List

After staring at the neighbors' door for a considerable amount of time, I went back into the house and had breakfast with everyone else as usual. My mood was at rock bottom. My sorrow was too deep, and my aunt had undoubtedly noticed it, but I made every effort not to show it. Even though the morning had taken a different turn, I felt reassured seeing that the routine was still the same: my aunt running late and she and Hiro rushing out to get on time. Yuto-kun left his house at the exact moment I was closing the door to head to school.

"Good morning," he greeted me with a half-awake smile.

"Goo... morning," I hesitantly said, running my fingers through my hair and tucking it behind my ears. I barely had the energy to greet him. As soon as I looked at his face, that void reappeared, that abyss that had opened up in my chest that morning.

"Ayame-san, are you okay?" he slightly turned his torso towards me with a questioning look.

"..." I didn't answer. I was completely lost in my thoughts. The guilt was eating me up.

"Ayame-san?" he repeated, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Hmm?" I lifted my eyes to look at him. He was taller than me, so I had to make an extra effort to look up at him.

"Are you okay? You seem off." He had the usual face and his typical tousled hair, but all of a sudden, I felt like I hadn't paid enough attention to even these details.

"Yes... everything's fine. I'm just a bit tired," the light in the hallway was bothering my eyes. I wanted to get out of there.

"Okay..." he said suspiciously, "anyway, I better get going, or we'll be late. See you at school."

At that exact moment, when he turned to walk away, I grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket. "Wait!" It was an instinctive gesture. He spun around abruptly and our gazes crossed. I saw Yuto-kun's face change color, shifting from a rosy hue to a more pronounced, almost reddish tint. Seeing such an innocent reaction stirred two distinct emotions in me. On one hand, I felt uneasy, partly because of my conversation with Harada-San, and on the other, I experienced a peculiar sensation, an emotion different from the usual. A flush of heat rose to my face and reached the hand that was gripping his jacket. Only after I grabbed him did I realize the embarrassing action I had just committed. I released him suddenly, bringing a hand to my cheek. Seeing his gentle side like that moved me.

"S...yes?" he said, touching the sleeve of his jacket that I had just let go.

"Well... Can we go to school together?" I asked, trying to control myself. I straightened up.

"Hadn't you said you didn't want to change your habits?" My unexpected request had confused him.

"Well... I feel like changing them now," I said resolutely.

"As you wish. Actually, it's even better, I get bored going alone."

I don't know why I felt compelled to make such a request, I just wanted to spend time with him. As our relationship had evolved over time, asking him this didn't cause me too much trouble. If at the beginning someone had told me things would turn out this way, I would have laughed.

By now, everyone knew that I was finally not alone. I had tried to rebel and stay strong even when he didn't come to school and other people had let go of me.

In the end, the real reason I was being bullied was my tendency to isolate myself to avoid getting hurt; I was considered the most "strange" among all.

At this point, one might think that the blame was actually mine, because I had decided not to conform to the masses, but an individual's behavior does not justify the behaviors and actions that others decide to implement towards them.

In the end, my behavior encouraged them to use me as entertainment, when in reality I just needed to learn to react a bit.

Now, I no longer saw things in this way and it came naturally to ask him to go to school together.

We took the elevator down to the ground floor and left the building, following our destination.

During the journey, we really looked like a pair of friends. Finally, I was living that scene that had always replayed itself during my journey to school. I had just fulfilled a desire I thought was unattainable, but I couldn't fully enjoy the emotion I was feeling at that moment.

I was still shaken by the sharp words of that morning. For this reason, even though I was happy to walk beside him, I kept a distressed expression and said nothing throughout the journey. From time to time, Yuto-kun would glance at me, evidently worried about my melancholic expression.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes..."

"Really?"

"I told you yes."

"Okay."

I didn't want to tell him about my thoughts. He would surely say, "What are you talking about, you help me" or "Don't say that, it's not true", which wouldn't help. On the contrary, they would only worsen my mood. I carried the sadness with me all day.

After school, seeing me so down, Yuto-kun suggested we go to karaoke together. I accepted without hesitation.

Karaoke places are usually very popular among young people of all ages and provide fun entertainment. Even if you're not good at singing, you can still entertain your listeners with your poor singing skills. Even if you end up making fools of yourselves, you always end up laughing. We spent a couple of hours there among the music and the snacks we had bought to silence our hunger.

It was a small room with a screen showing the song lyrics and microphones that did nothing but amplify our voices. We even did a duet.

In essence, another typical teenage activity that I never thought I would experience until recently.

Karaoke helped to momentarily free me from the thoughts weighing on my mind, but as I watched him let loose with his vocal cords, my thoughts started swirling again, and my mood returned to its former state.

On the way back home, he turned towards me with a look of irritation.

"Well, I'm tired."

"In what sense?" I didn't understand what he was referring to.

"You've been sad all day. Can you tell me what's bothering you?"

"Are we still on this? I told you there's nothing wrong, I'm just tired."

For a moment he just looked at me, then he asked me a question I didn't expect:

"Is it about the conversation with my cousin?"

"... How do you know?"

"I heard her when she strangely left the house so early this morning. I'm a light sleeper, and I woke up."

"What did you hear?"

"Everything. I listened to you from behind the door while watching you through the peephole. So, was she that famous old friend of yours?"

"I'd rather not talk about this."

"I'll take that as a yes, but let's not talk about this. I want to understand why you let her words get to you."

"It's... she was right. I'm underestimating the situation and I'm not giving it enough weight. I'm not helping you at all. I feel so... useless."

"That's not true. Who threw a party just for me when I returned from the hospital? Who rushed to me when she found out I was discharged? Who dropped everything every time to come to me when I was laid up in that room? You... You are not useless. All these things remind me that there are people who care about me. Your presence encourages me to keep going. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Have you calmed down now?"

"Yes." I responded like a child just scolded.

"Good, because now I have something to show you."

"What?"

He pulled out a small note from his jacket pocket, folded several times over. He unfolded it and I saw that there were some words written on it.

-Take a trip with friends (as many as possible).- -Learn to draw.-

-Learn to play an instrument.-

-Go diving-

-Get married and have my own family.-

-Meet my favourite author.-

It was a list. "These are the things I want to do. When we were at the aquarium, you told me that I still had plenty of time to do all the things I want to do in this life. Well, I've started to believe it, so I made a list. When I realize I want to do something, no matter how simple or insignificant, I write it down. That way, I can do it after the surgery."

"After... the surgery..."

"Yes... after the surgery. And I want to do these things with you too. So, will you stay by my side like you always have?"

"Of course!" I responded, blushing with embarrassment.

"Hey, why are you all red all of a sudden?"

It didn't take him long to figure out I was blushing due to the obvious connection between his last sentence and the idea of having a family.

"Uhm.. I didn't mean that either."

We burst into laughter at the hilarious scene we had just created.

"Anyway, you can check off the first item. We'll be going on a trip in a few weeks with the class."

"I'll mark it off when we get back."

"And what about that one?"

Among those words, there was another one, at the bottom of the list, that had been completely erased and I couldn't read.

"That one, in a way, unintentionally, I've already done."

"Really? What is it?"

"Secret."

"What!? Tell me!!"

"No."

We continued like this all the way home, but he didn't tell me. I would find out later...

-From Yuto-kun-

"EUIKO!" I shouted my cousin's name as soon as I set foot in the house.

"I'm here."

The voice came from the kitchen, so I dashed in there immediately. Euiko was looking for something to eat in the fridge. Chika would take her home soon.

"What's up?"

I was so angry and furious that the expression 'having eyes pop out of the sockets' no longer seemed so alien to me. Euiko's face turned pale at seeing me so upset.

"I'll only say this once. Your concern for me is okay, but I won't tolerate your rude behavior towards Ayame."

"What... She told you. I told her not to tell you anything. She can't even keep her word."

"No, I heard you. I heard your entire conversation and I know that you two went to middle school together. I have no intention of lecturing you about what happened in the past, but I won't allow you to upset her again. You might be my cousin, but that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want in my life. Got it?"

"...Yes..." She picked up her jacket and headed for the door.

"I'll wait for Chika-san downstairs. Sorry if I made you angry..."

After dinner, while helping my sister clear the table, she asked me an uncomfortable question:

"You know, when I took Euiko to her house, she looked sad. Do you know what happened?" I pretended to know nothing. Even though I knew I was right, I felt like a terrible person for treating Euiko that way. Despite her highly questionable ways, she was ultimately worried about me.