XII

I pace back and forth on the street corner. What am I possibly supposed to say to him?

To the guy, I totally disregarded after my father died?

To the guy that cared?

To the guy that was there for me and understood me?

To the guy that stuck with me through all my shit?

Reply: I miss you too.

Delete.

Reply: Haha. How have you been?

Delete.

My head is crowded, filled with fuzz and I feel dizzy.

"Stella-Rose?" I spin around to see Carol, Jeremy's grandmother staring at me in confusion.

"Oh hello, Mrs. Carol," I greet in my best polite manner. "Where are you off to?"

"Just off to my tailor's," she says. "Are you alright, dear?"

I nod, frantically. "Oh, yes of course. I'm okay. My mother just asked me to pick up some pecans once I'm on my way home," I lie.

Carol nods, then smiles brightly. "Then you better be off. Those pecans won't pick themselves."

"Yes, right. Thank you," I say, rushed.

She leaves me alone on the sidewalk, urging me to think of Jaime one more time.

Reply: Hi. How've you been?

Send.

---

"Hey! What took you so long?" Jeremy asks when I walk into Darnelle's. "We've been waiting for half an hour for you!"

"Sorry," I apologize. "Something kept me caught up."

"Obviously," Dylan mutters.

I look over at him. "Well, I see the bratty teen is here."

He looks up at me and smiles. "Hello, Rose."

"Stella-Rose," I shoot back.

"Okay." He smirks and I roll my eyes.

"So, have you thought about what we talked about earlier today?" Jeremy asks.

I nod but look around at the crowded cafe. "Yeah, but isn't this supposed to be more private?"

"It's better to talk about things openly. Plus, what we're discussing isn't secret. When it becomes that, then we'll meet more privately," he explains.

I nod and move to check on my phone.

Nothing.

"So, is there anything you remember from your past?" Jeremy looks directly at me.

I look at him. "I've been racking my brain all night, but couldn't think of anything," I lie.

Dylan squints in my direction. "Stella-Rose," he starts. "Stop lying."

"What?" I ask flustered.

"It's obvious that you're lying," he says. "You know something. Or at least remember something from your past."

This boy is unbelievable.

Jeremy puts his hand over mine and looks at me. His green eyes are peering into mine and I almost get lost in them. "It's okay to be scared," he says. "I was too when you asked me to help. But, I'm here now and so is Dylan. We're gonna help you get through this. We are your friends after all."

I break the stare and replace it with a warm smile spread across my face.

"Well, I did have a boyfriend," I start.

I tell them about Jaime and our love story. How I had found my dad in his room, unconscious. But, mostly, how I totally disregarded the love of my life after that.

Well, I didn't use "the love of my life" to explain Jaime, of course.

I told them all I could remember. Everything, except the fact that Jaime had reached out again.

They only asked for my past and technically, this is my present.

"Did you ever talk to him about what happened? Like your feelings?" Dylans asks, concerned.

"Every time I would want to, it'd come out the wrong way. I'd be angry and it would come out like I was mad at him when I wasn't.

"You were in a state of denial," Jeremy says, still holding onto my hand. "It must have been hard."

I look down at my shoes and nod softly. "It was," I muttered.

I sigh. "Jaime was always there for me. Through all my shit. He cared and called. Even when we went to different colleges, he always made time to come see me. I messed up. Badly."

Tears begin to form at the brink of my eyelids. I hear a light buzz from my pocket and quickly pick up my phone.

Jaime.

Jaime: I've been good. Taking a break off of school for a while to cope.

Reply: Cope?

Jaime: My grandmother just passed away a few months ago.

Oh.

Reply: I'm so sorry.

"Who was that?" Dylan asks.

"No one," I lie. "Just my mom asking if I've got her pecans."

"Pecans?"

"I was out getting pecans," I slightly fake laugh.

Light buzzing throbs my back pocket lightly. I grab my phone and see the name of the person who is calling.

Mom.

I pick up the phone.

"Hello, mother."

"Where are my pecans?" she asks.

"What?" I whisper and get up to walk outside. I hold the speakerphone until I get outside.

"Where are my pecans, Danielle?"

First name. Not good.

"You never asked me to get you any, mother," I state.

"Why did you lie?"

"I wanted to meet my friends, mother."

"I see," she sighs. "But make sure you bring me back some pecans."

"But mother, I didn't bring money with me."

"Figure it out."

I sigh.

"I love you dearly, dear."

I cut my line of the phone and walk back inside the cafe.

"Your mom?" Jeremy asks and I nod.

"Today is just filled with shit," I mutter.

The two boys ignore my comment and look at one another.

"Angsty teenager," Dylan chuckles.

"Shut up," Jeremy says. "You should look in the mirror."

I giggle. "Hey, what happened with you two? Why are you two so angry at each other?"

The two boys look at one another and frown.

"Ask the hypocrite here," Jeremy says, rolling his eyes.

I look over to Dylan for the answers.

"It's not my fault I'm so irresistibly beautiful," he shrugs.

"Irresistible?!" Jeremy nearly yelps. "You practically seduced Mia."

Dylan rolls his eyes.

"She came to me," he explains. "Basically begged for me."

Jeremy's eyes squint and his cheeks become flushed.

I look at Dylan, looking for a way for things to leave my plate for a while.

"So, what happened?" I ask out of curiosity.

There is a buzz coming from my back pocket. Probably my mother waiting for her pecans, but right now, I would like to clear my head from my troubles.

"Okay, Rose, so this is how things went down," Dylan starts.