Ch.71

Being reborn in ancient Akkadian society sucked especially being reborn Akkadian and the younger brother of Mathayus, the would be scorpion king one day. Still, it had it's perks and that came with warrior training, fighting and killing anyone that we were hired to and living free. I had one other brother alive, Jesup, who constantly got caught by enemies. Years of saving Jesup and being one of the last four Akkadians left alive after our people were wiped out brought all four of us closer.

The last Akkadian was Enkos, a survivor like ourselves and one of the few who called me brat because for whatever reason, I'd stopped aging at twenty five, looking like a young Ronan Dex or Khal Drogo. He only got away with it because I threw my blades just fast enough at him that he could catch them. Make no mistake though, while Mathayus was slightly stronger when I didn't use slayer strength, I was by far the most lethal of us.

I took to the Akkadian assassin training like a fish in water and while I didn't stand out much outside the group, I was famous for being the best lover any whore or prostitute could have, all across Egypt and Africa. They sometimes paid me instead and never charged me at all. Mathayus and Jesup found it funny that I could revive our people with my cock alone. I had many bastards by the time the last remaining kings hating Memnon hired us to kill his sorceress or take away her powers by deflowering her.

Apparently her prophetic visions were linked to her cunt, who knew? Anyways, I rode my camel beside Mathayus as we headed out, riding towards Memnon's camp. We made it by nightfall and it was a fucking trap. Jesup and Enkos were captured and wounded while Mathayus and I went to complete the mission.

We killed a great many of Memnon's men and I ended up in a sword fight against him. I nearly killed Memnon there only for his guards to interfere and shackle me. Even still, I fought him evenly with one hand and fell only when those out of reach speared me in the side and right leg. They had Mathayus pinned down as my last move nearly took Memnon's head to his surprise while killing four more of his men.

Soon I was bound and bleeding like Mathayus only he wasn't wounded. I growled and strained against the bonds calling Memnon a coward and daring him to face me even if I'm wounded. He went to kill me and the seer stopped him, telling them. "He cannot be killed by mortal hands. It is his destiny and curse to live for eternity or die by an immortal's blade."

She turned to me and said the quickening would see me dead if I'm not careful and grant me power akin to a god if I win it all. Memnon asked if he could take my power and she shook her head. "He cannot die by your hands even if you take his head. He is immortal and cursed by the gods to seek out and kill or die by others like him."

I glared at Memnon defiantly and told him to do it, calling him a coward. He smirked. "You'll spend eternity being hunted it seems. Fascinating."

The seer stopped him again. "Isn't destined to die tonight. He must not die by your hand or any hand you command."

Jesup still lived yet Memnon used my sword to slit his throat. I roared and Memnon had me dragged away as I strained against the bonds. I spent half the night being buried up to my head in dirt with a horse thief and an unconscious Mathayus. I broke my bonds they'd tied me with before moving the dirt around and fainting from blood loss for a bit.

Mathayus woke me up just before the horse thief escaped I managed to pull myself out partially before collapsing and crawling to Mathayus, digging him out by hand. The horse thief made him promise to take him with us on our adventures and not to kill him before he helped. Mathayus called our camels and strapped me to mine while I was in and out of it. He cauterized my wound saying I may be immortal, but it seems I wasn't all powerful.

I snorted lightly and passed out as he rode beside me to keep me strapped the the camel. The horse thief tried repeatedly to get on Mathayus's camel when Mathayus told him mine bites, spits and kicks anyone that isn't us. Just to see, the horse thief tried to touch my camel and got his hand bit. Hence he only tried to ride Mathayus's and failed before complaining.

We headed to Gomorrah and got in using the horse thief since I was still recovering. I was left with the horse thief at a stall. Mathayus told the horse thief to watch me and the camels. The barmaid and Harley's were paid to treat my wounds and help me recover.

I was dragged into a bed and patched up before being fed and watered like an injured child. They took turns afterwards seeking their own rewards until the city guards came. I killed my way out while taking the camels and horse thief with me. We met Mathayus and the sorceress before leaving and when asked, Mathayus said we were heading to the valley of the dead. I sighed. "We're going home then."

The horse thief complained saying only an Akkadian would call the valley of the dead home. We ended up killing some guards who hunted for the sorceress. When Mathayus was poisoned with scorpion venom on and arrow the sorceress healed him. Soon after we met a man using black powder to make explosives and got caught by King Balthazar and his people.

Isis stopped Balthazar from trying to have us killed and he came at us himself so I kicked him back at full strength, sending him flying and hitting a rock hard. The guards tried to kill is only to cut our bindings. Mathayus said I shouldn't do that while injured and I grunted before coughing up blood. There was a price in this world for having supernatural strength and mine was pretty even on that score.

I simply couldn't use it without rebound while injured or cause my injuries to worsen. Mathayus kicked Balthazar's ass and talked them into letting us stay for now. I was dragged off by thirsty women under Isis and treated like a precious commodity. My legend as Ryun the godly Akkadian lover had reached their ears and they put it to the test once I was up to it.

I was always up to it in this life which was why they didn't have to wait long before I was practically forbidden from leaving the tent. When it came time the next morning to fight, I was feeling a lot better, though still weakened. We headed to Gomorrah and killed our way through the guards to try and get to the sorceress that came back to keep Memnon from killing the hidden village. That night Mathayus became the new king dubbed the scorpion king and I killed prince Takmet, finding out the hard way he was like me when I took his head and power.

It was quite a rush to feel the quickening and the next morning I left with the warrior women of Isis's people, the amazons. Mathayus asked me to stay and I told him what happened before saying I needed answers and to live my own life such as it is. The sorceress told him that if I stayed, I'd grow complacent and be killed by another like me seeking to take my power and strength like I took Takmet's so I knew instinctively to leave and fight in other wars as peace was coming to their land.

I grunted telling him half the women in Gomorrah have already had two or three of my children including the brat that helped us. I ruffled the boy's head and dropped the blood diamonds in his hand and told Mathayus. "Our paths may cross again some day my brother, but until then, live free."

He nodded and hugged me before telling me to die well. An Akkadian greeting and oath we lived by all our lives. When I left, Memnon's old harem followed me out on horses while the horse thief complained. For the next four thousand years I fought in war after war, picking and choosing the sides based on reasoning.

I'd been all over, from the Horn of Africa to all of Asia and beyond to tribal wars with the Turks and Picts. I walked with Jesus, fought with Roman's and killed hundreds of immortals like myself. I was a warrior, assassin, king, god and legend all in one life. I fought beside Arthur, married Morgana and trained Merlin.

I was an immortal warrior that just plain refused to die. Centuries later Morgana hadn't aged a day because she and her white dragon had retreated to the painted world where magic and the old ways were still strong and respected. I was in Scotland when shit went down with another immortal. He served under the crown of England while I lived in peace for a time until the dumb cunt of an English king had declared Prima Nocturne so he could bed his son's wife because his son was a weak and cowardly man who couldn't get it up or something.

Word of Jus Primae Nocti being reinstated caused a rebellion with my neighbor, William Wallace. He'd not been back long before it reached the village during a marriage ceremony. The an English noble came claiming the right and I went berserk. It was a massacre as I stood covered in blood as I ripped the screaming head off said noble who said it was his right.

I growled. "And it's my right to kill all the nobles of England and burn England to the bloody ground before I ram a sword up the English king's arse!"

He screamed and lost his head before I grabbed the swords of the dead. Wallace asked what kind of beast I was and I told them. "I'm an immortal Akkadian warrior over four thousand years old. I've walked with the son of God, battled with the Turks, the Roman's and the Greeks. I was a pharaoh before the sands of Egypt welcomed Rome with bloody arms and I'll be here long after Scotland is free of English rule, boy. Now take a sword and keep it away in case they come for a blushing bride of your own."

I passed them around, made a pile and burned the bodies. I told the villagers to say I'd acted alone and I was headed for England. I apologized to Morrison and his new wife for ruining their wedding ceremony before dropping a bag at their feet. "Gold trinkets and jewels. I have walked this earth a long time and such things are meaningless to me, but they may mean something to you. Take it and have a happy life if you can."

I left on horseback to my place before suiting up in old Akkadian armor I had remade and refurbished time and time again. My legend preceded me as I cut a swath to England, killing all the English nobles in Scotland in my wake. The king sent an army and lost an army in the process. I brought down half of England and butchered the king with his son before taking the new queen to my bed when she asked me to so that she could help England recover because the common people were innocent.

The French queen of England gave birth to an Akkadian son and managed to keep Scotland as a part of the United Kingdom. What's more, the old bastard of a king hadn't had time to have his way with her yet so she was entirely mine it seems because the boy prince certainly hadn't gotten it up before I killed him and their entire lineage. She gave me many children over the years as I visited her in the night, leaving like a ghost that was never there.

She ruled with grace and intellect until our son, king Edward the third, took the throne. She'd had to keep his name the same to appease the English people. As for Prima Noctae, it was abolished entirely upon her rise to the throne unchallenged. Centuries later I was back in Egypt when shit started going down.

The water turned to blood, Locusts and boils, all of it had started up because some ditzy librarian read a spell from the book of the dead and brought back a cursed soul as a mummy from long after my time. I went to the valley of the dead and found the valley of fallen pharaohs. To end it, I took all the gold in the place into capsules before taking a tactical shotgun and heading towards the book of life to reverse the process. I was found by Rick and the others while they were looking for the book.

The Medjai with them, Ardeth Bay, saw the tattoo on my arm and bowed. I waved him off and he told them I was the immortal warrior that founded and trained the Medjai as a secret order in the pharaoh's guard back when I ruled Egypt over three thousand years ago, before even the current mummy's time. I grunted and took the book of life from it's resting place before unlocking and passing it to Jonathan.

I told him. "The Scorpion King is my older brother from five thousand years ago, Mathayus. He must not be awakened and someone like Imhotep would do so if only to take the power my brother sold his own soul for to get revenge on those that killed his wife and son. Use the spell, put Imhotep in his grave and bring me the book of the dead with this book. It will go to the Medjai to hide in secrecy to prevent this from ever happening again."

Johnathan nodded and we went to the chamber where Imhotep was about to sacrifice Eve. I grabbed swords off the wall and tossed the shotgun and belt to Ardeth. Imhotep summoned his mummy priests and we brought them down hard before he was banished back to hell. They gave me the books and I passed them to Ardeth Bay before tossing Rick a capsule.

I told them. "I was once a pharaoh of Egypt so my technical grave is here. Still, I don't like others disturbing the grave for treasures. Besides the book of the dead, that's the only gold of this place. I've walked this earth since the sands of Egypt wept with Akkadian blood and my people were scattered, destroyed and butchered. These sands were my home long before Imhotep was cursed and before the Christian God had a son. I don't want them violated for the greed of others."

I gestured. "When you have somewhere to put it all, give the button a push and throw it a good distance away. The gold and treasures will naturally come from inside."

I turned to Johnathan with a frown. "You'd do well not to return to Hamunaptra seeking to pillage it for any reason lest the sands swallow you whole, soul and all."

I turned to Ardeth. "Live free and die well."

Ardeth nodded and replied the same while the others swallowed hard. I turned, leaving without a word. Ardeth told them that I'd likely kill them if they returned. He explained that I had given my everything to helping humanity and once the throne was another's all the former slaves of Egypt had been recaptured and my laws were abolished by my own son who sent the armies after my head because a sorcerer had his ear.

He told them legend had it I'd ripped my own heart out that day and pledged to kill anyone that desecrated the dead for profit. I ignored them as I disappeared into the desert I called home, heading further in to the mouth of the Nile I followed to the palace of the scorpion king. The pigmy undead creatures fled my presence in terror and I headed into the palace I sat there unable to die and simply lived for the next ten years. When the year of the scorpion king came, I waited and watched as Imhotep made it here.

His followers had killed a lot of Medjai to get the book so they could revive him it seems. He saw me and asked if I was the scorpion king. I shook my head and he summoned my brother with the gong. Mathayus awoke just after Rick came in and I gave Rick an annoyed look before Mathayus came out, beastly.

I spoke to Mathayus in Akkadian, telling him the bald one wanted his power for himself and he was a risen undead from after our time but still long ago. Imhotep tried to lie to him in ancient Egyptian, but he wouldn't listen and tore him apart. He went after Rick and I stopped him, getting in his path. I shook my head and sighed, asking if he recognized me.

He spoke my name with sorrow and I nodded before holding out a hand for the spear Johnathan gave Rick. He passed it to me wearily and I told them to leave fast before the temple collapses. I told Johnathan if he takes the diamond atop the pyramid I'd castrate him and put his head on a pike. I turned back to Mathayus and touched his cheek, saying he'd given up too much in his rage and now he may be immortal like myself, but his soul wasn't his own so I'd free him from Anubis's power.

I cut my thumb and blessed him with the drop of blood I'd gotten from Christ and had magically stored in my body. I told him I'd freed his soul, now it was time for his body. I clasped arms with him and we spoke sorrowfully together before I shoved the spear in his heart. His body vaporized in a glowing flash of light as the temple shook. I took the golden speak and all the gold in the temple both under and outside before taking the diamond and catching a ride out with them.

I tossed the spear into the railing next to Johnathan's head before setting the diamond in front of the blimp owner. I told him. "An Akkadian man always pays his debts. You gave Ardeth and these people a ride all over and saved their lives from being swallowed by the desert. I may not have needed your help, but I do appreciate it."

He thanked me repeatedly and Johnathan asked why I'd done that. I told him that I'd given them all the treasures of Hamunaptra for helping me bring down Imhotep before, now I paid him a simple trinket that means nothing to me because I am immortal and such treasures can and likely will become mine once more in a century when they're all dead. I tossed Rick the capsule and thanked him for the privacy for trusting me to put the creature that was once my brother down. He nodded and Johnathan asked. "That thing was your brother?"

I grimaced. "He wasn't always as such. Once upon a time he was a great Akkadian warrior who fought Memnon, a corrupt king hell bent on ruling the world from Gamorah. He was known as the Scorpion King because Memnon sent his best warriors and poisoned Mathayus with scorpion venom from the desert death stalker scorpion. His then lover and future queen was a sorceress and saved his life only for him to forever carry scorpion blood in his veins."

I leaned against the railing looking out. "Mathayus had become king of Gomorah and I had to leave because of what I am, an immortal destined to seek out others like myself and die by their hands or ascend to godhood like Anubis when I kill enough. I've killed nearly a thousand immortals in all my time and I can feel the quickening. Soon I'll ascend."

I turned to Ardeth. "You are a descendant of mine and of my Amazonian lover, Isis. I can feel the blood ties we share even now, still, it means little these days. If I were still a pharaoh you'd be a prince in line to rule all of Egypt. Now you're just a Medjai. Can you live with that, kid?"

He nodded with a smile saying it is a truly great honor to be recognized as a Medjai. Rick asked how it was an honor to be called a kid. I told him that I'm nearly five thousand years old so everyone alive were kids compared to me, even the upstart Imhotep. I turned to Rick and told him that he himself carried my blood from my lover, Queen Isabella, a former queen of England long ago after I killed king Edward Longshanks and his entire family for trying to force every newly wed female into nobles beds to gain more power over Scotland to tax the people for his wars.

Eve said she'd figured out who I was from an old Sanskrit poem called the Akkadian lover. I snorted lightly and told her that my brother Jesup and another Akkadian that had survived the extermination of our people had spread those silly things. Rick's boy, Alex, asked why I never stayed out and I told him. "If I stay out, rumors of an immortal will spread and others like me will come seeking to take my head and power. They'd use you and all those that have my blood as leverage or to lay a trap in their favor. I'm an immortal and because I am, people will notice, how can they not? It is best I stay on the move."

I took out a dagger and put it in the sheath before passing it to Alex. "An Akkadian is trained from birth to breath and live in the action of death. We fear nothing and no one. We are assassins, warriors, kings and soldiers, but before we're allowed to pick up a weapon, we must pick up a knife and make a carving. It is our way that we mark the world as the world marks us."

I passed him the knife and a block of wood. "Decide what it is you want to mark your passing and carve it again and again until your hands are deft and no longer bleed. Then and only then would you be allowed to be trained with weapons amongst my people and your ancestors."

I waved him off and Eve worried he'd loose a finger. I shrugged. "Then he'd learn a valuable lesson along the way. If you or Rick don't wish him to do it, by all means, you are his parents."

I turned back to the railing and jumped when we reached the Nile. I went in and walked out waving them off as I headed towards Thebes on foot. I sold the treasures from the pyramid and headed to the States. I wandered around, met the MacLeod's, both Connor and Duncan. As it turns out, I am the oldest and most powerful of our kind according to their understanding and a book of immortals that dated us all back to our origins.

I told them how I'd died temporarily during a fight and come back. I explained my story to them and told them of the immortals like us that I'd faced in my time. As it turns out, they were quite young and surprised someone as old and powerful as myself still existed in the game. Connor asked if I was going to kill them and I shook my head before telling them I'd hunt down their enemies and end them myself to add their power to my own and reach my one thousand personal kill limit.

I left not long after that and found myself breaking through to godhood after a fashion. I gained the power of an Exterminus, a being that limits the amount of true gods in the multiverse. I left this reality with a bang all things considered. All the other immortals were t anywhere near my kill count or power which was sad so I simply gave the same blessing to those wanting to leave the painted world and the hundreds of them entered the game.

I put the power, all of it, into my ring before heading across the globe to watch things. I bounced around for decades until I ended up in a town called Purgatory. There I met a hot young woman who in her early twenties from her appearance. She made a pass at me at a bar called Shorty's and before long she rode me over and over again while we switched positions.

I left her cream filled and sleeping while I showed before hearing her dress and go to rob me. I watched her grab the duffle bag of cash from under the bed and chuckled while in a towel. She pointed a gun at me and I smiled. "What's your real name, love?"

She hesitated before answering honestly to her surprise. "Wynonna Earp."

I walked to her and set the gun aside before telling her to keep the money if that's what she wants. She asked how I got it and I told her. "I killed my older brother who was an Egyptian king back in the day. I sold the treasure he amassed and that's only a small portion I keep on hand."

She snorted and told me not to tell her the truth then. I chuckled and kissed her neck to her surprise, wrapping my arms around her as her rear ground into me she asked what I was doing and I told her that I didn't care about the money, I'd brought her here because she was seeking pleasure and I'm always doing that, seeking pleasure. She shivered as soon we were at it again until I was satisfied and she was frazzled.

She laid against my chest saying after that there was no way she was walking for a while. She fell asleep and I hummed knowing her double stuffed self would likely be gone before I wake up next time. Still, I let sleep claim me and come morning she was still there surprisingly. I tossed the duffle bag aside as I dressed after shower sex.

She'd said I should really wear a condom or I'd be paying a lot more in child support. I chuckled and told her I could always fuck her ass again. She winced as I was big and taking me was complicated but something she'd wanted to try. Still, she said her ass was a bit sore right now and any more shots to the womb might just take root.

I snorted lightly telling her it was nice meeting her even if she was leaving town. She said she was headed out and I looked like an easy mark. I kissed her and told her that little did she know I'd marked her because now she'd likely never feel pleasure as much with other men as she can with me. She asked me to come with her and I chuckled saying she really would be pregnant by the end of the week if we spent that long together.

She said she wasn't ready for a baby and I agreed before telling her to come find me when she seeks real pleasure again. I told her I'd stick to town for a while and be here whoever she decides to return. Three years and a once off with Waverly passed quickly. It was a once off only because she told me her sister was Wynonna afterwards when I told her about the last woman I'd been with in this town.

When Wynonna came back, I met her at Shorty's where a revenant prick was stirring up trouble. I told him to piss of or make him swallow my boot in reverse when I shove it up his ass. He glared at me and backed off as Champ came over to flirt with Wynonna. I shrugged and told her as I passed that he was dating Waverly and she needed to be more careful.

I got a whiskey at the bar by the bottle and sipped on it while Wynonna went off with Champ. Later that day she came back to Shorty's with Wyatt Earp's gun. She set it on the bar and I sat next to her, picking up the angel blade disguised as a gun. She told me it was Wyatt Earp's and asked if I was interested in it.

I shrugged. "I have many weapons, but I've only come across one weapon like this one before."

I set it back on the bar and passed her the half gone whiskey bottle. "Why don't you join me at my place and we'll discuss what price you want for it?"

She smiled saying she thought I'd never ask. I kissed her and said it was good to see she hadn't forgotten me in her walkabout. She said she'd made a name for herself around town as being unforgettable, but mine was the only name she'd ever bothered to remember. I snorted lightly saying I doubted that, but I appreciate the compliment anyways.

I showed her the mansion I'd built similar to the Salvatore boarding house only it had an Olympic swimming pool out back. I drove her to Gus's house only for her to find Gus injured and Waverly kidnapped. I covered Wynonna and let her borrow Peacemaker since I'd bought the gun from her for a cool fifty million. I shot two of the revenants down with a particle magnum and damn did it drop them at full power.

Deputy Marshall Dolls showed up and told me to put my weapon down, so I holstered it since Wynonna had taken out the third revenant with Peacemaker. Wynonna and Waverly went with Dolls when he said I was an unknown immortal entity. I shrugged and told them they should know their weapons can't kill me permanently then. I took out mine and shot the revenant a few more times before entering the Homestead lands.

They left and it didn't take me long to find the talisman and remove it, ensuring that the Homestead was safe once again. I repaired and upgraded the homestead well enough before fixing the outside. The revenants fled when they revived and I shot them in the ass as they did so. It wouldn't kill them, but it'd sure hurt like fuck and their screams assured me that it did at that.

I left and headed home before relaxing until Wynonna came back to my place and asked what I was. I told her my story in this long life over beers by the pool. I shared it all, from Akkadian warrior to wandering former god and immortal exterminator. She asked why the two revenants from before didn't stay down and I scoffed. "Because they aren't immortal. They're just resurrected souls from the pit of hell in meat suits. They're cursed, but they aren't truly immortal."

I walked to the pool cleaning supply closet and opened up a side panel into the wall. The wall itself flickered and it revealed hundreds of weapons from old time Akkadian swords to rocket launchers, flame throwers and grenade launchers of today. She was impressed to say the least and I took Peacemaker from her, setting it on the rack before the light flickered and it became a wall again.

She asked for it back and I told her. "I tried to tell you when we met that I wasn't normal. Now, you have a choice to make…whiskey or tequila?"

She was a bit stunned and I told her. "The gun is safe where it is and besides, I own it now regardless so which is it? Are we drinking to get drunk or do you want more?"

She hissed as I ran my finger tips along her arm before telling me to grab the tequila and I'd better have condoms this time because she wasn't up for being made an Oreo donut. I stumbled at the comparison before turning the music on and grabbing some top shelf tequila from the liquor cabinet. By the end of the night she'd eaten the worm and we were both too fucked up to remember the condoms beyond the fact that she blew the one I had like a balloon before we went upstairs.

I woke up to curses and stumbling as a phone went off. I groaned and told her to turn it off or make coffee and supply a blowjob. She cursed more before saying we'd forgotten the condoms. I grunted. "We didn't forget shit, you tried to make balloon animals out of the entire pack of them. Besides, I like the feel of your climax pulling the seed from my body much like your blowjobs."

She huffed and said it wasn't funny but I said it was a little before agreeing that it wasn't funny when she bent over. I moved quick for a half drunk sunlight blinded man and entered her smoothly before she could put her panties on. We both groaned and I pulled her back up against me while kissing her neck and rubbing her clit as I moved in her warm and flooded depths. I worked us into another climax I went balls deep for and she shuddered against me before I told her. "There are two rules you should know if you're going to be a frequent visitor of this room. One, you don't have to get dressed in here so you clothes can stay at the door and two, never bend over in front of my line of view while naked or I'll take it as an invitation."

She panted and looked up at my gaze before saying it was noted. I pulled free of her and we both moaned lightly. Her body practically memorized me and clung to me but let go as I withdrew reluctantly. I kissed her shoulder and slapped her ass telling her that for her sake I'd use the bathroom down the hall or she'd never get to answer her phone in peace.

A half hour later I made breakfast tacos, coffee and left peacemaker next to her to go bag. She ate tacos with me and asked what was in the bag. I shrugged. "Thirty assorted tacos and burritos with salsa and nachos. I was bored and you take a long time in the shower."

She shrugged. "It's a nice shower and I shaved my legs in case of three way action. Besides, having your clothes magically cleaned and pressed is awesome."

I chuckled lightly and told her to be careful or I might take her up on the three way. She winked and I slid her a shot glass while she asked if I was loaning her Peacemaker again. I nodded. "And I'm coming with it. I've been around a long time and the last government that knew about the supernatural had death camps to experiment on them and the human populace to try making supernatural super soldiers."

She raised an eyebrow and I grunted. "Nazis."

She said Dolls seems legit and I grunted. "One field agent can't possibly know the whole agenda of such a place. I'm not saying I'm against them, I'm just not pro revenant or anything really. My only agenda is keeping your ass safe and in the palms of my hands."

She smiled saying my palms felt damned good on her ass especially when I was spanking it. She had to stop and apologize saying it wasn't fair to either of us since we had places to be. I smiled saying we'd just have to wait until tonight then. In the meantime I went with her and sat through Waverly's presentation before Wynonna told Dolls that I was an ancient immortal badass that can't be killed even by Peacemaker and can in fact power up to god mode as she put it and smite anyone that pisses me off.

He tried to deputize me and I tossed the badge back. "Keep it. I'm only here to ensure your little black ops outfit doesn't get the Earp sisters killed. I couldn't give a damn about revenants, demons or any other hell beastie that shits on your front lawn. To achieve my goal I'd kill you in a heartbeat and piss on your dead body if I had to so keep the badge and know that it won't protect you from me if anything your division does backfires on them."

He put the badge away and soon we were dealing with a shadow revenant named Jim Millar who chased the sisters onto Earp land. This didn't turn out so well for him because I melted the iron chest plate he wore before Wynonna shot him four times and walked up to him, shooting him in the head. Miller was sent back to hell and Wynonna said he was one of the seven that attacked her house when she was a kid. I nodded. "I know, I did some digging and found out most of their names."

A revenant came out of the drain gutter under the small wood bridge that leads onto the property with an axe. He swung at me and I grabbed the axe, spinning and burying it in his spine. He screamed and went down just as Dolls arrived. Dolls wanted to arrest him and I shook my head, chaining the revenant to my truck's tailgate.

I moved the axe and he screamed so I smiled. "Good, I mailed your central nervous system just right. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to feel it. So, here's how this is gonna go. You give us the names and locations of all seventy-seven revenants, what they're up to and descriptions of what they look like and I won't have to torture you. If what you say is accurate, Wynonna here will kill you quickly. If you lie, I'll drive this truck across the boarder and make you wish you hadn't. Deal?"

Wynonna asked what happens if he doesn't speak at all. I moved the axe and he screamed. "Oh, he'll talk alright. If he's smart he'll choose to say everything we want to know to make it quick and painless."

He said he didn't know all the revenants names. I snorted. "You've had a hundred and thirty years and there's only seventy-seven of you. You know their names or enough not to make this any worse. Just so we're clear, I have a list of my own so I'll know if you're lying now speak."

Dolls grabbed a notepad and pen while our dear Levi spoke. He gave us thirty-seven names, none of which I knew, before going on to the names I did know most of including most of the seven. He didn't however know about Yiska, Rosetta or the Tates. There were nearly fifty names including Bobo's, the official leader of most of them.

He refused to say his lover's name and I told him not to worry because I already knew it and more. I finished the list of sixty-two names before telling them that fifty to twenty of them are nuns and living away from the rest so I don't know their names. I took the axe out of Levi's back and unchained him, dropping him to the ground where I nodded to Wynonna. She put the gun to Lexi's head and shot him dead.

He went into the ground and I told her. "Ambrose aka Fish, is Levi's lover and the name he refused to give. Most of the rest check out except a few names he didn't know I knew."

I took the list from Dolls and wrote down each of the seven before passing them to Wynonna. "Those are the seven. I don't have their exact names, but I know you've killed three of them now. Miller, Red and Malcom Ramaker. As for the Jack of Knives, all I know is that he went by Jack the Ripper in England back in the day and he likes to have human apprentices while he himself isn't an actual doctor, he cuts women open to figure out how the tick. I don't know if his actual name is Jack or not, or if it's just a title so that's the best I can say on him."

I gestured to the others. "Hetty Tate is apart of a family of three, her mother, brother and herself. They own the Tatenhill farm where the mother is kept in a cellar chained up and fed because she's so ravenous that she'd cause too much of a mess if let loose. Hell, she so hunger crazed she might actually eat her own children if they don't feed her. The family ran a hotel and restaurant back in the day, but one particularly brutal winter forced Hetty, her brother, and their mother to resort to cannibalism to survive, eating the hotel guests."

They grimaced including Waverly before I went on to Hamilton and what Doc Holiday originally did to him because he'd gotten away with his murders. I moved on to Marty and how he mimicked a hellhound in speed but told him he'd been to hell three times by three different heirs so he was insane beyond normal revenants. Soon enough Doc Holiday or John Henry Holliday, made his presence known when he put a new mailbox on the Earp Homestead.

It was one of the few things I hadn't fixed. Still, Waverly and Wynonna commented on him while I built them a table and set it up, putting a tray of drinks and snacks on it and joining Wynonna in her seat so she could lay back against me. When she said he was bad, I chuckled, saying he was merely greedy and skilled with a gun. Waverly asked if he could beat me and I shook my head. "I have super human reflexes and thousands of years of training. He's but a child compared to me. Even if he had Peacemaker and it worked for him, it couldn't do more than hurt me a bit until I healed. To kill me you'd need another immortal and a sword to take my head and power, making them a pagan god by default when my power enters them."

I set peacemaker on the table saying. "Even angels would be weary of attacking someone like me because we can take their power by taking their heads just like they can do the same to us."

Wynonna hummed and I told her that I'm not having a three way with another man. I told her I quit that when Rome took it too far and had fuck stalls with whores servicing men all over the place. I grunted. "I was the Akkadian lover back in the day because every woman I was with sought pleasure and got more than enough from me. When another male is with us it's too crowded. I can please women all day as you well know, as one or groups of up to twenty, but I don't share my lovers with males."

Waverly asked if I knew anyone famous and I grunted. "Helena of Troy, queen Isis of the Amazons, Nefertiti, Cleopatra, Queen Isabella of England, Anne Bonney, Betsy Ross, Pandora of Greece, Lady Godiva. There are many others, but those are a few exceptional ones that made both my lists of ex's and friends."

Waverly was psyched to here I slept with Betsy Ross and I shrugged. "It was a long while back by your counting, besides, I'm more interested in the lover in my arms now than those that have long since left me. Well, there is one other lover I have, but she's not here right now, she's in Hawaii on vacation from me because our last time together she had a child and he wasn't immortal like us so he passed away about a hundred years ago of old age."

Wynonna asked. "Who is she?"

I smiled lightly. "A former queen and immortal witch named Morgana Pendragon."

Waverly geeked out over Morgan Le Fey's name while Wynonna said she thought she was supposed to be evil. I shook my head. "Not evil, just complicated. Her and Arthur's father, Uther, was a bastard of epic proportions. His actions led to Arthur's death by the hands of an enemy Uther himself made. Morgana was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and got caught up in it all. I took her under my wing, taught her magic and she grew into immortality by power and talent alone."

I waved a hand and grabbed my Long Island ice tea. "Merlin, the boy who was in love with Arthur, blamed her for everything because she couldn't save Arthur so he spent the next thousand years spreading vicious rumors up to and including her fucking her own brother through lies and deceit to have an evil incest bastard that killed him. The truth is Arthur died young from a Druid boy that Uther made an enemy of when he had the pagans hunted down and slaughtered."

I huffed. "Morgana played no part in it because she was learning magic from me in secret and simply too busy to worry about a war Uther started after Arthur was born. Merlin was just butt hurt that I'd refused to step in when I had the power to save Arthur and blamed Morgana for it because she refused to ask me to do so. I was strictly her teacher at the time so she didn't want to ask me to kill anyone or involve myself in mortal's affairs. I was the only one who accepted her for being a witch and cared for her in a time when witches were hunted down and killed for having magic by her own father."

Waverly huffed. "Men."

Wynonna agreed and I winced. "Ouch, I can feel the estrogen smacking me around even now. You know, Olympia, Alexander the Great'e mother, tried to have me arrested and castrated when I refused to fuck her. I told her simply that she was too much of a whore because she'd spent years sexually assaulting the poor boy before he ever became well known as the conqueror for the Roman Empire he built. It's not just guys who're fucked up. Anyone with enough power and few morals regardless of gender has been shown by history to be quite idiotic and crazy."

Henry finally finished with the mailbox and came over. I grunted as Waverly thanked him and called him his name, Doc Holiday. Wynonna was surprised saying 'no way' but Waverly wasn't. I sighed and told him it'd been a while.

He agreed and looked to Wynonna in my arms before looking back to me. "The last time I saw you, you killed thirteen men and butchered a bunch of bandits."

I shrugged. "The men were immortals like myself seeking my power as you well know. As for the bandits, I warned them their guns were useless against me. They dug their own graves. The last time I saw you however, you were making a deal with a witch behind Wyatt's back for immortality. How'd that turn out for ya?"

He scowled and said he spent a hundred and some odd years at the bottom of a well in the darkness. I grimaced. "Well, trust me, it beats being tied to an anchor and dropped in the ocean for three centuries."

He grunted and I passed him a bottle of whiskey that appeared in my hand. He introduced himself formerly to the sisters and left. Wynonna asked why I was dropped to the bottom of the ocean. I shrugged. "I was a pirate in the fourteen hundreds when I wasn't fighting Vikings. A mutiny happened when times were lean and my first mate led it. Trust me, repeatedly drowning and reviving over and over again until the chain rusted and snapped wasn't as pleasant as it sounds."

They grimaced and Waverly asked why I was a pirate. I shrugged. "I wasn't much for following the rules of others. I made a great pharaoh for a time when I made my own laws, but I only ruled Egypt for a couple decades and my idiot son ruined things there when he took over so I decided if I couldn't change the law, I'd live how I wanted and damn the consequences."

I sipped my tea before passing it to Wynonna as I told them. "Wyatt and Doc came to kill me when we met, only Peacemaker just hurt me and they let me explain things when they couldn't kill me with guns. Wyatt said I loved by a code and while bloody, it wasn't against the law to defend myself. I only saw Henry later because I felt powerful magic and went to see him become immortal. I left it at that and never met any of the rest because I was just passing through."

Wynonna and I soon retired to her room where she took advantage of having me all to herself. Since she didn't have condoms with her, it was just a risk we had to take. She laid on my chest saying a girl could get addicted to me. I sighed. "Maybe, but some day we'll have to make you immortal if I'm to keep my own addictions in check."

She shivered and asked if I could make her immortal just like that. I grunted and told her my full secret, telling her that after all the revenants were destroyed, I could take her and Willa away from all the bad to the immortal dimension where there were millions of immortal people and they could become immortal as well. I told her they could be safe, protected and have friends who won't turn out to be evil.

I stroked her back muscle and told her as my hands went lower and braved her ass that we could have eternity in a bar where liver damage is a thing of the past and the worst thing that could happen is her waking up pregnant with my child, where I could support them both and give them everything. She shivered at my offer and asked what'd happen if she wasn't the type to be a mother or settle down.

I shrugged. "Then we'd be lovers like Morgana and I are now, as we are now as well. Morgana has chosen to stay in this world because here she's untouchable and all powerful outside of deities. In the immortal world she'd be just another average citizen because everyone there is immortal and can learn magic, having sons to do so at their leisure."

Sighing, she told me she'd think about it so I rolled us and put her on her back saying she could have me all to herself for eternity. Come morning she said yes and meant it sincerely over breakfast. A few days later three asshat revenants including one of the seven, Marty, made their public appearance. Dolls and I followed them when they kidnapped Wynonna.

I ran up with Peacemaker after Marty was shot down and passed it to Wynonna, healing Shorty with a pill while Wynonna put both revenants down. Shorty healed fast and began puking sludge mad up of fat cells and sicknesses in his body. I waved Wynonna and Dolls off while Wynonna asked what I'd given him. I grunted. "A pill that heals and restores the body to it's prime condition. The stuff he's puking up is fat cells and any diseases he might have. Best not to touch that."

Soon Shorty was fit and built like a jacked up biker. He said he felt good, damned good in fact. I grunted saying his health will have reached a peak of sorts so he was done healing. I turned to the Stone's witch's car and told Wynonna. "The stone witch. She's the one that healed Doc and gave him immortality with a ring by tying his immortality to her own. Anything that happens to one, happens to the other unless he takes off the ring."

I looked to where Marty was gone and grunted. "Four down, three to go until the seven are gone, plus their leader Bobo Del Ray makes eight."

A week or so later Hamilton made his appearance and came after Wynonna. When he leapt out of the lake after we found him through Doc, I put a sword at his throat and told him. "Touch her and this blade will end your existence. No more heaven or hell, your soul will be shredded to atoms and scattered throughout the known universe in absolute unending agony."

He growled and tried to move only for me to slam him into the ground faster and stronger than he even was, making a miniature earthquake. The blade was over his heart now and Wynonna could move, broken free from his power. She shot him and Dolls asked if the sword could really do that.

I sheathed it and nodded. "It can, but if I do use it the curse can't be broken until he's made whole again which would be impossible. I have weapons that can trap souls inside, kill with a cut, cut through anything and even drain the power and evil out of those killed by it, giving the powers to the wielder at the risk of being corrupted by them. I'm old and I've had a long time to collect such things."

I made the sword vanish and Dolls asked where it went. I held up my ring and told him it was bound to my soul and thus unusable by others, but I had everything I needed inside including tacos or nuclear ordinance if the situation calls for it. I drove us to the Tatenhill farm and we made it six out of seven with eleven total revenants of seventy-seven in the ground. Vinnie the vulture and Ambrose were next as fourteen and fifteen.

Dolls said they needed proof of unearthly activity from Bobo and the revenants. Waverly went and married a skull so I covered the homestead in salt while Wynonna went and helped Doc out by killing John the revenant, one of the two revenants that escaped after trying to kill Waverly. A day later the stone witch came to get the skull from Waverly and the next day Wynonna was taken by the Jack of knives.

When I heard from Waverly and Doc that Wynonna had been taken, I moved fast, telling Waverly to give me her hand. I grabbed a map and put it on the desk with lit candles and when Waverly gave me her hand, I told her. "Deep breaths."

She nodded and I brought out a knife, cutting her wrist, chanting. "Phasmatos Tribum, Nas Ex Veras, Sequitas Sanguinem."

A black mist swirled over the triangle and prevented the spell causing me to growl as I glowed from my ring. My eyes turned blood red as black veins covered my body. I snorted. "I don't give a fuck about you angels or the demons. You will make way or I will fuck your existence up."

The whole building shook as the candles flared and I roared. "Now!"

The candles went out and the black fog over the map disappeared as the blood circled the locations and the rest of the map caught fire in a flash and burned away. I handed Waverly a pill and she healed including her broke arm when she took it. I returned to normal and fell over bleeding from the nose. I got up once the price was paid and shook it off telling them. "Wynonna is there so let's go get her back."

The old abattoir aka slaughterhouse was the entrance we used and it didn't take long to find Jack who just killed his human assistant in front of us and Wynonna. I drew two swords and stepped between him and Wynonna. "Go get Peacemaker, you can kill what's left of him after I'm done with him."

She relaxed and Dolls asked if I had him. I nodded. "He's not getting away now. I sacrificed my own immortality for this, he could run to the ends of the earth and I could track him as easily as you breathe."

Jack pulled his cane sword from the fake doctor he'd had as an assistant saying. "Then I guess I just have to kill you before I leave."

He moved with super speed and I cut off his sword hand, vivisecting him with my blades before spinning and cutting ankles. He fell and I pulled his sword out of the right side of my chest, coughing up blood. I grabbed a pill and took it before breathing easier. I coughed up a bit of blood and told Jack. "I said I gave up my immortality. I'm still a five thousand year old warrior with magic at my beck and call, revenant. I was born to expect death, live in it, relishing the kill. I've killed more humans than any plague, demon or the great floods that brought Sodom and Gamorah to ruins. No demon, angel or god has killed more than me."

I cut off his arms and legs, driving my sword into a nerve cluster and twisting it so he screamed. "I am death, the reaper of man, immortals, gods and demons alike. I slew the angel Orion and took his blade from his corps. I slaughtered legions of demons more vicious than any revenant and even as a mortal all the beings of power in this world fear my true name because to speak it draws my gaze and ire. You're no more than a pest. A pet roach to a single demon's curse. I am the last of the Akkadians, the fiercest warriors to ever walk this earth."

I turned to Doc. "You're gonna want to look away now if your stomach is weak."

He told me to proceed and screams of agony was all Jack could process from then on. When I heard Wynonna coming, I released Jack and wiped the blood from my hands. Dolls, Waverly and Wynonna came in and I gave Wynonna a pill because her toe was messed up. She healed and thanked me which I just nodded to.

Doc finished throwing up and told me I was seriously twisted. I gave him a cold gaze before telling Wynonna to shoot the sheet over Jack because she doesn't need the nightmares of what I did to him. She said she wanted to and I shook my head, looking her in the eyes. "Trust me, he regrets everything or at the very least he'll fear coming near you ever again for fear of a repeat. Trust me, there's a reason my people feared me before they were wiped out. I was born to kill and cause pain. Don't do this, it can never be unseen."

She nodded slowly and shot the head of Jack as I pulled the sheet back. She saw his face so she knew she'd finished off the seven. She and I went to my place and got drunk before spending days in bed with alcohol chasers. We partied at the house and the bar which led to me holding her hair a lot.

When she recovered after the last night of drinking Shorty's bar dry, she had a pep in her step ready to take on the revenants so I went out and gathered some twenty of them that were gunned down by the stone witch that night. I had them chained in my newly built barn and unconscious so when she came home after temporarily losing her badge over a psych evaluation, I told her about the gift I'd prepared for her. We went to my place and she sent all twenty of them back to hell. With Jack and John from before, that put her up to thirty seven revenants in the ground and only forty more to go.

We got busy and ended up rolling in the hay until Doc interrupted us wanting our help to kill Constance. We pickled the stone witch when we found her with Bobo at the boarder of the ghost river triangle. He and what few of his men that remained, wanted her to themselves, but the promise he made to Doc ensured she was handed over to him. In the end we learned why Doc was made immortal before I buried her in the salt fields with only her neck up remaining unburied like I was long ago.

I told them I'd had the same thing done to me near some rather large fire ant nests before some assholes pissed off the nests to try and get the ants to eat me alive. Doc asked how I got out and I shrugged. "A horse thief of all people unburied my brother and I. My brother went and became king of Gamorrah and most of the known world from there before he sold his soul to Anubis for revenge on the people that butchered his wife and son. Sadly he wasn't remotely human and could barely recognize me when I freed his soul and destroyed his body about eighty years ago. He was mostly part giant scorpion by then."

I took out the spear and showed them it. "The spear of Osiris, the weapon I used to kill his semi immortal form."

I activated it and the spear end shot out, making Wynonna jump a bit. I smiled sadly and put it away before saying there were many things I regretted, but freeing him from his eternal torment wasn't one of them. We headed to drop Doc off and went back to my place for the night. The next day Wynonna got her badge back and a week later we got info on Lou aka Yiska.

We headed to the Pine Barrens after Wynonna almost killed Whiskey Jim whom Dolls had been torturing for weeks. Jim said Lou's place was in the Barrens so in the Barrens we went. Unlike Dolls, I never lost sight of Wynonna and followed her and picked up her gun when she dropped it. Unlike her, I wasn't so happily received as she was, particularly when I ripped Lou's arms off in front of all the captured girls Lou had, Dolls and Wynonna.

He screamed, his face changed and a skinwalker showed up until Eve aka Willa used Peacemaker to kill Lou. Willa didn't remember, but Wynonna brought her home with her while the rest of the girls that Lou had captured were helped out and free to go back with their families. I stayed away and drank at Shorty's/Bobo's until Willa killed a revenant of Bobo's. There were few enough of them left so after a bar fight, I got the sister's out and we headed back to the Homestead.

There Willa, Dolls and Wynonna got into an argument so I headed outside to smoke a joint and relax in the barn. Wynonna joined me in a huff and I told her while sighing. "None of this is your fault Wynonna. It's just another mess that needs to be cleaned up. One more day in the life of demon hunters and other creatures that need killing."

She took the bottle of Jack Daniels I had and Willa came in. I got up, passed Wynonna the joint and told her I'd give them some privacy by being elsewhere."

I headed out towards the house when a truck pulled up to the property and four armed men got out. I brought a mini gun and all hell broke loose. I downed three of them, getting shot seven times myself while taking cover. The last one kept firing until he realized his buddies were down and tried to flee. I limped to the fence where Wynonna and Willa chased him before seeing Willa save Bobo.

I lit him up and Willa screamed no, but he managed to get away looking worse for wear no doubt and missing a hand I blew off. Willa took Peacemaker and aimed it at me, shooting as Wynonna knocked the gun away and clipping me in the heart instead of the head. I knew I didn't have long so when I fell I brought out a pill bottle as I dropped my gun. I breathed ragged as Wynonna ran to me and begged me not to die.

I barely managed to hold up my right hand and she saw it thankfully. I passed out or died, I'm not entirely sure which, but I do know it was a miracle I woke up and wasn't reincarnated just yet. Wynonna was crying and asking why I wasn't healing.