Why hadn’t I thought of it sooner? Gran always loved a good road trip. I’d take her ashes with me and dump them there as a perfect send off.

“Come with me?” I asked.

“I wish I could… but I just got that promotion,” Jane shrugged.

“Sh*t, that’s right, misses upward mobility,” I smirked. With all the chaos of the funeral, I’d completely forgotten about her promotion. “But really, congrats. I’m so proud of you,” I noted, wrapping my arm around her for a side hug.

“Awe thanks, it’s no big deal. Still a dead end job. But hopefully, it means that I’ll be able to move out of that damn toaster oven of a studio at some point,” Jane laughed. I pulled back, another idea popping into my head.

“Why don’t you come stay here?” I asked, suddenly inspired.

“That’s sweet, but I definitely can’t afford the rent here.”

“You can stay rent free and look after the place while Duke and I are on the road. You know, water the plants and such.”

Duke, my golden retriever service dog stirred from his nap upon hearing his name. He stretched and ambled toward us.

Jane contemplated my offer as she patted Duke on the head.

“I don’t entirely hate the idea, just the part where you’re leaving me here all alone to work my life away, while you go fulfill your hippie-ass road tripping fantasies,” she stated with an eye roll.

I chuckled. “Grans hippie-ass road tripping fantasies,” I corrected her. “And again, there’s still an open invitation,” I continued, getting more and more excited at the thought of leaving all this sadness behind me for a bit.

“Wow. You’re really going to do it aren’t you?” Jane asked, mildly impressed.

“Yes. I really am…” I said with certainty. “In fact, I think I’ll leave first thing in the morning…”

“I hate to admit it,” Jane began with a sigh, deep in thought. “Because I don’t want you to leave…but I think a road trip will be really good for you. Your Gan was great, obviously. But we both know that she was way too overprotective. You need to get out into the world and spread those little wings. Even if it means you are leaving me here all alone,” she added with a pouty lip.

“Thanks, I think so too,” I replied with a hopeful smile.

“Who knows? Without Gran protecting you from the entire universe, maybe you’ll finally get laid,” Jane teased, nudging my shoulder.

“Oh yeah, like that’s gonna happen,” I giggled. “Road tripping in a beat up old camper van isn’t exactly the recipe for finding a hot one night stand.”

“Doesn’t hurt to keep hope alive,” she shrugged. “So… where are you gonna go?”

“No clue,” I confessed. “I guess I’ll just have to let the moon be my guide.”

I smiled then held my glass of wine up in salute to the nearly full moon that was glowing down on us.

“Oh, dear God. You and your beloved moon,” scoffed Jane. “You say that your Gran was the hippie and yet, I'm pretty sure that you were the only one with all those moon tattoos. What is with that anyways?” she asked with mocking disgust.

“I dunno? It’s just always intrigued me. Gran always used to talk to it like it was a living being, so I started to do the same. And call me crazy, but I swear it’s listening…”

“Oh, you’re definitely crazy,” Jane joked.

“Whatever, you’re just jealous that you can’t talk to the moon.”

“Um no, I’m really not. That is some serious hippie, dippie bullsh*t. No, thank you.” Jane paused, then let out a long yawn. “Well, I am officially pooped. Think I'm gonna crash. Do you want the last pour of wine?”

She held up the bottle in question.

“Yes, please. I think I’ll enjoy one last glass and have a chat with my lunar friend,” I said with a wink, then glanced up in the sky.

“You really are crazy,” Jane responded with a laugh, knowing full well that I wasn’t joking. At least, not entirely.

“Why don’t you just crash here tonight? That way I can walk you through the plant watering process before I leave in the morning,” I suggested, turning my attention back to her briefly.

“Seriously? Their succulents,” Jane snorted. “I think I’ve got it. But since you're abandoning me, I guess that I will stay so I can wave goodbye as you ride off into the sunset or sunrise or whatever without me…”

“Awe! Look at you being all sentimental!” I laughed.

“No. Bitter, I’m bitter that you’re leaving me here all alone, remember? I’m kidding. Mostly…” she winked.

“Thanks for being amazing, I really don’t know how I would have gotten through all of this without you,” I said standing to give her a proper hug.

“Of course, that’s what friends are for. But I know that you would’ve been just fine. You’re way tougher than you give yourself credit for.”

Jane picked up the empty wine glasses, and carried them into the house.

“Night,” she called back, glancing over her shoulder.

“Night,” I smiled.

It had been a long day and I should have been exhausted, but I was downright giddy with anticipation for my spontaneous road trip. After 18 heartbreaking months of caring for my dying Gran, I was more than ready for a change of scenery.

But where in the world would I go? I twisted my gold infinity bracelet on my wrist and reflected on the many road trips I took with Gran throughout the years. Each of the destinations were beautiful, but none of them felt quite right for her final resting place.

I glanced up at the moon. Its gentle glow seemed to warm me.

“Please, show me where to take her,” I said aloud.

Then I finished my wine and reluctantly went to bed.