Chapter 17: No te vayas
The houses are empty, cold, and smell of doom. Inna is lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling with a blank gaze, while Rene sits at the table in the kitchen, stirring long-cold tea in a cup. Suddenly, from the side of the bedroom, there is a sound of broken glass, followed by shouts of guards, and another stone, breaking the window, falls right at the feet of the frightened woman. Rene, jumping up from her seat, runs to check on her mum and sees Inna crouched on the couch.
"Don't go to the windows," Inna says, and the women hear a "traitor" shouting from the yard. "Well, at least they're not bullets," the woman massages the splitting head and takes a mobile out of her pocket.
Rene walks to the door and looks out carefully to see guards walking around the courtyard. Attackers and the trail are gone. As the girl returns to the living room, Inna stares ahead of her.
"What did grandfather say?" Rene descends beside her.
"He will send a car. He wants us to leave, but I know that you would prefer to have us blown together with the house, rather than go anywhere from your "beloved"" the woman smoothens her trousers on her knees with her palms. "But Axel might not come back; Chan won't let him go alive." "
" Mum, please don't say that," Rene looks at her pleadingly. "If Axel dies, so do I."
"You'll die anyway," Inna says in a shrunken voice after long sobs. "We will not survive in A-Card after what happened. They will send for us, especially considering who my father is; perhaps we'll die today. If we tell the truth about Do, your brother will kill us, we will keep it secret, we will still be killed by Chan's people."
"It's not like that. There's always a way out," Rene gnaws at her fingers.
"There is," Inna looks at her, "We can go to Nebo."
"I can't leave Axel," Rene jumps to her feet.
"Stop thinking like a child. You're already an adult and think that not only you, but he also suffers from your senseless connection," Inna says wearily. "Axel can't protect us; he needs to protect himself. He needs to save his life, concentrate on the problems that have fallen on him, and not protect the one who is partly to blame for these problems. Let's go to grandpa, believe me, you will not regret it. Yes, it will be hard at first, but feelings without nourishment tend to fade. Yours will pass too. What's love at fifteen, Rene? You made Axel your hero because he's the only man you know and see. You are attached to him, and you love him, but this is not at all. You will still know the taste of true love."
"I love and will always love only him," Rene says firmly. "I can't leave him."
"I don't insist," Inna lies down again. "Be it your way, I'll even take your calls on myself, just keep in mind that your man will tremble my neck because the death of his father is not forgiven. I'd rather die than leave without you. You are an egoist; you think only of yourself. You say, "how will I live without him," but if it is true love, you need to get off his neck and let him wage his war without looking back at home. So don't tell me about your love."
"I will die without him." Rene looks around Inna in confusion as if looking for something to hold on to.
"People don't die of love," Inna smiles bitterly. "I loved Do. He was the first man I fell in love with. Even though we quarreled, and I was to blame for what happened," sobs and hot tears burn her face again, "but I loved him madly. As you can see, he lies in the damp ground, and I'm alive and well. You will start a new life in Nebo, and if it is really unbearable without him, then you can return."
"True? Then, when the question with Chan settles down, can I come back?" The girl asks hopefully.
"Of course, I will not tie you to me. Let Axel recover, get back on his feet, and if your feelings don't fade away in that time, we'll be back If, of course, he wants you back... This will test his feelings too."
"I think that after the time comes, it will be easier to talk to him. I will explain that you didn't want to, that there was a misunderstanding, and I generally called my grandfather because of gifts, he will understand," Rene chatters.
"Here, I strongly doubt and do not advise you under any circumstances to open this topic," Inna says, frightened.
"Today at the morgue," Rene sits down on the couch again, "I got scared that Axel will be lying on that table one day. I was so scared that my heart almost stopped. This was the worst thing that I have experienced so far. It's even worse than the thought that he will find out the truth and kill me. Therefore, I want him to live, I want everything to work out for him, and let me burn alone a thousand kilometers from him; the main thing is that I know that he is alive."
"You have so many reasons to leave and not a single one to stay," Inna moves to Rene. "By leaving for Nebo, you will save both our lives and the life of your brother. You are already a grown girl, Rene. You have to understand that love is not only happiness but sacrifice."
"I will hope that he never gets to Nebo and does not find out the truth, and then I can return to him, and everything will be the same," the girl lowers her eyes. "I'll go with you, but I want to say goodbye to him."
"It is impossible. He will not understand that it is for his own good. He will not let you go," Inna blurts out. "You will write him a letter, but you will not tell the truth so that Axel, putting himself at risk, does not rush to Nebo. If you tell him that you are leaving for his sake, he will come for you. We cannot say about what happened to Do. Convince him that you are leaving because you are afraid to live here because there is no protection. The house was attacked, and you finally realized that you want a normal life in safety and prosperity. Write that you need to think about yourself, that feelings do not always decide everything, and you want to check yours because you feel doubts. Do not leave hope for him now; you will give it to him later. In the future, you will explain to him that you did it for him. Now he shouldn't want to pick you up."
"It'll hurt him a lot," Rene wipes away her tear.
"Sometimes, to save our loved ones, we hurt them," Inna strokes her head. "It's better for him to hate you for your commercialism than for the death of his father," the woman gets to her feet and goes to collect the most necessary things. Rene, after sitting on the couch for a couple of minutes, reaches for the phone and dials the letter,
"Axel, I'm scared, and I'm tired of being scared. But I'm still on my feet. Even the death of our father and the stones at our windows, which tomorrow may turn into bullets, are not able to stand between us as long as our love lives in us. Only with you, I feel safe; only you give me a feeling of complete peace and happiness. Holding your hand, I can even look at death in the eyes. Yes, I want a safe life; I want prosperity, peace, the opportunity to walk quietly through the streets, but I don't want any of this if I don't have you. I love you. You may hate me for leaving, but I won't take it if you kill my mum and hate me for my father's death. I will not be able to forgive you for the death of my mother, just as you will not forgive her for what happened to Do." Rene rereads the letter, erases it, and types a new one.
* The title of the chapter is "Don't Go" (Spanish: No te vayas.)