Babies and Vengeance

"And now on to the most important part of the workout." I told my son as I sat on the tiled bench of my new steam room.

"What are the leaves for?" Gund, one of the lucky few who inherited my wonderful bronze skin and dark curly hair, asked.

"Eucalyptus. Good for cleaning out the gunk in your nose and throat." I explained as I breathed the steam in deeply, "The heat causes the leaves to release their oil which is in turn carried in the vapor."

"What do we do after this?" Gund questioned fully determined to prove the rightness of his title, the Thoughtful.

"Cold water next." I answered, "Back and forth. Get hot, get cold. The exposure hastens recovery better than anything else. Also seems to make Uruks adapt to temperature extremes. Handy with Talion dishing out fire and frost so frequently. Then we finish up a long session in here, bathe, and get back to the business of conquering Mordor."

Gund nodded his head and contemplated his place in the world. Kid is way too serious.

"Fifteen birds in five firtrees,

their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze!

But, funny little birds, they had no wings!

O what shall we do with the funny little things?

Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot;

fry them, boil them and eat them hot?" I sang to my boy.

"What was that?" Gund asked in surprise.

"Respect, boy." I smiled, "The Goblins of Goblintown drove Gandalf Stormcrow and his company up five fir trees and set them alight while singing that song. A bunch of stuck up jackasses will tell you not to talk, or laugh, or sing and dance in battle. Fuck those people, they are so scared of dying they don't know how to live. If you have the chance to shake your hips and kill your enemies then do so. Enjoy your life, son."

Gund nodded his head again, accepting my sage wisdom.

__________________________________________________________________________

"Why am I here!" Koth screamed almost as loud as Charlotte as he waited to catch his baby sibling.

"Don't they call you Smarthand or something like that?" I looked at him incredulously, "Figured you'd be smart enough to not crush the baby."

"I'm the Cunning Hand!" gold skinned uruk yelled, "I'm good at tricking people in combat! Hitting them from angles they can't see! I don't even know what a baby is!"

"A baby is what is coming out of your step-mother right now." I told the boy while I helped Charlotte hold her legs back as she started pushing again, "And if you drop the baby on the floor I'll drop you into Mount Doom, so you better hope your hands are extra cunning right now."

Koth nodded his terrified head and his glowing orange eyes widened like saucers when the head crowned and the baby began shrieking.

"Hard part over, love." I told the exhausted woman, "One more and the baby is out."

Charlotte complied and in the next pushing session the baby arrived fully. I cut and tied of the cord then helped Charlotte with the after birth and cleanup.

"Um… he's missing his bits!" Koth shouted in dismay causing the wailing newborn to cry all the harder in fright.

I took the baby from him and cleaned her off, watching as her skin changed from pallid to a lovely cream and her thin dark hair matched her dark eyes. Those would change over the course of the first year so know that anyone telling you that they saw the color of their baby's eyes is an idiot and a liar.

"She ain't missing her bits, boy." I told him, "She's a girl.'

"A girl?" Koth gasped theatrically.

"Yep." I smiled, "This world didn't have Orc women. Then I showed up and turned us into a real race. Feel free to praise me endlessly. I'm just that good."

"All hail Thrag the Firstfather." Koth snarked as he stared at his sister, "May the wonders of his hands and loins never cease."

"You happen to be a wonder of my hands and loins both, kid." I laughed.

The birth of Eve heralded the start of a new spring and her albino half sister Mursha and her fellow creamy brother Gorgum followed soon after. In a display of good sense rather than magical foresight I declared that anyone who lay with a slave woman working the fields would spend his remaining days wearing his severed cock on a neckless and be taking her job over thus saving half my workforce from swelling up and birthing the next generation of whatever genetic dead ends the rest of the Uruks and Orcs are.

Of course the new demand for bed slaves made my taking of Thaurband all the more vital. After all, when an entirely male race learns that their cocks are for more than pissing you're in for a cultural revolution. And a whole lotta dicks getting drawn on shit.

Not everyone went baby mad. Not Atbug the Fang and Ishbug the Shrike, my loyal enforcers and best pals. They possessed their own form of madness, a vital need to slay Talion with their own hands. My boys trained with them for two seasons, and both sides came out the stronger for it, but no amount of training or glorious purpose quelled the flames of hatred burning in their hearts for their subjugation.

So I threw a feast for the pair of former Dark Tribe Assassins knowing full well that they hated any form of festive gathering. Despite this the pair found themselves quite enamored with the spices I imported from Harad, devouring plate after plate while their dour countenance became more and more forced.

I finally got them to break stoicism when I presented them with my Consecrated Talion Slaying Dagger. Hell, Ishbug busted chub as he ran his thick fingers over the blade with reverence bordering on true love. The kiss of that dagger could likely break any spell the Uruk ever fell victim to.

"This blade shall taste the ranger's blood." Ishbug swore his oath and his blood brother joined him.

Their word their bond the brothers left at dawn, but found themselves waylaid by Burzronk, armored and waiting at the gate atop his caragor mount.

"So sweet." the damaged Uruk stated and the brothers nodded their heads, the trio leaving to vent their fury upon Cirith Ungol.