Adam

People had different definitions of heartburn.

Sometimes I wondered if they felt it the way I did;flashes of what had been and what could've been. Distant laughter of an angel,deep longing making it hard to breathe and the painful constrict of your chest at the thought of someone else receiving those beautiful moments.

Moments like this happened a lot;losing myself to memories,that is.

There are what kept me up most nights.

But tonight I'd give credit to my mother.

Her fake sniffles could only do so much until I broke .

".... I've not seen my boy in months,when are you going to visit us?hmm? It's been a while." It had been seven years,three months and five days but who was counting.

"Mom...you saw me two weeks ago...and you know why I can't come."

"If you listened to me, you'd know she doesn't visit either,Rose is worried too.."more sniffles, I sighed and thought of the perfect excuse to appease my mom. I had none. I had ran out of excuses about five months ago.

"I'll see what I can do...but no promises."

"Okay... we'll all be happy to see you..."

"I'll be happy too...I love you,tell dad I said hi."

"I love more my sweet boy."

There was nothing I wanted more than to go home and be enveloped by the familiar scents that reminded of my beautiful childhood.

But I was a coward and people like me loved getting drunk on memories and fantasies than experiencing the real thing.

I wasn't afraid of seeing Ivanah, I was scared of losing control of who I was whenever she was near me.

I might be a coward but I knew who I was in her presence.