1 Acknowledging the problem
Stella is a very basic name, not as basic as Jane or John but up there with the likes of Margaret, Lucy and Mary. Quite boring in my opinion, doesn't fit the exotic person i am in mind or that i dream to be in future. I wonder what my parents thought when they settled with Stella. Saying the name leaves the taste of stale bread on my tongue. I hate it, I've been made fun of because of it and if i was on the other side I'd make fun of whoever was named Stella too so i don't blame them.
I can't change my name even if i wanted to. My parents made me promise that i wouldn't when i was seven; old enough to remember my promise but young enough to agree because i love them, I think they knew I would hate it so they call me El at home.
I guess the hatred for my basic name brought me to this point because I was determined to never be simple or ordinary or plain. I would have what everyone else can only look at so when they say my name it'll be with a special aura.
Then i fell in love.
I had never heard of the FENTIN craze or idols that aren't part of the popular singing show, so imagine my shock and curiosity when i searched for new idols and stumbled on the performance of some boys that was being streamed live. It had been on for about an hour so i skipped back and stopped halfway so i could understand a bit of what i was watching; who were these people.
I stopped. The stage was dark. I heard the smoothest voice ever to grace my ears. The lights came on. They turned to face the camera. I saw his face as they moved to the song. I fell in love.
That was it, the beginning of the problems i currently face. That voice, his face, his eyes... ahhhhhhhhhh. I wish you could see it. He is perfect. That was their debut. I am one of the original 100 views they got that day. I stayed till the end of their stage performance, four extra freaking hours. I am proud of the fact that I am part of their first fans; the elite. I have been with them through thick and thin, been their support even from a distance, commented on videos when they were feeling sad, created fun edits and tagged them to make them laugh whether they see it or not. I've been so dedicated.
It took less than a day to find out their names. Beyond --- the name of their group (was changed at the last minute from initial name Mission) Fierce --- Leader of the group and third oldest member (real name Kaysil), Myu--- Lead dancer and oldest member (real name Myudal), Siru --- main vocalist and youngest members (real name) Q--- sub-rapper, second oldest and face of the group (real name kyumin) and Ro---- lead rapper and older than Siru (real name Roalle)
Roalle... Isn't that an exotic name? the complete opposite of Stella. Pronounced row- ail (ail as in pail. I'll come for you if you don't pronounce his name right).
Age: 20
Country of origin: Haluk
Height: 181cm
Weight: 72kg (pure muscle baby, I'm dying slowly)
Food preference: Pescatarian
Allergies: coffee and fish
Family members: foreign mom, native dad and two sisters
Best friend: Cousin
Education: second year student of agronomy
Place of residence: i know it but i won't share.
There is a lot more i know about Ro, his favourite designer, where he was scouted, his friends before his debut and his favourite fast-food outlet (he calls them on Tuesdays and Fridays around 3-5pm and 7-9pm respectively. They are exactly 20 minutes from the group's dorm and 45 minutes from his parents home)
Which leads me to my second problem. I am obsessed. With his videos, merchandise, voice, stickers, whatever he touches. I can't bring friends home cause my room is a Ro shrine and there's nothing to do with all this info and love i have. Everyday it grows and builds up, it feels like a rock is lodged in my lungs, i can't breathe.
I know i need therapy or some sort of help and my parents have tried to help multiple times but it feels like i am giving up on my love. Because it's impossible and a little crazy doesn't mean it's terrible. I don't want to harm anyone, i just want the opportunity to meet my idol and get him to smile at me because it is me, fall in love with me too and if he doesn't then at least i tried right? Who wouldn't want that when they have a crush on someone.
I've decided to stop throwing a pity party and try to achieve my impossible. First step to being Y/N. LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT.
