Chapter 2 Part I

"No sex before marriage!" I just had elaborated to my lustful girlfriend. She was already almost naked ready to go for it. It was around 10 pm, we just got home from shopping after the suprise exam.

How terrifying it was to realize that the suprise exam is not gonna be the only suprise for today. And there she was, having a facial expression like a grim gnome, but with her cute face it actually looked even cuter. Somehow it was possible that the normaly ugly expression looked cute on her.

Staring at her cute face like a drug addict, I forgot in what situation I was and so she said something really difficult for me to grasp. Something so tremendously that my response is going to change everything. She shouted:

"I am breaking up with you if you don't have sex with me now!"

Well first logically considering we were both older than 14 meaning we could legaly have sexual intercourses. But can I as a Orthodox Christian really do that, sex is normaly a gift from God which is to be performed after the marriage between two persons.

At the same time though, I didn't want to lose her as I really love her.

I had to remind me of a passage in holy Scripture, which was 1. John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."

What this passage means is that true love is in accordance with God's law, if not, it would just be a temptation of the devil. For if it wasn't in accordance with God's laws then how could it be of God; it couldn't.

So in my mind I already considered to refuse-

"Alright let's do it," what words did just came out of my mouth? I couldn't believe myself and yet I said it.

I was getting naked, too. Her touching my muscles, as I was well trained. It felt as if sweet honey was slowly flowing over my body as she was thriving her hand up and down-, a requiem of emotions played in my head, confusion, joy, love, anger, sadness.

I wanted to stop and repent but I wasn't the master of my own body anymore, oh Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy upon me, a sinner. Oh Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy upon me, a sinner.

These were only a small amount of thoughts going through my head, as words cannot explain my thought process in this moment because I was processing many things and nothing, sadness and joy.

So this is how it feels to be a sheep having a wolf as opponent, I found myself in a situation where I was defenseless and full of emotions.

My penis felt like he was made out of stone, then we got to the tremendous act of sex, as I was puting my stone into the vagina of Jana- out and in- again and again I felt heavenly.

While the volcanos of hell were next to me, I felt joy while I sinned, heavenly joy but in the innermost of my heart I knew- I knew that it was nothing but a delusion generated by the devil.

After we finished the act which acknowledging did continue for 1 and a half hours until it came to an end, I was unable to say anything neither was she.

Silently she left my dorm and then I fell asleep not knowing what's gonna happen tomorrow...