Bells and fireless smokes

"A cynic is a man who,

when he smells flowers

looks around for a coffin"

H.L Mecken

"don't blink, allow it dry" Salima held her eyes wide open as Anisa was precise in helping her brush her lash

"The last time I stretched my eyes this wide is when I was under the knife"

" Now you're under my knife,so do as I say." Anisa blew air over the wet stuff to get it to dry quickly.

"It's dry, so finish your dressing while I do mine, we're almost late" Anisa powdered her primed face.

Salima did her head tie, she didn't really know how to and if she wasn't very careful, it was easy to outline her face in an unsymmetrical light, making her look opposite of the intended.

She settled for a simple one, doing the knot at the back. Once she's done she placed her veil over her head and looked in the mirror. Salima hated just how much she was reminded of her father whenever she looked in her reflection. she couldn't help hating parts of herself or every of her because there was nothing left out, she was a copy of his DNA even with the same complexion except her mother's bright yellow tone laid underneath her brown giving her a different shade from her father's. most times her skin tone had no definition, it was sensitive and fluctuated with season, on hot days she was more brown, In colder times, her underlying tone made her dim yellow and she liked deep-colored clothes for definition sake. Her choice of Ankara for the outing was dark maroon as background color with drops of bright red. her veil was flay, loosely lying over her wide forehead. she scored her self, she looked presentable.

The girls had finished up their looks . there was nothing more than light foundation, a nude lip shade and lined eyes for Anisa. Salima was content with mascara eyes and her powdered breakouts since applying concealers on bad skin would make it look worse. Bushra was the stunner among them though she kept it soft, she liked to look her best even if she was sleeping, her dresses down to her nighties were precise and stylish.

"I feel squashed walking with such beauties, you look breathtaking" the way veils stayed proper over their faces made her wonder why she was so odd, she just couldn't wear anything the way she liked it. she had to follow guidelines fitting for her wide forehead that tapered from her cheek down to her very small chin. the length of her face was short and her eyes wide like saucers. it was hard that she saw people who looked like her. She was the odd pick out of the odd.

"Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop being an ingrate, you're not bad yourself" Bushra hissed, her beatific face squeezing disappointedly.

Salima took a last glance at herself, nothing made her more insecure than her bad skin, the uneven tone. "confidence confidence" she self encouraged before hurrying out after the other two. Anisa locked the door, keeping the keys safe in her purse. she was the only one carrying a bag to help hold her veil in place, the two others settled with purses as they had the poise to hold themselves without letting any part of their dresses slip.

As the boarded vehicle transported them through to the wedding venue, they talked of the reckless driving and bad roads and Salima was soon looking out. Even in jolly moments, she could hardly help distract her mind from melancholic thoughts. She observed the myriad of children, uncared for, littering the street with eyes doused of any excitement.

They too were perhaps products of parents who just couldn't care. Their mothers' were possibly popping more babies than they could care for just so they could feel they were the most desired of their husbands, and their fathers were there too recklessly procreating having his male ego stroked of watching his women fight over him, for who bore him more. Salima imagined how many lives could have been saved if people had married and had children for the right reasons and did the right thing.

The vehicle carrying them soon cornered in more polished areas and the contrast was sharp, shopping complexes, fancy eateries, perfume depots totally inaccessible to some. the wide divide between people who either fell on one side of the extreme spectrum of haves and have nots. she wondered if the divide was a result of conscious choices or just pure fate. when some men worked, some others were neck deep in pleasures of women's skirts and left their repercussions to the merciless hands of the world and called it destiny. People like her, like those children left to navigate the cold world on their own, they were not lacking by choice but made poor by intentional circumstances, if fathers like hers could have been good enough to toil for better lives of his offspring rather than spend the work of his sweat doing other things that suited his taste because he saw his children as secondary baggage, it would have saved society a lot of ill-fated folks.

Passing those houses made her wonder if that was how magnificent her father's house was. once she had travelled past Abuja she secretly wished to glimpse him or where he resided, she hated her mind would whisper it to her fervently.

They reached their destination, it was an estate with limited access for public vehicles and they had stopped at the threshold to walk the rest of the distance.

"Wow, this place is beautiful. looks like somewhere I would like to live one day." Salima captured the tarred smooth roads and the sleek cars that had passed them, the brick houses with rooftop gardens gave absolute euphoria.

"Living somewhere like this wouldn't be complete without a Habibi" Salima knew it was an intentional jab, Bushra always did it to her but she ignored it by asking of other things.

"You didn't tell me you had relatives who lived in such big places"

"My paternal uncle is a business magnate, runs a chain of construction companies. it's his second daughters wedding. They have a home hall for all his childrens' reception"

Salima wasn't oppressed around wealth. The opulence and sea of cars and the compound that was big enough to contain them all that had welcomed them had her gape a little. she wondered how those people made and spent their money. money was balm for the trials of the world, it made one live paradise on earth. it enticed the eyes of the poor, made the ones who lacked it crave even though their modesty. It was mockery slapped across the face of people who said money didn't buy happiness.

Maybe if she was rich, she couldn't have entertained the thought dying sooner.

Anisa greeted her family, though an introvert, she wasn't shy and had a handful of people to greet, old friends she introduced to the two and the two to them. there were beautiful people with nice clothes, glossy skinned people smelling nice everywhere and salima was almost forgetting the stinking reality that had brushed past her earlier that evening. In the place everything looked like the whole world was perfect. Money could afford beautiful illusions that made life look like ease.

Bushra being the social butterfly mingled freely, Salima, with the withdrawn demeanor as always was only wishing her surprise at their soft lifestyles wasn't obvious in the way she looked at them and they were soon gathered in the hall, men at one side and women at the other.

anisa scouted a table for them three. the hall was dim lit and the designs precise, bright color themed and elegant. white and pink flowers at the seating for the couple, red petals scattered round the white chair meant for their seating and glowing floral bulbs. there were printed welcome cards on the tables covered in rose gold cloth.

"Smile for the camera" Bushra put her phone out about to capture three of them. "I wonder why you always look like you have grievances for all people"

"why?"

"You're frowning, please this hall's too pretty for you not to smile in it. Infact it's a crime if you don't"

" I don't have grievances and I'm very delighted to be here, my face is just not cooperating in conveying my good feelings"

"Please leave Salima alone, you know how she is" Anisa whisked her head towards them two and they were soon shut watching the wedding program unfold.

The mc was making much noise, the couple had been ushered to their seats. There was to be a speech for the couple from each of their families. The bride's aunt going first. Salima had tired quickly, so much large setups for weddings, so little the things that kept it lively. It was alike a white elephant project.

"I think weddings are boring" Anisa leaned into Salima whispering.

"and marriage is more boring" Salima whispered back and they laughed evilly.

"You two are simply vibe killers, you are impossible" Bushra was all for the positivity and she turned her head away focusing on the speech the bride's aunt which was Anisa's aunt too was giving.

"That's my father's immediate older sister, the one giving the speech"

"Oh" Salima exclaimed looking at the petite woman with a small spectacle resting on her nose.

"my father's family base is here,true bred northerners. It's my mom who is from Niger. Relocated back to her root after divorce. If you're still wondering how we met at Habiba's place."

Their focus was now on the gaming couple, who were answering questions about themselves.

"you know they said my cousin is marrying as his second wife, not a big deal but her husband's first marriage is barely a year old. I don't know what men think when they decide to get married. Doesn't he love the first one, what about this one too"

" and I don't know what women too think when they decide to marry them like that" males like that who saw women as fancy things they could collect so long they had the money to afford it.

"maybe the values people marry for these days are different. If he has a car, money and can do his manly duties, it's a crime if you turn down such chance. mutuality and fairness don't even exist in this kind of setting. In most cases of the less fortunate families, they marry daughters off so they have less mouth to feed and the girls too want to escape being hungry.

such marriages , totally built without affection but benefits look like glorified whoredom to me. The only difference being that one is long-term and paid for just once"

"Or Maybe it could be the culture scare that taught women that once they find a man who's interested in them, they should keep him by all means or they would end up wrinkly and undesirable to men like being undesirable to men is the worse thing that can happen to any woman"

Barely would Salima's mother correct her without mentioning that no man would accept a 'woman like that'. Girls were raised not to be loved or to be seen as mates but to have a whole lifetime adjusted to the terms of men as the subservient or to risk being discarded and unwanted. Salima never saw a boy getting cautioned about being a bad man no woman deserves.

'be patient, be patient' they only told that to women. Culture made unhappy married women seem more presenting than the divorced scorned ones who were labelled impatient.

"From all the things I hear my aunties say, marriage is shitty and that's why the bride has her fill during the wedding. Some of them have husbands sleeping with girls their daughters' age but act blind to it in the name of being patient. they say you have to learn to live with them, that men are just like that so long he still feeds his home. Our culture subtly normalizes adultery, it is tacit. many would hide under the guise of navigating for other wives and commit all sort of atrocities." Salima didn't know what was more wrong that they choose to talk of the worst things at the wrong time despite the bride looking so happy and all looked bright or that it was the bride's cousin herself that ran her mouth.

"all of these for what, everytime that's how men are blah blah blah. Makes me sick. It's one of these things that would never make me believe men, no matter how good they are to you it is to get something. that's why men are better to girlfriends than wives even though wives would still shoulder the blame for their infidelity.

I pity my aunt's when I see them try hard to look good to their husbands, they spend money on products to keep him at home, to keep it tight. So disgusting.

If its left for me, if he doesn't want to stay home he can go dance with rabid dogs and I don't spare two pence. Those creatures aren't worth any effort" her fingers directing at the squad of men that now danced round the couple, they rained money.

" That's the only thing they know how to do, once they throw money they expect any girl to run after them and do their bidding like they are starved dogs running after bones.

I wished the bad people with selfish intentions ended up with each other, but unfortunately, they look for the innocent partners to escape their karma"

" You should go dance with your cousin" said Bushra who hadn't heard anything of their conversation either because she was engrossed in the wedding or because she just acted like she didn't hear them.

"She looks so happy and I'm gushing."

Bushra squealed

"So happy for a man who made another woman this happy barely a year ago and would soon add to his harem in probably six months, not to be mean, I love my cousin and wish her happy but if she would reserve this happy face for her unborn babies, it would be much better" Anisa said before leaving to join Bushra as Salima insisted on remaining seated.

The bride was overjoyed and dazzled in her pink dress surrounded by family and friends all in the same Ankara. Salima wished how happy people were on their weddings were indicators of their marital life but unfortunately it was not.

Aside from most aunties who were seated, she was the only one not dancing. she wished they returned to the seats quickly not leaving her feeling so out of place. Salima twiddled her bracelet that had come undone, she huffed and gazed up, swallowing quickly her dry throat as she saw a pair of eyes, deep set black eyes, a very unfamiliar face looking. he was light skinned almost white, too fair for a man. He was in a shiny beige kaftan, fully bearded, round-faced and quite childlike, from the way his shoulders covered the seat, she imagined him to be very tall. She took her gaze away not at all agitated of the gaze that stayed her way. for all she cared, when he got tired, for whatever reason he looked, he would take his eyes off.

She made no rude face, she excused she possibly looked like someone he thought he knew and before she looked again, he had looked away chatting with friends.

"Would you be the photographer please, at least as evidence that you went somewhere"

Bushra came to drag her out of laid-back stance and she followed Salima took pictures for them, they clicked hundreds and hundreds of them, the occasion was nearing the end.

"It is getting late" Bushra said breath over the top.

"where is Anisa?" Anisa had disappeared from the place among the busy crowd.

"She's with her uncle, the bride's father" and as soon as her name was mentioned Anisa was back with three fancy pink bags, probably holding souvenirs.

" I told my uncle school gates would be locked if we're too late, so he asked one of my cousins to drop us off at school, the one who is less busy among them"

Salima's sixth sense smelt it was the white wizard and it was eery she was right when he had come out to open the door for them, he wasn't as tall as she imagined infact not tall at all, he was only big. His eye gesture had suggested Salima to seat at the passengers seat but she took the back seat with Bushra and Anisa saved his embarrassed face by sharing front seat with him. The car ambience was cool, the blasting ac massaged her exhausted face, entering her nostrils. Salima relaxed she didn't know the car model but the seats offered too much comfort for a vehicle. she feared sleeping and losing her self-respect. People who have seen her sleep told her she snored and slept with her eyes half open though Salima wouldn't believe it. The dark night outside made the lighting of the satnav stick out like a formation of fireflies. The digital clock blinked red broken lines, the time read 11:12. On normal days Salima was hardly awake past 10pm.

"You're quite a good photographer, you know your lighting"

Bushra was scrolling her phone looking at the pictures.

"thanks" Salima uttered, she could have asked to see the photos but she was too thinking of sleep to ask to see it. Talking could have helped her from dozing but Anisa was at the front and continuing their discuss from where they paused it in the hall was the last thing they wanted to talk about Infront of one of them whose stone gaze alone could scare fire, his big shoulders was enough warning for them to keep their mum even if Anisa had been at the backseat with her, he looked like he could beat them up if they pissed him too much with their talks. He represented such strong image of his race that any whiff near it, he would snap their necks with just a hand.

"You didn't even tell me the name of your friends" he said to Anisa looking through the mirror, Salima knew he was looking at someone and it definitely couldn't be her.

"Oh, didn't know you would bother to know. the one in green is Bushra and the other one is Salima"

" You mean the one dressed like a bride, with the veil over her head" if he was trying to flirt by flattering, Salima was totally unimpressed. She was the last to be swoon by obvious lies about things she was not. She looked nothing like a bride and she knew.

"Does she?"

"I mean she looks like someone's bride or is she not" Salima detested people who thought decent dressing was only reserved for the married. Unmarried girls should dress to trap, married girls should dress to protect their modesty for its new owner. Like dresses were not personal choices but should revolve around men.

"No she's not and I can swear she's not planning to be anyone's soon"

" Why don't you let her speak for herself, she's not dumb I suppose."

" You can ask her, she's right behind you" Anisa turned to look at her, a jesting smile on her face. "won't you tell him about your plans to find Mr right even if you would turn forty searching"

Salima was in no mood for such talks, she hated to be forced into conversations regarding marriage and the likes. Hearing her point of view made people laugh and she was sensitive to having her choices mocked, tagged childish.

" Is that right, Salima" he adjusted the mirror and looked through it.

" Yes it is" she said with ferociousness so he knew she couldn't be joked with.

He laughed, so hard it was like the best joke he had heard in a while,

"You're really funny" her hair was rising with vex. "The fact that you're trying so hard to look hard is more amusing. You just end up looking so harmless and pseudo angry at the same time.

I wish we get the time to really talk one day, I would like to hear you speak" he was still looking and salima was finding him irritating for looking like that. she didn't even like her own face that much. She could go a whole day without looking in the mirror because there was nothing impressive about her features.

Men could flatter you into walking into your grave.

"I think you got yourself trapped" Bushra whispered but Salima wasn't finding it funny. he was a joke and would soon be laughing at himself.

All she assumed was he thought himself too all-rounded to be turned down by any girl, especially if it was a girl not even as fine as his chub soft looking hands. like conquering women who put up forts of disinterest was a sport. it felt like mockery but she refused to be mocked. It made her somewhat self-conscious the contrast of having someone like him talk to her, making every of her insecurity glare. She wouldn't even give a chance to end up regretting.

"We are here" he pulled over turning to look at Salima "I would like to talk to you" Bushra had gone out first and salima had gone after her saying nothing to him. If he had any bit of shame, he would simply drive off.

"Your phone" he had come out standing in front of Salima, demanding like it was his right.

"For?"

"I'll save my number for future contact" his thick brows furrowed at her defiance. His heavy beards was just a decoy, she doubted he was already in mid 20s.

"and If I said no"

"You won't say no, because I don't take no for an answer" he adjusted his posture, unrelenting.

" besides I know how to get it if I want but I'm asking you"

"Well you would take it this time,

N O No! " She emphasized turning her back not even waiting to read the expression on his arrogant face.

Aside Bushra who looked like she was ready to beat senses into her head for passing up such a chance, Anisa had said nothing only waiting for him to drive off so she would wave him good night.

Anisa looked totally unimpressed but she was mum. Salima read her face but was too sleepy and thinking of her bed for any long talks, else she could have asked.

Salima let her eyes roam other things, her mind could conjure up negative thoughts if she let herself read too much into the squeeze of disappointment on Anisa's features.

maybe she too thought her below her rich cousin. Or maybe it was all in her head.

Another day, if she remembered,she would ask her for clarity's sake.

"why would you do that? Any girl would jump at the chance. He's super cool" Bushra scolded.

"Why won't I? Because he looks good and has a car? besides I'm not any girl"

No one said anything more as they strode towards their room, Bushra's face still in disbelief.

Salima felt he got served but if she knew better she should have learnt early, the art of saying no and sticking to it.