1 Described

I woke up. It was a beautiful morning. The sun's rays fell on me like it was blessing. Although these never were true. It was never a blessing. It was basically telling me to hold on. To hold on to one more day to go. I looked at the bedside lamp. Having switched it off, I pulled my spectacles on. a headache slowly creeping making up it's way to reach my head. I messaged my temple. While brushing my hair I looked at myself. My eyes still drowsy. The never attracting hair was falling in my forehead. I left the bathroom at looked at my school dress. They had to be ironed. I thought again. All the tugging and collaring will again leave it distressed. I sadly ironed it and put on my now worn out shoes. I went down. Mom gave me a smile. I knew what was hiding behind it all. I asked for a tea only. No breakfast. Th punches are gonna blurt it out. She asked me to take the pocket money. I was up early. As planned. I walked out telling her bye. Nearby was a shop. With all he pocket money I bought cigarettes. I didn't even keep a dime. Eventually I would have to give it away. Might as well give it to someone worthy. An empty stomach and some smokes was my breakfast for the past few years. I sat at the park. The sky was slowly getting cleared. Old people were jogging. Some looked at me and was giving a pissed off attitude. Suddenly one came up to me. He was panting. Took a deep breath and,

Old : I have been watching you for quite a few days and let me ask? You think this is pride? Smoking and all?

Me : I am sorry but I do it because I need it, nothing else...

Old : Leave right now.

Me : Okay...

I politely got up and left. I had a headache so was in no mood to argue. I hear a cry from behind. I see someone running towards me. It was River. My childhood partner and the only friend in my entire life. A small smile cracked my stone face. I brought my hand forward and as always what I received was a tight hug. I met river when I crashed my bicycle into a tree and cut myself up at the age of 6. She got down from hers and took me to er home for treatment. From then on we have been friends. I would be lying if I say that a tingling feeling never aroused. She was beautiful. Too much beautiful to even look at me. I buried that feeling. So deep down that one must have to die to find it. I loved her company, her voice and her motivations. For 14 years I have seen her change, from numerous boys to being single handed. I offered my shoulder to cry and support upon always. But most of the time it was me who needed that shoulder. She looked at me. I slyly hid the smoke behind me. An irritated look meant to throw it. One last drag and we walked to school. She was excited. Not me. She was popular, I wasn't. I was the scum of school. Nobody cared. Some pitied her for being with me. And mostly beating came for me being near her. I took it with my teeth gritting. She went to class as I was filling up my attendance. I walked to the lockers when I saw them approach me. I raised my hands to tell them not today instead a punch was eventually landed on my stomach. thank god i didn't have breakfast. After a brief search they left. Jason was their leader. I entered class, my stomach paining and saw Jason and River up against the wall, having passionate kissing. It hurt more, knowing that I can;t do anything about it except look. I sat down. No concentration was paid by me. In my mind I was thought why can;t I be like them. I wish I could beat the shit out of them. Wish I could stab them countless times until they die. Wish I had the will to say, to feel, to have, to want and to live. The bell rang to the end of class...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~