49 Like a Lonely Island

And besides, Damian realized, if this was Rafał's first time, it must have been a very strong emotional experience for him. Emotionally, but also physically.

Radosz had had his first time a long time ago, but he remembered very well the anxiety he had felt then. Was it good enough? Did he give adequate satisfaction? Had he been a disappointment to his girlfriend?

Today was also his first time, but of a slightly different nature, because with a man.

Today, during the amorous raptures, he felt no anxiety, too engrossed in passion and pleasure, but for the inexperienced Rafał, this night must have been an extremely powerful experience.

Especially since for Brylski sex in general was in slightly different criteria than for a typical man.

So those tears in his eyes could have dozens of meanings, and Damian was afraid to ask which one was the right one.

Rafał's whole face was full of emotion which made it even more appealing. Damian had the urge to reach out and touch her, but at the same time he had the feeling that if he did, he would profane that moment when Rafał was processing in his mind and heart what he had recently experienced.

“Can we keep what happened today between us a secret?” Brylski asked quietly, shyly, looking Radosz straight in the eyes.

This question sounded so innocent and sweet!

Going to bed with Brylski, Damian did not think about what would happen tomorrow. He let himself be carried away by passion and that was it. Passion that did not leave him even now, although he had already consumed the most beautiful flower he had seen in his life. A flower as innocent and pure as if it had grown on consecrated ground.

“Yes, of course," Radosz assured him. “This is a matter between us only.”

“This is good," Brylski breathed with relief. “It is not that I am ashamed, but it is a very intimate subject for me.”

Rafał shyly looked away as if afraid of further contact with Damian. Even his body trembled slightly in the darkness.

Like a white lily in the wind or a small, wild kitten that doesn't dare to approach a man even if he holds a tasty morsel in his hand.

Just like that, innocence and wildness. Desire to trust and fear of man.

Fear of Damian? Why? What was Rafał afraid of? That this night would come out and become a scandal?

A moment ago these men were united with their bodies, breathing in one rhythm, now they were talking actually completely naturally. But Radosz had the impression that Rafał was at this moment very distant and lonely.

Like a man who has no emotional connection with other people.

But, why?

Was it due to Rafał's asexuality? Or was his asexuality due to his lack of that emotional connection?

But still, that night, in that bed, Rafał chose to be with Damian. He had decided to unite in him. But now he was drifting away from him, as if, in fact, in a moment the oceans were going to separate them again

Radosz sat down so that he could see Brylski well. He did not know if he was doing the right thing, but he found his hand and gently took it in his own. He did not want Rafał to drift away from him.

Brylski's hand twitched, as if driven by an impulse to flee, but did not break free from the touch. It was cold.

Distant and lonely, like a lonely island in the middle of the Pacific.

Why?

Had Damian made a mistake? Had Rafał failed to develop romantic feelings for him? Had he really misread the whole situation?

But then why, being asexual, did Brylski go to bed with Damian? Was it out of curiosity? For an experiment? Yes, it's possible, but in that case, why did he act like he was really getting pleasure out of it? Or... was he pretending?

That hurt. Damian didn't understand why, but the thought that Brylski was faking being in such intimate intimacy with him hurt.

Sex is an important part of life, but not the most important. Radosz was not one of those men who receive fulfillment regardless of how his partner feels. The pleasure had to be mutual or the whole situation lost its raison d'etre. So if Rafał was pretending...

But why would Brylski pretend? Why?

Or was he not pretending?

While reading about asexuality, Radosz learned that such a person can achieve physical fulfillment even if the partner is completely indifferent to him. Empty fulfillment, purely physical, as in solo play.

No, it's not like that, after all, Rafał's behavior, his reactions, was not just physical pleasure. It was something more, something emotional. Something... beautiful and pure. It couldn't be a lie.

Damian had before him a wonderfully handsome but extremely innocent young man. Actually not much younger than himself, but much more inexperienced in certain things, in matters of the body and perhaps the heart. If this was his first time - and Damian was absolutely certain that it was - Rafał might just be completely lost in his emotions and his feelings.

With one hand still clutching Brylski's hand, Radosz gently brushed his cheek and brushed back a strand of hair. The young actor's skin burned his fingers.

Rafał twitched under his touch, but did not run away.

How much must have been going on in Rafał's mind and heart! Radosz felt like embracing him, kissing him, caressing him, but he didn't have the boldness. He was afraid that if he was too bold, Brylski would scurry away like a frightened wild kitten. No, that would be...

Damian didn't want Rafał to run away from him. He wanted to be with him, to be able to touch him, to be able to caress him, to be able to experience his body, his physical beauty and the warmth that the young actor poured into his heart. So he had to tame him somehow, and nothing tames like a warm, gentle touch and a warm, gentle voice uttering compliments.

“You are an extremely beautiful man," Damian announced with a warm smile. He really wanted to find more poetic words, but he could not. Not now. It was only when he finished saying those words that he realized something and laughed embarrassedly. “I'm repeating myself, I know, but I don't think I can get over how beautiful you are. And sexy.”

There wasn't even a grain of exaggeration in his words. Every cell in Radosz's body was informing him how sexy Brylski was, how wonderfully alluring, and longing for the pleasure that had ended between them, which Radosz wished would never end.

It was strange, Rafał was a man and Damian had never felt any same-sex attraction. On the contrary, a revulsion that was natural to him arose in his mind when he tried to imagine himself with some man. However, he did not feel this natural repulsion when he thought of caressing Brylski's body. On the contrary, Rafał attracted him like a woman and even more, because not every woman managed to excite him as much. Although more attracted than many women, Brylski was nevertheless a man and had no certain signs of being a woman born in a man's body.

Rafał was simply Rafał and that was what attracted Damian so much.

Brylski smiled intimidated, a little sad. He was very comfortable with that smile, but Radosz definitely preferred to see a smile full of joy on his face.

I guess the young actor really was a very lonely island. A desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

But not for much longer. For Damian wanted more and more to take this loneliness away from him.