Party On

"Smile, girl." I grinned at Eltariel as we sat at my table enjoying the many day feast at Fort Thrag, "It's like you have forgotten how to have fun."

The Vanyar Elf briefly pulled her lips back from her teeth in an obviously fake smile as another song burst out in the hall.

"Glittering gold

For you and me

The Dark Lord's dead

And now we're free

The whole world's ours

Everything we see

Oh what glad days

An Uruk to be

Oh what glad days

An Uruk to be"

I joined in and laughed uproariously when we finished. The greatest power in Middle Earth is the ability for large groups of people to suddenly burst into perfectly choreographed songs, and I'll kill anyone who says otherwise.

"And when the Dark Lord and the Nazgul return." Eltariel spat, "How good will it be, to be all of you?"

"Hehehe!" I laughed, "They aren't coming back after what I did to Barad Dur on the way out."

"Sauron always comes back." the Elf huffed, "Drowned in Numenor. Cut down by Isildur. Yet he always returns to spread more misery."

"A wise man once said, 'use the weapon of the enemy against him'." I told her, "He died soon after ashamed of the influence the enemy had gained over him, but the man wasn't wrong, just didn't know what weapon to use against the enemy."

Ahh Sean Bean, you glorious bastard.

"So after looting the tower I sacrificed all his remaining loyalists and used their blood to paint curses up and down that big bitch. All those fucking stairs. I don't care how indefatigable Uruks are. Those are too many fucking stairs." my intensity of my gaze faded as I remembered the true horror of Barad Dur, "Curses of enfeeblement, curses of frailty, curses of fatigue, curses of lethargy, curses of impotence. Sauron is stuck at the top of Barad Dur, forced to wallow in all those curses. Completely unable to do anything about them. Eventually he won't have the power to sustain the existence of the Ring Wraiths and they will pass on. Probably before they can reform from the shlacking we gave them. And then eventually Sauron will fade, unable to maintain his connection to Arda. He will pass on, and who knows how many millennia it will take for him to regain enough power to attempt a return."

"If it was really so easy to defeat the Dark Lord, then it would have been done before. Long ago." Eltariel countered contrarily, "And curses of impotence? If the enemy could curse away the power of others then the West would have fallen long ago."

"First off. No one has ever tried cursing Sauron to death. Just me." then I smirked, "And my curses didn't take away his power, just his ability to raise his jolly-scepter."

"His… jolly-scepter?" Eltariel puzzled at the meaning.

"His cock." Amelia helped her from nearby, "Thrag and his sons have been giggling like a pack of little girls since they go back about taking away the Dark Lord's ability to achieve erection."

"We took away his cock!" Crogash the Curseblade, a charcoal skinned and black haired uruk, shouted and raised his tankard where his brothers' soon join it.

"We took away his cock!" they all shouted then chugged their grog.

"We took away his cock!" little Gorgum shouted then chugged his milk.

"Adorable." Eltariel shook her head at the sight of the foul mouthed toddler.

"Just steer clear of his meat hooks." I told her, "Kid has a grip like a caragor's jaws."

My natural born children developed quickly. Six month pregnancies and twice as fast as humans after delivery, both physically and mentally. Strong like chimps, too. Fortunately, my concubines were smart enough not to apply hummie think to raising them, and my older sons hadn't gone full spaztic about them.

Quite the opposite in fact, the pack of gorilla strong frat boys formed a wildly accepting relationship with my natties, treating them like little members of the frat that just need some training and experience to achieve the full awesomeness required to party with them.

Laughing, I swept up Mursha and Eve and shouted, "Drum's boys!"

With a girl held to each shoulder I set the dance floor ablaze with my River Dance. My daughters augmented the song with their laughter and squeals of joy.

"That's not possible." Eltariel denied the proof before her eyes.

"He weighs almost sixty stone, but dances around like the top of a fire." Charlotte chuckled, "Never seen anything like him."

"You people sound like you actually love him." Eltariel accused my concubine who just smiled wryly.

"Maybe it's different for you Elves." Charlotte responded, "But I've never actually met anyone who makes things better. All my life I've only ever seen people struggling and fighting so that tomorrow isn't any worse than today, or yesterday. With Thrag, even on the days nothing really seems to happen, things are still getting better. Each and every day."

"I love him for the towels." Britney laughed.

"Your heart is worth towels?" Eltariel balked at the simple woman's comments.

"Fluffy Towels!" Britney called out loudly.

"FLUFFY TOWELS!" The Uruks in the feasting hall shouted, and voices from beyond the hall joined in.

And so we partied on.