5 NIGHTMARE OF THE PAST
Xue Guangxi returned inside the house. He took a peep at the sleeping Sola. When he was about to turn around and leave, he heard her whimper in her sleep. He checked on her again.
"Ge-ge, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me alone."
"Ge-ge." Xue Guangxi repeated, his muscles tensing all over. 'Who? Which one? Or maybe both.' Xue Guangxi stayed rooted to the ground, but his jaw tightened and he helpless glowered in the dark.
Perhaps her current friends would not have known, but Kang Sola had two older brothers. Or she used to.
Kang Sola whimpered again. Under the silky, lacy illumination of the moonlight poured through her window, he noticed a spark on her troubled face. A tear.
'She's crying in her sleep.' Pain washed over him.
If there would be anyone in this world who could feel her pain, that person would be him. He knew everything about her past. Every single damn thing. Sometimes, he wished he was kept in the dark about the selected few of it.
But would it make any difference?
"I promise I will take care of them, look after your twins. I promise, Ge-ge. I'm sorry. Sorry, so sorry." She tossed and turned as agitation set in.
'So, it's the second brother.' Xue Guangxi concluded. He breathed a sigh of relief.
'So what?' He asked himself warily, a bit of hate surfacing. 'And what if it's the first one, how would I have reacted?'
Sola's first brother and him had quite a history of its own nature. It happened even before he even met Kang Sola. It was something he would want to bury to the depths of the earth, never to be unearthed again under any circumstance. It was a memory and a past he direly wished to be free from, get away from.
His reverie was broken by the young lady's gasps.
"I'm all alone. All of you left me alone. I'm so alone. I'm scared…" She muttered and mumbled against her pillow.
"Hush, hush." Xue Guangxi kicked off his shoes, then lied down on his side beside her. He wrapped his arms around her, stopping her from all the tossing. He held her close to him, locking her in his arms.
'Have you been in this state since… Ever since…' Xue Guangxi's eyes flickered with worry, guilt, and utmost concern.
"I'm back. I won't leave you alone ever. I swear. Oh, God. It's my fault too." He was one of those people who left her years ago. He was one of the first among those who left her. And he did it on his own accord.
Kang Sola's older brother, Chen Linyun – the twins' biological father left the world the same day the twins were born. Same went with his older sister, Xue Jinxu – the twins' biological mother who breathed her last after giving life to the twins.
It was tragic, and no one had expected it.
When it happened he wasn't in Beijing. He was already in France, busy delving in selfish world, taking up his studies in Marketing.
He had always considered himself the more miserable one for not being there when it happened. His last moments with them were months prior their death. He wasn't there during their final moments. He wasn't there to hold their hand or give them strength.
But so were Kang Sola, and the parents and the friends who were in Beijing at the time. No one had expected it, so no one had said their decent goodbyes to the couple.
As soon as he learned about the tragedy, he dropped everything in his life, and took the earliest flight back home.
As soon as the plane landed, he rushed out of the airport and went straight to the funeral parlor where their wakes were held.
There, he saw Kang Sola sitting on the ground in one of the deserted corridors. She hugged her knees as the white-washed wall behind her supported her body's whole weight. Crying did not call on her. She only stared ahead, unmoving.
They said it was shock. It was the first thing that would settle in: shock.
With a thud, Xue Guangxi's duffel bag kissed the stone-cold floor. He left it lying and walked slowly towards Kang Sola. She was alone not because no one was there in the entirety of the building, but because people had stopped trying to drag her back to the room where all were gathered for the couple. They decided to leave the poor girl alone.
But not him.
Even if it entailed for him to sit by for hours without opening his mouth and talk, he'd do that. And that he did. With a considerable distance from her, he found his spot. He slid his back down against the whitewashed wall until his ass found the cold ground, legs folded on the knees. His head leaning on the concrete wall, he stayed in that position for the longest time.
At that time, they weren't on speaking terms. Prior to the incident, he would video call his sister, and ask about everyone except her. It was rude and boorish because Kang Sola lived with his sister at the time. So she knew that Xue Guangxi had deliberately defined the distance between them.
Before he left for France, he threw big words at her about starting over and not coming back ever. The last time he talked to her before he left, he had confessed that he liked her, but that he was not expecting any answer from her. At. All. Instead, he had confessed to let it out of his chest, to let it all out and set himself free, free from and of the void and complication the girl ended up causing him. It was a confession and a goodbye at the same time.
But after a few months, he came back. He ate all his big words. He's back for his sister and brother-in-law, for the new-born infants they left behind, and for… her. But, he had already hurt her tremendously so when he came back and wanted to comfort her, he could not.
How could he? How dare he?
He knew how much she was hurting because he felt the same way. He lost two of the most precious people in his life, too.
He loved his older sister to the heavens and back. She's the only one who always stood by his side yet still scolded him and ushered him towards the right path. His mother, too, but his mother had the tendency to spoil him beyond bounds.
His sister fought for his rights, and he, too, fought for what he believed his sister deserves. He had rebelled against their family on her behalf before. He would do anything for her because she had done the same for him. Many, many times.
She had thought him life lessons not just by preaching but through her actions. She's one tough woman, and in his eyes, she's the most unique, almost perfect, strongest woman in the entire world. He looked up to her – no, he still does to this day – and sometimes, when he's encountered indecisiveness, would ponder what his sister would have done in such cases.
Her husband was close to his heart, too. Chen Linyun, his brother-in-law, started as his private tutor when he was sixteen. He's taught him about the ways of the world, and the goodness of mankind. He's taught him both technical things and intangible ones. He proved himself the most trustworthy of all people, and like his sister, he, too, did not tolerate his fits, although his brother-in-law had gentler ways in dealing with his teenage tantrums. Nevertheless, they had the same goals in mind.
They only wanted the best for him.
They loved him.
Now, he had two less people who care for him genuinely. Too bad that genuine people were so difficult to find.
He got lost in his own reverie of the hurtful past gone by.
As he wrapped his arms around Kang Sola, he realized his face had gotten wet with his own hot tears. Embarassed, he wiped his face roughly with the back of his hand as he tightened his hold around Kang Sola who was probably reminiscing the same painful memories like him in her sleep.
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