1 | PROLOGUE |

The second I woke up that morning, something told me the day wasn't gonna be an easy one. The last few days were filled with pure anxiety, and knowing it was my last day in that hell hole made it ten times worse. I shook that feeling to the back of my head and replaced it with the thought that everything was gonna be alright, I knew I couldn't ruin the progress I had made in the four weeks I was stuck in the mental ward, I knew I could go through just one more day.

And I also knew I was fooling myself by thinking that.

Breakfast was easy, a bowl of strawberries and a can of vanilla ensure, all on my own since my legal guardians were unable to go visit me at the hospital that day; Morning snack an hour and a half later was a tad different, the bad feelings and thoughts were creeping their way in and I couldn't block them out properly. By lunch time things went downhill, the privilege of a private bathroom it took me weeks to gain and the freedom I was about to get, were all put at risk.

I found myself locked in the bathroom ignoring the most important rule we had to follow at MISU, no doors locked, but the part of me that no longer had faith didn't give a damn about the consequences.

That's the main reason I was admitted at a mental hospital in the first place really, for not caring about the consequences of my acts, or pretending they didn't exist.

A mix of rage and disappointment rose inside me as I stared at my blurry reflection at the windows's thick glass, that's all you had there to see your image since mirrors weren't allowed for obvious reasons.

Tears of anger formed on the corners of my eyes as an old crusty piece of blade dropped on the sink, and my fingers automatically wiped them before they fell down on my face.

Four weeks and a half locked up in a nut house trying to get rid of old habits, trying to recover for my family's sake, trying to fix myself, and there was I, an hour away from being discharged and harming my stupid body again. Who was I trying to fool? I knew from the very beginning I wouldn't make it, I knew I'd keep disappointing everyone around me, including myself. There was a constant voice in the back of my mind reminding me that I couldn't be fixed, and no matter how much I tried to ignore it, I always listened to it at the end of the day.

Frenetic knocks pulled me out of my thoughts, my best mate's voice echoing through the locked bathroom door. Rapidly I grabbed the blade from the sink and hid it on the side of my top, pulling down o my long grey T-shirt.

I unlocked and opened the door, and my eyes met Daniel's as he greeted me with a huge smile, "What you doing? You haven't even packed yet." The excitement coming from him was so strong he clearly forgot I only had a bag of underwear and personal higiene products. He transmitted me support, and at the same time made me feel guilty.

Daniel has been my friend since we were ten years old, he has seen my ups and downs, and he has been supportive through the period of my life I call downfall, so it wouldn't be right if I omitted how I was feeling and how my mind worked that day. I'd disappoint people once again, but maybe it'd be better for them if I remained at the hospital for a bit more time.

"How 'bout saving the chit chat for when we're out of these grounds?" My eyes shifted to the bedroom door to meet Darrin standing at the frame with a smirk on his lips, Cleo walked in and sneaked an arm around his torso, both with the happiest semblance.

Those two were without a doubt, the most important creatures in my life. Originally my mum's little sister and dad's twin brother, but after destiny suddenly ripped my parents away from my life, they found comfort in each other and assumed the position of parents for the ten years old me.

They were my biggest motivation to recover and get out of the facility, so I shouldn't lie to them about how I truly felt. Every dark thought and insecurity that crossed my mind had to be put in the open if I really wished to recover for good. Honesty was something I valued the most, it was the base for any and every relationship to be healthy.

Sometimes though, it might only cause unnecessary pain...

"So y'all gonna help me finish packing or what? I wanna go." I rolled my eyes as I joked, being as casual as I could.

As much as I valued honesty, I convinced myself that it had to be put aside for a little while, for their sake. The feeling of not being ready to leave the hospital dwelt fifty percent of my body, and the other fifty was actual joy, emanating from those who loved me enough to stay with me through the dark times, and consuming me gently.

I really wanted to recover, to have a normal life, to feel normal within myself, and everything in my power would be done for that to be achieved. It didn't really matter if a few things were omitted in the beginning, things would work their way out.

I was completely committed to that, so what could possibly go wrong?

***