17 The heart is weak

~Noelle~

"Did you knowww?" Lynx drawls, making a hissing sound at the snake wrapping around my arm. It's cute, and I'm thinking about keeping it. It doesn't respond to her antic, and she giggles. Ready to try again.

"Know what?" I ask, waiting for her friend's mother to return with a party bag so Lynx and I can leave. Also, the snake is hers.

Cute as hell. I will not tell Micah.

"That you are 50% spicy, and 50% Beauuuuuuutifulll."

My stomach cramps as I burst into a laugh. Lynx joined me, her hair bounces in its little braids.

"That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said about me." I laughed, reaching to pinch her cheek. It's accurate but so unexpected from an eight year old.

She grins, showing me all of her teeth. "YaY!"

"You two are precious." An older lady says as she strolls towards us. The snake uncurls, and I miss the weight. Sadly watching it slither its owner. She bent over to give Lynx a cute pink sparkly bag with a bow at the front.

"We'll be on our way now. Enjoy the rest of your day."

She looks like something is on her mind, but my people skills are horrible so spread my finger out for Lynx to grab and begin walking.

"Wait!"

My feet stop, and crane to find Milo's mother speed walking toward us.

"If you ever need some advice on being a mom, I know this must the new for you, I'm here." With that, she squeezes my arm and does a 360 back to her house.

The fuck- new mom? Oh, Lynx.

I don't think I need lessons, do I? God, what if I accidentally kill her or feed her something she can't eat? Fuck. I will definitely pay this lady a visit. In a year. Yup. Model planning, everyone should be like me.

Thinking about the future.

"Alright, Lynx. Lead the way."

"On to the grocery store!"

She's a bundle of joy, and it's so contagious. I laugh when she does. Matching her energy with my inner child. My boiled is pumping hot by the time we get there, is it weird I'm so excited for this? I repeat to myself. It definitely feels like other people get excited for fun things, like getting a new gun. I'm here so thrilled at the sight of a store where I can get food for free.

AHHHHH

Breathe, Elle, breathe.

Lynx isn't helping either, she's just as excited as I am. I see no resemblance in her and Dante. He's like this big, bear like man who barely fits in a chair. And Lynx is-

"We have a list. Daddy gave it to me. We need carrots. Big or small? Avocados? AHHH he wants to make guacamole."

Yeah, she's that. Hyper as hell. Yet, it's not annoying. It is cringe when Kiki is like this for some reason. But I enjoy the energy radiating from Lynx. In the mornings when we have breakfast. She is so much calmer, fresh away, and sipping on her glass of milk while I take my coffee.

And yes, there is something called coffee. Oh my lord. It is the best. Especially with milk, and loads of brown sugar.

Dante drinks his black. He also doesn't eat breakfast. He sits with us, but eats nothing. I should learn a breakfast meal that he might enjoy.

"Hm?" why would I need to do that?

Check on him, see how his day is going.

I need to sleep, something is off with me today.

"Noelle~ chicken or chicken?" Lynx pulls me out of my musings, and it makes me smile. I focused back on the excitement I had. Enjoying the fact that there were other people to ask about things in the store. It's not as big as those malls, but I love it.

The smell. The fresh produce. There are no signs of bugs. Dead bodies rotting away at a corner or even. Everything looks healthy. I didn't even know, strawberries could be this color. I thought those were a thing of the past life I wasn't born into.

Like whoa.

"What is this?"

Lynx and I lean against the glass, breathing on it as we stare hungrily.

"It's a new type of burger recipe. Every is stashed in one box." A lady answers. She's dressed like a few people I've seen around here. And from the logo, I take the guess that she works here.

"It's not on the list." I say our loud to remind myself.

"It's not on the list." Lynx repeats it. We slowly turn our heads, giving each other a nod.

"But it should be!"

An hour later, the sun is nearly out and we're finally leaving the store. Best way to end the day. I wanted to sleep there. It's the perfect place. And with Micah healthy…this is like a dream. On one side, I don't wanna wake up. On the other side, I do.

Ugh!

I don't want too. I didn't like having to slug a shotgun around, every time we ran out of food. Or to eat a meal within a period of time to make sure it doesn't expire.

Here, food and water is a sure thing. A bed to sleep in, with a roof over my head, secured. It isn't all bad.

There's a small pang somewhere in my chest. I don't mind being here, but I'm still weary of the people.

"Your dad is going to kill me." I whisper to Lynx. She teases me with a laugh.

"No he won't . We'll both beg him to let us just get away with it. I mean, the burger!" she shouts, startling so many people.

They give her weird stares, and I decide- fuck it.

"I know right, the burger! It was too nice to leave without!" now their stares turn to me. And Lynx cackles as we hurry to her home.

We must have looked crazy to those people. I stand by my words. I love her energy. They won't win me over with this though.

I just find her cuteness, and hyper personality, is the perfect match for me tonight.

The door flies open and Dante step out.

"DADDY!"

I didn't notice until today, but his home is the farthest from every one else's. I can't even see the nearest house. When I turned back, saliva fills up my mouth. From the beef, I can't wait to prepare.

Not the beefy man in low riding jeans, and black body fitting shirt that said 'Cocks…are chickens'. It's so out there and it fits him. Like almost every he puts on. Tailored to hold his body, but still struggling. The shirt, from point, is rubbing along his muscles as he dips to pick up his daughter. It could shred at any point, the fact that it hangs on says something about the material. And if by any chance, you think I wouldn't drop my gaze to the crotch area of his pants. Then you must have more faith in my eyes than I do.

How-

What can that even be? A weapon?

A gun? I've never given a full thorough assessment of his body, but he's bound to be big everywhere right?

I'd like to find out.

I blink the chaste thought away. No, I don't want to find out. My thoughts are almost combative. One is saying something, and the other is screaming something else entirely.

It takes my strength to pull my eyes to his face. My cheeks heat, finding Lynx also staring at me. While curiosity dances between her eyes, Dante's empty Sliver are the ones to flame up my face. I hate them. He shows nothing. Not even when we're arguing. He yells at me through the mind, with an empty expression.

It is….

Ugh.

His hair is loose, not trapped in a ponytail or bun.

'Come inside, Noelle.'

He says into the void of my mind, and for once I don't complain about it. Lynx weasels her way out of Dante's arm, and I'm sure it's because he allowed it. I've seen his grip. Felt it too.

We dumped out bags on the counter in the kitchen and snuck away to our rooms laughing while Dante watched.

I got out of the shower, smiling a little. My mood is brighter, no nose bleeds or fuzzy vision. While I threw on my clothes, I had to ask a question out loud.

"Do the genes change personalities?"

It would make sense, wouldn't it? A nice, understanding person becomes a zeta. Instant violent thirst and blood lust. So it's bound to alter mine too.

Make me more complacent for my husband? Gross. I can't imagine not arguing with him. Just being sweet, and understanding. A tale for a different girl.

But it would be out of my control if the virus does in fact alter personalities and the mind. I'm already getting, I guess sexual thoughts? Ideas? Of Dante. And I can't even explain why.

I should ask him. My parents never taught me any of these. I don't think they thought they'd so early.

A relieved breath whooshes through me when I find Dante in the kitchen, grilling the burgers. Did you know there are different types of pans you can use to cook? I didn't. I made every in three pots. Which doesn't far well sometimes, but at the time, I just ate to survive and nothing more.

'You bought something that wasn't on the list? Whose idea was it?'

Lynx isn't here so I guess I'm taking the fall.

"Mine."

He nods, I know he doesn't believe me. The man can smell a lie. I'm sure of it. Also, he's in my head. He must have snooped around.

"Can I ask you something?"

A grunt is all I get, and it's the yes I was expecting.

Hopping onto the counter, I leaned back on my arms. Allowing my body to curve out a bit.

"My vision is still messing up."

'That isn't a question.'

I roll my eyes in retort. "I know. I'm seeing things that just aren't there, and it's making me wonder what do I need for it to stabilize. I know you have the answer."

There's a sizzle, a delicious waft of the burger emanates and I'm distracted by its lure.

'Intimacy. A Luna is strictly for being marked and used. You need to be intimate for it to settle down.'

I see. And that is not happening between us.

'Not ever.'

"Oh thank goodness. I can't manage that. Any other solutions?"

He pauses, turning to look at me. Still nothing. No emotion. Is bad that I want him to feel something? Even just a little. I saw him smile, and it was at Lynx. That was a first. I haven't seen it on his face before. It showed how much he loved he through his eyes and through that smile.

I envied her in that moment.

'We can think of something.'

I nod. I just hope I don't go seeing strange women again. Or having nose bleeds. Our eyes still interlocked, the thought continues to persist. What if I made him feel something? I already got a laugh once.

My throat bobs as I swallow. Why do I feel greedy for more?

Longing hits me so hard I can hardly breathe. The answer is hanging in front of me, I don't think I'm ready to know.