webnovel

Lost Morality

Can it even be considered living without free will, constantly running from memories? Being given life doesn't mean you have found a way to live.

Xiff · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
1 Chs

Alive

I'm burning. It feels like my entire body is ablaze, but when opening my eyes, I found myself in a forest, barren of any flames. I felt the cool breeze rush against my forehead, but the extreme heat I was feeling did not fade. As I studied my surroundings I saw the blurry image of a forest which I could not remember ever being in, as a matter of fact, I can't remember anything… Who am I? A simple question, but a tough one to answer in my current state. As my eyes adjusted to the sunlight, the forest I had found myself in was quite beautiful, it looked peaceful and almost divine. Still boiling from head to toe, I began to question my health. Do I have an extreme fever or something? It's hard to answer questions when you know nothing. I thought I would have stomach pains from hunger, but strangely enough, I felt nothing. I was not full nor hungry, and I could not understand why. Does that mean I've eaten recently? Was it me or was I being taken care of? Do I have a family? How long have I been asleep? As the questions continued to pile up I realized I was making no progress and went back to rule one of life, survive. I'm in an unknown place so who knows what kind of dangers lurk here, however in a place like this I felt no harm could be brought to anything. I began walking in search of some type of shelter, and suddenly I felt a presence staring at me. When I realized the presence of glowing red sparks began to appear around my hand, I felt a sharp pain in my eyes like someone had slashed them with a dagger. I immediately closed my eyes, rubbing them profusely. The pain continued to journey through my body traveling from my eyes all the way to my feet and finally ending at my forehead, where I could feel it pulsing. Suddenly, everything was a bit more clear, and I realized the danger of this forest. It was me.

In a flash of a vision, I saw myself though I seemed a bit younger, standing with a man. The man had long blonde hair with a mustache. He wore long purple robes with a flower crest on the back and wore a partial crown on his head. I stood at the door, wearing a full suit of chainmail that was clearly too big for me, with a sword attached at my hip. I had black hair, and blue eyes, with a striking fear present on my face. I looked horrified as if I was watching a tragedy. It seemed I was his guard, yet I looked very young to be a guard. The man smiled at me then turned his back to take a sip of wine as he gazed out the window of his chambers at the starry sky.

I grabbed the sword from my hip, calmly walked up behind the man and without hesitation stabbed the sword through his back and into his heart. It was a clean strike, his death was instantaneous. His body dropped to the floor, and blood began spilling out of his open wound like a river. I stood over his body, and stared at it for a moment, then dropped to my knees. I saw tears begin to well up in my eyes, but they evaporated. My eyes began to flicker with a red glow, as a red mist enveloped my body.

I awoke from the vision, trembling and sweating, lying against a tree. I'm a murderer, I killed a man, who displayed by his actions, had a high amount of trust in me. I raised my hands, they were still shaking. These very hands killed that man.

"I REFUSE" I let out a yell of pure determination. I refuse to believe I murdered that man. It was that red mist, it must be a curse or some type of mind control. There's no way I'd murder someone. Before the vision, I felt a presence, but it is now gone. Whoever or Whatever it was, did they make me remember that? I need to find them, I need the truth.

I started taking deep breaths to calm the trembling throughout my body, desperately trying to convince myself I was not a monster. The sun is starting to go down, I need to find shelter. I got up and began walking west, hoping to find something.

As I continued west, the forest deteriorated rapidly. The large oak trees filled with leaves and the bright green grass I had woken up to, turned to mud and dead saplings at a rapid pace, almost as if the forest I was in was an oasis. The new part of this forest made me uneasy, there is always a dark part to everything beautiful. Finally, I reached a clearing in the forest, and there was a small town. The buildings were extremely rundown, made with wood and stone. The wood looked like it had been from the dark part of the forest as it was a dark brown and looked brittle. I could see cracks in the stone in each house. From the entrance of the village, I could count 7 people, everyone looked either worrisome or ominous. One kid sat at a campfire to the right of the entrance, he looked like the only person who might answer my questions. He looked to be about my age, although I don't really know how old I am, with short brown hair. He wore a dark green cape, with dark brown clothing. He had a piece of emerald green cloth wrapped around his face that matched his eyes. I could see him cooking some type of small animal, but I didn't know what it was. "Excuse me" I called out to him, he looked at me but said nothing. "Uhm I'm kind of lost, I've never been here before." I continued, regardless of his silence. "So?" one word came from his mouth as he stared at me coldly. "I was just wondering if you could tell me about this town," I asked hesitantly due to his intimidating presence. I think I would have been better off going up to one of the men cloaked in the darkness standing in the center of town. "It's just another rundown village, who cares about its name." Now that I think about it, the village's name would be of no use to me since I have no memories of anything. "Yeah you're right, do you mind if I joined you?" I asked boldly as I scratched my head looking at his campfire. "I do mind, you are a stranger. Why should I let you do anything in relation to me?" he replied, declining without the slightest hesitation. "Look I know I'm asking a lot of you and you look like someone who doesn't wanna be bothered, but I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm alone, lost, and I have no idea who I even am." he stared at me and for the first time, seemed to be pondering what I said. He started deep into my eyes briefly. What was different this time? I thought about it but could not come to a conclusion. "Are you good with a sword?" What? Why is that the first question he asks me? "Like I said I don't have any of my memories but the idea of a sword is very familiar to me." Well, I do have one memory, but I think it is best to avoid telling him about that. Judging by the precision and speed in my vision It seems I am talented with a sword. "Alright, have a seat." He said firmly while he outstretched his hand towards his right, signaling for me to sit down. I followed his order and sat down at the campfire. "So no memories meaning you know nothing about yourself? Not even a name?". I nodded. "That's quite the issue isn't it, well for now I'll call you Red." Huh? Red? Like the color of blood? I took a deep breath ignoring my mind as I remembered what I had seen. I voiced my concerns with my new name, "Why red?"

"Because your eyes are red, my eye color gave me my name too." My eyes are red? But in the vision, I saw they were blue. They only began glowing red after I killed that man. "Can it be something else?" I hesitantly asked, not wanting a reminder of what I had done."Ok fine, how about Blood?" Blood? That's so much worse. Rather than asking why blood I realized anything was better than that and gladly accepted Red. "I think I'll go by red instead, thanks. What is your name?" "I go by Leaf, it was a nickname given to me by the others in this village." "Can you tell me about this village? It seems really run down."

"Well, this village was abandoned over 20 years ago. While nobody really knows what happened it's regarded as a tragedy because one day everyone vanished without a trace. There are rumors that the Lord went mad and experimented on his people with magic however there is no living proof of the rumors. Since then, it has simply become a mercenary outpost, due to nations scared of inhabiting a cursed land as they call it. If I told you where it was in relation to other villages or nations I don't think you would understand but we are very far west, and the closest Kingdom is Kevlar." Over 20 years ago, everyone in the village vanished. For a second I weighed the possibility of this being related to me, but I think I'm too young. So this town is now a mercenary outpost. Does that mean this kid is a mercenary? I mean I guess it's not that surprising since in my vision I was a guard and that seemed like years ago. The Kingdom of Kevlar is the closest to us, I guess I'll remember that.

"So does that mean you are a mercenary?" "Yep, and now so are you. You are gonna help me on my missions and in return, I will help you learn about the world a bit. As a mercenary, we travel all around the world so maybe you will be able to remember something. But first, there is something important you need to know about yourself." What? Something important I need to know about myself? How does he know more than me? "There is a high likelihood that you are a Reaper, judging by your eyes and aura." My eyes widened, a reaper, that word. I know that word, from somewhere, I racked my brain but came up with nothing. "What is a reaper?" "It's a species of Demon created to serve under Diamos, the Demon God. All humans have the ability to evolve into it by killing the one they are sworn to protect or the closest to, most of the time that is family members." The one you are sworn to protect. The vision popped into my mind again, I was a guard sworn to protect that man, and I killed him and evolved into a demon? Seeing my body begin to quiver, rather than question it, Leaf continued, "Look, Reapers are still half-human, and you don't seem to be that evolved so that means you likely only killed a few people. I have no interest in your past, and neither should you until your memories return and you can get the full picture. Worrying about it now will get you nothing, you are essentially a new person." His words were surprisingly comforting, I took a deep breath and calmed down. He's right, whatever happened in my past is separate from who I am now. I am Red. That name didn't feel right either. However, something felt off about Leaf. He knew the fact that I had killed people and showed no fear toward me. Is he naive, confident in his abilities, or something else? "Thank you," I said with a slight smile trying to make it seem like my worries had vanished. "Don't mention it, the only reason I tell you this is because Reapers have the ability to manifest a sword along with the boost in strength and agility. You should try manifesting your blade." I have no idea where to start. As if reading my mind, Leaf said "Try feeling the body's energy flow and begin to focus it at your hand, then grasp that energy in your fist and picture a sword in your mind." I closed my eyes and felt the energy flow of my body, the extreme warmth I've felt since I woke up, is that because I'm a reaper? This energy is extremely warm. I can feel it coursing through my body. I began to gather it in my hand as Leaf instructed and grasped the compiled energy in my hand. The red sparks began to fly off my palm as I opened my eyes. I pictured a sword, and suddenly I felt that energy release and grasped a crimson sword in my fist. The sword radiated a red glow, with it a jet-black hilt "Wow, I'm impressed you picked that up so quickly, well done." Leaf nodded in approval as a lone drop of sweat dripped down his cheek. "Just release your grasp to get rid of the sword. The more you do it, the more natural it will feel." "I can't thank you enough Leaf," I said with a bright smile. I released my grasp and the sword faded into red particles. "How do you know so much about reapers?" Leaf paused for a moment as if caught off guard by the question and replied, "Like I said, being a mercenary you learn about the world, I've fought a reaper before. He was much more evolved than you and extremely dangerous. I barely escaped with my life. Also, you don't have to thank me, I'm doing this for my own benefit after all. With a second person, we can take on much more difficult jobs which means bigger pay." Well, that makes sense, I was curious why he became so helpful all of a sudden. I wanted to ask about this Demon God he mentioned but felt I learned enough for the day and didn't want to burden him further. Before I knew it, it was dark with the stars shining bright in the black sky. And so Leaf led me to his campsite outside the village.

--leaf

The Abyss. The place where demons dwell. Red was not aware of this but I had a much deeper meaning for helping him. He was a living reminder and tool to find a way to the abyss, and find my brother. His sharp red eyes, the same ones my brother had, brought back memories I'd rather forget. The difference between red and my brother was Red had not yet lost his humanity and can learn to control his power without turning into a full demon. The main issue is if he does lose control, will I be able to take him? The way he manifested his blade so easily makes me think otherwise, and the stance he took when he had the sword in his grasp shows he has as much if not more training than me, and I was called a prodigy. The one thing that helped my confidence in Red was his personality. He was not cold nor distant, he was warm and had a contagious smile. The next morning after I met red, I woke up much earlier than him but I suppose he needed the extra sleep. He finally awoke long after midday. "Finally you are up." I said disgruntled, he was dripping in sweat but I decided not to pry. He stared at me as if he had no clue who I was, then rubbed his eyes and said "Ah sorry, guess I overslept." "It's fine, I'm just hoping there are still some good requests left. Today's the day you go to your first job." I stared at him realizing he was wearing a low-quality cloth that was torn all over. "We need to get you some new clothes first, and something to mask your face." He gave me a puzzled look for a moment but nodded. I led him to the vendor in town, which sold everything from food to weapons to books. I grabbed a set of black clothing and a red piece of cloth to cover his face with. For some reason, it felt very fitting seeing as my cloth was green like my eyes. "You know I don't have any money right?" I laughed, "Yes I'm well aware, don't worry I'll take this one, and you can pay me back after this job." I had a lot of money left over from my previous job where I had to escort a caravan. They overpaid though because the trip went without incident. Plus, I felt that my income would significantly increase after teaming up with Red so I wasn't worried in the slightest. After all, the more I look at Red the more intimidated I become. This kid is a monster with the brightest smile I've ever seen. He beamed that smile straight at me and said "Thanks I'll pay you back for sure!". That smile is terrifying in its own right when paired with his aura. I peered over at the vendor and she was staring at Red nervously. I understood her feelings completely, Red was extremely intimidating, that is until you speak to him. Those crimson eyes alone are enough to make a normal man quiver. Reapers are well known in the western lands, although they are regarded as myths everywhere else. Those red eyes are the sign of a monster, a villain. Every time I look into Red's eyes, I see my brother staring back at me. I need to find him, I need to find out why he did it. Was the power really worth it? Red, puzzled at my staring into his eyes, asked, "Hey is everything okay?". A considerate demon, a tool to find my brother, that's what he is. "Yeah I'm fine." I gave a fake smile to convince him. His gaze shifted from me to the vendor, "Thanks for your help!" he put out his hand initiating a handshake. The Vendor sweating slowly put out her hand shaking. Red grabbed her hand and shook it, probably with more force than necessary, which he realized as terror spilled out from the vendor. Red shook her so hard that the vendor's hood fell unveiling her face. Seems he doesn't have a grasp on his true strength. She was quite beautiful, with black hair, green eyes, and a bright complexion. "Please don't look at me!" and she rushed to lift her hood again. "I'm so sorry miss,". Red said desperately, his face contorting from guilt. "Forgive my friend, he's not very sociable, I assure you we saw nothing. Although you are quite beautiful" I smiled at her. I turned to Red, "Let's go." Red followed silently, still looking guilty, I looked back as we walked away and the vendor still stared at us. I gave a wave, to ease tension and she turned away. Now it's time to get a request. "Red, head back to camp and get changed, I'll go check the request board and meet you back there." Red nodded and headed off in the direction of the camp. I walked to the request board. It was a wrecked piece of wood with scrolls pinned all over it. I need a job that will test Red, I want to see him kill. I skimmed through the papers of different requests, 'join the escort of Lord Kelmyon', 'Help with the transport of farm goods', and finally I came across the perfect request, 'Raid a Bandit camp outside of Teflayn Village. Reward provided by the Kingdom of Kevlar.' It seems luck is on my side, we get to serve the Kingdom of Kevlar which is currently in a power struggle between the two princesses due to the King's poor health. I couldn't help but smirk, this opportunity is one I can't let slip through. I ripped the scroll off the request board and headed back to camp.

-- Red

I changed into the clothing Leaf had bought me, and waited for him to come back to camp. I couldn't help but wonder what type of request we were going to do. I sat in silence, alone with my thoughts, and began thinking about the only thing I could remember about myself. The murder I committed. I'm not a monster, I had a reason. If I was a monster, I would've tried to kill Leaf and that vendor lady right? Unable to answer myself I shook my head. "You amuse me boy, why are you desperately searching for validation?" a voice boomed. I looked around and saw nothing, Leaf was nowhere in sight. I looked over and saw a small rabbit undisturbed, but I was sure I heard a loud voice, was it in my head? "You will return to me." the voice boomed once more. I looked at the rabbit, still undisturbed eating the vegetation. It really was in my head. Am I losing my sanity? I punched myself in the stomach. The killing of one man does not define me. I'm a good person. The rabbit found its way to my feet eating the grass below me. Was it not afraid of me? Leaf Arrived back at camp seeing me shaken, "Did something happen, are you okay?" He stared at me, looking colder than usual. "No, I'm fine," The rabbit noticed Leaf and ran in fear like its survival instinct had kicked in. Leaf, ignoring the rabbit, stared at me suspiciously, but eventually moved on. "So we are going to be raiding a Bandit camp. This is a direct request from the Kingdom of Kevlar because they are desperate with the current power struggle." Leaf grinned maliciously as he went on, "Currently in the Kingdom of Kevlar there is a battle of power between two princesses. Both daughters of the sickly King vying for the throne after his death." As I listened I was confused, a power struggle between siblings? How could that happen? "So two sisters are fighting each other for the throne?" I asked. "Well half-sisters, but yes essentially. King Verion has three daughters with three different mothers. The oldest two Princesses Chloe and Kyla are two in a battle for power, however, the youngest Princess Aurelia has been missing for over 4 months. They say one day she disappeared along with some attendants and her personal guard. Assuming she ran away from the fierce power struggle between her sisters." Family, with the same father battling and chasing the youngest out of the kingdom, the world truly is a scary place.

--Leaf

We quickly gathered our supplies and headed down towards the village where we met up with the mercenaries returning from their previous job. I greeted them with a nod, however they were focused on Red, staring with disdain. We really need to do something about his eyes, I thought to myself. I peered over at Red but he didn't seem to realize their harsh stares. I feel bad for the kid, he truly is naive to the way others view him. I guess he has never had any interaction with any humans other than me since he lost his memories. Then again, I have to remind myself that behind his friendly act, he is still a monster. Those eyes tell the story. I asked the mercenaries if they had seen anything relating to the bandit camp as they were heading back from the east, which is the direction the camp was in according to the scroll.

"You took that quest?" he looked at me shocked. "Even with that monster, you don't stand a chance." his gaze shifted to Red as he spoke. Red seemed to actually understand what he was getting at, and he stared back at the man. His expression didn't show any emotion from those words meant to harm him however his eyes began to flicker. It was like his brain was angry, not his heart. The man seeing his eyes took a step back trying to keep his composure. I let a grin sneak onto my face. "Well anyway, yea that camp is in that direction. We saw some trails heading straight to it, it's a couple of days out, but it's your funeral kid. They have been around this long for a reason. Their leader is no pushover." His saying of these things had an adverse effect on what he intended because it only got me more excited. I wanted to see Red in action. "I appreciate it, we'll be on our way then. Let's go Red." I began to head down the path they had just come from Red followed behind but paused in front of the man for a second. He did not move a muscle nor said a word, just stared for a moment. He finally uttered one word from his lips, "Monster". The man, who was already sweating took a defensive stance as his hand began to drift to the hilt of his sword. Red was unphased and began walking again to catch up with me. As we got further down the path the man faded away behind us, I looked at Red to my left as we walked deeper into the woods. His face still showed nothing, but I could tell he was thinking about something.-Red

After walking all day, we decided to stop here and set up camp for the night. Still traveling east we were in a small clearing near the river. The path we previously followed had abruptly ended, making the journey more difficult. At least that's what Leaf told me. He also said the bandits must cover their tracks well, part of the reason they have remained for so long. I went to collect some firewood as instructed while Leaf set up camp. I could not stop thinking about the voice. You will return to me. Then it dawned on me that I hadn't thought about my family or where I came from at all since pairing up with Leaf. Am I really ok with this? Ignoring everything?

"Monster". The words echoed around me, I was sure they weren't real but I could hear them all the same. The voices continued "Monster. Monster. Monster." I fell to my knees. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but they evaporated from my body heat once again. My sadness quickly turned to rage, I felt the energy pulsing through me. Suddenly, there was rustling in a bush behind me. My body acted on its own, manifesting my sword and dashing toward the noise. Before I knew it my sword was held at the neck of a boy, much younger than me. He wore raggedy brown cloth and held a poorly crafted bow in his hand. His face was covered and he wore a hood. His brown eyes looked at me with terror, his hands trembling he dropped his bow and fell back onto the ground. He was completely defenseless.

"Monster"

My sword pressed against his throat in response to these words, I couldn't distinguish the voices from reality. Blood began to drip from his neck. I didn't pull my sword away. The boy now crying, was dripping tears. He finally spoke and cried out

"BROTHER"

I heard a bow nock to my left.

I turned in the direction of the bow, and standing there was another boy, however, he was probably a few years older than me and Leaf. He wore the same attire as his brother who still sat teary-eyed in front of me immobile. When he saw me turn, his grip tightened, and his fingers began to slip off the fletching of the arrow aimed at me. Unable to act fast enough, I braced for impact and closed my eyes. I waited and felt nothing. I opened my eyes to see an emerald-green dagger held at the boy's throat from behind him. It was Leaf, his other dagger idle at his hip. He had matching emerald daggers, the same shade as his eyes and facecloth. I had wondered what kind of weapon Leaf had, I had never seen anything on him.

"Let's drop the bow yea?" he spoke sternly to the boy.

He followed orders and lowered his bow, then dropped it along with the arrow previously aimed at me.

"You can kill the other one Red, we don't need both," he said now looking at me.

Kill? Kill this kid? Murder again?

"NO PLEASE! KILL ME INSTEAD THAT'S MY LITTLE BROTHER." the boy Leaf apprehended shouted.

"Kids are stupid, you are much more reliable to lead us to your camp, he may not even know the direction. And keeping you both alive is a threat to us, in the case of resistance one is much easier to handle." Leaf replied, unwavering.

"PLEASE HAVE SOME SYMPATHY, WE ARE JUST OUT HERE HUNTING FOR FOOD." the boy shouted again.

Leaf did not respond, instead, he just stared at me. Does this mean I have to kill him?

I can't put Leaf in danger because I'm scared to do what's necessary. The other boy kept yelling out behind me but his voice faded behind an intense ringing in my head, it felt like the only way to stop it was to kill the boy. I turned back to him, he still sat there frozen in place, my sword held at his neck. Blood dripped off the side of my sword, and as it fell to the ground the ringing intensified with each drop. I prepared to swing my sword when an emerald dagger flew past me and landed on the boy's forehead. His body fell back onto the ground, his death was instant. Blood began pouring out the wound opened by the shining dagger. The ringing was gone, but it was replaced with the screams of his older brother. I looked at leaf, he was expressionless. Killing that boy meant nothing to him.