How I am right now in 2022

Well today hasn't been the greatest but here's what I got since im now back today

I guess today was just another lifeless day ya know? Same as usual. I just wanna leave this place ya know? Nothing interesting has hit my life yet and it kinda sucks. Like vampires or wizards haven't shown up out of no where yet. Im just wondering when it's gonna be my turn. It like I'm just living just to get a grade or something. Like I want to be that girl that meets a vampire or something. Though I know it will happen someday though it won't happen tommorow. I just have a feeling a lot is going to change once I get to school.

My mom doesn't understand why im always scare to talk to her. She has told herself lies and she ends up believing them. For example the apt fire. She has literally told everyone that our apt has caught on fire when it didn't. She doesn't even remember choking me in 3rd grade. Her excuse was " you mean when I grabbed you by the shirt". I remember that whole day like the back of my hand and she tried to play it out like I am always doing something wrong.

One day we where having a conversation it was something about my dad and I called him stupid. Next thing you know I get in trouble and im told to go to the room then she said "Hey lay maybe you are just like your dad." Then she always complain about how I am bad at communicating and I never want to talk to her.

She has even told me before that I haven't lived with my grandmother most of my life. Even tho I have. Its been 2 years sense I've seen my non biological family. Every time I was supposed to go she told me no last minute. Knowing she doesn't have to pay for anything at all.

I know that I make mistakes and yes I do have to fix them but she doesn't have to yell at me or get irritated every time I make a mistake.

Even when I had a bf she thinks imma make the wrong choices. She really thinks cuddling leads to sex and sex leads to easy pregnancy. Im not like her in any way. Im not gonna have a kid at the age of 18 because I know better. Idk if she thinks im stupid or something but Im not.

Something is wrong with me and I know it. I have constant nose bleeds. Every single day I have back pain and I feel like my heart beats slower and slower everyday. I keep asking her to go to the doctor and she never takes me. She would rather have insurance and benefits first just so that she doesn't have to pay out of pocket. I am sick and I know it. Though no one else does and it hurts.