LIFE WITHOUT YOU

"Everything's' alright, Romi." he chuckled as I helped him lie

on his bed.

I shook my head.

"You could've been more careful. Mama will walk in any

minute yelling at me and sobbing for you."

He chuckled.

"Daniyal. Daniyal. Oh, baby." Mama walked in looking frantic.

She rushed to us and pushed me out of the way.

I stumbled.

"Careful, Mama. You might fracture her leg. I don't think you

can handle two kids with fractured legs at this age." Daniyal

muttered and I stifled my laugh.

She examined his foot that was fractured during a bike ride

with me. It was a hairline fracture. He wasn't bothered about

it.

"Oh, how did this happen?" she sat down and began to sob.

Me and Daniyal burst out laughing.

"It's not funny. It's not funny." she shook her head and rubbed

her eyes.

"Calm down, dear Mama." I massaged her shoulders and

leaned down.

"You should have protected your brother."

"This was written in his fate, Mama. To fractured his foot. I

couldn't have stopped it." I smiled sadly.

"Our destiny is decided. We're trapped in it. We either accept

it or deny it and wail like you."

I laughed as she swatted my hands away.

"I'll bring you some hot chocolate." I smiled at Daniyal.

"I want the hot chocolate bombs." he yelled as I walked out of

his room.

"Get me one too, sis." Hamza called out as I passed him.

"I need something in return." I yelled as I walked out of my

house.

"Romi." Daddy walked out.

"Yes. Do you need something, daddy?" I turned around.

"Nothing. I came to check up on you."

I smiled and encircled my arm around him. We walked to my

car like that.

"I should be the one checking up on you and Mama. Besides, I

think you need to check up on Mama right now." I laughed.

He laughed with me.

"I am not blaming her. Loving someone makes you weak."

I nodded grimly.

He held my shoulders.

"But love is also your strength, Romi."

"I know daddy." I smiled.

I got in my car.

A year had passed today. A year ever since he left. A year since

death parted us. A year since I had cried for the first time. A

year since I actually felt love in the true sense. A year since I

became all those things I wasn't. Selfless, patient, realistic and

a little bit more mature. A year since I had started believing in

destiny. Grief has 5 stages.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

I had recently passed the fourth stage of grief. It was the

longest. And, now I was on my fifth stage. Acceptance. I was

trying. It wasn't easy. But I had accepted it all now. I smiled as

a distant memory flashed before me.

"We can build some fences around it." I exclaimed merrily as

I ran across the field.

"Easy with all the running." he yelled.

I turned around and smiled at him. He had grown a beard.

He pushed back his hair and smiled at me.

A dimpled smile that was worth giving your soul away.

I had bought him to the countryside for the weekend. And, I

had shown him a vast land. I had planned to buy it and build

our own house here. A house that I would design. A design

that would be mine without any interferences form my boss.

A design that I had been working on these past few months.

Yes, I was on a break. A break from my work and studies. A

break from my family and social life. I was with him. In

England. And, now as I stood with him in English country

side. I knew I wanted nothing more than to live with him.

Here. In a house that I would design. My hopes were strong

and many.

The land was vast. Filled with green fields. There wasn't any

building in sight. It was a cold morning.

"Do you not like it?" I ran up to him. He sat on his

wheelchair. He could walk around but, the doctor had

advised him to take complete rest. With the constant

coughing and the continuous need of nebulizers he had to

remain seated or lie down.

"It's beautiful." he smiled and cupped my face with his warm

hand. I leaned into his touch.

"I'm glad you like it." I smiled as I moved away and pushed

his chair.

"So, the house will have large doors. I am thinking of glass

doors but I think wooden would be the better option. Plus, it

would be economical and more apt." I ranted on about my

house designs. He wasn't interested. I knew it. I could see it

on his face.

"Umm. Come here, sweetheart." he hummed and pulled my

wrist.

I sat on his lap.

"You've become heavy. I last time you sat here you weren't."

"Thanks to the food adventures that I had with you." I

giggled.

He laughed as he played with my curtain bangs.

"Curtain bangs suit you." he muttered as he wrapped one

strand around his finger.

"If you didn't want to come here you could've just told me." I

looked down and fidgeted with the friendship bracelet that he

had bought for me.

"It feels good to dream with you, Romi." he whispered.

I looked up and cupped his jaw.

"We'll not only dream but live this dream, Azaan." I smiled

and hugged him.

"Okay. Can you get up now. I am not as strong as you think."

came his muffled voice after 5 minutes.

I chuckled then.

I chuckled now as I remembered it.

"George." I yelled as I got back home.

"Georgina." I sang as I knocked on the door of her room.

"Come in."

"Hey. I bought you some hot chocolate bombs, girl." I kept the

box on the bed side table.

"He's going to gobble it all, Romi." she sighed and got out of

her bed.

"Romi. Romi." a cheerful and excited voice came from below

me. I picked him up.

"Baby Izyaan. Spare some for your mommy too." I kissed his

cheek.

"He won't. I don't blame him. Hamza's the same." she

chuckled.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Hamza and George were officially

married now. With a one-year-old baby. A year ago, a very

teary-eyed George had come up to me. Me hating Hamza back

then thought it was something that he did. And, indeed he had

done something terrific. He had proposed George for

marriage.

"A year ago, if someone would've told me that you and Hamza

would get married and have a baby, I wouldn't believe them."

"I know right. My friend has finally started believing in

Destiny." she laughed as I sat down. Baby Izyaan was busy

gobbling down some hot chocolate bombs.

"Trust me, George. I wanted all the happiness for you. I wasn't

making fun of your feelings back then. I was trying to be a

little realistic considering the fact that you had unrequited

feelings for him since you were 10. The whole ordeal seemed

impossible to me." I fidgeted with my bracelet.

"Well, neither of us had to go through the pain of unrequited

feelings. You know what? You're changed. In one year." she

smiled.

"Meeting with him has changed a lot in me." I smiled as a

distant memory flashed before me. Memories that were just

and year old but seemed very distant.

"I don't like the soup." he whined.

"I don't like it too." I raised the spoon to his lips.

He didn't open his mouth. Like always. Everyone had tried to

make him have his lunch today but nothing worked out. A

very tired and exasperated Sarah had called me.

"Azaan. Look here." I called him softly.

"What?" he looked up.

"If you finish your lunch. Maybe, I'll stay here for the day."

"I can't force you. Your family will give you a hard time." he

laughed and coughed a little.

I gasped as he coughed blood.

The nurse immediately got up and injected iced saline in his

vein. I held his hand as she injected it.

"It's going to be fine." I pecked his forehead as I saw his usual

sad and weary expression.

"What if it doesn't? What if we don't have a happy ending,

Romi?"

My heart grimaced as he said that. Nevertheless, I smiled.

Sadly.

"Then let's enjoy our happiness for now. Why are we talking

of something that's not known?"

"Happiness for now." he muttered and smiled.

"Yeah." I leaned down and pressed my face against his

temple.

"You'll see how we will end up happy together."

"Romi." George shook me by my shoulder.

"Yeah, I am here. Sorry, I occasionally lose myself." I laughed

lightly and got up abruptly walking to my bedroom.

As I slumped on my chair in the balcony, I let my tears fall off.

Yes, I had passed all the stages of my grief but, did that stop

me from missing him terribly and crying my heart out? No.

"I wish we ended up happy forever, Azaan." I muttered

between my tears.

"Romi." I heard Mama opening the door of my room. I quickly

wiped my tears. She sat down.

"It's okay to cry, Romi." she smiled.

I burst into more sobs.

"A woman's heart is like a garden, Romi. A garden filled with

lush green grass." she began and I tried to concentrate on her

words.

"Occasionally, men come to plant flowers in that garden.

Some just plant the seed and leave it there for you to nurture

it. But, some of them nurture it until it grows into your

favorite flower." she smiled.

"He had planted and nurtured the flower, Mama." I rubbed

my eyes.

"Let me guess. Blue daisies?" she grinned.

"How do you know?" I wiped my nose.

"Because, you used to sit here with blue daisies in your hand

during your depression phase. Remember?"

"Yeah." I smiled sadly.

"Look down." she pointed downwards and I peeked down.

"Mama." I gasped as I fresh blue daisies sprouting buds down

in the little garden.

Then suddenly I burst into more sobs.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." she got up worriedly.

"I never thought I would see you cry." she rubbed my back.

"Loving him has made me weak." I smiled sadly.

"It had also made you strong, realistic and a little mature." she

chuckled.

I nodded.

"So, what I am saying is don't cry and ruin your garden.

Nurture it."

"I will." I nodded.

"I am going to England." I announced as everyone took the

first bite of dinner.

Daniyal looked at me. Mama choked. Daddy stilled. Hamza

took another bite. Baby Izyaan gave me a toothless grin and

George sighed.

"Whatever for?" Mama smiled nervously.

"For some work." I looked down.

"For how long?" Daddy spoke up.

"I don't know. A few months."

"But..." Mama began.

"Alright." Daddy nodded.

"Let her go, Mama." Daniyal smiled reassuringly at her.

"I love you all. I'll keep visiting. I promise."

4 years later.

I stood on the lush green fields. The same fields where I had

promised him that I would design a house for us to live in.

And, I did. 4 years. 4 years completed without him today. 4

years since I took the initiative of building the house that we

had planned on this field. Yes, I had designed it and as it stood

proudly in the middle of this field, I knew I had achieved

happiness. It wasn't a luxurious big mansion. It was a single

Storey house. Almost like a cottage. Happiness without him.

But he would be happy. Knowing that I fulfilled our dream.

He would be glad that I deigned this house on this field. The

same field where we would grow old together. I chuckled

sadly.

"Where will you get the money to build a house?" he looked at

me as if I was stupid.

"I.... Umm... I..." I looked around obviously not knowing the

answer.

"Money is not important. We have our dreams, sweetheart."

I tried to hide my stupidity.

He looked at incredulously.

"Just think about it. We can live here away from all the

miseries of the world. Grow old together with our kids."

"Kids?" he laughed.

I nodded.

"Then may you have infinite kids. They should be just like. So

bad, a nuisance, not studying, throwing tantrums..."

"That sounds so much like you." I laughed with him.

He started laughing merrily. And, I stopped and stared at

him relishing these little moments.

"I love you." I blurted out. He stopped laughing and smiled. I

saw his ear turn pink. I reached forward and kissed his

cheek.

"Will we ever be together, Romi?" he asked me.

"We will forever be together, Azaan." I smiled at him and got

up.

I kissed his cheek and he grazed mine with his thumb.

I smiled and blinked back some tears.

"I wish to love you like this forever, Azaan."

"I wish to love you like this without this pain forever." I

muttered and closed my eyes.