16 Chapter sixteen: Living in Hell

~~~When people all stare, I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk. Whenever I see you, I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue. Pretend I'm okay with it all, act like there's nothing wrong. Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?~~~

-Kelley Clarkson-

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One month later...

Living in a different house without my parents, especially my mom has been so difficult. It was strange, not to mention the fact that I'm living with my so-called husband, who seemed like a total stranger to me. He leaves the house in the morning when I was still asleep and goes back at night when I'm already asleep. I know he's doing it on purpose.

I barely saw him every day except one time I waited for him and he came home drunk. I was so excited that night that I decided to cook for his dinner. But disappointment washed over me when he just pushed the plate away from him and put the cover on. He then asked our maid Rory to cook him for new dinner as he won't eat the food I made for him.

I cried all night and almost didn't sleep, but I still managed to wake up early and cook breakfast for him.

"Ohh, Sam, he's already left for school," Rory told me with a reaction I couldn't paint. Sadness, disappointment, pity.

"Did he?"

She nodded and walked over to me before patting my shoulders.

He always does it every morning--- every day... but why couldn't I get used to it?

"Okay, can you just pack 2 pieces of sandwiches? I'll just bring it to my best friend."

"Sure. Do you want me to pack the apple juice too?"

"No, water would be fine."

She nodded, smiling and I went back upstairs to my room. It's our final exams today so I must get ready for the long school hours--- and of course for the different stares of my schoolmates, classmates and those who pretended to be my friends, but I didn't know they were only waiting for me to make a huge mistake so they can pull me down.

I sighed.

Well, I admit, it has not been so easy to take and handle the words I have received since the news about my pregnant spread throughout the campus. They called me different names like whore, slut, prostitute, call girl, sex worker and some names that I've already forgotten. But if there's something good came up after everything that happened, it was that I became closer to my parents and to Dale.

They always got my back, especially my best friend. She's the only person to whom I've shared everything that happens between me and my husband.

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Time has passed so quickly that I hadn't noticed it's now time again to go home.

Bringing my things to the locker area, I found Jack waiting for me.

"What took you so long?" She's frowning when she helped me put my books inside the locker.

"Uhm, I saw Dean and I just had a small talk with him." I shrugged.

"Dean? As in Dean Scott the campus student president?"

"Yup." I nodded and started walking to the parking lot as she followed behind me.

"So, what did he tell you?"

"Nah, he just invited me to attend his birthday party next week."

"Whoa! Don't tell me you agree?."

"Of course, not. Can't you see I'm pregnant?"

"Hmm... that's good. Alcohol is bad for the baby's health. Anyway, I'm sorry girl but I think I can't go with you to the clinic tomorrow, it's just that I have to drive for my mom to the airport. She's going to visit my grandparents in New York."

"No, it's okay, Jack. Honestly, I appreciate your help and I understand if you have something important to do tomorrow."

"Nah, you know I love to come with you every time you're having your monthly check-up, but I promise that after I send my mom to the airport, I'll go straight to the clinic."

"Come on, I told you it's okay. I'll just try to ask Luke to come with me tomorrow."

"Ohh..." she forced a smile. "Well, good luck then, girl."

"Yeah, it's my first ultrasound test and I'm so excited to know the gender of my baby," I said excitedly that my hand lifted onto my belly.

I went home that night hoping that Luke would agree to come with me the next day. He's still not home when I arrived, which I've been used to since we got married. Bringing the bowl of popcorn and a glass of Apple juice, I decided to wait for him in the living room.

I checked the time from the large round wall clock hanging on the wall and I couldn't help but sigh. It's 8:00 o'clock in the evening and he usually comes home by 10:00, so that means I still have to wait for him for two hours.

Two hours have passed and I glanced again at the wall clock that showed 10:15 pm. I've already got my second refill of juice and I've already used the bathroom for the fifth time, but I still can't hear and see any sign of him coming.

And when I was about to doze off, I heard the familiar sound of his car entering the gate and parked in the garage. I immediately got up and blew an air repeatedly to calm my nervous yet excited nerves.

"What are you doing here and why are you still awake?" He asked me the moment he saw me waiting in the living room.

"I-I just wanna talk to you."

I tried to smell his scent if it had been mixed with alcohol again, but I uttered a silent 'thank God' when I smelled nothing but his pure cologne and his manly scent.

"I'm tired and I don't have time for your dramas, so you'd better save it for some other time."

He walked past me and I ran to reach his pace before he could go upstairs.

"Uhm... i-it's my third monthly check-up tomorrow and I thought you could come with me?" It sounded like a question and I gulped when he turned around. "My doctor said she can now perform the first ultrasound to find out the gender of the baby and to---"

"I'll try."

He cut me off just to say those two short words and then turned around to continue his steps upstairs.

"But Luke---"

"I said I'll try, didn't I? And it's getting late Samantha, you should go to sleep." He didn't even stop or spare me a glance when he spoke. It's just like he's talking to a dog.

"Okay," I uttered lowly, nodding. At least he talked to me, right? I mean, he didn't scowl me.

I tried to sleep that night but I guess the drowsiness doesn't want to visit me. Maybe because I was too much excited for tomorrow. Aside from I will already find out my baby's gender, Luke would be there too. I did everything to make a sleep... I wish I could drink a coffee or could jump 10 times on the bed or as many as I can to tire my body to sleep... but I couldn't, so I decided to pull my laptop and watch some random movies online. And a few moments later, I felt my eyelids drift until I finally dozed off and forgot to close my laptop.

The next morning, since my body has its own body clock, I still woke up early and prepared for my appointment. I left my room at 7:30 and went directly in front of Luke's bedroom. I was about to knock but I changed my mind. I know he'll come down and show himself later, so I decided to wait for him in the living room.

But it's been 20 minutes... 30 minutes and he's still doesn't show up. I kept on glancing at my wristwatch and counting from 1 to 100 and back, but I still couldn't hear his familiar footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Maam, I thought you have an appointment with your doctor today?" I turned to see Elaine coming from the kitchen.

"Yes, I'm just waiting for Luke."

Then suddenly her eyebrows scrunched and she asked me again. "You're waiting for your husband?"

I nodded. "I asked him last night if he could come with me to see my doctor and he said he'll try."

"Ohh..." her expression suddenly changed into sad and dismayed. "But he has already left at 6:00 this morning."

"What?" I asked in shock and got up immediately. "Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Didn't he mention anything about me---my baby and... and about the appointment that I told him?"

"No, he just told Rory to make two egg sandwiches and----" (she paused, hesitating if she would continue to speak or not)

"And what?" I urged her, frowning.

"And he said not to call him all day as he has something important to do for today."

"Whew!" I breathed, my eyes are now collecting tears, but I tried to blink them away and showed our maid that 'I'm okay'... that 'It's just fine with me'.

"He has an important thing to do, something more important than his own wife," I whispered to myself. Why am I still surprised? "I hope he could even spare a small part of his time at least for his child," I added silently.

"Maam, if you want we can call your best friend or your parents---"

I interrupted her with a smile. "No, Elaine, thank you but I think I don't want them to know anything that's going on in this house, well, except for my best friend."

"Oh, I understand, I'm sorry, ma'am."

"It's okay, thank you for your concern, Elaine," I said giving her a genuine smile. "Anyway, I have to go. My appointment is at 8:30 and I only have 30 minutes to drive to the clinic."

"Yes, ma'am, just give us a call if you need anything and good luck on your check-up. I hope it's a girl."

I couldn't help widening my smile when I heard her wish.

"Yeah, I hope so too, but honestly, it doesn't matter to me if it's a girl or a boy, as long as he's a healthy baby."

"Ahh... please take care, ma'am Samantha."

"I will, thanks, Elaine."