Accepting Your Memories

Owsey - She Passed Away Alone at Sea

***

Raven, sleeping next to him, moved as Gazelle rubbed her eyes and squeezed her neck. Shocked, she got out of bed and squinted at Raven sleeping next to her. "Hey!" she screamed angrily. "Wake up!"

Raven slowly opened his eyes and got out of bed as Gazelle swallowed nervously to see that he was only wearing boxers. "You…" she whispered. Looking at the clothes she was wearing, she realized that they all belonged to Raven. "We..." She couldn't have had sex with a book character, could she?

Raven frowned when he realized what Gazelle meant. "No," he said sternly. "Because you got so wet last night, I made you put on my own spare clothes so you wouldn't get sick. I had to sleep under a duvet so I wouldn't get weak from the cold. Nothing is as you think." Gazelle thought Raven's solemn expression terrifying and completely believed the truth behind those words. He looked angry, so she couldn't open her mouth and say anything. She couldn't even thank him for saving and protecting her.

Without a word, Raven deftly wrapped bandages all over his body in the living room, then paused as he hurried to the front of the hut door. "Don't go anywhere." His voice was so cold, he wasn't even looking at her face. "I know someone who can help you. I'll find her and bring her to you." He opened the door of the hut and left, he didn't look back or add a word.

As Raven walked away from the hut, he was so annoyed that Gazelle thought he had taken advantage of her desperation that red lines in his brown eyes gleamed through the bandages.

Gazelle waited for Raven to move away from the hut, watching out the window. Of course, she wasn't going to wait for him in the hut. She wanted to explore the forest.

She walked out of the hut without thinking. The first thing she saw the moment she stepped out of the hut was a small sapling growing over the old man's grave. The roots of the tree, which was going to hug the dead body under the ground tightly as she passed by the grave and walked into the forest, made her nose bones ache because one day she would meet the same end. When she sees death, she says hello to it. But she can't say goodbye. No one can. "So little time and so many stories..." Gazelle whispered as she walked absently. "Time is sure a precious thing."

She felt as if she had fallen into a fairy tale as she walked through the woods. She knew she should be afraid when she saw a newly hunted cheetah licking blood from its mouth, but it was as if the forest was whispering to her not to be afraid.

When she walked a little further, she saw a girl hugging a huge tree ahead, but as she passed by the tree, she realized that the girl had disappeared. "Weird…" she said, looking around. She chuckled lightly to herself. "I must have gone crazy." But when the little girl suddenly appeared in front of her, Gazelle pressed her hand to her heart, which was racing with fear.

The little girl was kneeling on the ground with her hands united and praying. A huge butterfly landed on her hands as her tiny lips moved quickly, but her eyes were closed. She didn't move at all.

Gazelle wanted to talk to the little girl. She should have asked her if she was okay and what she was doing here alone, but none of that felt right to her. "The weight of something." whispered the little girl. "The return of the repressed."

When she opened her brown and beautiful eyes and looked at Gazelle, she realized that she had tears in her eyes. Still unable to take her hand off her heart, she could feel her heart racing because of the girl's sad eyes. "Don't cry," Gazelle whispered, but a single tear fell from the little girl's left eye.

When the birds in the trees took off as a group, Gazelle came out of the moment and looked up at the sky. When she looked back to where the little girl was, she saw that she was no longer there, but she heard a voice from beyond the forest. "Do not forget me."

She started running towards where the sound came from. She was running so fast... She kept running even though her heart hurt her chest. She slowed down as she heard the sound of water, she stared in amazement at the sight she saw. "A lake." she smiled to herself. "There was a huge lake in the forest."

She walked towards the lake, she didn't know what to do. She should have waited for Raven in the hut, but this world was overtaking her. She stepped out onto the lake's wooden pier and walked to the water's edge. She stared in amazement at the open sky ahead as she sat down on the edge of the pier with her legs dangling in the water. "Wow..."

She didn't know how many minutes she watched the view, but she looked at the person who was startled when she heard footsteps behind her. How had Raven found her? It didn't really matter to her. After all, none of this was real. Raven stood behind her without saying a word. "I told you to wait in the cabin."

"I know."

"Do you ever listen?"

"I don't." Silence.

"I've finally found the one person I think can help you. She's waiting for you in the hut. We have to go." Gazelle realized she didn't want to leave right now.

"I…" she said, looking around helplessly. When she saw the boat floating calmly in the water beside her, she suddenly stood up and looked Raven in the eyes with a smile. "I want to get on the boat."

Raven frowned and looked at the boat. "Why?" he said without looking at her.

"Some things don't need a reason." Raven turned his eyes to her at that moment and looked into her eyes which were shining like the sun. He took a deep sigh. Was it possible to look into those eyes and say no?

"Okay." Gazelle got on the boat excitedly, and Raven got on the boat and they started to move on the lake with oars.

When they were far enough from the pier and the view of the lake and forest was fully revealed, Gazelle looked at the surface of the water. The tree blossoms that had spilled into the lake were floating on the surface of the water. Her fingertips were slightly wet as she reached out and touched the floating flowers. She didn't know what to think as she stared at her wet fingertips in surprise.

Gazelle's lower lip trembled as a beautiful girl with long hair and rosy cheeks gently pointed her fingertips at the floating flowers in the water next to hers in another boat, visible through her fingers, just a short distance away. "Is this a memory or a dream?" she whispered. Raven answered her.

"You feel you've been here before, in a memory that you thought was not quite yours."

Gazelle heard what the little girl said before she could look at Raven. And she was hurt when she realized who she was.

"I don't have fangs or claws. I tried to hide myself because I wasn't accepted. But if you stroke my hair, maybe all my fears will disappear, one day, there will surely be someone who will believe in my harmlessness. Instead of stroking my hair, you ran away from me, whereas I was not a monster. Now my eyes are blind. I'm running after you. Because when I needed you, you gouged my eyes."

The little girl praying in the forest, touching the flowers in the water in a boat that didn't actually exist, was Gazelle's childhood.

Gazelle looked at Raven in horror as she realized that, no matter how hard she tried to erase it, her past was caught at her throat in a world that didn't actually exist. "Are you okay?" Raven asked with a worried expression.

Gazelle couldn't open her mouth and utter a single word.