CHAPTER TWO:

It's already eight in the morning when my phone abruptly rang. Tamad akong bumangon para kuhain iyon at patayin yung alarm. Ilang saglit lang ay agad na nag pop up ang ilang notifications sa screen ng phone ko. I have two missed calls and a message from Kuya Wayde. He is inviting us for a family dinner, may good news daw kase syang ibabalita.

Bumalik ako sa pagkakahiga ng mabasa ko ang message ni Kuya. Halos dalawang taon ko ng nagagawang humarap sa kanila while having this fake relationship, and still I never get used to it. Hindi ko gawaing magsinungaling sa kanila and I badly want to tell them but they won't be happy if they knew that I'm in a fake relationship, specially Mama. After the wedding, doon ko lang ulit sya nakitang sumaya simula ng mawala sa amin si Papa and I'm afraid she'll get really disappointed if she knew.

When Papa left us, maraming nabago sa buhay namin. We almost lost everything when he got sick. We did all we can para mapagaling siya but unfortunately, still he didn't make it. Our company got bankrupt and we tried everything to save it hanggang sa wala na kaming maisip na paraan para maisalba ang kumpanya at ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ni Papa. Until Isaac came and offered me a deal, he needs a wife. I am already desperate to save the company and my family, and the only way I can think of is to take his deal and marry him.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako at bumangon sa pagkakahiga. I can't waste my time, I need to get up because I still have a meeting with my client.

After kong mag-shower ay nagbihis rin ako kaagad. Medyo malamig ang panahon kaya nag brown turtle neck long sleeves ako at white high waist slacks. Inilugay ko lang ang mahaba at wavy kong brown na buhok tapos naglagay lang ako ng kaunting make up at lumabas na ng kwarto.

Nang makalabas ako ay natigil pa ako sa kinatatayuan ko at pinagmasdan ang buong bahay. As always, it is quiet and empty.

I went to kitchen to have some coffee bago sana ako umalis pero nasa dinning palang ako ay natigil na ako. There are packed breakfast on the table. Just as usual, he cooked breakfast.

Lumapit ako para tingnan yung mga food pero agad na bumungad sa akin ang isang light blue na sticky note sa lamesa.He has a neat hand writing, I can't help but get envied.

- I'll go home late. -

He always get home late, yet he still always left a note with it.

This is our usual morning, he always go to work early and come home late kaya madalas hindi na kami nagkikita kahit pa magkasama kami sa iisang bahay. We don't talk that much because he seems always want to avoid me. He made this wall between us ever since we got married kaya kahit na magkasama kami ay pakiramdam ko nag-iisa pa rin ako.

Matapos ang meeting ko kay Ms. Rosario ay agad na kong dumeretso ng studio because Ms. Herford, one of the greatest fashion designer in England wants to work with me for her fashion show in Spain, next month.

It has always been my dream to work with her and I'm glad that finally it's about to happen.

"Congratulations Mrs. Ramirez!" Bati sa akin ng mga kasamahan ko sa studio nang makarating ako.

It has been two years when people started calling me Mrs. Ramirez pero hanggang ngayon ay parang naninibago pa rin ako. Maybe it's because I don't see us as a married couple, but just two people living in the same roof and nothing more.

It's almost eight pm when I finished everything. Sinigurado ko munang maayos na ang lahat bago ako umalis ng Studio.

Naisipan kong dumeretso na lang kina Mama dahil baka malate na ako sa dinner kung uuwi pa ako para magpalit sana ng damit. I never told Isaac about the dinner dahil alam kong mas importante ang kumpanya para sa kanya, I don't want to bother him at his work. Ako na lang ang bahalang mag-explain kina Mama kung bakit hindi sya makakasama.

I don't have my licence yet kaya madalas nagco-commute ako. It's already passed eight pero wala pa rin akong masakyang taxi, nagme-message na si Kuya kaya naman naisipan ko na lang sana mag commute but when I'm about to leave, my phone abruptly rang kaya agad namang chineck ang phone ko.

It's my husband.

"Where are you?" Agad nyang tanong.

"Paalis na ng studio, why?" I replied.

Bigla na lang nya akong binabaan ng call at di man lang sinagot ang tanong ko. Hinayaan  ko na lang sya at nagpatuloy ng maglakad papuntang bus stop.

Habang naghihintay akong may tumigil na bus ay bigla na lang may tumigil na black Mercedes sa harapan ko. Agad ko namang nakilala kung kanino iyon.

It was Isaac's.

Agad syang bumaba ng sasakyan at binuksan ang pinto sa may shotgun seat.

"Get in." Utos nya.

Wala na akong nagawa kaya pumasok na lang ako ng kotse at umupo sa harapan. Buong byahe ay nanahimik lang ako.

"You really have no plan to tell me about the dinner huh?" Kita ko sa gilid ng mata ko na saglit nya akong nilingon at napakunot ng noo. "Hindi ko pa malalaman if  Wayde didn't call me."

He's starting again.

"You said you'll go home late, kaya naisip kong baka busy ka."  I explained.

"Atleast, you should have said it to me." Kita ko syang napabuntong hininga habang nakafocused pa rin sa pagdadrive. Hindi na ako nagsalita pa at pinanood na lang ang mga sasakyang dumadaan.

We never had a longer conversation. Its either we always run out of topic or mauuwi kami sa pagtatalo kaya mas pinipili ko na lang na manahimik.

"We're here."

He parked his car outside dahil wala ng enough na space to park inside. Mabilis lang kaming nakarating dahil hindi masyadong traffic.

Bago pa man kami pumasok ng bahay ay hinawakan nya ako sa bewang tsaka kami sabay na pumasok sa loob. We've been doing this for two years but still I'm not used to it.

"Finally, you love birds are here!" Tuwang tuwa kaming sinalubong ni Kuya at ganoon rin si Mama. Naroon na sina Tita Tes at Tito Anton pati na rin si Ate Janine, Kuya Wayde's wife. Nakahanda na rin ang lahat ng food sa table at tanging kami na lang ni Isaac ang hinihintay nila.

"So what's the good news kuya?" Agad kong tanong kay Kuya Wayde nang magsimula na kaming kumain. Nginitian lang ako ni Kuya tsaka tumingin kay Ate Janine.

"You'll finally have a nephew." Nakangiting sabi ni Ate Janine sa akin. Agad naman kaming natigil nang marinig ang magandang balita.

"OMG! Is that for real?" Tumango lang si Ate Janine kaya tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko para lumapit sa kanila at yakapin silang dalawa ni Kuya. I'm so happy for them because finally after years of trying, their wish of having a child will finally come true.

"Congratulations to the both of you." Bati naman sa kanila ni Isaac.

Matapos kong yakapin sina Kuya ay bumalik na rin ako kaagad sa upuan ko.

"You need to be careful now Janine, lalo na't mukhang sensitive kang mag buntis." Agad na paalala ni Mama sa kanya. 

"Don't worry Ma, I'll make sure Janine and the baby will be healthy." Kuya Wayde replied at agad naman syang hinalikan ni Ate Janine sa pisngi.

"How about you Serena? When are you planning to have a child?" Tita Tes suddenly asked me.

Sandali akong natahimik sa tanong ni Tita.

"We still don't plan to have one Tita." I replied.

"Serena, two years na kayong kasal dapat plinaplano nyo na yan. Iha, it's your job as a wife to give Isaac a child." Kita kong palihim na sinaway ni Ate Janine si Tita Tes.

It was never a woman's job. Gusto kong magsalita pero ayokong magsimula ng pagtatalo specially that we are having this dinner to celebrate.

"Sorry to interupt, but it was never a woman's job." Bigla na lang sumingit si Isaac. "Serena and I will have a child if only she wants to. Besides, we still want to focus on loving each other. Right Love?" Nilingon niya ko nang may ngiti sa kanyang mga labi, samantalang kita kong napaismid naman si Tita Tes.

I faked a smile at tumango na lang pero natigil na lang ako nang bigla akong halikan ni Isaac sa noo.

"Gosh, I'm envied to both of you. I wish your Kuya Wayde was sweet as Isaac." Biro ni Ate Janine sabay tingin kay Kuya Wayde. He was never a showy type kaya ganon na lang makareact si Ate Janine, but kahit na ganoon si Kuya he still make sure to show his love for Ate Janine.

"Honestly, natutuwa ako sa inyo dahil nakikita ko kami ng Papa mo sa inyong dalawa." Nilingon kami ni Mama with a smile on her face. " We are never close nor even liked each other at first pero kami pa rin ang nagkatuluyan. I never thought that I would marry him and love him with all my heart. " Kwento sa amin ni Mama.

If only they knew how fake our relationship is, they won't probably say these.

"I just hope that he was here to see the both of you. " Nginitian ako ni Mama at natahimik ang lahat. I know how she missed Papa but I'm glad she was able to smile again.

It's almost ten pm when everyone decided to go home, including us.

"Visit us more often. Hindi tuwing may family dinner and event lang kayo nakakapunta dito." Paalala pa sa amin ni Mama bago kami lumabas ng bahay.

"Yes, Ma. Medyo busy lang talaga sa work." Dahilan ko.

"O sya sige, baka gabihin pa kayo." Paalam sa amin ni Mama.

"Take care." Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit at tuluyan na nga kaming naglakad palabas ni Isaac.

Hindi na kami hinatid ni Mama palabas ng gate kaya naman pagdating sa labas ay agad na kumawala si Isaac sa pagkakahawak sa bewang ko.

We're back to being cold again.

Tahimik nya akong pinagbuksan ng pinto at agad naman akong pumasok doon. As always nabalot lang kami ng katahimikan sa byahe.

"I'm having a business trip this coming Friday. I'll be gone in three days." He said after a long silence. "Will you be ok?" Kita kong saglit nya akong nilingon tsaka tumingin uli sa harapan.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." I replied.

"You can..." He didn't finished what he was about to say, kita ko syang napalunok tsaka nagsalita ulit. "Just call me if something happens."

Tumango lang ako at bahagyang ngumiti.

Habang pinapanood ko ang mga dumadaang kotse ay hindi ko rin maiwasang mapangiti sa tuwing maalala ko ang mga ngiti sa labi nina Ate Janine at Kuya Wayde kanina. I'm honestly happy to see them both happily loving each other but I also can't avoid to feel envious at the same time. As far as I can remember, it's been a long time since the last time I feel genuinely happy.

Honestly, I never enjoyed my married life, there wasn't a single day I felt happy after we married each other. And for all those years I've been trying to hold on, hoping that someday everything will change, but I don't think it's gonna happen.

I know we agreed to bare everything in three years but I don't know if I can still make it until next year.

I'm barely surving each day...

And I can't do it anymore.

It's already past eight and I just got home. Nang makapasok ako ng bahay ay agad akong tamad na napaupo sa couch. Hindi naman masyadong busy sa work ngayong araw, even these past few days, pero pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod pa rin ako.

Napahinga ako ng malalim at napasandal sa couch. Lumingon ako sa gilid para tingnan ang oras pero imbis na sa orasan ako tumingin ay napadpad ang mata ko sa nakasabit na wedding picture namin ni Isaac.

He will be back tomorrow but until now I still don't know how will I tell him about ending our marriage.

I should have ended it before but there was something inside me that keeps me on holding back. Maybe it's because there was this hope in me that something will change if I keep holding on. I've been trying to bear it for so long but still nothing good happened, only our relationship had grown weary.

It's already past eleven and still there are so much thoughts circling in my mind. Hindi ako makatulog kaya naisipan kong pumunta ng balcony, to have some air and clear my mind.

Lumapit ako banda sa may railings at doon ko pinanood ang mga ilaw ng building sa malayo. Medyo malamig ang simoy ng hangin kaya napayakap na lang ako sa sarili ko.

"Can't sleep?"

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang marinig ko ang isang pamilyar na boses sa likuran ko. Agad akong napalingon doon at bumungad sa akin si Isaac. He was still wearing his suit, so I think he just got back from his trip.

(He came back earlier than I thought.)

"Sorry to startle you." He apologized. Tahimik syang lumapit sa tabi ko samantalang binalik ko naman ang tingin ko sa harap at habang sabay naming pinagmamasdan ang magandang view ng siyudad sa malayo, sandali kaming nabalot ng katahimikan.

"Is there something wrong?" He suddenly asked me.

Maybe this is the right time to tell him. Huminga muna ako ng malalim at mga ilang sandali ay naglakas loob na akong magsalita.

"I think we should stop pretending anymore."

I saw him swallowed hard. He remained quiet but the expression in his face changed. He suddenly became gloomy.

"Let's end this." I looked at him with certitude in my eyes.

"We still have a year." He turned his back away and refuse to look at me.

I can't take this any longer. I've been thinking this for so long and I already made up my mind. I have to end this before things get harder for both of us.

"I can't wait until next year." I yelled to stoped him from walking away. "I know we agreed until next year but it's getting hard for me, I can't do this anymore." I've been keeping this to myself and finally I freed myself from it.

"Do you really have to do this?" He asked me with his hoarse voice, still facing his back to me.

"Yes." I answered coldly.

"Then..." He took a moment of silence. "Let's end it if that's what you want." I saw his back moved from a heavy sigh before he continued to speak again. "I'll take care of everything, so you don't have to worry." He didn't turn to see me and just walk away.

He left me alone and silence enfolded me.

(Finally...I will be free.)

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