1 Depression

Author: Brisa Kaio & Jaleah Hays

Original Author: Brisa Kaio

Co-Editor: Jaleah Hays

Co-Operator: Bianca Patek

Grammar Editor: Chenoa Shortess

Grammar Editor: Keiara Daniel

Lovely Depression

CHAPTER 1: Depression 

Hi, my name is Liz, I am 18 years old and I have depression. I've never felt good about myself, and that has always worried my parents. They say that I need counseling and I tell them no every time. Why can't I just hate my life without everybody thinking I need help or assistance? So what if I make bad choices about my health, but it's not like I'm going to harm anyone around me. I take my pain out on myself. It's that simple.

I have some friends, but they all seem to hate my guts and they wish I was gone. Honestly, I can't complain. I guess I understand why everyone hates me. I'm useless, I'm a hollow shell just standing there. Nothing really goes on inside me. I'm never hungry, never tired, never sad, never happy. It's like I'm just there, standing around everyone. I'm not there as a person, I'm there as an emotionless freak, everyone walks by me and ignores how I feel.

 No one understands me, they never will and I'll always be confused about this one person. He's always happy. Never once have I seen him sad. He makes everyone smile. He never ever really noticed me or has never even tried to talk to me which I was actually glad about, his name is Jax. I didn't want to be broken, not again. It was this one day he noticed I was there. I was terrified. I didn't wanna be happy I didn't want to be noticed. I did what I had to do and walked away as soon as he came near.

I had been ignoring him for months and he still hasn't given up. It was driving me crazy and I hated his guts. More than anybody before. It wasn't his fault he was just happy, all the time. That's what I hated about him. I couldn't change his emotions, or could I. 

It was on that day I knew I would have to break him somehow. The next day I had gotten even more confused, more than ever. He walked up to me blushing as if he had something to ask me. Yet again I ignored him. As I walked away I heard the loudest shout from behind me saying "WAIT!?!?". I stopped and turned around to look at him. Everyone was staring at us. We were in the middle of the hallway.

I was about to walk away again but he followed, he was very fast and persistent, he knew what he wanted. He wanted just a few seconds to talk to me, I didn't let it happen. Days went on like this, he followed me everywhere, even followed me home. When I hit my empty driveway I turned around and shouted, 

"What do you want from me!". He looked scared as he told me something I would not have guessed.

"Liz..." he said in a soft tone. I was curious as he stuttered across his words. I was not ready for what he had told me next. "I..I li..like y..you L...Lizzy..". My eyes widened as I felt my stomach drop. I didn't know what to do or say until... I thought to myself how am I gonna break him. He likes me, now what? That plan had gone sub-zero. How could I get him to break over me? The only thing I had left was to get him to fall for me, and that's when I would make him snap.

The next day I decided to make the plan. If I got Jax to like me a lot then I would be able to break him and make sure he would never be happy again. Jax needed to be less assured of himself. More aware of the actual problems with our society. I was always curious why he likes me of all people. There were happy girls and shy girls. A lot of them liked him now that I think of it. Is it because I didn't fall at his feet like a dog. Could I be known as a bad person? Shut up Lizzy what are you talking about, you do this all the time, but am I? 

That night I had learned to do so many things. I learned how to fake a blush, fake laugh, fake smile. I was like a double person. I just have to make him think that I'm deeply in love with him. Once he loves me back I'll be able to split his heart into two. Just like Ace did to me. I can't let that happen again. He hurt me and now I'm going to hurt Jax, it's just what people got for loving me.

A few days later I started to talk to Jax more and more. He always blushes when he is around me. It always made me so confused. He had beautiful eyes almost like Ace's. What am I talking about? I don't like Jax, he just reminds me so much of Ace.

A few months later everything was the same, I sat with Jax every day at lunch and hung out with him almost every day after school. He was quite annoying and hard to read. He was not the most popular with the boys, but he was definitely a ladies man. 

Today wasn't like any other day that had been going on for a while. Today was the day that Jax asked me out. I didn't realize it until later and I was totally oblivious to everything around me. My father was sick and my mother didn't care. 

My father was the only one who ever cared about me, my mother was addicted to drugs and alcohol. She would always yell at my brother maybe that's why he left me. I miss him but there wasn't a lot I could do to stop him. I pleaded and begged, but he told me it would be alright and then disappeared into the night. 

I totally forgot that Jax had asked me out. I was standing there totally zoned out. I snapped out of it when he asked in a loud voice if I was okay. I ended up saying, "Sorry I have to go," as I started to run down the hallway into the girl's restroom. I slightly turned around to see Jax shocked as ever. I felt bad, but I knew If I had stayed I would have been in a bad situation. As I locked myself in the bathroom stall, I felt my heart begin to pound. I fell to the dirty floor and sat next to the toilet as I puked my lungs out. Why was I nervous, why was my heart racing, why was I thinking about Jax. It was all so confusing to me. 

As I thought back to all the good times we had spent together during the summer, and all the times I saw how happy he was, it kinda reminded me of my old self. I can't think like that! The old Lizzy is gone and she will never come back, I will make sure of it. I had to cut all connections to Jax off. He was bringing my old self back and I can't go through that again. 

It was a few months later and I had decided to finish the plan and break Jax for good. It started with me having to re-learn how to fake a blush, fake smile, and fake laugh. I was walking in the hallway towards Jax when I "accidentally" tripped over him. Inside I was laughing but on the outside, I looked like one of my family members had just died. He stood up with a bruised knee. As soon as he saw that I had also fallen he immediately asked if I was okay.

I thought to myself, "How far can I go with this..?". I let out a quiet scream as I dragged my sharp pencil across my knee seeing if he would notice, making him think it was a cut. He looked down to see blood on the floor. "Oh My God Lizzy are you okay?" He helped me up and took me to the nurse's office, I was limping all the way there. Even though it was from my pencil it still hurt like hell. I ended up passing out because of how tired I was from the night before. 

As I was asleep I went over everything I felt, I still felt depressed. After Ace told his lies, all of my friends turned against me and I never opened up to many people again. Ever since then I have felt like the more people I let into my life, the more it's gonna hurt when they leave. My parents would always fight all the time, and my brother would get really mad at me. At times he would abuse me to be brutally honest. Nobody understands me and even if they say they do, they don't. I kept thinking about how my parents took a toll on me, maybe it wasn't all Aces fault. Maybe it was my fault.

I had been thinking again since I was alone in this hell hole. Why isn't Jax giving up? Should I let him in or push him away. I feel bad for him, he has no idea what's going on, with me or anybody around him. I have no friends, I have no family, I have no one to turn to. I hate my family, I hate my fake friends. I HATE ACE! The person I couldn't hate was Jax and I don't understand why. I want to let him in but I'm scared, I'm terrified that he will turn on me too. At the same time, I can't get myself to push him away because... because I love him.

I was just about ready to put my guard down, what in the hell was I thinking? Not for some dumb boy especially Jax. I needed to push these thoughts out of my head, I can't love Jax and that's final. He's gonna do the exact same thing that Ace did to me, and I'm not gonna take shit from no one. Jax, yes he was an obstacle but I'd get over him… slowly. Even if I never get over Jax, it's not gonna stop me from ruining his life. Wait why am I trying to ruin his life? He honestly didn't do anything to me. 

The next day something happened something I never would have wanted to happen… as I walked into my first-hour class the teacher announced that we have a new student, but little did I realize this was the last person I wanted to see. As the new student introduced themselves I felt my heart drop, it was Ace. I never would have thought in a million years I would see his low-life face ever again. I was terrified of what he might think… would he remember me? Hopefully not. 

Of course, our class had to share out each other's names so I had to think of something quick, but before I knew it, it was my turn. I didn't have a plan so I ended up just using my real name which was horrible because as soon as I said Lizzy it looked like he was dumbfounded. Did he remember me? I tightly squeezed my eyes shut, hoping he would stop staring at me. He didn't stop staring at me. The whole day I went through hours of him watching me, every move I made. 

As soon as Jax had noticed, he walked directly across the roof where we were eating lunch, to go over there and ask what he was staring at. He especially didn't like that he was staring at me. The next thing I know I started hearing yelling from over where Ace and Jax had been. I ran over there as fast as I could, and I had seen something that pissed me off to the point of no return.

I had seen Ace beating the shit out of Jax, I sat there stunned in fright. All the sudden rage came over me and I ran over to Ace punched him in the throat, jabbed him in the stomach, and ended up throwing him into a wall so hard, he broke his arm. After I had dealt with him I looked for Jax as soon as I turned around I saw Jax lying there with a bloody face and bruised collarbone, then I started crying. I thought over what had happened and by that time I realized I was crying. That's impossible I don't have any emotions

I couldn't hold back my tears they were gushing out of my face, I tried so hard to keep myself together but I couldn't. I picked up Jax and ran as fast as I could to get to the nurse. I could barely see because of my tears. When I got to the nurse's office I felt horrible. I know that it wasn't my fault. But why was Ace here in the first place? Why did he come back? I ended up falling asleep waiting for Jax to wake up. I couldn't think about anything other than if Jax was going to be okay. 

I woke up to see the bed empty beside me, I felt my heart drop. Did he die and they had to take him away? Did something bad happen and he had to go to the hospital? I was so worried about him and I started to tear up again. All of a sudden I felt soft lips lightly press against my cheek, I looked over to see Jax. I jumped up out of my seat and hugged him so tight, I could've put him in the hospital. He laughed a little and hugged me back. I started to sob all over him. His shirt was getting soaked by my tears but he didn't seem to care. "I'm sorry," I whispered, he just hugged me tighter.

The next few days Jax and I started to hang out a lot more than usual. People kept coming up to us and asking, "Are you two dating?" Jax would always reply with, "No, we're just really close friends." For some reason, I felt that jealousy feeling whenever he said we were just friends, I didn't know why I had felt that way. I was scaring myself at that point. I knew that I had feelings for Jax but I didn't think about ever confessing because of the chance that he would say no. I thought that what we were now was the best it was gonna get, until that day…. 

So a few weeks before Jax and I started hanging out, I thought about moving into my own apartment, afterall I am turning 19 next month. As I was looking for an apartment building I saw this nice looking one in Tokyo near Ikebukuro. It wasn't a huge estate but it wasn't small either. I ended up moving into that apartment. No one knew about it but me. I had been living here for a few weeks now, and I finally got all of my stuff organized and put away. Tonight was odd, I started to get hungry and eventually began to think about dinner. As I opened the fridge I had forgotten I hadn't bought food yet, so I decided to go to the store. I walked out of my apartment and started to head down the stairs when I saw him. 

I had slowly headed down the stairs to see if this guy was who I thought he was. I was right, it was Jax. He started to walk towards the flight of stairs and I panicked, I ran back into my apartment and I peeked through my blinds to see what room was his. To my surprise, Jax was my next-door neighbor. As soon as the coast was clear I ran outside, down the stairs and towards the store. I couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't still living with his parents. Before he had said that he wasn't moving out until next year right after graduation. Why did he lie to me? I didn't think about it much. I mean it was his decision. At that moment I had realized, Jax never tells me anything about him. He's always so worried about me. I mean I'm worried about him too, but never once have I made an effort to actually get to know him.

The next day at school I asked Jax if we could go over to his place. He looked a little panicked at first but then he eventually agreed. I was so excited to spend more time hanging out with him. I had been in cooking classes since junior year so I thought I could make him something special. After school, Jax and I walked to the apartment buildings. As we passed my apartment I tried to look nonchalant. He opened the door and, to my surprise it was clean. He asked me if I wanted to play some video games and I said, "sure but just know I may be bad but I'm gonna beat you over and over!" I giggled and he smirked. 

We started to play different video games every hour. Before I knew it, it was 9:30 at night. I guess I had fallen asleep because I woke up on Jax's bed. I sat up and looked around to see Jax still on his Xbox. I thought that he wouldn't mind if I cuddled him. I slowly and quietly got off the bed and slipped under his arms to give him a hug. As he put down his controller I could feel his arms wrap around me. It felt nice to be wrapped in his arms. He smelled nice and his shirt was soft. My hands clung tighter to his shirt. I never wanted to let go.

As he embraced me I felt safe. He slowly pulled my head off of his chest and looked at me. Before I knew it he pulled me so close to his face that one more inch and we were kissing. He said something. Soft into my ear he whispered, "I do this, and I try so hard, because... Because I love you Lizzy" I felt a shiver run down my spine as I closed that last inch. My lips compressed his and as I felt my eyelids close, I knew he was the one.

I pulled him in harder as he pinned me to the floor. I love him. All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," I said softly. I opened the door a crack to see the landlord of the apartment. I didn't know what to say. "Jax the Landlord is here," I said in a surprised tone. Jax got up and walked towards the door. "Is there something you need Dad?" Jax said annoyed with his father. "Oh hello, son, sorry to intrude but may I ask who this young lady is?" Jax's father sounded confused as the words spilled out of his throat. "Oh. uh, this is my girlfriend Lizzy." Jax replied. I could tell he was trying to get his father to leave but I couldn't help but blush.

His father looked happy when Jax said that I was his girlfriend. "Finally my son gets a girlfriend what happened to all of those other girls?" Jax's father asked. "They don't know me, they just like me for looks, dad." Jax sounded a little annoyed. I remembered that when my father said I could move out on my own he said no boys over and no failing classes or I had to come back home, but I couldn't help myself around Jax. As soon as his father left Jax pushed me against a wall and kissed my neck. I didn't realize that I liked it until later. He picked me up and kissed my neck harder as we headed over to his bed.

Nothing happened that night. I kissed him and he kissed me. We cuddled and then fell asleep together. I woke up to his cute face, he was still asleep. I couldn't move because my body wanted to stay in his arms. I noticed that I had moved away from him in my sleep so I was cold when I woke up. I turned on my side and pushed my face and body back into his chest. I now knew that he was awake but after a little bit of adjusting our positions we both fell back asleep wrapped up together. 

When we woke up it was 9:30 am and we had school. We both jumped out of bed and ran across the room to get dressed. I hadn't told him that we were neighbors so I asked to borrow some of his clothes. They were a little big but they smelled nice and they were soft so I wore them. His lips pressed against mine and then we left for school. As we walked into the classroom I felt odd. I looked around and everybody was staring at me and Jax. I was even getting a death glare from Avery, the hoe of our school. She was looking at my clothes then staring back into my eyes I couldn't help but wonder why she looked so angry.

Chapter 2: Encounters

    Avery seemed to notice that I was wearing Jax's clothes, she didn't like it. Maybe Avery was one of Jax's fan-girls. I wasn't sure but this girl looked like she wanted to kill me. Avery was making it quite obvious so Jax noticed that she was glaring at me. He didn't like the way Avery's eyes were glued to me. I sat down in my seat, as soon as I did a small piece of paper came flying at my head. The piece of paper landed on my desk and I opened it. The note read, "so why are you wearing Jax's clothes? He would never love a freak like you. So stop stealing my senpai away from me! Just go kill yourself freak!" I didn't pay much attention to the note. That's not the first time I've been told that.

All of a sudden a hand came around the side of me and grabbed the slip of paper. It was Jax who grabbed the note and started to read it. I tried to grab it away from him but he insisted that he read it. I looked down trying not to meet his eyes. I was scared that he was going to be worried but when I turned around he looked like he was about to kill Avery. As soon as class ended Jax started walking faster towards Avery. I started to run. I got to Jax right before he got to Avery. I threw myself in front of him and hugged him tightly hoping he would hug me back and walk away from Avery. As I hoped he hugged me back, But Avery didn't seem to like that.

Avery walked over to us and shoved me aside as she snuggled her face into Jax. I stared for a few moments and then walked away. I could see that Jax also tried to get away but Avery wouldn't let him go. I wanted to smack Avery so hard. I wanted to do what I did to Ace after he beat Jax. I wanted to hurt Avery. I stopped myself before I got too carried away. After my next class period was over Jax was walking over to me until Avery stole him away again. I was jealous. He was one of the only people who took an interest in me and cared for me, and now he's getting stolen away by some basic jerk named Avery.

I turned slightly to feel a hand grab my shoulder. It was Ace, I shivered. "What do you want Ace?" I said annoyed. "I just wanna talk." he quietly stated, "Fine," I replied. I didn't wanna talk but I thought it might give both of us some closure. We headed up to the roof and stood there for a few moments. "Why did you wanna talk Ace?" I was obviously irritated. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I was the reason your friends turned on you. I wanna tell you why. It's because I love you, Lizzy. I've always loved you. I just pushed you away because I didn't wanna be hurt again." he started to stutter across his words.

 I replied with, "If you loved me so much, why did you hurt me so deeply? I've finally found someone that I love more than anything and then you come back. I wanted to forgive you I really did, but you pushed me over the edge. I tried to be nice, I tried to be the good guy, but sometimes trying isn't enough." Little did I realize Jax and Avery were listening to the whole conversation. Jax pushed Ace aside and hugged me tightly, I hugged him back. I could see that Avery was getting pissed off and Ace was jealous. I asked Jax if I could stay at his apartment for a few more days and he agreed.

As soon as school ended Jax and I headed straight back to his place. I was scared and upset about everything that happened with Ace and Avery, Jax seemed to notice as well. He kissed me on the forehead and told me everything was going to be fine, but there was still one question circling in my head. "Do you like Avery?" I asked hoping he would say no. "actually I guess I kinda do, everybody thinks she's so mean and a jerk but she's actually really nice." he replied. My stomach exploded inside of my body and my heart sank to the bottom of my chest. "I'm just kidding, jeez Liz. you're the only one I will ever love." he was so reassuring. I kissed him and said that I loved him too.

I was still annoyed with Jax for joking around with me about Avery, even though he said he was sorry. I stayed the night again, Jax was on his phone for most of the time. I was curious about what he was doing or who he was talking to. I've been paranoid lately. When Jax went to sleep I snuck out of bed and picked up his phone. I didn't know his password so I picked up his thumb and used his fingerprint. It unlocked, I'm not the most perfect friend, and I get jealous easily. As the phone unlocked his background shocked me. It was a picture of me and him cuddling, I blushed. All of a sudden a message from Avery popped up.

I wasn't mad, I was just curious. I opened her chat and read everything. Gladly Jax never responded to her messages. It was sickening the things she asked and told him. She talked about how she would love for Jax to do things to her body, or how she wanted to be more than lovers. It was gross, thank god he never responded. I swiped away the messaging app from recently opened and I turned off his phone. I cuddled up next to Jax and fell asleep. I'm surprised he still lets me stay in his apartment.

 In the morning I didn't tell Jax that I went through his phone.

 I wandered around his apartment looking for him, but he wasn't there. It was 6-am and I had school. I threw on some of his clothes and headed into the kitchen. There was a note on the counter, it told me to meet Jax by the water fountain near the cherry tree around the back of the school when classes were over. I decided to quickly take a shower then head to school.

    As soon as I got to school I saw Avery already at work. She was latched onto Jax like a leach. The worst part is he stopped trying to getaway. I wanted Jax to be mine and only mine. So what I planned to do was make Jax jealous. I walked over to Ace and started talking to him, I already saw the hate in Jax's eyes. He looked furious, I asked Ace if he wanted to walk me to class and of course, he said yes. Jax heard me ask Ace to walk to class with me.

    Jax broke away from Avery and started walking really fast towards Ace and me. Jax picked me up and carried me into the boy's locker room. He must've known that it would be empty. "Do you love me, Lizzy? Or are you just playing games?" Jax sounded unnerved. "Of course I love you! I guess I'm just jealous about everything with Avery." I replied. He kissed me softly and hugged me tight, "you silly girl, I told you before, you're the only one I love." he was still hugging me as he told me those words. "If you love me. Then show me." I said quietly. He pinned me up on the locker, "are you sure you want me to demonstrate." he said seductively. 

He kissed me as he slipped his fingers under my shirt, un-latching my bra. He kissed my neck and my collarbone giving me a hickey. "I left my mark, your mine now," Jax whispered in my ear. After that, we could hear people starting to come into the locker room. Jax grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into the hallway. "Let's continue this later," Jax said as he walked away with a grin on his face. I shivered I wanted Jax, I wanted Jax so bad.

I saw Avery and Ace talking, I didn't mind it much until Avery started walking towards me. "Hey Liz, let's be friends okay?" She sounded sarcastic but excited. "Nah I'm okay, you seem to have a big liking in Jax. you can have him though. Just know your plans are gonna fail." I walked away with a smirk. Avery looked pissed. I found the nearest bathroom and re-latched my bra. After school, I went to the fountain near the cherry tree as the note said. As soon as I arrived no one was there, I started to walk away when a hand grabbed my back jean pocket and spun me around, it was Jax. "Lizzy, I've known you for about a year, and today is your birthday. When I first met you I knew I would love you forever. I know you're broken and I know you have secrets, but I wanna get to know you. I wanna be the one that knows everything about your personality. Lizzy Mae Connel, will you do me a favor, and be my girlfriend?"

    Right after he confessed I swear I almost started crying. "It's okay if you don't like me." Jax looked down as he spoke those words. I lifted his chin and said, "your right, I don't like you, I love you Jax!" his eyes widened as he grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me. I kissed him back. The next day was awesome. We went to a virtual reality gaming center/arcade. Since it was a Saturday we played different kinds of games all day. I ended up beating Jax at everything we played. I might not be the best at playing controller games, but virtual is my specialty. After we were done at the arcade, we went back to Jax's place and started to watch anime. We ended up falling asleep on the couch watching, "no game, no life" we also played mortal kombat 11 as well. It wasn't the most perfect date, but I loved it and I love him.

    My life wasn't this easy, I promise. There are a lot of things I left out from telling you. My father might have been the only one that cared for me but he wasn't as innocent as he seemed, and my mother was never there for me. My brother loved me, but he had anger issues. My family was broken. My father got out of the hospital a few months ago. He was fine from the beginning. My mother has another family with some rich guy, and who knows where my brother is. I decided I should visit my dad since he was probably lonely. 

    I asked Jax if he wanted to go with me but he said that he had made plans with some of his friends from his sports clubs. I didn't mind it. I was just nervous to show up there again. I packed up a small bag and left as soon as possible. Jax let me borrow his car since he was riding with his friends. As soon as I got there I felt weird. I felt like something wasn't right. There was an unfamiliar car parked in our garage. I knocked on the door and some strange girl was standing there. She was really tall, her hair was black, and she had almost yellow golden eyes. I didn't know who this lady was. All of a sudden I heard a girl screaming. It sounded like the girl was in pain. It was coming from our old basement.

    I told the girl my father's name and she asked me how I knew him. I sighed and told her that he was my dad. She looked at me with disbelief and paused for a moment examining my face. She looked surprised after a few seconds of looking at me. She held the door open wider and told me to come in. She told me my father was downstairs. That was where the screaming was coming from. I couldn't help but notice this women's grin as I walked down the stairs. I had arrived at the front of the door leading into my basement. The women told me to go in, and that there was nothing to be afraid of. I opened the door to see my dad sitting there with a girl. I was so confused. Who was that girl and who was that woman? 

 My dad looked at me as I slowly stepped into the room. It was dark and all I could make out was a few features of my dad's face. It was honestly unsettling. The girl looked as if she had tape over her mouth. I could hear someone ripping it off. As soon as the tape fell to the ground the girl started to shout again. I was concerned with what was happening. This wasn't my family. That wasn't my dad. I didn't know where I was. I walked into some strangers house. That woman faked knowing my father. She led me on. I slowly started to back up. My spine hit the door hard. The girl heard the sound and started screaming at me to help her. I didn't know what to do or say. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't speak. I was suffocating with all of the fumes they sprayed at me. I passed out from lack of oxygen.

I woke up and looked all around. I was in my old bedroom. Maybe that was my dad. Maybe that woman was his new wife or girlfriend, and that girl was… I don't know who that girl could've been. I heard a knock on the door but I was too scared to say anything. I heard the doorknob twisting. The person that walked into the room was the last person I would have guessed. I took a good look at his face. It was my brother. I had so many questions. I wanted to know why that girl was screaming and who that woman was.    

"I know you're probably confused, but let me tell you something. Dad is dead and I came back. That woman down there works for me and the girl you heard screaming was my… client." my brother sounded insane. "Why did you tie me up?" I asked. "Well dear sister, I wouldn't want you running off and telling anybody about me or my clients, would I?" He had a strange tone in his voice. "What do you mean by clients and why was she screaming?" I was so confused and I had to ask a few questions. "Well, she told me she wanted to end her life. I wanted to show her how it felt to actually almost die. When I heard her screams, I knew she didn't actually want to die. I try and get rid of the people that think they can use their pain to get attention," my brother sounded like he wanted to laugh at her agony.

"What about me?" I asked "I also want to end my life. Are you gonna use that technique on me?" I added, "Oh dear sister, there are some things you should keep to yourself." he snickered. He had put a blindfold over my eyes and took me into a separate room. "That really was a stupid decision dear sister." he sounded serious. He took hurting people as a coping method to help himself with all the pain that he felt. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a sadist. If you didn't know what a sadist is it's someone who enjoys seeing others in pain. "If you do almost kill me, it's not like I would care. You know of all people I don't use my pain for attention. Dear brother, when will you learn? I'm a masochist. I enjoy pain, you'd be doing me a favor." I replied with a smart ass comment so that he would hurt me. "Stupid sister, you know I love you. I just might love you in a way a    brother shouldn't," he sounded like he wanted to keep me all to himself. 

My brother always did have issues. He was messed up after my mother killed our rabbit and fed it to him. He loved that rabbit, it was his best friend. After that, I was his best friend. We did everything together. When we got older he might have abused me, but when I needed him most, he was there. My brother Kai, he never meant for things to be this way. Kai took the blindfold off of my eyes and showed me his tools. I looked at him in a way only he could understand. He started to cry. "Dear sister, why did you let me leave? I left because I hurt you. I left because I loved too much to continue the things I did to you, why didn't you try to find me?" he probably would've sounded insane if he was talking to anybody else. I was one of the only people that understood him.

"Kai, don't let the feelings you have fester up inside you. You can take it out on me. I can handle it." I begged him to stop hurting himself by holding back. He took a few of his tools and started stabbing me repeatedly. He had a passion for these kinds of things. He made it feel like you were helping him by letting him hurt you. He took a metal string and zipped it right through my skin. He took a meat cleaver and cut through my shirt. There wasn't much I could do. I was tied up and he was already activated. He was getting pissed because I wouldn't scream or make any sound at all. I sat there in silence letting my fate happen.

Kai was special. He had reasons to be insane or be the way he is. Kai just wanted love. He wanted someone to understand him. That's why I've been the only person he can look to. I'm the only one that knows him for him. My eyes widened with rage as he put his lips on mine. He slowly slipped his tongue in my mouth but before he could go any farther I bit his tongue. I bit it so deep that he started gushing blood. "I have a boyfriend, if I had known that this was your intent I wouldn't have said yes," I said in a pissed off tone. "Lizzy I love you, why can't you accept that?" he muffled while holding his bloody tongue. "If you wanna know why I won't accept that is because you're my goddamn brother Kai! I'm the only one that knows everything about you because you don't open up to anybody. Go and get yourself some friends and stop hurting people to cope with your mental issues. People are going to be scared of you. You want friends you have to make an effort to change. You ever want a girlfriend you're going to have to treat her like a person, not an experiment!" I yelled.

He looked at me with surprise. "Lizzy, I hurt you again didn't I. Oh my god Lizzy I'm sorry. I.. I can't breath. I'll make it up to you I'll kill myself so you don't get hurt again." he stuttered. The blood dripped from my wounds. "Kai you don't have to do that. Your my brother and I love you, but I don't know if I can love you in the way that you want." I tried to be as sincere as possible. "It would hurt me even more if you killed yourself, to say the least," I added. "I'm sorry Lizzy I'm the worst brother ever." His voice shakes as he spoke. Kai cut off the rope that was holding me to the chair. We stood there for a moment. I felt bad for him. He was a confused soul just trying to survive in a messed up world.

 He cleaned my wounds and drove me back home. I told him where my apartment building was and I told him to come to visit sometime. We exchanged phone numbers and I told him to call me if he ever felt the urge to hurt someone. My brother was a good guy, but the cruel world drove him insane. I watched as he drove away. I waited until I couldn't see his car anymore. I limped up the stairs trying to hold the bandages from unraveling. I had cuts and bruises all over my body including my face. When I knocked on the door of Jax's apartment building, a boy that I didn't know was standing in the entryway. "Jax there's a half-naked girl outside your door, she looks homeless." his friend yelled back. "Uhm I wasn't expecting anyone," Jax said as he walked over to the door. His friend moved out of the way and Jax looked like he was about to start crying. "Jax, who is this? We should get back to trying to find your girlfriend." his friend sounded worried. "L..Lizzy? What happened to you?" Jax didn't say anymore after that. 

Jax looked at me and hugged me as he started crying. "I was so worried. Where were you? I'm never gonna leave you alone ever again." he sounded like some little kid attached to a teddy bear. I winced in pain, his arm was crushing the area on my arm that Kai slit with the metal string. Jax just realized what happened, he apologized and brought me inside. "Lizzy this is my friend Luka. he was helping me try and find you." Jax sounded relieved. "Uhm Jax? Is this your girlfriend?" Luka asked. "Yea, it's complicated," Jax replied. "I'm Lizzy, nice to meet you," I said trying to sound cheerful. "I'm gonna go take a shower if you'll excuse me," I stated. "Liz, you want me to join?" Jax said jokingly. "No, you pervert!" I shouted back. Luka giggled a little and they started to talk as I was in the shower.

CHAPTER 3: New Roommates

As I got out of the shower the first thing I noticed when I looked around was the small stack of clothes. I looked closer and realized it was my bra and underwear. I didn't have anything else to wear so I decided to dry off and wear the clothes that were there. I put them on and walked out as I finished drying my hair. I thought that Luka would have been gone by the time I walked out, and I didn't really think Jax would care. All of a sudden I heard Jax laughing. I looked over and saw Luka with a nose bleed. As soon as I realized what happened I started to scream at Jax, "Jax you Idiot! I didn't know Luka was still here!!!!!!"

I ran back into the bathroom and tried not to freak out. Luka got a nosebleed because of what I was wearing. What kind of logic is that? I didn't question what just happened. I quickly ran out and grabbed one of Jax's shirts. I threw it on and walked over to Jax and Luka. Luka was blushing. Jax noticed and hit his friend jokingly but aggressively. Jax noticed that I was only wearing my underwear underneath his shirt. He started to blush intensely. We all started to play video games. I beat Jax a lot and Luka beat me a lot too. It was a nice night. We all ended up falling asleep next to each other. I was in the middle of Luka and Jax. My head was on Jax and my ass was on Luka's lower stomach. 

When I woke up I felt something hard right next to my thigh. I slowly looked down. Luka's foot was jabbing into my side. I tried to get up but couldn't, I ended up twisting the wrong way and my head landed really hard on Luka's chest. I sat there very still and made sure that he hadn't woken up. As I was waiting for an ounce of sound I ended up falling asleep again, but this time I was cuddled with Luka. I kept waking up, and this time I was back in the position I was in before I had landed on Luka. I looked over at both of the guys, and both of their eyes were wide open and on me.

Luka looked down at the part of my leg that was on his lower stomach and Jax was staring at my face. When I finished zoning out I realized I was probably crushing them. I got off as quickly as possible and asked them what happened, "well, we all fell asleep and then I woke up. Luka was already awake. Neither one of us moved because we didn't wanna wake you up," Jax explained. I replied back with, "Omg, I'm sorry you guys didn't have to stay still." They looked at me with a smile on their faces. I threw both of my arms around their necks and gave them a plunge hug to the floor. After I hugged them I decided to start breakfast. 

After a while of me cooking things up, breakfast was finally ready. I looked into the other room to tell them that I had finished but they looked like they were still dazed out on the floor. "Breakfast is ready! Get up dorks" I yelled. After I screamed both of them jumped up and walked into the kitchen to see a decent breakfast. "Since breakfast is the most important meal of the day, eat up!!" I smiled. There were medium-sized plates of food in the spots where Jax and Luka were sitting. As I saw Jax take a bite of the food his eyes lit up and so did Luka's. "Oh my god Lizzy, this food is amazing! Where did you learn to cook like that?" Jax sounded excited. "I'm glad you like it, Jax. Do you like it, Luka?" I asked. "Of course I do, I haven't had a meal like this in ages," he replied.

Luka told us that he had some family things that he had to go and do, so we said goodbye. Jax told me that he might be coming back over later. Jax asked me about what he thought about having Luka be our new roommate. I told him I wouldn't have minded. I thought to myself that it might be a little crowded with two boys and me living in the house, so I took it upon myself to ask Jax what he thought about me moving out cause I never really officially moved in. I talked with Jax about it, he seemed kinda mad. "Why would you wanna leave? Are you not comfortable?" he asked. "No never, I just thought that it might be a little crowded with you, Luka, and me living in the same apartment." I quickly answered. I decided to not tell him that I already had an apartment. Later that day Luka arrived back at the place. He didn't say much. I wanted to make sure he was okay because the last time I visited my family I almost got killed. I walked over to where Luka was sitting and gave him a hug, "I know meetings with your family can be hard, you can't always live up to what your parents want you to be, or you have a bad environment at home, trust me I get it." I said as I rested my head on his shoulder. He slowly put his head on mine.

Jax was out for a bit so I decided to spend some time with Luka. Luka questioned what happened to me when I was lost or gone. I ended up telling him all the messed up things my brother did, and how Kai kissed me. I told Luka everything about my backstory. I even told him the good parts. "So like I said if anybody gets it it's me," I whispered. Luka looked at me attentively, "I wish I could kiss you." he said while putting his fingers on my chin. As soon as Luka pulled his fingers away from my neck the door opened, it was Jax. I ran up and hugged him. I kissed him on the cheek and welcomed him home. Luka looked jealous. The next few days were basically the same, nothing out of the ordinary happened. Me, Jax, and Luka all ended up staying cooped up in the house the whole weekend. 

The others had fallen asleep, and I just wasn't tired yet so I decided to go on my phone. As I was on Instagram looking through my recent page a message popped up from Kai, "I'm coming to visit I can't hold back I need you," I was horrified. I didn't tell Jax what had happened that night, only Luka knows. I paced the dark gloomy hallways all night. I couldn't sleep not after that message. I thought about what the worst thing to happen was. It was bad, all of the things that popped into my head were so bad. I didn't know what to do. I brushed it off and put it aside. I couldn't let my brother take over my life. I have two awesome and hot roommates, what else could I need… right?

The next day Jax and Luka had a gaming event that they decided to attend, so I was home alone. I was bored all day, I didn't do much. I was making a snack since it was around 2:15 pm and I was hungry when someone knocked on the door. I walked over to the entryway thinking Jax or Luka forgot something. I opened the door, "did you forget something?" I said before realizing who was at the door. I looked up terrified, "hey dear sister" It was Kai.

As he loomed over me his shadow filled the room. I stood there in shock. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I was totally and utterly alone. Kai walked into the entryway and started walking towards me. I started to walk backward not taking my eyes off him. I tripped on my other foot and fell to the floor. Kai grabbed me by the neck and held me against the wall. I let out a small gasp for air but that just motivated him even more. Kai had let go of my neck and grabbed onto my hair, he dragged me to the bed. He threw me onto my back and pinned me down, I was pissed. He pulled off my shirt and my shorts. Kai started to touch me, I squirmed and squirmed but he didn't let go of me. The main thought running through my head was, "Jax, Luka, help me."

I tried to get away but I couldn't, I just remembered that Kai had been sent to an institution for the sick. He was able to train there and get stronger. I was desperate I was kicking and screaming, but he just loved the whole scene I was making, Kai was hurting me. Kai still had me pinned to the bed and was about to do more. "Why are you doing this Kai? don't you have other things to do?" I said, this time, more desperate than I had before. Kai continued, right before he officially raped me someone knocked down the door.

I started to cry and scream anything to get the person's attention. I didn't know who could be at the door but at this point, I didn't care. All of a sudden I heard Luka's voice. "Lizzy!" Luka screamed, he ran down the hallway checking every room until he found the room that Kai kept me in. He struggled to open the door because of the lock on the other side. I kneed Kai in the stomach while he was distracted, as soon as I had the chance I opened the door and jumped into the person's arms. It was Luka, we both ended up falling to the ground, "My brother's here, we have to leave." I said frantically. "Your brother's here?" Luka said nervously, I nodded. We both were still on the floor scattering to try and get up before we could, Kai came out of the room, and kicked me to the ground. "Why can't you just be my sister? I've loved and cared for you and I really get nothing in return?" my brother stared at us. "The reason why she won't be yours is because she's already mine!" Luka yelled as he wrapped his arms around me. 

Kai didn't like that Luka had claimed me. "You don't get her, I don't approve!" Kai screamed as he shoved me off of Luka. Luka stood up and threw the first punch, Kai dodged it. Kai grabbed his arm and swung back at Luka. Luka brushed off getting punched in the face and drop kicked Kai. Kai slipped his foot under Luka tripping him, they were now both on the floor. As they continued fighting I got off of the floor and went over to the door looking for someone to help. There was no one, the door swung open and the two of them were fighting. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing, so I decided to help Luka. I didn't know how I was gonna do it, but I just went for it. I got around the both of them and grabbed Kai by the hair, just like he did to me. I pulled him down the hallway giving Luka time to stand up. Eventually, Kai was able to stand up. He ripped his hair from my grasp and turned around to slap me, but before he could, Luka grabbed his arm.

As Kai got distracted he forgot about me, I grabbed the house key out of my pocket and stabbed it into Kai's leg. I was able to get a grasp on the key again, I pulled it out and stabbed it into his other leg. Kai was able to kick Luka off of him and then he took the key from his leg and stabbed it into my stomach, I fell to the ground. Knowing I had to get up to help Luka I slowly slumped up using the wall as something I could lean on. Luka had kicked Kai back towards me. Since Kai wasn't facing me, I pushed off the wall and kicked Kai back towards Luka. Luka swung a few punches knocking Kai out. I was pissed so I took the key from my stomach and shoved it into Kai's shoulder.

Luka and I decided to leave Kai in the room that we found each other in. We made sure to lock it from the outside just to be sure. As soon as we thought it was all over Jax came running through the door. "Why the hell is everything a mess? and Luka why did you come running back to the house so fast? We missed the gaming event." Jax said. He looked over in our direction. "Is that blood Lizzy? Are you okay? Luka, what in the hell happened?" Jax said as he turned the lights on to see what happened. His eyes widened and he ran over to me. Jax put his hand over my wound and looked at Luka's face. "Seriously guys what happened?" Jax asked. I pointed to the door that Kai was in. Jax looked over towards the room and opened the door slowly. "Uhm, are you guys okay? There's nothing here." Jax explained. I froze and so did Luka. "Jax! Watch out!" I screamed. Jax quickly turned around to see Kai. By the time Jax had turned around Kai's knife was in Jax's neck. I started to scream and cry. Luka came over to me and hugged me tightly. I sobbed all over Luka. 

After I finished wiping my tears I got up and dashed towards Kai, he had his knife ready. I dashed towards him, juking him out I was able to get around him and knock the knife out of his hands. Luka grabbed the knife and stabbed Kai in the back. Kai pulled the knife out of his back letting the blood trickle down his spine. He dashed towards me slitting open my stomach, I screamed. Luka was pissed, Luka went up behind Kai and started choking him. Kai took his knife and started cutting into Luka's arm, but Luka didn't let go. "Luka! Just let go!" I begged. Luka didn't listen to me. Kai passed out again and this time Luka and I ended it. I decided since he was my brother to kiss him on the cheek, and say goodbye. After I was done Luka and I took kitchen knives and stuck them into his chest.

As soon as Kai was dealt with I ran over to Jax. "Dammit! Why did he have to be here!" I screamed. I started to cry, Jax was one of the only people that loved me for me and knew me. I loved him back, I really did. I ran to the phone and called an ambulance. They arrived in a little over 10 minutes. I kept on crying, I didn't know what to do. Jax can't die. I fell to the floor, and Luka was right behind me to comfort me. He knelt down to the floor and wrapped his arms around me. As I felt his strong shoulders press against my back I felt calm. My tears slowly dried and my eyes fluttered closed. I had fallen asleep on Luka. 

I woke up to the sound of sirens, Luka helped me stand up. I ran outside to see the red cross on the vehicle. I waved my hand and started to cry again. The people saw me and headed up to our apartment floor. When they came inside they saw both of the bodies, then they saw Luka. "We were attacked, and it was self-defense," Luka said frantically. I nodded my head. "My brother attacked me, Luka was trying to protect me but my brother started going at him, and when my other roommate arrived my brother stabbed him," I said with a shaky voice. "Ma'am it's okay. I just need to know the name of the victim and the name of the offender." the lady asked. "The red and black-haired one is my brother Kai, and the one with light blue silver-ish hair is Jax," I replied. 

The lady realized my stomach and Luka's arm. She waved for more guys to come in and help. The lady took us to the back of the car and treated our wounds. I saw her take Jax and Kai away, leaving me and Luka there. I leaned my head on Luka's shoulder and closed my eyes. It's been a long day.

CHAPTER 4: Karma's a B*tch

After everything that happened with Jax and Kai, I wasn't able to sleep for a while. I kept thinking about all of the things that I could've done to save him, I felt terrible. I kept wishing that things could've been different. It was around 4 am and I had school tomorrow. It felt nice to finally be in the apartment that I bought. Luka was staying with me because he had nowhere else to go, other than his family the only person he had was me. I was still awake, I went to check the time it was around 4:30 am. I walked down the hallway and stopped in front of the door that Luka was staying in. I didn't wanna wake Luka up but I needed someone. I quietly sneaked into his room and went to lay down next to him. As I was about to get on the bed I had noticed that Luka was awake. 

I looked at him for a few seconds, "Hey Lizzy" Luka sounded stressed. I didn't say anything to him, I just crawled into his arms. "I didn't wanna sleep alone tonight," I said in a tired tone. Luka didn't say anything after that, he just tightened his grip on me like he was about to lose me. I didn't mind though. I know I love Jax and there will always be a part of me that will, but right now I feel safe with Luka, I like Luka. He's been a good friend to me the past couple of months when we lived with Jax. Maybe when I get over Jax and accept the fact that he was killed by my brother, I'll be able to move on with Luka.

I might be able to love Luka in a way I couldn't love Jax. I fell asleep thinking about what happened, it's hard to forget. I mean I saw Jax get stabbed in the neck. It's hard to know that someone you love got killed by your own brother. In the morning I woke up to the sight of Luka's face. I just laid there and stared at him. I even watched as his eyelids slowly opened, "Hey," Luka said calmly. "Hey," I replied. Luka sat up and so did I.  I looked at him for a moment until our faces started to inch closer. It felt wrong because Jax just got put into the hospital but it also felt so right. I pressed my lips against Luka's and wrapped my legs around his lower pelvis. We made out for about 15 seconds and then Luka slipped his fingers up my shirt and unhooked my bra strap. I remembered being in the locker room with Jax, I remembered how he unhooked my bra strap just like Luka did. Luka pulled off his sweatshirt and slipped it over my head. Luka turned away but before he could get off the bed I pulled him back and kissed him again.

Luka looked back at me and smiled, "We should visit the hospital…" I said trying not to stutter. "Yeah sure, if that's what you want," Luka replied. Luka helped me off of the bed and we both started to get ready. It was gonna be hard seeing Jax's body dying because of my brother. When I was there, I needed to make sure my brother was officially dead. I couldn't have Luka die next. At that moment I made a pact with myself. If Kai ever did come back, I would be the one to die, not Luka and if I don't die, I will be the one to kill my brother once and for all.     

When Luka and I arrived at the hospital I went straight into Jax's room. Somehow he was still alive, I wrapped my arms around him and stayed like that for a few moments. I started to cry again. I felt all the different emotions I was feeling rolling down my cheeks. Luka pulled me away from the bed and into his arms, I continued to cry. I wiped my tears and hugged Luka. I told him to wait in Jax's room while I go and use the bathroom. I walked out of Jax's room and started heading over to Kai's.

When I walked into his room he was laying there isolated. I walked closer and looked at him in disgust. I was about to walk out but then Luka came in. I stared at him, "Luka why are you here?" I said out of curiosity. "I could ask you the same thing," Luka responded. I looked down, "I know it's not the best thing to wish for but I wanted to make sure my brother was dead, now that I see him here I can't really do much. Your turn to explain," I said trying to keep calm. "Uhm well, I had a bad feeling that you had come in here so I wanted to make sure you were okay," Luka said with his right hand on the back of his neck. I hugged Luka as I grabbed his hand and led him out of Kai's room. Luka and I ended up going back into Jax's room. I saw a doctor outside of the door talking to other doctors and I decided to ask one of them about Jax. 

I looked back towards the room to see Luka standing there with his head leaning against the door frame. I looked back towards the doctors. "Is Jax going to be okay?" I asked trying not to bother them. "Are you his girlfriend, because if you're not his family we cannot tell you about Mr. Hays." One of the doctors told me. "Uh no I'm not his girlfriend, uhm I'm his sister." I tried my best to lie so I could know what was going on. The doctor looked at me and then told me to follow her. She led me into a separate room and then began to tell me about what was happening to Jax. "Mr. Hays took serious damage to the neck, Luckily the blade didn't hit the vein. The medics got there just in time. There is still a chance that Mr. Hays could die, but if he made it this far I think that your brother is going to be just fine. I nodded my head and told the doctor thank you. As I made my way back to the room that Luka and Jax were in, I noticed some of the doctors running into Kai's room. "We need more doctors!" a man in a white coat shouted back towards the other doctors.

I looked around to see what was going on. Before I did anything else I grabbed Luka and showed him what was happening in Kai's room. Luka looked concerned. He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to Kai's room. Both of us were trying to get a better look at what was going on. Kai was dying. I heard a sound I would never forget, the buzzing sound that stings your ears and pains your heart the sound of no pulse filled the room, and the crowded hospital. I looked at Luka and then buried my face into his chest and began to cry. I know Kai hurt people including me, but he was still once that innocent child that was known and loved for as Kai.

Luka and I walked back towards Jax's room and stayed there hoping for him to open his eyes, and for him to talk to us again. Even so, the silence just got louder and louder. I couldn't bear to see him like this so I asked Luka if we could go home. As we made our way home from the hospital I got a phone call, it was from the hospital. I answered it and asked why they were calling me. My eyes turned bright, "Luka, turn around and go back to the hospital!" I shouted. "Why is something wrong?" He asked. "Just hurry up and go back!" I said excitedly. Luka turned around and started heading back to the hospital. As soon as we got there I ran inside and went to find Jax's room.

Luka was wondering why I made him turn around, and why I was so persistent on going to see Jax. I ran into his room to see him sitting up and smiling at me. I ran up to him and kissed him on the cheek he pulled me back again and kissed my lips, all of a sudden the nurse walked in the room to make sure the bleeding had stopped when she saw us. "Uh excuse me, aren't you Mr. Hays's sister?" The nurse looked concerned. Me and Jax sat there blankly. "Uh yeah about that, you weren't gonna tell me anything unless I was related to him, so I'm sorry." I looked back at Jax and then looked back at the nurse. I giggled and smiled at the nurse trying to be convincing. She looked at me with a small smile and walked out of the room.

I looked back at Jax and felt his forehead to make sure he didn't have a fever. After I checked Jax I looked back at Luka with a smile. Luka looked exhausted but as soon as I smiled at him, his face lit up as well. I could tell that Luka was irritated just by the expression on his face. I turned back towards Jax. "It's getting kinda late me and Luka should get back, bye Jax!" I said with a smile on my face.