its complicated

it's been couple of weeks since i resigned work. i spent time with friends and families on the time being. I visited places i have never been locally and some internationally with the help of friends. I really love travelling. I love seeing new places and wandering around wether with someone or just by myself.

It was October 2018 when Kier (a guy i met in Singapore in 2015 who is already based in Australia) sent me a message. " Honey, it's been awhile i think it would be nice to meet somewhere".

It was a perfect timing as i have passed my resignation two weeks ago and i quickly replied, " Yeah that would be nice hun, where shall we meet?"

I was very excited. i didn't think of what he may react but that's just me, selfish, self-centered or whatever you may call it—- it's always me, me, me, No You, No Us. I always think of what may benefit me.

Since i was unemployed and i didnt know if i could join him in Singapore, so i asked, " Are you gonna buy me ticket hun? " It took him few hours to reply. He might be busy at work or he might have been doing something. i was so nervous of what he was going to tell me as im not really good in dismay and rejection.

After few hours i recieved a message from him, " lemme see what i can do but i would really love to meet you there. I will have conferences for three days, you can stay with me at the hotel. I still have to arrange time between kids, work and you. lemme get back to you soon as i can".

few days he was quiet till one day he sent me email with return ticket to Singapore .I was so happy till he sent me a message on whatsapp asking if i could bring him banana catsup. I was surprise and asked myself when did he start using filipino brand. It's a big question and confusion in my head. His kids were with him in Adelaide during school break and he was sending them back to Singapore to their mother's.why he still had to catch up with them during the weekends and asked me to come over Monday to Thursday.and wait there's more... he gave me heads up he had to meet them for dinner on Tuesday and they're goin out Wednesday. Was there really a time for me or i was just invited to give him pleasure during the night after his busy days with his personal life?!? I had nothing against him meeting his kids i was just curious of what's goin on. Despite of the messy set up and confusing schedule i desperately accepted his invitation.

I was so mad at myself that i could not even look at the mirror. i was afraid that i could see an angel standing infront of me would transform into a demon or maybe the other way around in the eyes of others. i couldn't figure it out which version to portray . all i knew i was so little to salvage myself from my drowning pride.

I was scrolling my contacts and i remember someone i knew in Singapore. I asked him if he would be busy during my visit. it happened that he had a flexible schedule and he can work at home. Franz is my ex bf's friend and i met him few times when i was still seeing X. He was so easy to get along with. I liked his physical attributes, tall, handsome with a very pleasant smile that could kill a woman's heart. he's professional and i really loved his sexy mind. ( "pasok sa banga" in tagalog's idiomatic expression). He made me feel great everytime. He treated me so well that i could assume we were but "there was never an us" —yeah it sucks! i liked him a lot but we cant be together. First, he's my ex bf's friend and he didn't know we're in contact. Second i was dating someone (Kier) whom i really dunno where i stand in his life. and most of all i was married and still is and i dont know where that marriage is goin to.

My bags were pack and i headed to Clark International Airport. I was anxious and i didn't know why. it felt like there's something wrong. i checked in my baggage, paid taxes and walked to the immigration, the officer called "next" ,

it was my turn. i handed him my passport, return ticket and hotel accommodation. i carefully answered all of his questions but when he was looking at my passport it seemed like something was goin on his mind and he suddenly asked me, " you have English surname, are you married? "

i said yes.

then there's a follow up question,

if you're married then why are you going to meet another guy in Singapore?

I smiled at the officer and confidently answered him, "my husband and i werent together for a long time.do you believe in FOREVER? cuz clearly there's nothing like forever between me and my husband.

the officer laughed at me, "well pretty lady as long as you're not playing on your boyfriend's feelings then im gonna let you in. "

i arrived at Orchard hotel 11:15 pm. Kier came down to pay my taxi fare but i paid the driver before he got to the lobby. he gave me a warm hug and kiss when he saw me. we went straight to the room.

hey how are you? i miss you so much! he didn't say a thing instead....

he pressed my lips with his index then he locked his lips against mine. it was so warm and he kissed me passionately. he holds my chin then slowly pushed me against the wall. he undressed me, nibbled my ears, my neck and shoulders. ohhh wow,

i was wet and his was so hard and throbbing. he carried me to bed, caressed my titties and licked it, kissed my belly and slowly down to my pearly shell. it felt so nice and i begged him to enter me.... ohhh gushhh

The next day, I woke up early had a shower and i prepared Kier's coffee and green tea for me. he was running late to his conference so i helped him iron his shirt while he was having a shower. i was waiting for him to leave so i could sneak to Franz place.

i looked at my watch its 9:10am when he kissed me goodbye.

"see you later baby, have fun with your friends today. i will be back around 5 pm after the conference" then

door closed on his way out.

i grabbed my phone and sent a message to Franz.

"Hey, I can come over now. He just left the hotel"

"OK tell me when you're ready i will book uber for you", he replied.

i got down the hotel and took uber. while i was on the way to Franz place there were lots of things on my mind. many questions i dunno where i could find the answer. why i was doin this to Kier? Revenge? maybe i was just needy, or Franz was giving me the attention i couldnt get from Kier. I know its wrong but why i was still doin it? Dont i really have sense of contentment. My heart says no but my ego says go, its ok .. i deserve to be happy.I love Kier but i like Franz.

headed to Franz apartment.i got off from the car and rang the bell from the basement. the doors opened, hopped in the lift to 4th flr. Franz was waiting for me infront of his door. right i got off from the lift, he kissed me torridly and brought me in his apartment. i put down my bag, with no hesitation i kissed him back. he put his left hand under my shirt aiming for my breasts. he was playing and squeezing them while he was kissing me. he kissed at the back of my ear and neck, he found the spot that arroused me and i was soaking wet. i rubbed his hard rock bulge, and stroked it. he undressed me so quickly. im so tiny that it was so easy for him to carry me. i felt him so hard and sooooo good inside me. he couldn't get enough. he brought me in his room laid me down his bed. he pushed in and out. he was controlling it .he didnt wanna cum yet. he pulled his cock out and he put in my mouth, we did 69. he was licking my clit, their so hard, he was good in eating my shell while im giving him a blowjob. he used vibrator and dildo alternately to pumped out my juices till we want each other so bad. he fucked me so hard and so deep...

ohhh baby, harder,deeper, faster! i loved it! i moaned so loud, i felt his hard cock in my wet pussy .it felt so good. i screamed with pleasure he kept pumping till we both cummed.

we were just laying in bed, naked and looking into each others eyes. he gave me a sweet kiss on my lips and on my forehead. his arms were wrapped around my tiny body. he made me feel loved and special everytime we're together. we both know where we stand in each other's life. i warned him not to miss me and not to fall inlove. we're ok, we're enjoying. our relationship was so cool. i gave him proper expectation even the first time. we cant be together and we will just stay as good friends— fucking good friends or good fucking friends, either way.

we got up from bed had coffee and smoke. we were talking about his work and what happened to my previous job. As usual i was very talkative and jolly. we sat on the couch while he was figuring out what happened to his netflix account. he never worked it out. the weather was so inviting. the sky was so dark, and the sound of the pouring rain soothed us. we both snuggled on the couch till we fell asleep. after 3hrs his alarm clock was snoozing.

"baby its 3pm i think you better get ready before Kier will get to the hotel, he whispered and kissed again my forehead". i got up had quick shower, get dressed and headed back to the hotel.

it was 3:30pm when i got back.i opened the door and i was surprised with the yellow light coming from the room.My heart was beating so fast, my lips were numb that i couldn't speak and i dunno how to approach my unaware bf of my cheating. that was the longest 5seconds of my entire life.it felt like frosty have blown her ice freezing power in the room that i was frozen and got stuck on my feet right infront of the door. the heat from my body, the big drops of sweat thawed me and awakened my unconsciousness. i bravely walked towards the bedroom and found Kier sleeping. i slowly crawled in bed but i still woke him up. i gave him a hug and he kissed me.

what made you early, did you bring any girl while i wasn't around, asked him teasingly and winked at him..

idiot, you're crazy he said. he took the pillow and threw it on my face. he just came for a nap and he went back to the conference.

Kier is a loving father. Responsibility wise he is someone i can look up to especially with his children although he isn't perfect, nobody is and just like everybody else he has some flaws too. He isnt good in pleasing others but he knows whats makes him happy. he isnt someone who will send a message on a daily basis. he believes that he has a free spirit and free will that is why i found him very complicated. when i started acting like him not for revenge but makes him realize my worth, he didnt like it he was upset. He is busy that is his excuse when he gaslight me but when im too busy for him he doesn't like it. He wants me to be always available for him when he needs me. ( well if im not happy with this situation then i have to leave—— ohhh yeah easy said than done)

He got back to the hotel from the conference and he asked me to meet him for cocktails at 6pm. We were laughing and enjoying the night together. He mixed drinks for me and i was tipsy. He told me about his health, and he wished he can surpass it cuz he wanted us to have a baby once his eldest daughter finished college in 3yrs.i dunno if thats true about his health condition all i know he has scars on his face and body due to skin cancer.

We left the lounge and we went somewhere else to eat something local. We were enjoying the night, sharing thoughts and a lot to catch up. We had seen pilots that works for Qantas airlines and reminded him about being a boy that was once of the many times his father held his hand walking towards the restaurant where we had our dinner. It was a significant night for the two of us. The night was busy, customers occupied the seats. Some were families, tourists and work colleagues. People came and went by. We finished eating what we ordered and headed back to hotel. Kier was a little uncomfortable that night. He was having fever that kept him almost the whole night. The bed felt so cold and empty that woke me up. I found him sitting on the couch and he looked worried.

Are you ok hun, i asked him.

He grabbed my hands and kissed them.

Im not well, im having fever. I saw some pills in your purse and i took some he said jokingly.

Ohhh are you fertile, that might get you pregnant.

I made him laugh but we were both tired to stay up so went back to bed.

I got up 5 hours later. I had shower and get dressed. I didn't bother him for sex as he wasnt feeling well although it would be nice to have one in the morning. I headed to Little India. I bought some authentic curry paste and belacan, right after picking enough spices i met my mother in lucky plaza. I had lunch with her then spent few hours with her over a coffee. It's always nice to have conversation with mothers whom i know that i will never be judged yet guided of whatever decisions i made in my life- a mother's love. It's a nice feeling of having someone I can trust no matter the circumstances.

Mom and I were talking about my childhood. Although she wasnt there the whole time. she flew in Singapore and work as a helper.

As a kid i never experienced going to the mall and ask my parents to buy something for me. At the early age i learned how to be contented of what our parents can provide. Life was so tough and we live in the province where life is poor, no malls, no Mcdonalds and Jollibee where i dont even know how they look like. No electricity no televisions. We only had lamps, radio with the big eveready battery. I grew up climbing and swinging from tree to tree picking fruits for snacks. When i was young i didn't understand why Mom had to be overseas but then there i was with her just on my 30 yrs of existence it made me realised how loving and selfless she has been to sacrifice not to see her kids growing by her side.

She brought me to Tangs Plaza, bought me a pair of shoes, dresses and tops, and a lot chocolates to bring back home for my nephews and nieces. There i realised that she wanted better things for us better life even if it means being away if thats how she can provide.

Its time to go as i said good bye to my mother and hoping to see her again soon. I got back to the hotel and packed my stuff. I was staring at my suitcase then Kier hugged me from behind. I saw his sad eyes. I held his hand and walked towards the bedroom. I looked in his teary eyes and I kissed him passionately.

Thanks for being with me here honey, its hard to let you go but we will see each other again, he whispered .

I sat on his lap I grabbed his hand and wrapped around me. He smelled my hair, hugged me tight. I turned around and kissed him again. I felt his bulge and quickly unzipped his pants. He was so hot. He kissed my neck. i hold and pressed his head so hard then he laid down and i was on top of him. I rode him like a cowgirl, screaming with pleasure.... We had two rounds before i headed to the airport.