1 Shame

Her toes were just touching the surface of the cold lake before submerging her feet into it. She let out a shaky sigh as she closed her eyes focusing on the nice cold feeling instead of the hotness around her cheeks and back.

Her body slowly relaxed and soon tears were falling down her cheeks. The memories of the events that just happened came rushing to her. How they were pulling on her hair called her a freak and pushed her on the ground, slapping her and spitting on her. It happened more frequently than she'd like to admit, the bullying because of her appearance.

She slowly opened her eyes and was met with her reflection in the lake. Her hair was a mess and her face was red and puffy. But what bothered her the most were her unusual ears, similar to how an Axolon's looks and the scales on her face. She hated it, everything about her. They are right… She is a freak, looking nothing like the others in the village but some sort of reptile.

She looked away and laid down on the grass instead and looked up to the sky, listening to the breeze and how her feet were moving around in the water. It was soothing… She zoned out while staring at the sky when Casimir, her only friend appeared above her.

"I knew I would find you here Eris" He had his usual gentle smile. His long silver hair was hanging down on his shoulder, almost hitting her in the face. She covered her face as a slight smile appeared on her face.

"Cashimir, you startled me!" He grabbed her hand and lifted her up till she sat and he joined beside her. He placed an arm around her and brushed her long dark blue hair out of the way.

"I heard what happened... I told you to call me when you see them" His words pierced into Eris' heart. It wasn't that easy. It wasn't the same group bullying her, but everyone in the village. They never do anything to her when Cashimir is around and Eris doesn't want him to know that everyone, even the kind baker, even the honest smith were hostile and cruel to her.

No one liked or accepted her. Why was Cashimir so different? Is he the only pure kind soul in the whole village? It's like he's a saint sent from Theelia herself. She hesitantly let herself relax into his arms and breathed in his scent.

"I'm sorry… I froze and then it just… Happened." She slowly breathed out and hugged her knees tighter while Cashimir pulled her closer.

"It hurts me to see you live out here, outside the village. Like you are an outcast." His voice was filled with emotion and Eris did feel bad. But she felt comfortable living in her granny's old cottage. It's like she is still there with her.

The lake is close by and different herbs she uses for experimenting with potions. Being alone isn't so bad if it would have been her own choice. She just shook her head, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

"Aren't you on some sort of church duty right now?" Changing the subject she moved away from his embrace and suddenly felt cold but didn't want to use his warmth and kindness too much. Cashimir just smiled and rested his face against his palm.

"I was. My mother won't let me do anything until I finish all my chores and duties. Now I can spend the rest of the day with you" Eris looked away in embarrassment, her cheeks heating up even more and hugged herself. A small laugh escaped his lips as he moved his fingers towards her arm, their skins touched lightly but it felt so intimate.

"Eris…" He didn't continue but she could feel how the silence was filled with words he wanted to say and express. Her head moved slowly towards him to look into his eyes. He wasn't smiling anymore and his gaze was focusing on her arm where he was touching her then moved towards her scales, slowly stroking them.

Eris quickly moved her hand above of his to stop him as she moved her arm away. His expression saddened as he looked up and Eris slowly shook her head. He gave a nod and stood up, offering his hand which she took naturally. Her face got too close to his and she quickly took a step back, the embarrassing laughter and silence came soon after.

"So um… I made some herb tea if you want that?"

"I'd love to, I brought some pastries from the bakery as well" He went to grab the bag before the two of them walked to the small tree cottage nearby. It was surrounded by flowers and other plants that she and her Granny have planted together and each day she took care of them with love.

On their way in, their hands brushed against each other. His hand moved closer while hers moved away, picking up the speed to go in front of him.

They sat down at the small round table, the tea was boiling and the pastries were on the table, freshly baked and the smell spread across the room. Cashimir was telling her about the news in the village, some gossip of people she didn't care about and then about his religion. How he was spreading Theelia's teachings and gave gifts to everyone.

"Which reminds me…" He picked up his bag again and took out a piece of wood.

"I made this for you. I know you and your Granny didn't really have much interest like the rest of the village but… I didn't want to leave you out" He placed down the gift in front of her. She saw the carefully crafted gift of her… Every detail, everything matched up with how she looks. Everything she hated about herself was there.

Her weird disgusting ears, the shapes of her scales. She couldn't decide if this was him mocking her, him turning out to be just like the rest but when she looked at him she didn't see any smirk or judgement in his eyes. He was nervously playing with his long silver hair. She looked down again at the gift and turned it around so she wouldn't need to look at her face.

"Thank you…" The only words she could muster up and say. She bit her lip, her palms were sweating. She glanced at him, seeing how his gaze was stuck on something. The only kind person left to her now was him. He made her feel warm, sweaty and embarrassed far too often than she liked.

She craved for his touch yet she feared to ask for more. It's during times like this she misses her granny the most. When she hugged her no matter what, gave her motherly love and explained everything to her. But never about love like this. Her granny never got to the part about how falling in love feels, how love works between friends or lovers. Eris didn't know when to trust someone fully.

"Oh… The sun is setting." Her thoughts are interrupted by Cashimir who slowly stood up. Eris soon followed him to the door.

"And the past-" His hand moved to her cheek, his thumb stroking it then his hand moved to her neck then through her dark blue hair. Her eyes closed, holding her breath as she was memorising each and every touch. As if she was hypnotised her arms moved around him and their bodies pressed together.

His scent and warmth were all over her and his hand was resting on her back. She heard his heart beating quickly and for a few moments her thoughts stopped. Her body wanted more and she felt starved. It was almost painful.

"I'll see you tomorrow Eris, sweet dreams" A small kiss was planted on top of her forehead then he let go and left. She could see him waving as he was walking away and alongside him, the sun disappeared and it was dark. She could still feel the kiss on top of her forehead as it was getting cold. The part she hated the most about the hugs is when they let go and leave you cold and alone.