me then, me now

"How was school?" Henryk asks me the moment I step into the house.

"Fine." I deadpan.

"Then you wouldn't be back right here, right now." He frowns. I stare at him blindly and mumble an, "Okay."

"Emma." He says quietly.

"Stop calling me that, I've told you already!" I spit.

"Doesn't mean you change your name legally means I don't get to call you by the name your parents gave you! It won't change anything, you hear me?" He glares at me, his eyes desperately searching for mine.

Typical sibling fights.

I wonder if arguments like these happens in all families, maybe it's just mine because I am the main cause of trouble, the vessel, the unlucky charm.

"I want to..." and the word I hate and love at the same time, "…forget." He just shakes his head and replies me with the same sentence he told me since I was five, "Baby blue, I know you've been through a lot, but you have to move on."

"You have no idea what I've been through." I hiss, but shortly after, I sigh and blink, praying I could drain my anger out , "Forget it. Stop calling me baby blue too, I've told you my sky isn't always blue. It has been black since—"

"What! Gemma?" Henryk challenges, his eyebrows furrowed, his lips pursed. I can see that he is trying his best to hide his own pain. I get it. It's my fault, but the burden I bear just felt like enough.

Gemma...

"Shut up." I snap back to reality, the reality I am sick and tired of.

But Henryk resists. "No." He carries on.

"Fine. I'm going up to my room for some peace and serenity, if you need me, Skyla is available."

"Damn it, Skyla." He throws his hand into his hair as I storm into my room. I pace around my room for about a minute expecting Henryk but he doesn't appear. .

In the end, I moved on to blasting music and decided on taking a long, hot shower.

"Skyla." A knock on the door echoes past the music.

"What?" I groan and head out of the bathroom to unlock my door.

"Let's watch a movie." Henryk sings past the door, his voice dragging past me as a familiar scene flashes before my eyes, taking me back to when I was four.

"Emma! Do you want to watch a movie?" That familiar voice rings in my ear like a sweet melody.

"Yes please!" I stare at my young self as I squealed and bounded down the stairs. "I wanna watch Elsa!"

"You mean Frozen." The person corrects me, giggling, and it's not long before I find myself staring into those missed eyes. She stares back at me.

I miss her. So much.

The aching in my heart threatens to choke me and a gasp forms in my throat. Tears water my eyes and I say her name out loud.

"Hey." She calls back, but then I realize she isn't greeting me. A voice behind me. Young Henryk. "What are you doing?" He sounded so chirpy, he was only six. Gemma was twelve. I caught a glimpse of the locket around her neck and unconsciously touch the identical one now dangling from my neck.

"We're gonna watch a movie, me and Ems, wanna join?"

"Nope." He crossed his arms and headed to the kitchen rubbing his eyes on the way. "I'll miss you when they come to pick you." Gemma said to "little me".

"Me too." I told her, but of course, she can't hear me.

"Sky?" A voice hauls me out of the past. It always have.

"What?" My mouth moves, my voice sounds out but my brain remains freaking useless. My throat us dry from sorrow and I just want to go back into the past and just stay there.

"What do you wanna watch?" He asks and I shrug. There is a moment of silence before he finally says, "I've got an idea. Come down in five."

"Right. Don't you have to work?" I try my best to distract him with something else, desperate to not have to do something that will only make me hurt more.

"I work from home remember?" He smirks and I roll my eyes.

"Right. You've got a luxurious life and I've got to suffer in school." I roll my eyes again.

"Hey. I've been there before, okay? Plus, writing and singing ain't as easy as it seems."

"Right. "Writing and singing ain't as easy as it seems" blah blah blah…" I mock and head back into the bathroom to wash up. I stare at myself in the mirror for a while

Oh my goodness. I look like a... witch.

The make up on my face was a mess, my eyes are all red and puffy, my lips are blood red too. I am kind of surprise Henryk didn't bring it up.

I head straight down afterwards and find Henryk clicking into "Frozen 2".

"Damn. That's for kids, Henryk." I grumble purposefully.

"What? Can I not get to be a kid? I know what you're thinking, but it is my turn to pick the movie after all, so... sit." He gives me a cocky grin.

"Kay." I reply and slump down on the seat beside him, pouting. "Don't act so moody, it doesn't suit your pretty face. Come on." He brings me closer to him and I gladly snuggle into his embrace.

We laughed. We yelled. We screamed. Most importantly, we cried together. That is all I would ever ask for, nothing would ever satiate me more than this company. Though we fight, though we argue and have our disagreements, but they say 'agree to disagree', right? So, I guess I'm finally learning. That is when a flashback comes to me again...

"Come on, Henryk. Just once and we'll never bother you again." Gemma pleaded. Six years old Henryk crossed his arms, like a sixty year old, impatient and angsty and said, "No! That is for girls! I want to play with the cars! Give it to me!" And he's six again.

"You've been stalling inside for the whole day! For once, get your lazy ass out here and I will give these back to you." She waved the toys in front of Henryk, as little me sat on the couch watching them argue. Typical sibling rivalries. "Agree to disagree, or I'll never give these back to you."

"Fine, just once." That was the first time but certainly not the last time we watched that movie. Henryk had grown to love Frozen.

"Morning sunshine." Someone cuts into my dream erasing it completely. I attempt to open my eyes.

Wait. I fell asleep?

"Gem?" I try.

"No, Henryk. Gemma hasn't been here for a decade." I force my eyes open and blink a few times as I adjusted to the dark. I ignore Henryk's last sentence and sit up.

"What time is it?" I ask Henryk.

"Nine, you need to eat." He lies down beside me and I sigh, "Right."

"I got you to bed and had to get you pizza." He rolls his eyes but smiles.

"Right." I reply.

"Come on." He stands and pulls me to my feet.

"Thanks." I smile gratefully at him and walk into the light coming from the kitchen. "Smells good." I tell him. That is when I see someone in the kitchen and I almost scream, "Who is that?" I say cooly.

"Oh. I forgot to tell you I'm having her over for dinner." Henryk apologizes.

"Who is she?" I ask but Henryk remains silent. "Henryk, who is she?" I repeat. He opens his mouth but doesn't answer because she does, "I'm Anna, Henryk's girlfriend. I didn't know Henryk has a sister…" she trails off.

Shit? Okay...

"Why didn't you tell me?" I stare at Henryk.

"Because you had too much on your plate." He seem to have finally gotten back his voice but I wish he hadn't.

My plate? My plate! How about his?

"Sure." I don't speak my mind, I sit down and observe the girl. The blonde is fidgeting with her perfectly manicured fingers. Her hair is naturally straight, I'm guessing, and her outfit is a bang. I never knew casual wears could make a person look so stunning. She is wearing a rather peculiar shirt, like the two ends of her collar were pinned together to the middle that lands nicely above her breasts. Her outfit consists of baby blue jeans and lovely sneakers. I guess people call these type of girls "chics".

After that, I hardly even looked up from my food and ate it in utter silence.

We're about to watch a movie now and I'm in the kitchen when Henryk walks in awkwardly. "How long have you two known each other?" I ask him without looking up from my cup of fruit juice that I have in my hands.

"A month or so." Henryk replies plainly.

"And you never bothered to tell me?" I gape at my brother.

He blushes and say, "Maybe. It wasn't supposed to be exposed, you know how everybody react to famous people's relationship status."

"No I don't, and I'm not just anybody." I say it and I mean it.

"Right." He pushes his hair back in frustration, "Of course, you and humans don't mix, hence, like I've said, you already have too much on your plate."

"That's not true..." It is the truth but it still hurts, "I just can't communicate with anybody, you know that, but I'd like to be informed of a certain outsider you're inviting to my house."

"Yea... okay hush or she might hear you, plus she is no outsider." He exhales, grabbing the cup of fruit punch and heading back out to the couch where Anna was seated at.

Anna... what if she becomes my sister in law... will I be able to accept that? No, I can't! I will only cause trouble in her life and bring bad luck that will only mess with her life maybe even theirs. According to Henryk she is five years older than me and I can already see where this is headed... to hell.

"Sky?" Henryk yells from the living room.

"What?" I shout back.

"You coming?" He asks politely and I hesitate before saying, "No. I've got work to do."

Wow. You're an amazing liar, Skyla. Homework? You didn't even sit for a minute in class. I head to my room and quickly shut the door behind me.

A moment later, as predicted, Henryk comes peeping into the room, "You know I'm not dumb, right?" He jokes. "Yea..." I groan.

"Okay... what's wrong?" What is he trying to do? He knows how much I hate interacting. I'll never sit down there with them and listen to them flirt with each other or making out.

But I lie and say, "Nothing."

"You don't have homework." He states.

"I had a friend hand the first class of work to me." I continue fibbing.

"And when was that?" He persists on.

"After the first lesson." I utter. It was true though, I did see someone after class. What was his name again?

"Interesting..." He indicates, "name?"

"Forgot." It is true though.

"Right... be sure to catch the person's name more clearly tomorrow and show me that work of yours you were talking about. I'm pretty sure teacher's aren't mean enough to give work on the first day of school." He smirks.

"Wait, what? I'm going to school still?" My eyes widen into two dark emeralds.

"Yes, of course! I don't wanna waste my money on you pointlessly sitting at home doing, God knows what." He glares at me, and leaves closing the door behind him before I could even say anything.

I lie on the bed and let out a huge sigh. I do remember his name... starts with an 'M' and has a Niall at the back.

What was it? Why should I care though? I can just make another friend, make up a random name, an imaginary friend, just like what I did for myself for the past fifteen years. I made a new me. I changed my character, my name, my identity. I distanced myself from everyone after the day I turned five until I no longer remembered a single one of them.

Five of them friends, none of them cared that I'm gone. I don't even remember myself. I shut myself in, my parents obliged, but where did that get me? Back to the number five. When it all started...

I wish it never happened, no one would have wanted that, because now, I'm haunted, broken, unhealed. My wounds are jarred, open, fresh. Whenever I try to seal one, a new one opens. Just like how I try to forget the number five and two more appears behind my back ready to attack me and tackle me into the depths of fear, anger and grief. No luck would get me out. Nothing can ever help.

I. Am. Helpless.

Simple but deep. So deep.

I close my eyes and allow sleep to overtake me hoping with all my might that the nightmares won't come. But as usual, they always do. They took the jubilant and lively me and replaced me with a dark, lonely, cold, and sick in the heart girl. That is me now. Skyla Styles, the unlucky girl. Skyla Styles, the reason why her sister died. Skyla Styles, the complete opposite of her brother, Henryk Styles. Skyla Styles, dragging people downwith me like Satan's psychic.