My little Kotaro

The sound of silence between us was very evident in the room. So much so, I could hear the sound of an annoying fly buzzing around the room and the "ticking toking" of the clock hung up on the wall of the hallway.

To break the awkward silence between us, I asked. "How are you? Is everything okay? 

Kotaro nodded his head. 

"Okay, that's good then." 

My eyes glanced around the room, searching my brain for more questions to make a decent conversation with Kotaro. 

"What do you want to do?" 

Kotaro shrugged his shoulders in response.

"You don't know, huh." 

"I've seen that you've been standing a lot. Do you want to sit down?" 

Kotaro shook his head.

"Okay, if you say so." 

I sat there, tapping my fingertips against the dinner table and whistling to the air trying to fill the void of silence.

In my head, I pondered heavily.

"Well then… This is awkward… What to do now?" 

Exactly then, I remembered I hadn't finished unpacking my stuff. "Oh yeah, I haven't finished unpacking yet" I moved the chair back to get up from the dining table. 

Another thought hit me. "I'll just wash these plates to help Ami a bit."

Picking up the two porridge bowls and spoons off the table, I carried them behind the kitchen counter and put them in the sink. 

A realisation struck me and I was deep in thought once again.

"Kotaro is Ami's child. Meaning that, she fell in love with a guy, had sex with him, got pregnant at an early age, told him she was expecting and he left Ami to fend for herself and Kotaro."

With a bit of anger, I squeezed the washing sponge. "That bastard and abomination of a man. How could anyone do that to someone so precious and lovely?" 

Putting away the washed bowls and utensils, I flashed the water off my hands aggressively. 

"That deadbeat deserves to burn in the deepest part of hell for such a crime against humanity, Ami and especially Kotaro."

I felt a tug at my pant leg. It was Kotaro looking up at me

He was so small and fragile standing next to my giant feet gazing up at me. One wrong step and he would be crushed by my giant feet

"Hey kiddo, when did you get here?" 

Bending down to get closer to Kotaro's height. I noticed that he  wasn't even half the length from my knee to ankle. Although I am rather tall.

Kotaro extended both of his arms up at me as if he wanted something. 

"Do you want something?"

Kotaro nodded his head.

"Do you want anything to eat?" 

Kotaro shook his head.

"Something to drink?"

Kotaro shook his head.

My lack of experience with children was showing greatly. For the life of me, I couldn't guess what he wanted.

"Oh, I get it. You want me to remove the eating bib." 

I loosened the straps of Kotaro's eating bib, lifted it over his head and placed it on the counter. "There you go, is that better?"

Kotaro shook his head, stretching out his arms once again.

I tilted my head in confusion. 

"I don't understand what it is you want?"

"Lift." Kotaro explained in his own words.

"Ohh! Now that makes so much more sense." I slapped my forehead. "Why didn't I think of that?" 

"Sure, hold on tight" I held Kotaro under his armpit, lifted him in the air and pulled close to my chest. Kotaro, along with being small in size, was extremely lightweight in my hands.

Kotaro, seeing the world at this height for the first time in his life, grabbed onto me tightly. Peeping over my shoulders, he was scared he would fall to his untimely demise.

"Is this too high up for you? Do you want me to put you down?"

Kotaro shook his head. 

While Kotaro didn't show it on his face, it was obvious from his tight grip on my clothes that he was scared of the height but instead was facing the fear and not running away. Kotaro was braver than I thought. 

"I'm going to start walking now. Hold on tight." 

The first few steps I took made Kotaro even more scared. He gripped onto my clothes even tighter than before and hid his face on my chest. 

The obvious signs of fear Kotaro emitted made me feel full of anguish and uneasiness.

"Are you sure you don't want me to put you down?" 

With his face planted on my chest, Kotaro shook his head. The subtle sound of crying could be heard.

Kotaro was facing his fear of heights with more bravery than most grown people. I wanted him to give up because seeing his expression of terror and sorrow made me feel disheartened. But, as an adult, it was not my place to stop him but to guide him along his journey.

With my hand I gently pat him on the back, encouraging him.

"Don't fret Kotaro. We will take this slow and steady, one step at a time. Okay?"

Kotaro nodded. 

Trying to help him I walked softly and calmly around the house. Each step was carefully calculated and performed. I even made a simple rhythmic song to help him. 

"One Two, Stop. One Two, Stop. One Two, Stop." 

Softly patting his back, trying to soothe him of his discomfort.

"Nothing to be afraid of Kotaro. Everything's fine. See?"

"One Two, Stop. One Two, Stop. One Two, Stop." 

I continued the song while walking slow and steady. "Sing along with me."

Kotaro sang along, wiping away the tears from his eyes and looking at my feet on the ground. 

"One Two, Stop. One Two, Stop. One Two, Stop."

"Good boy!" I rubbed Kotaro's white spikey silky hair congratulating him on his brave efforts. "You're so brave."

Kotaro wrapped his tiny arms around my neck, giving me a big hug saying. "Thank you. Kazuma."

My heart filled to the brim with delight and joy. It was also the first time he ever called me by my name. 

"You're welcome, Kotaro."

I was never good with children. They were always scared of me because of my height and sobbing when they saw my face or I tried to talk to them. Kotaro was different, he never sobbed when he saw my face or when I tried to talk to him and he wasn't scared of me because of my height. I felt completely silly for ever taking Kotaro to be my rival earlier. Without a doubt, he was my little friend and will always be my little Kotaro forever.