THE UMBRELLA AND THE REMINISCENCE OF RAIN

"Excuse me, is this the gate of entrance." I turned to one of the

guards standing near a large gate.

"Yeah." they nodded in unison.

I got out of my car.

I was on a break when I thought of paying him a surprise visit.

Sarah had texted me their address.

I craned my neck up to look at the humongous Apartment

community buildings.

So, they lived in apartments?

Cool.

I texted Sarah to let her know I was here.

"How may I help you, miss?" the receptionist smiled at me.

"I am here to pay a visit to Mr. Ibrahim Ahmed."

"I am not surprised. Mr. Ibrahim Ahmed has been receiving a

lot of visitors lately."

Confusion marred my features.

"Oh. You don't know?"

"Her son." she sighed.

"What about him?" I gulped.

"He is sick."

"I know."

"I don't think he can make it. He is on the verge of death." she

giggled.

Fear rushed through my veins. But I wasn't going to conquer

me.

"Listen very carefully." I walked up to her and rested my hand

on her desk.

"Do your job rather than spreading gossip, assuming things

and laughing at others miseries. If you will say such things

again, I might have to report to the manager about your ill

ethics."

She looked worried.

"Romi." I turned around at the chirpy voice.

"Sarah." I hugged her lightly.

"How is he?" I asked her as we got into the elevator.

"As usual. I don't know what has happened to him these days.

He is irritated most of the time. I guess it's the lack of sleep

and the constant coughs that's irritating him."

I didn't know what to say.

"We try spending time as a family to cheer him up. Sometimes

he is happy but most of the time he looks irritated and the

liveliness in his eyes is gone."

"I am sure it's the sickness. Once he recovers, he'll be his

normal self again." I patted her shoulder.

"Did you two tell each other?" she turned to me and smiled.

"Tell what?"

"You're so clueless, Romi." she laughed.

"That you love one another."

I looked away.

"Well, I did but, he doesn't share my feelings." I shook my

head trying hard to erase the memory of my confession to

him.

"What?" she shrieked so bad that in an attempt to move away

from her I tripped on my foot and fell down. My hands

rescued my face sticking on the ground.

Just then the lift opened up and I looked up. 3 men in allblack tuxedos walked in. Sarah quickly pulled me up. I looked

up and saw one of them stifling his laugh.

Very embarrassing.

I glared at Sarah.

"I don't believe this." she whispered.

"What?"

"That he doesn't share your feelings." she shook her head.

"I didn't too. But it is what it is. Right?"

She suddenly grabbed my forearms and turned me around.

"Yes, it is what it is, Romi." she looked at me intensely and I

turned to look at the men with us. They were enjoying the

show.

"Uh, Sarah." I struggled to free my forearms.

"He loves you too, Romi. Can't you see it?" she looked

worried.

"I think I'll be able to see and believe it when he tells me,

Sarah." I tried again but her hold was firm.

"He has his reasons. I am sure. But he loves you. I know. We

all know. Can't you see it?"

"Love without action is meaningless. Besides, I know what

love is. It doesn't mean you have to be selfish. I am trying to

be selfless. Trying very hard. Please don't cloud my mind with

such thoughts." I freed my elbows from her grip.

I heard her sigh deeply.

We stopped at the 10th floor and Sarah led me through the

luxurious hallway to their apartment.

"This apartment belongs to him."

"What do you mean? You guys don't live together in one?"

"We have separate. That's Malik's." she pointed to one of the

doors.

"Me, Zainab and Dad live together. But now that he's sick, we

shifted to his apartment for a while." she opened the door.

The dark colors felt soothing to my eyes with all the harsh

lights that I was accustomed to. The walls were matte black

and the room was dimly lit with just the fire place and a few

low hanging lamps lit up. The dark blue sofas with rest of the

black interior formed a contrasting view.

"I really like his taste in colors." I complimented as I glanced

across the room over and over again. Everything was

captivating.

"He has a fetish for dimly lit places." she laughed lightly.

"I want a dimly lit hall." his voice rang in my ears and I

blushed at the memory.

She guided me to the bedroom and left me alone. I smiled to

myself.

Should I knock?

Yes. Where are your manners Romi?

I knocked. Once. Twice and...

"Come in." I heard a hoarse voice and some coughing.

I peeked inside.

There he sat on the bed folding a scarf.

"Hey." I whispered and he turned to me and smiled slightly.

"I wanted to surprise you." I walked in.

The room was dimly lit too. The walls were black and rest of

the interior was dark blue. The bed looked so comfy.

"I like your taste in interior." I ran my hands on the dark blue

soft velvet bedsheet.

"Isn't that what you're excelling at?"

"No, I am excelling in Architecture. The exterior of the house."

"Why are not resting?" I sat down with him.

"I am tired of lying on the bed, Romi."

"It's Romaisa for you." I sang as I took the floral scarf from his

hands.

"Is this Asmara's?" I stifled a laugh.

"No." he snatched it away from me.

"Can you stop mentioning her?" he sighed irritated.

"Must be your mother's." I took it from his hands again.

He nodded. I walked up to the mirror and wore the scarf

around my neck. I was wearing Lavender colored pants and a

white shirt. The pale blue floral scarf suited good with them. I

smiled to myself as I adjusted the scarf. I stopped as I felt his

gaze on me. I felt embarrassed as the realization dawned upon

me.

Why did I have to act so free?

This was his mother's scarf. Why did I wear it?

"I am sorry." I untangled it from my neck.

"It's okay. You can have it." he walked up to stand behind me.

I turned around.

"I should've asked." I muttered guiltily.

"You can keep it." he smiled sadly.

"Why would I keep it? It's yours. I mean your mothers. I mean

it's supposed to stay with you or you sis..." I stopped

blabbering when he kept his hand on my head.

"I don't think I can keep it with me anymore and my sisters

have all of my mom's belongings with them. I just took her

favorite scarf. You can have it. It looks very good on you." he

smiled and brushed a stand of my bangs away from my face.

He looked at me intensely for a second then he leaned forward

and kissed my forehead lightly. I stilled.

Did he just?

He moved a little back and gazed at me.

"That's my job." I whispered.

"I can help you in fulfilling it sometimes." he smiled slightly.

"Then do it every day."

He shook his head and smiled sadly again.

"Just once." I held his hand and kept it on my cheek.

He didn't say anything instead pulled me closer and wrapped

his arms tightly around me.

"I am so lucky to know you in my lifetime, Romi." he

whispered.

I think I was dreaming.

My brain had stopped working, my heart was beating very

wildly.

Nevertheless, I wrapped my arms around his back.

He smelled like hospitals?

I think I fell in love with him a little more in that moment.

Did he develop some sort of feelings for me too?

I hoped so.

"Azaan." I patted his back nervously.

He hummed.

"Are you sure you don't have any feelings for me?"

He didn't say anything and pulled back. I almost frowned

upon the little amount of time that he hugged me.

"What happened? Did I do something wrong?" I smiled

nervously when he went to lie on his bed.

"I am feeling a little dizzy." he closed his eyes and pinched the

bridge of his nose.

"Oh, do you want me to..." I tried to pull the duvet over him.

"No, I am good. I've decided not to lie on the bed today."

"But you just did."

"No, I meant like lying on the bed all day." he smiled.

"You didn't answer my question." I sat down beside him.

"Come on. It's just one day that we get to spend together

without me lying on the bed all day." he groaned.

Anger threatened to cloud my mind. Upon his lack of response

for my questions. But I kept it in check.

I looked around.

"Can I take you out somewhere?" I blurted out suddenly.

He laughed and coughed a little.

"Just for an hour. I swear."

"I don't want to go in a wheelchair. I don't have the strength to

walk around. And, that nebulizer..."

"Please." I held his hand. He tugged it and I let it go.

"Are you feeling sick?"

"It's the usual. Fever, headaches, chills, dizziness, coughs..."

he coughed a little.

"I don't know what tomorrow holds for us, Romi." he

muttered quietly and I closed my eyes.

"I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of living an unlived life."

"How do live an unlived life?" I muttered; my eyes still closed.

"It's different for everyone. For me it's lying and coughing on

the bed all day." he laughed and coughed a little.

"We can go out for an hour. But, it's very cold outside." he

frowned.

"That is not a problem." I got up and walked to his closet.

"We just need to cover you up in a bunch of warm...." my

sentenced died midway as I opened the door of the cupboard

and the clothes fell on me.

Unorganized much?

I picked them up and turned around. Now, he was resting

against the stack of pillows on his bed turned toward me.

"I was sick." he grinned cheekily.

"If we are to get married you must change these lazy habits of

yours." I kept them on the bed.

"If?" he grinned some more.

"Yeah, you wouldn't bother sharing my feelings back so I

guess I have to find someone who shares my feelings. That's

what marriage is about."

I leaned towards him and whispered.

"Sharing."

He nodded, still grinning. Then he leaned in and whispered

"We'll see if you'll ever be able to forget me, sweetheart."

I folded one of his t-shirts.

"Forgetting and accepting are two entirely different things."

"I may not be able to forget you but, I think I can accept the

fact that you don't share my feelings and move on." I smiled.

His smile faded away.

"You'll never find a guy like me."

"Ahan." I got up.

"You like me too, and you are hoping to get well soon too but,

for some reason you keep saying these negative things."

"What? No. I am just stating facts." he shrugged defensively.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

What was he trying to do? If, he had feelings for me why

wouldn't he tell me.

"Never mind. I am trying to be selfless." I inhaled deeply when

I folded another one of his t-shirts.

It smelled so good.

"Look here is something warm." I threw a Wollen charcoal

sweater at him.

"Where are we going?"

"Just for a long drive, I guess." I shrugged and picked up my

bag.

"Where is your wheelchair and portable oxygen

concentrator?"

"I guess I could walk a little with some support." he extended

his arm towards me.

"Do you feel for me too?" I smiled at him when I took his

hand.

"I can walk. It's just I tend to get a lot more tired and my legs

start to pain." he draped his arm around my shoulder.

I ignored his lack of response for my question.

We walked out of his bedroom. I saw his family gathered in

the living room.

"I thought he would never come out of his room." his dad

smiled at us.

"I thought he was going to rot and die in his room." Malik

hooted.

My smiled faded away and I glanced at Azaan who had a

sympathetic look on his face.

"Why would you say things like that?" I turned to Malik as

Azaan sat down to wear his shoes.

"I..." he looked around for help but, it seems he had offended

everyone.

"I am sorry." he muttered quietly.

"Don't mess with my woman, Malik." Azaan grinned lazily.

"Oh, My woman." Sarah hooted.

Embarrassing much?

I looked up at Azaan. He was sitting on the bench and his

head was against the wall. He was breathing deeply.

"Azaan."

He hummed as I helped him in the car.

"You sure you can come with me? We can spend the day at

home."

"You're asking me when I am comfortable in the car? After we

just rode an elevator for what felt like an hour?"

"It was for a minute."

"I felt so dizzy. I swear I've never hated elevators so much."

"That explains the reason why you almost slumped on me like

I am your bed or something." I smiled as I got into the car.

"We can drive around the city. Los Angeles is a beautiful city,

honey." I exclaimed in a rather sweet voice.

"I don't want you calling me honey." he reclined his seat.

"Okay how does honeybun sounds?" I eyed him as I drove

around the city.

He grimaced. I stifled a laugh.

"Okay. How does sugarplum sound?"

He grimaced again.

"Alright how does Pooh bear sound? Or panda bear? Or

cuddle cakes?"

"Stop you sound horrible." he laughed and coughed for a

while.

"Do you want me to get you the nebulizer?" I asked him as he

took deep breaths.

He shook his head.

"Come on. Choose one."

"I like it when you call be my na...." he stopped midway and I

smiled at him.

I gazed outside with a content smile on my lips.

Was it about to rain?

He might've developed some sort of feelings towards me. He

is just waiting for a right time. He didn't want to say it now.

He'll say it when he gets well. I know it. I just need to be a

little patient.

"Is that Mexican grilled corn?"

I looked in the way he was pointing at.

"Yeah. Want some?"

He grinned like a kid.

"I'll be right back." I took an umbrella and got out.

After buying I walked back to my car happily walking like I

had won a prize. It hadn't started to rain yet.

"Here." I handed him his corn. I heard a thunder then I felt

drops of water on my hand.

"It's drizzling." I smiled at him.

"Romi, get back in. Get back in if you don't want to end up like

me." he shook his head.

"I'll be careful." I shouted and ran to the middle of the road. I

still held the umbrella tightly. I sort of just walked around a

little and held up my hands to feel the drops of rain.

Occasionally I kept glancing at him. He was looking at me

with a sad smile and a distant look on his face. I kind of felt

that I should go back to him.

The memory of our first meeting flashed in my mind and I

smiled. It had rained when we first met. We were together

under a red umbrella. It had rained when I had first felt one of

the feelings out of many of love. It is raining today when I love

him and he probably does too. I hope we're together when we

meet again in the rain.

"You looked really happy there." he commented as I got in the

car and ran fingers through my slightly wet hair.

"How exactly did I look like?" I smiled at him.

My heart yearning to hear compliments.

"I don't know just a really happy girl with a red umbrella

dancing in the rain." he smiled.

"I wasn't dancing." I frowned.

"Yeah." he just gazed at me adoringly.

"I'll miss you." he whispered.

"Why? I am not going anywhere. Accept it or not I am here to

annoy you for the rest of..."

"What?" I eyed him as he looked out of the window.

"I don't know if you can still feel after death but, if I could feel

something I would feel your absence. I'll miss you."

"Can you stop saying things like that?" I snapped.

"I am trying to be patient. I am trying to be selfless. I am

trying to be positive. I am trying to be all these things that I

am not. Trying very hard. The least you could do is to consider

my efforts. I don't get it. Why can't you be a little considerate

towards my feelings?" I slammed my arm on the dashboard

but immediately regretted it.

That was unintentional. I didn't mean to be so dramatic.

He coughed a little and I found myself melting.

"Why are you trying to be things that you're not for me..."

"Because, I love you. You get that? Believe it or not I do. You

share my feelings or not I still do. And, if you don't want me to

hate you, you'll stop speaking like that." I cut him off and

snapped loudly.

"And, if you speak of death one more time. I swear I'll be the

one killing you. I don't get it. Who speaks of their death like

that?" I started driving.

"Way to go. Azaan Ibrahim. We just got one hour away from

all the chaos around us and you ruined it. Bravo." I laughed

sarcastically.

"We all get one life, Romi." he muttered quietly.

I looked at him.

"A life that has a time limit. And, a person knows when he's

dying. I know it too." he looked at me, his face was pale.

I didn't say anything and focused back on the road. My heart

thudding loudly.